If you grew up poor are you ever shocked at what you now spend money on?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We weren’t totally poor but lived paycheck to paycheck and had little left for non-essentials. The biggest thing that shocks me now is travel. We never traveled as a kid, and the rare times we did it was in the car and to the Comfort Inn. My kids are in ES and have no concept of what it’s like to not travel regularly by air. It bothers me - they are nice kids but don’t know how fortunate they are. We tell them, but they don’t “get it.”

There is a way to control this. Skip a vacation or 2 just bc. On 1 vacation stay at a Hampton Inn instead of your usual 5 star. Take a road trip or 2. That shows that travel isn't a requirement and fancy travel is a luxury. But let me guess you can't do this bc YOU don't want to be inconvenienced or slumming it -- so instead you're just lecture your kids and hope they get it which 99.9% of the time, they don't.

I agree with this. We take our kid on very nice European vacations, but we also take road trips where we stay in random dump hotels and eat at roadside cafes and barbecue joints. First, I want my kid to see all of America, and second, I don't want him to think he's too good for that. I want him to be comfortable with people from all walks of life. It amuses me how many people on this board are so adamant that their kid be exposed to "diversity," but that really just means they know rich people of many different ethnicities.

Ah yes. Guilty conscience tourism. That will teach kids how to be grateful. Not. Staying at a Hampton inn or eating at a roadside BBQ is not teaching your kid anything about how the other half lives. And visiting a place you can leave is not diversity either.

Everybody needs to do what they need to do, but don't kid yourself you're any better than the people you're chiding because you're not

I'd agree with this. You are either poor or you're not. "Slumming it" on vacation at the Hampton Inn (really, btw?) is not going to change their perception. Being raised poor is 24/7 not something that can be taught.

Yes, going on regular vacations, whether you are "slumming it" or not, means, that you are not poor.

Sigh. I'm not trying to convince DC that he is poor. I think it's awful when well-to-do people tell their kids that they're poor. How are they supposed to feel empathy for someone who really is poor? In fact, I am adamant that he know how blessed he is. What I am trying to show him is that how much money you have (or don't have) doesn't have anything to do with what kind of person you are. I am still the same person I was when I was poor, and my family is/were wonderful people. I also want him to know that his life wouldn't end if he weren't rich anymore. Some of the best times we've had were on road trips through places that most people on DCUM deride.

By the way, I wasn't the one who brought up the Hampton Inn, and I did comment that I found it very telling that pp thinks that is "slumming it."

You're not entirely wrong, but the poster who first brought up Hampton inn and the idea that you can see how the other half lives through a vacation is who I am responding to. You can't. Being poor is everyday, an not going on a less luxurious vacation.

I have zero problem giving my kids the things I never had, and enjoying life myself.

I spend what I want, when I want, including popcorn at movies.

What I have taught my kid is luxuries come second to necessities and to never ever get complacent and greedy. He must NOT pull up the ladder behind him when he is older. Be generous, be grateful, be empathetic, be helpfu, be a good citizen.

Realize the world does not have a level playing field and do his best not to hoard his advantages and grow a thick layer of encrusted privilege around him.

And in my belief, my philosophy, he isn't going toearn that because I withhold spending in popcorn, vacations, or whatever.

Very well put. My DH is often saying he wants our kids to understand how we grew up (throw in crappy alcoholic and abusive parents) and it's just never going to happen. If you don't live it 24/7, you don't get it. And I don't WANT them to experience it. But what we can teach and model are exactly what PP poster lists.

[Anonymous]

I remember my mom having us scrounge through the sofa to find loose change in order to buy gas. And often she paid in pennies (yes, it was only 60 cents a gallon then, but...) to get just enough to make it to the grocery store and back. Where she'd write a bad check to pay for the groceries. Now I swipe my Visa at the gas station and the grocery store and don't think twice.

I'm so very fortunate.

[Anonymous]

Books for my kids. My parents never bought books unless they were garage sale purchases or 10 cent discards at the library. They took me to the library 3-4 times a week, so I was surrounded by books, but their philosophy was, "why buy a book, when you'll read it in an hour when you can return it to the library and get another one for free." I still do get a pain of conscience paying 8-9$ for books for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Yes. But what shocks me more is what I don’t spend money on even though I can financially. I have a hard time loosening up on spending because of my poor upbringing. I only buy books from the thrift store, clothes for kids second hand, do my own home improvement projects, own yard work, rarely go out to dinner, keep thermostat at 75 in summer/68 in winter, and pile money into investment accounts. I wonder what I am saving for ?!? I likely won’t become a spendthrift in old age and am raising frugal kids. It will be interesting to see how this all turns out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things I never would have dreamed of -
So let my picky eater order food (within reason) that I know he won’t eat. Yesterday I let him order a hotdog at Shake Shack so he would eat more than his shake. He ate the bun. I feel like growing up my parents would have asked to buy just the bun and then the restaurant probably would have just given it to us.

We were at the aquarium and I bought him a $12 toy that is worth $5 at best. I didn’t make him use his own money. I would have taken him on the Pirate “paddle” boats if he wanted.

If my school was closed, I’d be home watching non-cable TV with my mom. Making cookies would have been a treat. I dropped $150 on gas, parking, tickets, toy and lunch to take a preschooler to the aquarium for a special day.

Was your mom a SAHM? If so, then that doesn't seem poor. That seems like a luxury.

[Anonymous]

Keeping the heat at whatever temp I want is a luxury that I always revel in!

[Anonymous]

I didn’t have enough underwear as a kid. Ever. The shame of that was really overwhelming.

I have no problem buying my children whatever they need, but every so often I’ll be shopping for myself and It feels so wasteful. I still feel really guilty buying myself underwear.

[Anonymous]

We weren't dirt poor growing up but only rarely traveled (like 3 trips my entire childhood), had no luxuries, wore all hand-me-downs, shared a bed with my sister until I was 11, and never went out to restaurants. During college I really had to watch my budget and recall eating a lot of ramen noodles.

Now I try not to waste money and don't splurge often, but on the occasions I do - like buying Hamilton tickets for my kids and husband and me - I do feel an element of surprise at not having to wince, because I know we can afford it. I'm always grateful for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up middle class, but lately feel guilty about habits that my parents would consider to be wasting food. For example, tossing fruit that is overripe but not rotten (my mom recently scooped pieces of strawberries out of my sink to eat my discards), eating only the white meat and legs from a rotisserie chicken, trying new foods and getting rid of things we don’t like.

Wow, I’d consider that wasteful too. Do you just throw away the rest of the chicken?

[Anonymous]

I'm very thrifty. I hate wasting money on things.
If there is a deal for something, I'll go that route. I don't buy much without a discount. I can afford to without discounts but why would I buy something at full price when I can get 10% off something or a free meal (like kids eat free nights at some places), or free glass of wine, or 2nd pizza for half price-that's great.

My Dh however does not look at prices when he buys things. He doesn't shop around for anything. Shopping around takes his precious time away from being with his son, so he doesn't do it. Even if the grocery store across the street has 10 corns for $2-he rather just stick to this side and avoid the traffic light/traffic and get 4 ears of corn for $5.

[Anonymous]

I grew up poor and can't believe I spend $650/week on daycare. My parents couldn't have paid that much for my care as they can't even comprehend that I pay that much a week as that is probably what they paid in monthly rent.

[Anonymous]

For me growing up we were lower middle class, but what made it hard was we were much less well off than almost all our relatives. Several of our relatives -like 6 other groups of aunts.uncles.cousins - went on trips to Europe and Mexico at least once a year. We took a bus tour to Niagara falls. They always got us great presents but we always felt bad visiting their beautiful homes, like how is it everyone else in this family is living like this except us (difference in careers) Once I got taken along to Europe as kind of charity and because I could easily bunk with my female cousins. It’s amazing now giving my kids such a great life but also realizing this is what so many of my cousins got to experience. It’s weird now to vacation with them because we are on similar salaries and homes, but a nice feeling too. Full time nanny, cleaning service, landscaping, are all things my parents never dreamed of but I feel lucky enough to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up middle class, but lately feel guilty about habits that my parents would consider to be wasting food. For example, tossing fruit that is overripe but not rotten (my mom recently scooped pieces of strawberries out of my sink to eat my discards), eating only the white meat and legs from a rotisserie chicken, trying new foods and getting rid of things we don’t like.

You should feel guilty about the rotisserie chicken. Food waste is a problem that extends beyond your pocketbook. Do you really just throw away food that isn't your favorite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up middle class, but lately feel guilty about habits that my parents would consider to be wasting food. For example, tossing fruit that is overripe but not rotten (my mom recently scooped pieces of strawberries out of my sink to eat my discards), eating only the white meat and legs from a rotisserie chicken, trying new foods and getting rid of things we don’t like.

You should feel guilty about the rotisserie chicken. Food waste is a problem that extends beyond your pocketbook. Do you really just throw away food that isn't your favorite?

This is a good distinction. It's one thing to indulge in things, but quite another to just throw things away. I tell my kids all the time, they can have pretty much whatever food they want, but they have to eat all of it.

[Anonymous]

Its funny. My husband grew up "dirt poor" and now that we are affluent he is very generous with money now and likes to spend it on whatever our family wants. He spoils us. He doesn't look at price tags.

I grew up solid middle class and I make sure we save and invest. Sometimes reel him in when he wants to buy a 40 acre vacation home ...