Reasons for medication-free childbirth

[Anonymous]

AnonymousI'd have to check with all the other pompous, self righteous assholes since you seem to have consulted all the bitter, jealous epidural seekers.... but I fully suspect we'd agree that even the woman who labored only for a few hours still gets her marathon medal because she still managed to accomplish what you couldn't. Don't hate, dear. I'm sure you're good at something. We know it's not natural birth or being nice, but there have to be other things. I'm confident that you're not a total loss. [/quote wrote:

Wow. Please don't lump yourself in with anyone else. You are alone at the pinacle of jerkishness.

Please take your own advice about not being hateful.

[Anonymous]

"Bitter, jealous epidural seekers..." - okay, that's just plain old funny. Anyone who makes a choice that is different from your choice is bitter and jealous? That strikes me as very high school: "she doesn't like me because she's just jealous." Um, no, she doesn't like you because you're a bitch. But go ahead and tell yourself whatever makes you feel superior.

[Anonymous]

oh my goodness. Look at the first post here. It's an OP who is just oh so curious about what a natural birth mom possibly thinks she's getting out of it.

Then, when we answer, (and even when 99 percent of the early responses were extremely cordial and respectful / live and let live type responses, we are self-righteous and pompous.

When we are mocked or called names by those who have chosen an epidural, we wonder why.

Most of us who have had natural births do not really care that you didn't. If you push us to say which we think is "better," of COURSE we will say natural. That is why we did it and we have a right to our opinion.

As far as telling us to shut up about it, okay, sure, but YOU ASKED! (or at least, OP did).

So, why such interest in my natural birth if any answer I give pegs me as self-righteous?

It's those attitudes that convince natural birthing moms that other moms (on this board) are insecure about their birth choice.

I do not think ALL epidural moms are insecure, or even most. But clearly quite a few of you on this board are!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Oh and I could easily give birth naturally - I have actually run a marathon. Not just pretended that I have done something similar.

i've done both. doesn't seem like you have. and i can tell you, for me, i'd take a marathon any day of the week. which would you choose? oh yeah, you don't know because you just claim that you could easily give birth naturally, but haven't actually done it. when you get around to that "easy" task, then we can talk. til then, you know not of where you speak.

ahh...see, there you go again. you belittle everybody else's experience. does that make you feel special now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oh my goodness. Look at the first post here. It's an OP who is just oh so curious about what a natural birth mom possibly thinks she's getting out of it.

Then, when we answer, (and even when 99 percent of the early responses were extremely cordial and respectful / live and let live type responses, we are self-righteous and pompous.

When we are mocked or called names by those who have chosen an epidural, we wonder why.

Most of us who have had natural births do not really care that you didn't. If you push us to say which we think is "better," of COURSE we will say natural. That is why we did it and we have a right to our opinion.

As far as telling us to shut up about it, okay, sure, but YOU ASKED! (or at least, OP did).

So, why such interest in my natural birth if any answer I give pegs me as self-righteous?
It's those attitudes that convince natural birthing moms that other moms (on this board) are insecure about their birth choice.

I do not think ALL epidural moms are insecure, or even most. But clearly quite a few of you on this board are!!!!

Sooo..women who choose an epidural and think that it is obnoxious when natural laborers say that is it best FOR BABY and MOMMY (not, mind you, best for their own babies and their own bodies, but make blanket statements about what is best for baby) are just jealous and insecure? And you don't think making a blanket about what is absolutely best for mommy and baby is obnoxious? It isn't jealousy or insecurity, honey. It is aggravation that natural laborers feel the need to put down other women's choices (and yes, that is what you are doing when you state that we aren't doing what is best for mom and baby).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sooo..women who choose an epidural and think that it is obnoxious when natural laborers say that is it best FOR BABY and MOMMY (not, mind you, best for their own babies and their own bodies, but make blanket statements about what is best for baby) are just jealous and insecure? And you don't think making a blanket about what is absolutely best for mommy and baby is obnoxious? It isn't jealousy or insecurity, honey. It is aggravation that natural laborers feel the need to put down other women's choices (and yes, that is what you are doing when you state that we aren't doing what is best for mom and baby).

Not to put my head in the lion's mouth or anything, but when we natural birth moms post research that backs up our position, we get accused also of manipulating facts.

When it comes down to it, if someone asks "Why did you choose this?" and you say "Because based on what I've read, it's what's best for everyone involved" on this board, you're going to get slammed in 6 different directions by women who are justifiably proud of the birth of their child and the way that they chose to make that happen.

Would you rather that we lie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sooo..women who choose an epidural and think that it is obnoxious when natural laborers say that is it best FOR BABY and MOMMY (not, mind you, best for their own babies and their own bodies, but make blanket statements about what is best for baby) are just jealous and insecure? And you don't think making a blanket about what is absolutely best for mommy and baby is obnoxious? It isn't jealousy or insecurity, honey. It is aggravation that natural laborers feel the need to put down other women's choices (and yes, that is what you are doing when you state that we aren't doing what is best for mom and baby).

Not to put my head in the lion's mouth or anything, but when we natural birth moms post research that backs up our position, we get accused also of manipulating facts.

When it comes down to it, if someone asks "Why did you choose this?" and you say "Because based on what I've read, it's what's best for everyone involved" on this board, you're going to get slammed in 6 different directions by women who are justifiably proud of the birth of their child and the way that they chose to make that happen.

Would you rather that we lie?

Auuuuugggggghhhhhhh! Doesn't anyone understand what they read anymore?

The point several posters are trying to make that, unfortunately, a few (not saying all, but a few) natural birth moms seem to be missing is... if you don't want to come across as obnoxious and judgmental, then don't say:

"Because based on what I've read, it's what's best for everyone involved"

instead say:

"Because based on what I've read, I thought it was best for me and my baby."

Why is that distinction so hard?
When you say the first, you are, no buts about it, saying that anyone who did differently from you was not doing what was best for their baby. That is obnoxious and judgmental.
Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of us who have had natural births do not really care that you didn't. If you push us to say which we think is "better," of COURSE we will say natural. That is why we did it and we have a right to our opinion.

And guess what, most of us who had epidurals don't care if you didn't.

[Anonymous]

despite how nasty some of you seem to be, i have actually found this whole conversation very thought-provoking.

i have felt strongly that medication-free births were best for me and my babies, and to be honest at times i have found it difficult to understand why some women choose to use pain medication. but this conversation actually helped me to understand that choice a little bit better.

it's not just women who choose epidurals who are accused of being reckless and irresponsible. we chose a home birth and plenty of people thought we were unsafe and reckless and stupid, didn't care about our baby, that i was prioritizing my own "experience" over my baby's health, etc. i'm sure some of you are thinking just that right now!

but in trying to express my feelings to others, I tried never to generalize about how great home birth was in general, but simply tried to emphasize that it was the best and safest choice for ME. Before I learned about home birth, I used to think that about homebirthers too. But I did my research, made the choice that I felt was best for me and my baby, and didn't regret it a bit. And I often felt very defensive when people accused me of endangering my baby. So I feel like I can relate to how women feel who have used epidurals and feel they are being told that they are endangering their babies.

So I really have appreciated this conversation though I wish we could all be nicer to each other.

[Anonymous]

PP 19:54: thank you for your nice post.

I think it is natural for any mom to get at least a little defensive when another person questions your choice on something so personal. Perhaps despite some of the nasty posts sprinkled in here, most of us, like you, found some interesting different perspectives in here.

[Anonymous]

I think some of you have really gotten silly with this, maybe because you have some other experiences that this topic is bringing up. I think the vast majority of responses have been helpful and considerate so I think it is best to focus on those.

OP asked natural birthers to "justify" their choice and many people shared their reasons respectfully. I think most people explained why they made the choice and why it worked for them. So, what is the point in telling them that natural birth is nothing compared to a marathon, or the one that takes the cake, that NO WOMAN should be proud of the natural process of childbirth? To me, those last couple of comments are more judgmental than anything the natural birthers said.

NO WOMAN can ever know what another woman's pain or childbirth is like. You can't even tell what the next pregnancy for yourself will be like! So, what's the point in telling someone that their pain isn't a big deal or that they shouldn't be proud, either way? No one can walk in another woman's shoes for that experience and it is pointless to try to.

Here's a secret: we only give birth a handful of times in our lives (unless you are a Duggar or Octomom), so pretty much every birth is special! Every baby born is unique and memorable! We can all be proud and happy and overjoyed for whatever reason we want. So if you are proud you did it natural, that is awesome! If you are proud you recovered well from you C-section, that is great too! No one gets to tell you how to feel, and I am not about to take affront because of some other woman's choice. Honestly, people give more respect on DCUM to a mom's choice of stroller than to how they chose to give birth or breastfeed and I think that is ridiculous.

By the way, I had a fully-medicated C-section, so I don't really have a dog in this fight anyway.

[Anonymous]

I got a little freaked at the end of my pregnancy and wanted to try for a natural birth. I was afraid of needles, medications, and surgery. So my motivation was one of fear, but more fear of the medicalized route because I don't like hospitals. I even considered changing practices to a more natural-birth friendly place in my third trimester.

Haha, joke was on me! At 37 weeks, my baby was breech (had been that way for months actually) and I got pre-eclampsia! So I was fully interventioned to the max. No labor. No water breaking. Nothing. Basically, pregnant and then 8 hours later, C-section and healthy baby.

When the time came, I was brave and bucked up to the challenge. I didn't cry and was calm throughout as I waited alone for my husband to arrive, even when a nurse messed up my i.v. line and I bled all over the bed so much that my doctor said it "looked like a Chuckie movie in here." I handled everything great and was so happy to see my little girl into the world, healthy and thriving. It was a great moment and I was proud of myself.

So, there you go. You can mentally plan for one outcome and life can throw you a loop. And I'll be damned if anyone on this planet would dare tell me that I have no right to be proud for MY birth experience. To each woman her own, every life is a miracle and every mother deserves to be proud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a little freaked at the end of my pregnancy and wanted to try for a natural birth. I was afraid of needles, medications, and surgery. So my motivation was one of fear, but more fear of the medicalized route because I don't like hospitals. I even considered changing practices to a more natural-birth friendly place in my third trimester.

Haha, joke was on me! At 37 weeks, my baby was breech (had been that way for months actually) and I got pre-eclampsia! So I was fully interventioned to the max. No labor. No water breaking. Nothing. Basically, pregnant and then 8 hours later, C-section and healthy baby.

When the time came, I was brave and bucked up to the challenge. I didn't cry and was calm throughout as I waited alone for my husband to arrive, even when a nurse messed up my i.v. line and I bled all over the bed so much that my doctor said it "looked like a Chuckie movie in here." I handled everything great and was so happy to see my little girl into the world, healthy and thriving. It was a great moment and I was proud of myself.

So, there you go. You can mentally plan for one outcome and life can throw you a loop. And I'll be damned if anyone on this planet would dare tell me that I have no right to be proud for MY birth experience. To each woman her own, every life is a miracle and every mother deserves to be proud.

Nobody is telling you not to be proud of your birth! Or any birth! someone just asked natural birth folks like me why we did it. We answered and then got accused of knocking everyone else down. Not so. I don't care how anyone else but me gave birth, how's that? I don't care much about my natural childbirth friends birth or my epidural friends birth, as long as all are healthy. My birth? that I care about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sooo..women who choose an epidural and think that it is obnoxious when natural laborers say that is it best FOR BABY and MOMMY (not, mind you, best for their own babies and their own bodies, but make blanket statements about what is best for baby) are just jealous and insecure? And you don't think making a blanket about what is absolutely best for mommy and baby is obnoxious? It isn't jealousy or insecurity, honey. It is aggravation that natural laborers feel the need to put down other women's choices (and yes, that is what you are doing when you state that we aren't doing what is best for mom and baby).

Not to put my head in the lion's mouth or anything, but when we natural birth moms post research that backs up our position, we get accused also of manipulating facts.

When it comes down to it, if someone asks "Why did you choose this?" and you say "Because based on what I've read, it's what's best for everyone involved" on this board, you're going to get slammed in 6 different directions by women who are justifiably proud of the birth of their child and the way that they chose to make that happen.

Would you rather that we lie?

You do realize that nowadays, you can find research backing just about any opinion. And none of the research that has been posted states that natural birth is best...period. It mentions some advantages, but don't confuse pointing out the advantages of natural childbirth with what is best in all cases. You all are stretching to make it sound like it is always best and that there aren't any advantages of an epidural, for example. It has been pointed out before that natural laborers are cherry-picking the stats that make it seem like the absolute best, while ignoring research that points to the benefits of other options (like pain medication). If you want to read with blinders on, fine...but don't expect us to not call you out on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Nobody is telling you not to be proud of your birth! Or any birth! someone just asked natural birth folks like me why we did it. We answered and then got accused of knocking everyone else down. Not so. I don't care how anyone else but me gave birth, how's that? I don't care much about my natural childbirth friends birth or my epidural friends birth, as long as all are healthy. My birth? that I care about.

You should go back and read through the posts. Many natural birth moms are pretty much telling women who had an epidural, c-section or other intervention that (1) it isn't best for baby or mom and (2) that we don't have as much of a right to be proud b/c we didn't "accomplish" as much. The point some were trying to make is that we all accomplish the same thing, we just get there differently, and this was shot down pretty hard. Nobody has said a natural birth mom should not feel proud - of course she should. But why should she get the sole right to be proud of the experience? This is where the "self-righteousness" comes from. Of course, I think only a very few natural birth moms actually feel this way (or at least, I hope so).

I also just want to point out that having an epidural doesn't mean there isn't work involved. I mean, there is still a lot of hard work and many of us had our epidurals wear off right during transition, and I can tell you it was HARD to push and focus, but I did it too. But I am just as proud of my first labor experience where I wasn't in as much pain. I think for some of us, we just don't get what is so special about the "pain" of childbirth. I mean, it is one aspect of what goes on. Having pain medication doesn't negate the childbirth process or the experience. We do the same things. We just are not writing in pain during the whole thing. But for some reason, natural birth moms think that the pain itself defines the experience and we just disagree.