Are you letting your teens hang at friends houses, inside?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last thing- I swear. (Sucking and repugnant PP here) I would not have the same response if my 7th or 9th grader had a friend whose parents have different rules. In those cases I feel more responsible for the health and well-being of the kid, and more aware that they are under the authority of their parents. The 18 year old- not so much. So I do think my position has to do with the ages of the kids.

Ding ding ding. This x 1000. I have an 18 year old and an 11 year old. I would do the exact same thing. I would check in with the other parent just in general for the 11 year old. My kid has a lot of friends that I've never even talked to their parents.

My 18 year old has lots of friends that I've not ever talked to the parents, not the 11 year old.

Same- 17 year old senior. I’ve talked to her BF’s family and they see each other. Other friends see each other outside only (I think). I don’t allow her friends here, but I also don’t call other parents at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last thing- I swear. (Sucking and repugnant PP here) I would not have the same response if my 7th or 9th grader had a friend whose parents have different rules. In those cases I feel more responsible for the health and well-being of the kid, and more aware that they are under the authority of their parents. The 18 year old- not so much. So I do think my position has to do with the ages of the kids.

Ding ding ding. This x 1000. I have an 18 year old and an 11 year old. I would do the exact same thing. I would check in with the other parent just in general for the 11 year old. My kid has a lot of friends that I've never even talked to their parents.

My 18 year old has lots of friends that I've not ever talked to the parents, not the 11 year old.

Same- 17 year old senior. I’ve talked to her BF’s family and they see each other. Other friends see each other outside only (I think). I don’t allow her friends here, but I also don’t call other parents at this age.

And I’ll add— if my kid is hanging our inside at a friends house against my rules, I have an issue with my DD not with the other parent.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My DD has a friend whose parents truly believe that when she comes here they are outside only. In the rain. Snow. Cold. They are not. The girls are 17/18. We are fine with having her inside because she and her family are super Covid safe.

Just saying you may think your amazing child is following your rules and they might not be. She goes and sits outside on our porch right before they pick her up. If the mother asked me I’d tell her the truth but I’m not goin out if my way to tell her.

Wow. You suck.

And this is why we don’t let our kids socialize with their friends right now. You can’t trust others to follow the rules.

Why do I suck? Seriously- I thought about telling her mom but they are 17 and 18 years old. I did tell my DD that she ought to tell her friend to be more true truthful with her mom. But... hasn’t it always been my house, my rules? That’s how it goes, right? I think it’s on this girl to tell her parents that she is choosing to come indoors at our place. Or maybe your “you suck” is because I let her? In that case, I get it, I guess. But we are also very careful and hopefully not exposing this girl to anything. I don’t know. I feel like people are making decisions based on risk assessments and the threat (or very real presence) of mental health issues. At this point it is what it is.

NP here. You are a truly awful person. You know that these parents have decided that YOU are too much of a covid risk, but you just don't care. What it is is that you are selfish and inconsiderate.

So you expect me to change my risk assessments and choices for my family because another family might have different ones? I am careful. Just not hyper vigilant when it comes to my kid having this one friend inside. I am not calling the mom of an 18 year old to tattle on her. And I’m not changing my house rules because yours are different.

So, when that kid catches covid, brings it home to their family, parents die, are you willing to step up and be a parent to that child? You have no rules so there are none to change.

Stop hyperventilating. The chances of that happening are essentially zero.

And learn to keep your nose out of other families' business. If the kids visiting my house are violating some of their families' rules, that's for them to sort out internally. If the parents in question want to know whether we require masking or whatever, they can ask us. But, I'm not going to waste my time trying to keep up with other families' rules.

No one is suggesting you poll the families of all the kids at your house, but the woman in question knows that the expectation is that they will be outside. She is saying that she has no moral obligation to another human because "basically an adult". It is repugnant behavior.

Repugnant- geez, really? I was trying to make a thoughtful parenting decision. I spoke to my kid. I am considering speaking to her friend directly. What else ought I to do- bar her at the door? That’s just weird, if my rule says she can come in! Repugnant is strong.

Yes, you said I'm so glad you are friend with Larla, but due to covid we are not having any friends over. We have done that each and every time a kid shows up at our house. It took multiple visits from some kids to get the hint. Others I contacted the parents as they kept sending the kids over.

You need to be respectful of others rules just like they need to be of yours. So, you send your kid over to a house that is ok with your 17 year old getting drunk and its perfectly ok as that is their household rules?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe I should say something to the girl directly ... I am deliberately not taking offense (trying!) at the people telling me I suck. Since my entreaty to my kid to say something didn’t work, maybe next time the girl is in my house I should say- hey, your parents know you’re in here, right? And try to get her to come clean. It’s not that I’m going to change my rules, or contact her parents, I just do hate being party to her lying to them. Imagining if it were my kid..

I posted above that I would be upset if another parent knew my kid was engaging in risky behavior that our family had tried to prohibit, and did not say something. I think this is a good compromise. Even though I am healthy, I have a medical condition that could lead to a poor outcome with covid. My kids know this and are really protective of me in their own behaviors. However, they are teens and if they did choose to make decisions that could endanger my health, I hope another adult who was aware my kid was acting against our wishes would say something. This isn't the same as allowing R movies at your house when another family does not, or letting kids stay up all night when it would not be allowed at their own house. For some families, the potential stakes really are much higher with covid. And as much as we want to spout that 18 year olds are legally adults, most of them are still in high school and living at home with parents, and are not really "adulting" yet. We need to recognize that, too.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are probably the only ones only letting our kids hang out outside only, right?

Yes! We didn’t obviously during original shutdown. First 2 months nothing at all. Absolutely shut down. After that slowly just outside gathering with one or two with masks. Past 5 months yes same group inside and outside hangouts. Was not crazy about it but they all get tested regularly for school. No positive results yet. Fingers crossed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe I should say something to the girl directly ... I am deliberately not taking offense (trying!) at the people telling me I suck. Since my entreaty to my kid to say something didn’t work, maybe next time the girl is in my house I should say- hey, your parents know you’re in here, right? And try to get her to come clean. It’s not that I’m going to change my rules, or contact her parents, I just do hate being party to her lying to them. Imagining if it were my kid..

I posted above that I would be upset if another parent knew my kid was engaging in risky behavior that our family had tried to prohibit, and did not say something. I think this is a good compromise. Even though I am healthy, I have a medical condition that could lead to a poor outcome with covid. My kids know this and are really protective of me in their own behaviors. However, they are teens and if they did choose to make decisions that could endanger my health, I hope another adult who was aware my kid was acting against our wishes would say something. This isn't the same as allowing R movies at your house when another family does not, or letting kids stay up all night when it would not be allowed at their own house. For some families, the potential stakes really are much higher with covid. And as much as we want to spout that 18 year olds are legally adults, most of them are still in high school and living at home with parents, and are not really "adulting" yet. We need to recognize that, too.

+1

You should tell the girls parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I should say something to the girl directly ... I am deliberately not taking offense (trying!) at the people telling me I suck. Since my entreaty to my kid to say something didn’t work, maybe next time the girl is in my house I should say- hey, your parents know you’re in here, right? And try to get her to come clean. It’s not that I’m going to change my rules, or contact her parents, I just do hate being party to her lying to them. Imagining if it were my kid..

Ugh, please don't worry about it. This is small potatoes and not worth your worry. Not job your to enforce the rules of the parents of an 18 year old!

[Anonymous]

I am surprised that there are so many parents here saying that they do not allow their preteens or teens hang out with friends inside. My younger one has some friends that only hang out outdoors, but plenty that are fine with hanging outside with no masks or just being inside. My older one has a large group of friends who regularly see each other, have dinner and sleepovers. All parents are on the same page. We are in the Bethesda area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe I should say something to the girl directly ... I am deliberately not taking offense (trying!) at the people telling me I suck. Since my entreaty to my kid to say something didn’t work, maybe next time the girl is in my house I should say- hey, your parents know you’re in here, right? And try to get her to come clean. It’s not that I’m going to change my rules, or contact her parents, I just do hate being party to her lying to them. Imagining if it were my kid..

I posted above that I would be upset if another parent knew my kid was engaging in risky behavior that our family had tried to prohibit, and did not say something. I think this is a good compromise. Even though I am healthy, I have a medical condition that could lead to a poor outcome with covid. My kids know this and are really protective of me in their own behaviors. However, they are teens and if they did choose to make decisions that could endanger my health, I hope another adult who was aware my kid was acting against our wishes would say something. This isn't the same as allowing R movies at your house when another family does not, or letting kids stay up all night when it would not be allowed at their own house. For some families, the potential stakes really are much higher with covid. And as much as we want to spout that 18 year olds are legally adults, most of them are still in high school and living at home with parents, and are not really "adulting" yet. We need to recognize that, too.

+1

You should tell the girls parents.

I wouldn’t tell on her but maybe when she’s inside she and daughter should wear masks. That’s what we do when a friend of our child’s is over. We all wear masks. If they eat they go outside on patio. It keeps her family happy and she is able to follow her family’s rules. When they’re in her room or in another room we take our masks off but when we interact with her briefly we put masks on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised that there are so many parents here saying that they do not allow their preteens or teens hang out with friends inside. My younger one has some friends that only hang out outdoors, but plenty that are fine with hanging outside with no masks or just being inside. My older one has a large group of friends who regularly see each other, have dinner and sleepovers. All parents are on the same page. We are in the Bethesda area.

How is that surprising? What’s surprising is that you’re teaching your children to care about themselves over others. Do you think my kids aren’t bored? Wish they could be inside with friends? We’ve taught them that the lives of healthcare workers and vulnerable populations matter more than their desire to “hang out.” Those of us who are doing this right and choosing the hard road will never forget your selfishness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised that there are so many parents here saying that they do not allow their preteens or teens hang out with friends inside. My younger one has some friends that only hang out outdoors, but plenty that are fine with hanging outside with no masks or just being inside. My older one has a large group of friends who regularly see each other, have dinner and sleepovers. All parents are on the same page. We are in the Bethesda area.

How is that surprising? What’s surprising is that you’re teaching your children to care about themselves over others. Do you think my kids aren’t bored? Wish they could be inside with friends? We’ve taught them that the lives of healthcare workers and vulnerable populations matter more than their desire to “hang out.” Those of us who are doing this right and choosing the hard road will never forget your selfishness.

Teaching them and showing by example goes much further to make them good people as adults. Mine don't really have time to be bored.

[Anonymous]

No, only Virtually, last outside hangout was in September

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised that there are so many parents here saying that they do not allow their preteens or teens hang out with friends inside. My younger one has some friends that only hang out outdoors, but plenty that are fine with hanging outside with no masks or just being inside. My older one has a large group of friends who regularly see each other, have dinner and sleepovers. All parents are on the same page. We are in the Bethesda area.

That's just...wow.

What do you mean by all parents are on the same page? That you all accept the inherent risk involved with extensive in-person interaction?

My tween has only interacted with friends outside and masked. Parents are on the same page about this. I don't know anyone who has done inside dinners or sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised that there are so many parents here saying that they do not allow their preteens or teens hang out with friends inside. My younger one has some friends that only hang out outdoors, but plenty that are fine with hanging outside with no masks or just being inside. My older one has a large group of friends who regularly see each other, have dinner and sleepovers. All parents are on the same page. We are in the Bethesda area.

That's just...wow.

What do you mean by all parents are on the same page? That you all accept the inherent risk involved with extensive in-person interaction?

My tween has only interacted with friends outside and masked. Parents are on the same page about this. I don't know anyone who has done inside dinners or sleepovers.

You're living in lala land. LOTS of kids are doing indoor dinners and sleepovers. HS kids are having big parties. It's happening. As much as you don't want to believe it, it is. We're in Arlington but have friends in McLean, Fairfax and Falls Church. It's happening all over. Sorry but it just is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised that there are so many parents here saying that they do not allow their preteens or teens hang out with friends inside. My younger one has some friends that only hang out outdoors, but plenty that are fine with hanging outside with no masks or just being inside. My older one has a large group of friends who regularly see each other, have dinner and sleepovers. All parents are on the same page. We are in the Bethesda area.

How is that surprising? What’s surprising is that you’re teaching your children to care about themselves over others. Do you think my kids aren’t bored? Wish they could be inside with friends? We’ve taught them that the lives of healthcare workers and vulnerable populations matter more than their desire to “hang out.” Those of us who are doing this right and choosing the hard road will never forget your selfishness.

It must be lonely up on that cross.