Family Beach House- DS and Friends Using it for Summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you asked the second kid, it was in the same breathe that you set the rental terms. Was that true for the initial invite? Or did you invite first and then tack on rent later? Is it was a bait and switch, then I think you carry some blame for this situation.

Likely what happened is that OP's son asked the first boy if he wanted to stay for the summer. Excited young men will make plans and not think through all the implications. OP's son likely over-promised from the outset.

The discussion needed to happen between OP's DH and the BIL's. They don't know this random kid and are co-owners, so its within their right to ask for a bit of money to go toward utilities and maintenance.

FTFY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I withdrew the offer yesterday afternoon and another boy was offered the same deal. He and his parents accepted it immediately.

The first boy's mom sent me (and one of my BILs who'd been on the email thread) a long rambling email calling us "assholes" and then concluded by asking if he could actually take the deal. We said no.

Then she defriended me on FB. lol.

You are a pretty horrible person OP. I’m sure your son and cousins invited this friend without any mention or expectation of money. You butting in (where truly this isn’t your business) for some nominal, negligible amount our of principle does make you look like an asshole. No matter how you spin it. In addition to alienating this woman you probably ruined your son’s friendship with the other kid. They must have been close for your son to have invited him. I hope you don’t get too lonely on your high horse. And I hope it was worth it.

I’d be willing to bet if the rental terms would have been disclosed at the beginning the original family would have had no issue paying.

It's not on OP to make the decision on her own. 3 brothers own the house and they don't know this random kid. You neglect to mention that the BIL's agreed to this stipulation, not just OP. It's a family decision and multiple parties need to be kept happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you asked the second kid, it was in the same breathe that you set the rental terms. Was that true for the initial invite? Or did you invite first and then tack on rent later? Is it was a bait and switch, then I think you carry some blame for this situation.

OH stop. that other mother showed her true colors. she's the asshole here.

That sounds like it's true. However, the other mother being an asshole, and OP (i) bearing some portion of the blame here, and (ii) also being an asshole are not mutually exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you asked the second kid, it was in the same breathe that you set the rental terms. Was that true for the initial invite? Or did you invite first and then tack on rent later? Is it was a bait and switch, then I think you carry some blame for this situation.

So what? The fact that the a-hole mom couldn't adjust to the news that there was an expectation of a very nominal fee with a bit more restraint or grace shows what type of person she is. If the OP's son had made the offer without mentioning money, I, the parent would still assume that there should be a fee involved. Who are these parents who think giving their child a free place to live in a resort area is their right? And what adult can't adjust their expectations and control their reactions so that they don't have to respond in disgust and then complain and gossip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you asked the second kid, it was in the same breathe that you set the rental terms. Was that true for the initial invite? Or did you invite first and then tack on rent later? Is it was a bait and switch, then I think you carry some blame for this situation.

+1 Saying they "accepted immediately" is comparing apples to oranges. Come back in three weeks and tell that kid's mom you've decided to triple the rent and see how she reacts; that's more in line with what happened to the first mom.

Also, why in the world is OP the point person on any of this?

OP here.

100% false.

My son asked if he could bring a friend. We spoke with the in laws and they gave the OK. We are in DC, in laws are in NC. Their kids will likley have multiple visitors over the summer while mine wont just because of distance. Hence the reason he was permitted to bring someone. We and the in laws together agreed on the $1000 to cover the utilities and provide a sense of responsiniolity. Our sons aretasked with repairs an maintennace. The kid was offered the deal by my son. He shared it with his parents and the mom engaged me.

The lease was in place simply for protection in case the kid did something horrible. Two of the BILs are attorneys and would draw the lease so that it was enforceable. I'm not going to engage with anonymous strangers on the Internet about whether a hypothetical lease that no one has seen is valid. Only a fool would do that.

There was no bait and switch and I can't see where you'd even get that idea from this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you asked the second kid, it was in the same breathe that you set the rental terms. Was that true for the initial invite? Or did you invite first and then tack on rent later? Is it was a bait and switch, then I think you carry some blame for this situation.

So what? The fact that the a-hole mom couldn't adjust to the news that there was an expectation of a very nominal fee with a bit more restraint or grace shows what type of person she is. If the OP's son had made the offer without mentioning money, I, the parent would still assume that there should be a fee involved. Who are these parents who think giving their child a free place to live in a resort area is their right? And what adult can't adjust their expectations and control their reactions so that they don't have to respond in disgust and then complain and gossip?

The other kids parents need to accept with grace? This has GOT to be the OP. I always invite my kids friends with us, no expectation of money. I have a second home and have had many people stay there rent free. That’s how I roll. I get that others do things differently but in this particular case the OP is clutching her pearls when she is actually in the wrong. Unless the $1000 was disclosed initially it really is a bait and switch and I can see how the other mom would be surprised by the information. The OP changed the terms. It sounds like she was willing to pay once she let the shock over the request sink in but by that time OP had replaced her kid. The worst part is all the kids suffer in this (except for the new invitee).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you asked the second kid, it was in the same breathe that you set the rental terms. Was that true for the initial invite? Or did you invite first and then tack on rent later? Is it was a bait and switch, then I think you carry some blame for this situation.

So what? The fact that the a-hole mom couldn't adjust to the news that there was an expectation of a very nominal fee with a bit more restraint or grace shows what type of person she is. If the OP's son had made the offer without mentioning money, I, the parent would still assume that there should be a fee involved. Who are these parents who think giving their child a free place to live in a resort area is their right? And what adult can't adjust their expectations and control their reactions so that they don't have to respond in disgust and then complain and gossip?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you asked the second kid, it was in the same breathe that you set the rental terms. Was that true for the initial invite? Or did you invite first and then tack on rent later? Is it was a bait and switch, then I think you carry some blame for this situation.

So what? The fact that the a-hole mom couldn't adjust to the news that there was an expectation of a very nominal fee with a bit more restraint or grace shows what type of person she is. If the OP's son had made the offer without mentioning money, I, the parent would still assume that there should be a fee involved. Who are these parents who think giving their child a free place to live in a resort area is their right? And what adult can't adjust their expectations and control their reactions so that they don't have to respond in disgust and then complain and gossip?

This is the answer. Thanks to whomever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you asked the second kid, it was in the same breathe that you set the rental terms. Was that true for the initial invite? Or did you invite first and then tack on rent later? Is it was a bait and switch, then I think you carry some blame for this situation.

+1 Saying they "accepted immediately" is comparing apples to oranges. Come back in three weeks and tell that kid's mom you've decided to triple the rent and see how she reacts; that's more in line with what happened to the first mom.

Also, why in the world is OP the point person on any of this?

OP here.

100% false.

My son asked if he could bring a friend. We spoke with the in laws and they gave the OK. We are in DC, in laws are in NC. Their kids will likley have multiple visitors over the summer while mine wont just because of distance. Hence the reason he was permitted to bring someone. We and the in laws together agreed on the $1000 to cover the utilities and provide a sense of responsiniolity. Our sons aretasked with repairs an maintennace. The kid was offered the deal by my son. He shared it with his parents and the mom engaged me.

The lease was in place simply for protection in case the kid did something horrible. Two of the BILs are attorneys and would draw the lease so that it was enforceable. I'm not going to engage with anonymous strangers on the Internet about whether a hypothetical lease that no one has seen is valid. Only a fool would do that.

There was no bait and switch and I can't see where you'd even get that idea from this thread.

Putting aside the interesting question of what this lease is going to look like, this situation still seems completely bizarre. Why not just have all four boys be responsible for maintenance? Why does the kid living in the shed end up being the only one who needs to pay? And will your nephews' friends and visitors be charged a daily amount for their stay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH's family has a really special, small beach house on the coast of North Carolina. It's old, small (3 beds, 1.5 baths), on a beautiful piece of property and just something you dream of owning. It's been in his family for three generations.

This summer our college-age DS and two of his male cousins are going to live and work at the beach. They will live in the house.

There is an extremely basic 'outbuilding' on the property. Think glorified shed. It has no bathroom, running water or kitchen. It's basically a simple bunk room with lights and a window AC that we have used as overflow bedrooms during family vacations.

One of many of DS's DC friends wants to live there for the summer. My BILs signed off on it but want to charge a nominal $333 a month rent ($1000 for the summer) and limit it to one kid because they will all being using one septic tank. They also want the chosen kid to sign a basic lease to cover damages.

So, I brought this up to the chosen boy's mom- who I'm very friendly with but not close close.

I thought she was going to faint. Her reaction was one of disgust. She actually thought her son was going to live rent free at out family beach house for three months.

Today I heard she was bad mouthing me to other friends, calling me a cheap skate, etc.

Do I go ballistic and dis-invite the kid?

You sound like a piece of work.

It's clear that the other kid and his mom believed he was being invited to join in the fun, not renting a place, not being invited to rent a room in a shack.

Regardless of the fact that other people charge their relatives, what market value might be, etc., the nature of the invitation wasn't clear and that's why she reacted the way she did. It's not as if your brother's family needs the money - have all the kids go in on a security deposit if you're going to charge anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you asked the second kid, it was in the same breathe that you set the rental terms. Was that true for the initial invite? Or did you invite first and then tack on rent later? Is it was a bait and switch, then I think you carry some blame for this situation.

+1 Saying they "accepted immediately" is comparing apples to oranges. Come back in three weeks and tell that kid's mom you've decided to triple the rent and see how she reacts; that's more in line with what happened to the first mom.

Also, why in the world is OP the point person on any of this?

OP here.

100% false.

My son asked if he could bring a friend. We spoke with the in laws and they gave the OK. We are in DC, in laws are in NC. Their kids will likley have multiple visitors over the summer while mine wont just because of distance. Hence the reason he was permitted to bring someone. We and the in laws together agreed on the $1000 to cover the utilities and provide a sense of responsiniolity. Our sons aretasked with repairs an maintennace. The kid was offered the deal by my son. He shared it with his parents and the mom engaged me.

The lease was in place simply for protection in case the kid did something horrible. Two of the BILs are attorneys and would draw the lease so that it was enforceable. I'm not going to engage with anonymous strangers on the Internet about whether a hypothetical lease that no one has seen is valid. Only a fool would do that.

There was no bait and switch and I can't see where you'd even get that idea from this thread.

Putting aside the interesting question of what this lease is going to look like, this situation still seems completely bizarre. Why not just have all four boys be responsible for maintenance? Why does the kid living in the shed end up being the only one who needs to pay? And will your nephews' friends and visitors be charged a daily amount for their stay?

You seriously cant understand why a non owner should pay, while the owners don't? The owners have already paid. Its called they bought the house!

And spending three months living in the house is not the same as coming down for a weekend. If the weekend visitors were raised right, they'll come with some sort of compensation ie paying for the pizzas and beer. I know my son would. But I doubt you raised your child properly because you apparently think the one kid is entitled to the home as if his family owns it.

[Anonymous]

If it were my house and one of my kid’s friends were staying for the summer, along with my son, I wouldn’t charge the friend anything. Just wouldn’t feel right to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you asked the second kid, it was in the same breathe that you set the rental terms. Was that true for the initial invite? Or did you invite first and then tack on rent later? Is it was a bait and switch, then I think you carry some blame for this situation.

+1 Saying they "accepted immediately" is comparing apples to oranges. Come back in three weeks and tell that kid's mom you've decided to triple the rent and see how she reacts; that's more in line with what happened to the first mom.

Also, why in the world is OP the point person on any of this?

OP here.

100% false.

My son asked if he could bring a friend. We spoke with the in laws and they gave the OK. We are in DC, in laws are in NC. Their kids will likley have multiple visitors over the summer while mine wont just because of distance. Hence the reason he was permitted to bring someone. We and the in laws together agreed on the $1000 to cover the utilities and provide a sense of responsiniolity. Our sons aretasked with repairs an maintennace. The kid was offered the deal by my son. He shared it with his parents and the mom engaged me.

The lease was in place simply for protection in case the kid did something horrible. Two of the BILs are attorneys and would draw the lease so that it was enforceable. I'm not going to engage with anonymous strangers on the Internet about whether a hypothetical lease that no one has seen is valid. Only a fool would do that.

There was no bait and switch and I can't see where you'd even get that idea from this thread.

Putting aside the interesting question of what this lease is going to look like, this situation still seems completely bizarre. Why not just have all four boys be responsible for maintenance? Why does the kid living in the shed end up being the only one who needs to pay? And will your nephews' friends and visitors be charged a daily amount for their stay?

You seriously cant understand why a non owner should pay, while the owners don't? The owners have already paid. Its called they bought the house!

And spending three months living in the house is not the same as coming down for a weekend. If the weekend visitors were raised right, they'll come with some sort of compensation ie paying for the pizzas and beer. I know my son would. But I doubt you raised your child properly because you apparently think the one kid is entitled to the home as if his family owns it.

Thanks for your concern, but I not only raised my kids properly, I was properly raised myself, which means I would never allow my kid to invite a friend to our beach house, and then stick the kid in a shed and tell him he owes rent. If he is my son's friend, he would be treated as my son is for the summer. If I thought he was in any way irresponsible such that I needed a monetary bond in place to cover potential damages, he would not be allowed to stay at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH's family has a really special, small beach house on the coast of North Carolina. It's old, small (3 beds, 1.5 baths), on a beautiful piece of property and just something you dream of owning. It's been in his family for three generations.

This summer our college-age DS and two of his male cousins are going to live and work at the beach. They will live in the house.

There is an extremely basic 'outbuilding' on the property. Think glorified shed. It has no bathroom, running water or kitchen. It's basically a simple bunk room with lights and a window AC that we have used as overflow bedrooms during family vacations.

One of many of DS's DC friends wants to live there for the summer. My BILs signed off on it but want to charge a nominal $333 a month rent ($1000 for the summer) and limit it to one kid because they will all being using one septic tank. They also want the chosen kid to sign a basic lease to cover damages.

So, I brought this up to the chosen boy's mom- who I'm very friendly with but not close close.

I thought she was going to faint. Her reaction was one of disgust. She actually thought her son was going to live rent free at out family beach house for three months.

Today I heard she was bad mouthing me to other friends, calling me a cheap skate, etc.

Do I go ballistic and dis-invite the kid?

You sound like a piece of work.

It's clear that the other kid and his mom believed he was being invited to join in the fun, not renting a place, not being invited to rent a room in a shack.

Regardless of the fact that other people charge their relatives, what market value might be, etc., the nature of the invitation wasn't clear and that's why she reacted the way she did. It's not as if your brother's family needs the money - have all the kids go in on a security deposit if you're going to charge anything.

I guess the other mom is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you asked the second kid, it was in the same breathe that you set the rental terms. Was that true for the initial invite? Or did you invite first and then tack on rent later? Is it was a bait and switch, then I think you carry some blame for this situation.

+1 Saying they "accepted immediately" is comparing apples to oranges. Come back in three weeks and tell that kid's mom you've decided to triple the rent and see how she reacts; that's more in line with what happened to the first mom.

Also, why in the world is OP the point person on any of this?

OP here.

100% false.

My son asked if he could bring a friend. We spoke with the in laws and they gave the OK. We are in DC, in laws are in NC. Their kids will likley have multiple visitors over the summer while mine wont just because of distance. Hence the reason he was permitted to bring someone. We and the in laws together agreed on the $1000 to cover the utilities and provide a sense of responsiniolity. Our sons aretasked with repairs an maintennace. The kid was offered the deal by my son. He shared it with his parents and the mom engaged me.

The lease was in place simply for protection in case the kid did something horrible. Two of the BILs are attorneys and would draw the lease so that it was enforceable. I'm not going to engage with anonymous strangers on the Internet about whether a hypothetical lease that no one has seen is valid. Only a fool would do that.

There was no bait and switch and I can't see where you'd even get that idea from this thread.

One of many of DS's DC friends wants to live there for the summer. My BILs signed off on it but want to charge a nominal $333 a month rent ($1000 for the summer) and limit it to one kid because they will all being using one septic tank. They also want the chosen kid to sign a basic lease to cover damages.

So, I brought this up to the chosen boy's mom- who I'm very friendly with but not close close.

I thought she was going to faint. Her reaction was one of disgust. She actually thought her son was going to live rent free at out family beach house for three months.

Today I heard she was bad mouthing me to other friends, calling me a cheap skate, etc.

Do I go ballistic and dis-invite the kid?

So, OP, which time were you lying and which is the truth