Tell me what divorce will be like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother had to fight tooth as nail to get custody of his kids. His wife had walked out (didn't take the kids) to live with her affair partner. Not long before court her lawyer told her she needed to have the kids if she wanted to get money. So she took them and refused to let my brother see them. After court was over (and she was given full custody) even though he had been the primary parent, she started to drop them off to him again as she just wanted money, not the kids. After a couple years if showing he had the kids more than her he went back to court and list again. Judge said not the change the status quo. Financially with all the money he was paying to her plus actually paying most costs for the kids and paying for his own living expenses - he couldn't keep going back to court. He waited until the kids were able to really voice their own views and then went back to court once more and won. By then the kids were pretty messed up by it all. The divorce and immediate step dad messed them up, thie mom not really wanting them messed them up, wanting to live with their dad and not being able to messed them up, my brother'a subsequent remarriage messed them up (she had two young kids and his kids were really angry those kids got to live with him full time and they didn't).

This was 20 years ago. The kids are now mid twenties and are still only semi functional. Their own relationships have been messes and they are still trying to find themselves and her over their anger.

So, before all that happened, the mom was a model parent in a stable and happy marriage, and the divorce messed the kids up?

My brother and his ex wife had married young. hey partied a lot. Then they ended up having their first child and soon after a second. My ex SIL wasn't really ready to completely give up the party life. My brother grew up fast and did most of the parenting. They were both enjoying life. My ex SIL liked going out a lot and my brother liked staying home. The kids were young and had a good life. They didn't really fight until my ex SIL got involved in a cause and soon after started sleeping with the leader of the cause. That ended the marriage as she soon moved out to live with him. The affair, moving out abruptly, and her actions in the next year or two are what laid the dysfunctional foundation. Her refusal to give up custody because she didn't want to lose child support money even though she barely had the kids for the next 8 years cemented that dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

You will be the booty call of lots of a$$holes you will find online. You will certainly catch HPV.

You will not get married again, unless you find a man in the same situation as you. Your next spouse will probably be 15 years older than you or more.

You will be doing the childcaring on your own. Your kids will get messed up and need therapy. Your DH will move on and have a new family.

Your HHI will be impacted. It is rough out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will be the booty call of lots of a$$holes you will find online. You will certainly catch HPV.

You will not get married again, unless you find a man in the same situation as you. Your next spouse will probably be 15 years older than you or more.

You will be doing the childcaring on your own. Your kids will get messed up and need therapy. Your DH will move on and have a new family.

Your HHI will be impacted. It is rough out there.

PP here. I got HPV from my husband. 50% of women get it by age 50. Not a big deal.
Who cares about getting remarried? Never again.
50/50 custody—I will be doing less childcare, actually
Kids will not need therapy. They will be fine. Their life will not change that much.
(I am messed up from parents who stayed married in a terrible marriage.)
DH is done with kids. Unlikely to remarry ever: but if he does, I am ok with it. He will get a prenup to protect kids’ assets.
Who cares about HHI? Yes, it will be less. But I am 40% of the wealth. My quality of life will decrease. It is worth the emotional cost of staying in a marriage wasting more years that will ultimately end in divorce anyway.

You are making huge assumptions about divorce that are not universally true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be the booty call of lots of a$$holes you will find online. You will certainly catch HPV.

You will not get married again, unless you find a man in the same situation as you. Your next spouse will probably be 15 years older than you or more.

You will be doing the childcaring on your own. Your kids will get messed up and need therapy. Your DH will move on and have a new family.

Your HHI will be impacted. It is rough out there.

PP here. I got HPV from my husband. 50% of women get it by age 50. Not a big deal.
Who cares about getting remarried? Never again.
50/50 custody—I will be doing less childcare, actually
Kids will not need therapy. They will be fine. Their life will not change that much.
(I am messed up from parents who stayed married in a terrible marriage.)
DH is done with kids. Unlikely to remarry ever: but if he does, I am ok with it. He will get a prenup to protect kids’ assets.
Who cares about HHI? Yes, it will be less. But I am 40% of the wealth. My quality of life will decrease. It is worth the emotional cost of staying in a marriage wasting more years that will ultimately end in divorce anyway.

You are making huge assumptions about divorce that are not universally true.

LOL, you think you can tell in advance that they won't need therapy? What a joke. Nobody can predict that. And double LOL to the idea your DH and his new wife will agree to a prenup. New wives look out for their own children first. It is you making huge assumptions!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be the booty call of lots of a$$holes you will find online. You will certainly catch HPV.

You will not get married again, unless you find a man in the same situation as you. Your next spouse will probably be 15 years older than you or more.

You will be doing the childcaring on your own. Your kids will get messed up and need therapy. Your DH will move on and have a new family.

Your HHI will be impacted. It is rough out there.

PP here. I got HPV from my husband. 50% of women get it by age 50. Not a big deal.
Who cares about getting remarried? Never again.
50/50 custody—I will be doing less childcare, actually
Kids will not need therapy. They will be fine. Their life will not change that much.
(I am messed up from parents who stayed married in a terrible marriage.)
DH is done with kids. Unlikely to remarry ever: but if he does, I am ok with it. He will get a prenup to protect kids’ assets.
Who cares about HHI? Yes, it will be less. But I am 40% of the wealth. My quality of life will decrease. It is worth the emotional cost of staying in a marriage wasting more years that will ultimately end in divorce anyway.

You are making huge assumptions about divorce that are not universally true.

LOL, you think you can tell in advance that they won't need therapy? What a joke. Nobody can predict that. And double LOL to the idea your DH and his new wife will agree to a prenup. New wives look out for their own children first. It is you making huge assumptions!

Neither of us is interested in remarrying ever. He would also never marry anyone with children and he does not want more children. My kids will not need therapy. Their lives will hardly change at all. Only difference is that they will spend time with us separately. We will be nesting for a few years. They have never known us to share a bedroom. Not much will change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will be the booty call of lots of a$$holes you will find online. You will certainly catch HPV.

You will not get married again, unless you find a man in the same situation as you. Your next spouse will probably be 15 years older than you or more.

You will be doing the childcaring on your own. Your kids will get messed up and need therapy. Your DH will move on and have a new family.

Your HHI will be impacted. It is rough out there.

You are funny. We split custody 50/50, so a lot of the child care that I formerly did went away. The ex almost dropped dead from all the stress related to raising his own kids. Meanwhile, I was enjoying my life, got married again within a few years to a younger guy - first marriage for him. The kids turned out OK, both are in college now, no therapy ever. Ex got married too... a few more times. The only cost of divorce - I live I need a smaller house, no big deal.

[Anonymous]

On the verge of divorcing a cheater, and at this point, I don't really care if I ever date or am in a relationship again. Work and kids keep me busy enough, and I don't want to have to worry about untangling lie after lie ever again. Discovering cheating/dishonesty/double life and then dealing with gaslighting is really unsettling.

[Anonymous]

PP “I live in a smaller house”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be the booty call of lots of a$$holes you will find online. You will certainly catch HPV.

You will not get married again, unless you find a man in the same situation as you. Your next spouse will probably be 15 years older than you or more.

You will be doing the childcaring on your own. Your kids will get messed up and need therapy. Your DH will move on and have a new family.

Your HHI will be impacted. It is rough out there.

PP here. I got HPV from my husband. 50% of women get it by age 50. Not a big deal.
Who cares about getting remarried? Never again.
50/50 custody—I will be doing less childcare, actually
Kids will not need therapy. They will be fine. Their life will not change that much.
(I am messed up from parents who stayed married in a terrible marriage.)
DH is done with kids. Unlikely to remarry ever: but if he does, I am ok with it. He will get a prenup to protect kids’ assets.
Who cares about HHI? Yes, it will be less. But I am 40% of the wealth. My quality of life will decrease. It is worth the emotional cost of staying in a marriage wasting more years that will ultimately end in divorce anyway.

You are making huge assumptions about divorce that are not universally true.

LOL, you think you can tell in advance that they won't need therapy? What a joke. Nobody can predict that. And double LOL to the idea your DH and his new wife will agree to a prenup. New wives look out for their own children first. It is you making huge assumptions!

Neither of us is interested in remarrying ever. He would also never marry anyone with children and he does not want more children. My kids will not need therapy. Their lives will hardly change at all. Only difference is that they will spend time with us separately. We will be nesting for a few years. They have never known us to share a bedroom. Not much will change.

Take a look at "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce".

Basically, everyone thinks what you have bolded here... but it is simply not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will be the booty call of lots of a$$holes you will find online. You will certainly catch HPV.

You will not get married again, unless you find a man in the same situation as you. Your next spouse will probably be 15 years older than you or more.

You will be doing the childcaring on your own. Your kids will get messed up and need therapy. Your DH will move on and have a new family.

Your HHI will be impacted. It is rough out there.

WTF!?

[Anonymous]

So for the divorce fear mongers, what is a woman in an abusive relationship, or one with a cheating spouse, to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So for the divorce fear mongers, what is a woman in an abusive relationship, or one with a cheating spouse, to do?

Divorce is warranted in case of the three "A"s. Adultery, Abuse, Addiction

I think most folks would agree with that. I think that for couples that drift apart or think there is something better out there they are in for a rude
awakening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So for the divorce fear mongers, what is a woman in an abusive relationship, or one with a cheating spouse, to do?

Divorce is warranted in case of the three "A"s. Adultery, Abuse, Addiction

I think most folks would agree with that. I think that for couples that drift apart or think there is something better out there they are in for a rude
awakening.

Right, but the effects of the divorce will be the same, right? And if it’s so destructive, it seems the subtext of the messages is “suck it up.”

[Anonymous]

One boy, the product of divorce gained weight up to the
high 300's in pounds, possibly over 400.

His sister became an alcoholic teen and would not
talk to Dad for years.

Both kids had extensive counseling for years.

Dad had an affair with someone at work and essentially
deserted the kids and AP got pregnant. Now Dad realizes
he will have to work forever.

Dad writes a lengthy Christmas letter to ex wife of many
pages each year detailing how wrong he was to have
the affair, get married and start a new family.
Clearly wife #2 has no idea her husband is writing
to wife #1 wishing he was still with wife #1.

[Anonymous]

Dating websites use fake profiles to get
men and women to pay and join.

There are a lot of hot babes pictured on dating websites
that don't exist.

There are a lot of professional looking men working
as lawyers, doctors etc that don't exist.

Assume easily that 10-20% of profiles are fake
(put up by website owner and are not real people).

Also you will encounter the fake Nigerian profiles too.
Real people that fish for money.