If you grew up poor are you ever shocked at what you now spend money on?

[Anonymous]

I spend a couple hundred bucks every year on sending flowers to my 90 something grandmother for her birthday, mother's day, valentine's day. She takes a bloom from each bouquet to my grandfather's grave because she wants to show him that I "made it" to a point where I can send her fancy florist flowers.

[Anonymous]

I grew up middle class, but lately feel guilty about habits that my parents would consider to be wasting food. For example, tossing fruit that is overripe but not rotten (my mom recently scooped pieces of strawberries out of my sink to eat my discards), eating only the white meat and legs from a rotisserie chicken, trying new foods and getting rid of things we don’t like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spend a couple hundred bucks every year on sending flowers to my 90 something grandmother for her birthday, mother's day, valentine's day. She takes a bloom from each bouquet to my grandfather's grave because she wants to show him that I "made it" to a point where I can send her fancy florist flowers.

This is lovely. Worth every penny to make a grandma happy and proud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just having and being able to run the AC is a big deal to me. I spent hours of my summers parked in front of a 10 year old box fan.

My blanket in the summer was a wet towel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am ashamed to tell my parents and grandparents that I pay someone else to clean my house frequently. THey talk about how clean my house is at family gatherings and I just smile and thank them. It's not like my family's homes were dirty at all, but we had many kids and no professional cleaners.

My mom cleaned homes for extra cash, my mother in law offered to send us a cleaner once a month. I feel terrible about it

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We weren’t totally poor but lived paycheck to paycheck and had little left for non-essentials. The biggest thing that shocks me now is travel. We never traveled as a kid, and the rare times we did it was in the car and to the Comfort Inn. My kids are in ES and have no concept of what it’s like to not travel regularly by air. It bothers me - they are nice kids but don’t know how fortunate they are. We tell them, but they don’t “get it.”

There is a way to control this. Skip a vacation or 2 just bc. On 1 vacation stay at a Hampton Inn instead of your usual 5 star. Take a road trip or 2. That shows that travel isn't a requirement and fancy travel is a luxury. But let me guess you can't do this bc YOU don't want to be inconvenienced or slumming it -- so instead you're just lecture your kids and hope they get it which 99.9% of the time, they don't.

I agree with this. We take our kid on very nice European vacations, but we also take road trips where we stay in random dump hotels and eat at roadside cafes and barbecue joints. First, I want my kid to see all of America, and second, I don't want him to think he's too good for that. I want him to be comfortable with people from all walks of life. It amuses me how many people on this board are so adamant that their kid be exposed to "diversity," but that really just means they know rich people of many different ethnicities.

Ah yes. Guilty conscience tourism. That will teach kids how to be grateful. Not. Staying at a Hampton inn or eating at a roadside BBQ is not teaching your kid anything about how the other half lives. And visiting a place you can leave is not diversity either.

Everybody needs to do what they need to do, but don't kid yourself you're any better than the people you're chiding because you're not

I'd agree with this. You are either poor or you're not. "Slumming it" on vacation at the Hampton Inn (really, btw?) is not going to change their perception. Being raised poor is 24/7 not something that can be taught.

Yes, going on regular vacations, whether you are "slumming it" or not, means, that you are not poor.

Sigh. I'm not trying to convince DC that he is poor. I think it's awful when well-to-do people tell their kids that they're poor. How are they supposed to feel empathy for someone who really is poor? In fact, I am adamant that he know how blessed he is. What I am trying to show him is that how much money you have (or don't have) doesn't have anything to do with what kind of person you are. I am still the same person I was when I was poor, and my family is/were wonderful people. I also want him to know that his life wouldn't end if he weren't rich anymore. Some of the best times we've had were on road trips through places that most people on DCUM deride.

By the way, I wasn't the one who brought up the Hampton Inn, and I did comment that I found it very telling that pp thinks that is "slumming it."

[Anonymous]

I grew up in Eastern Europe during Communism. As a 10 year old had to stand in endless lines for basic things like toilet paper ( considered a luxury item) or meat etc. We had no car, no phone, TV - 2 channels black and white. We never traveled anywhere, except when school trips. I dreamt of better life for myself. I made all the way to USA and live in a nice house with 5 bathrooms and 5 bedrooms. My favorite department store is Bloomingdale's and Whole Foods. I like Ferragamo handbags. I can travel now anywhere I pretty much want. I can't believe that I'm so lucky. But I worked hard for all of this and am very proud of myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just having and being able to run the AC is a big deal to me. I spent hours of my summers parked in front of a 10 year old box fan.

My blanket in the summer was a wet towel

Real hot was Bronx in 1970s. No AC and had to keep windows shut to keep crackheads out and avoided windows due to stray bullets. No fans either. You rich folks with fans and wet towels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just having and being able to run the AC is a big deal to me. I spent hours of my summers parked in front of a 10 year old box fan.

My blanket in the summer was a wet towel

Same here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just having and being able to run the AC is a big deal to me. I spent hours of my summers parked in front of a 10 year old box fan.

My blanket in the summer was a wet towel

Real hot was Bronx in 1970s. No AC and had to keep windows shut to keep crackheads out and avoided windows due to stray bullets. No fans either. You rich folks with fans and wet towels.

No crackheads in the 1970s, but nice try.

[Anonymous]

I’m with you. The way retail works these days, paying full price is just dumb. You don’t need to shop the clearance racks, but everything gets discounted so quickly. Payin full price would be like going to Bed Bath and Beyond without a coupon.

The death of me.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We weren’t totally poor but lived paycheck to paycheck and had little left for non-essentials. The biggest thing that shocks me now is travel. We never traveled as a kid, and the rare times we did it was in the car and to the Comfort Inn. My kids are in ES and have no concept of what it’s like to not travel regularly by air. It bothers me - they are nice kids but don’t know how fortunate they are. We tell them, but they don’t “get it.”

There is a way to control this. Skip a vacation or 2 just bc. On 1 vacation stay at a Hampton Inn instead of your usual 5 star. Take a road trip or 2. That shows that travel isn't a requirement and fancy travel is a luxury. But let me guess you can't do this bc YOU don't want to be inconvenienced or slumming it -- so instead you're just lecture your kids and hope they get it which 99.9% of the time, they don't.

I agree with this. We take our kid on very nice European vacations, but we also take road trips where we stay in random dump hotels and eat at roadside cafes and barbecue joints. First, I want my kid to see all of America, and second, I don't want him to think he's too good for that. I want him to be comfortable with people from all walks of life. It amuses me how many people on this board are so adamant that their kid be exposed to "diversity," but that really just means they know rich people of many different ethnicities.

Ah yes. Guilty conscience tourism. That will teach kids how to be grateful. Not. Staying at a Hampton inn or eating at a roadside BBQ is not teaching your kid anything about how the other half lives. And visiting a place you can leave is not diversity either.

Everybody needs to do what they need to do, but don't kid yourself you're any better than the people you're chiding because you're not

I'd agree with this. You are either poor or you're not. "Slumming it" on vacation at the Hampton Inn (really, btw?) is not going to change their perception. Being raised poor is 24/7 not something that can be taught.

Yes, going on regular vacations, whether you are "slumming it" or not, means, that you are not poor.

Sigh. I'm not trying to convince DC that he is poor. I think it's awful when well-to-do people tell their kids that they're poor. How are they supposed to feel empathy for someone who really is poor? In fact, I am adamant that he know how blessed he is. What I am trying to show him is that how much money you have (or don't have) doesn't have anything to do with what kind of person you are. I am still the same person I was when I was poor, and my family is/were wonderful people. I also want him to know that his life wouldn't end if he weren't rich anymore. Some of the best times we've had were on road trips through places that most people on DCUM deride.

By the way, I wasn't the one who brought up the Hampton Inn, and I did comment that I found it very telling that pp thinks that is "slumming it."

You're not entirely wrong, but the poster who first brought up Hampton inn and the idea that you can see how the other half lives through a vacation is who I am responding to. You can't. Being poor is everyday, an not going on a less luxurious vacation.

I have zero problem giving my kids the things I never had, and enjoying life myself.

I spend what I want, when I want, including popcorn at movies.

What I have taught my kid is luxuries come second to necessities and to never ever get complacent and greedy. He must NOT pull up the ladder behind him when he is older. Be generous, be grateful, be empathetic, be helpfu, be a good citizen.

Realize the world does not have a level playing field and do his best not to hoard his advantages and grow a thick layer of encrusted privilege around him.

And in my belief, my philosophy, he isn't going toearn that because I withhold spending in popcorn, vacations, or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spend a couple hundred bucks every year on sending flowers to my 90 something grandmother for her birthday, mother's day, valentine's day. She takes a bloom from each bouquet to my grandfather's grave because she wants to show him that I "made it" to a point where I can send her fancy florist flowers.

This made me cry... Lovely.

[Anonymous]

Things I never would have dreamed of -
So let my picky eater order food (within reason) that I know he won’t eat. Yesterday I let him order a hotdog at Shake Shack so he would eat more than his shake. He ate the bun. I feel like growing up my parents would have asked to buy just the bun and then the restaurant probably would have just given it to us.

We were at the aquarium and I bought him a $12 toy that is worth $5 at best. I didn’t make him use his own money. I would have taken him on the Pirate “paddle” boats if he wanted.

If my school was closed, I’d be home watching non-cable TV with my mom. Making cookies would have been a treat. I dropped $150 on gas, parking, tickets, toy and lunch to take a preschooler to the aquarium for a special day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spend a couple hundred bucks every year on sending flowers to my 90 something grandmother for her birthday, mother's day, valentine's day. She takes a bloom from each bouquet to my grandfather's grave because she wants to show him that I "made it" to a point where I can send her fancy florist flowers.

This made me cry... Lovely.

Me too. It's a beautiful way to make a lady at age 90 feel special and like someone cares.