Um, this is so awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I could completely let the rudeness of it go.

"What a strange reply. Okay, take care!"

Yeah, this would be me. I would keep it simple, but feel the need to respond to such a rude remark. All she had to say was "Sorry, not a good time for us."

[Anonymous]

Also, I get the idea that she might be keeping her pandemic circle small right now, and just phrased it wrong... but... "in the market for" is a REALLY off-putting mistake in phrasing, then. "In the market for" is a phrase for solicitors, not for friends or anyone looking for any sort of non-transactional relationship.

But more than that, "I don't have the time to juggle it all" implies that she's too busy (and important), not that she is being extra cautious d/t COVID. There's not really time involved if it's a small pandemic circle thing, nor should there be juggling, really.

The only way time or juggling come into the picture with COVID is if-- as it is for many of us-- things are just generally overwhelming in terms of mental energy right now. But that's not specifically about keeping her circle small for safety reasons, which is some of y'all's implication.

[Anonymous]

Wow her response is just so rude. I really don't know what to say.

[Anonymous]

No matter what the circumstances (like even if you had never once spoken), this is a rude reply to a single invite. She *is* too busy (she says), so replying that she's too busy right now isn't even a polite lie. It's a much politer truth.

However, have you actually ever hung out one on one before? In the house dinner situations, was there another couple there that was the link/glue between the families? I only ask because I have definitely been to dinner parties with people multiple times who I wouldn't consider friends. For instance, our BFF family has another BFF family as well that they know from a completely different context. In non-pandemic times, we see them all the time because our mutual BFFs are big hosters. I really like them, would say hi if I saw them on the street, would chat to them at a group event, etc, but I wouldn't even expect to be invited if they hosted a large-ish Christmas party. They are not, by any stretch of the word, my friends and I would be super surprised if they invited me to hang out except in very specific contexts involving our mutual friends.

[Anonymous]

This is so weird. If I have had a couple over to dinner or they have had us over to dinner, I would consider them friends already. So the 'not in the market for new friends' thing is completely BIZARRE. What a nutter. You dodged a bullet with this crazypants, OP.

[Anonymous]

Incredibly rude. I would block her and have nothing to do with her in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t think you should reply and you should just leave the text hanging. But if you do I agree with the person suggesting “I thought we were already friends.”

I mean, I think her answer obviously demonstrates that she thinks otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn’t be mortified that someone else is incredibly rude. They should be mortified. Be happy you dodged a bullet.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No matter what the circumstances (like even if you had never once spoken), this is a rude reply to a single invite. She *is* too busy (she says), so replying that she's too busy right now isn't even a polite lie. It's a much politer truth.

However, have you actually ever hung out one on one before? In the house dinner situations, was there another couple there that was the link/glue between the families? I only ask because I have definitely been to dinner parties with people multiple times who I wouldn't consider friends. For instance, our BFF family has another BFF family as well that they know from a completely different context. In non-pandemic times, we see them all the time because our mutual BFFs are big hosters. I really like them, would say hi if I saw them on the street, would chat to them at a group event, etc, but I wouldn't even expect to be invited if they hosted a large-ish Christmas party. They are not, by any stretch of the word, my friends and I would be super surprised if they invited me to hang out except in very specific contexts involving our mutual friends.

I could see this too, but the kids have also been friends a while. Even if just "school friends," I mean... there are multiple connections. Even at the most tenuous:

-The kids are friends, even if more casually
-They have been personally invited to each other's houses-- so it's not just that they see each other at a third mutual friend's house-- OP has been in Rude Lady's home for dinner, and Rude Lady has been in OP's home for dinner. I know what you're talking about re: mutual friends-- I also have friends that are big hosters, and I can think of some couples I like but only know through my friends and only see at their events, etc. But this almost has to be more than that, with them having been in each others' homes.
-They also see each other in *large* friend groups

So maybe they're not super-close, but they're bare minimum friendly acquaintances who have already accepted invitations directly from OP! And they're certainly not "new."

Of course, I also agree with your first paragraph-- it's extremely socially inept and narcississtic-sounding in any event.

[Anonymous]

Add me to the list of people saying this lady is super rude, and weird.

I wouldn’t reply at all. And I’d honestly be wondering if she’s having some sort of personal crisis to respond in such a way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Add me to the list of people saying this lady is super rude, and weird.

I wouldn’t reply at all. And I’d honestly be wondering if she’s having some sort of personal crisis to respond in such a way.

I would respond with this:

" Hope you all are doing ok, or that things get better soon."

[Anonymous]

What a CUNextTuesday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she was just being honest, which should be acceptable. She wasn't being rude or mean because she didn't make up a fake excuse.

You said you used to hang out once per month in a large group- did you ever hand out at each other's house- just your family and theirs? Not part of a "large group?" If she had never invited just you/your family over their house then I would say you have always just been friendly acquaintances.

If your children are friends don't burn bridges. I would replying with I understand and I hope to see them again once soccer starts and things normalize (or whatever it is your kids have in common)

If you are this level honest, sounds like you are on the spectrum.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd just write back

"Wow, ok. Have a good weekend!"

[Anonymous]

Horrible. She should be ashamed. You have done nothing wrong.

Some people are awful. The most important thing is not to let this put you off your stride and stop you from being social with other people. There are some great people out there, you should be thankful that you didn't end up wasting any more time on this evil person.