Do you think it's appropriate to invite a married person to a wedding without their spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The poster that suggested bringing this up in counseling is right.

To my mind, the partner who cheated--if they are truly committed to rebuilding the relationship--would be bending over backward to reassure the wronged spouse about their level of commitment, about trustworthiness--one way in this strange situation to reassure would be to insist that either he brings his wife or he doesn't come--and to tell the wife, I do not want to go without you. You are important to me, and it is important to me that you are there.

This is not what your DH is doing. Whatever the rest of the situation with the friend, this alone would cause concern for me.

I totally agree. Regardless of what your husband's 'BF' did or did not do, your husband is not behaving in a way that re-builds your relationship. In fact, it's just the opposite. That he did this early into your marriage does not bode well. You need to bring this up in counseling stat. I'm very sorry.

[Anonymous]

Could it truly be a money thing? Is the couple and family strapped for cash?

I once attended a wedding where DH went up to get drinks at the bar and he was expected to pay. We thought it was so odd. Everyone at our table was surprised and talking about how it was a cash bar. I personally would rather have a cheaper wedding, maybe just at a church, than have my guests pay for their own at my wedding. Horrible!

[Anonymous]

Having read that the DH has cheated my answer would be:

"If you go, pack a bag because I don't want you back here."

I could see my EX dh doing something like this. And it would have all been arranged so he could spend the evening with whatever fling and not have to deal with me.

[Anonymous]

It's obvious that your husband is going to be partying with and boning his other woman. Mine used to present himself as basically a single dad, making everyone think he wasn't exactly "with" me. That left the field open for him to do whatever he wanted.

You don't want this to go on. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its poor manners, in the same way a cash bar is poor manners, or invites to the wedding but not reception are poor manners.

But I am surprised at the number of people that would forbid their spouses from going. Its a day, its his friend. Go let him "celebrate"

No, it's actually more rude than those. Inviting one half of a married couple to a wedding is unacceptable.

I wouldn't forbid my spouse from going, but he wouldn't go, because he knows how totally uncool that is.

[Anonymous]

I honestly wouldn't really care if DH's friend did not invite me to his wedding. I would be very insulted if I was purposely excluded though.

OP, you should find out if other friends' spouses are going. Thread seems to point to DH doesn't want to take you.

Not everyone is perfect at addressing people on invitations. I know I often wrote just my friend's name on our invitations. Almost everyone brought a date. I don't think I wrote Karen Smith plus 1, especially if I didn't know who their dates were. We were one of the first to be married so most of our friends were single (not married).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here who said inappropriate but maybe not totally husband's fault.

After OP's latest responses (I KNEW there was more to the story, somehow), my guess is that either the former AP will be at the wedding, or DH's friends all knew about it, or met her and liked her, and DH and the friend getting married thought it would be better if OP didn't attend because people might talk/ask/whatever about AP.

No excuse. DH doesn't go to the wedding.

No excuse. Lying, cheating DH definitely doesn't go to the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Who did DH cheat with?
Someone whom the groom knows?

Get to to couples counseling stat or kick him out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who did DH cheat with?
Someone whom the groom knows?

Get to to couples counseling stat or kick him out.

I see you r currently in counseling, schedule a session asap, bring invite up asap. Is hurting you and your marriage. Is untrustworthy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could it truly be a money thing? Is the couple and family strapped for cash?

I once attended a wedding where DH went up to get drinks at the bar and he was expected to pay. We thought it was so odd. Everyone at our table was surprised and talking about how it was a cash bar. I personally would rather have a cheaper wedding, maybe just at a church, than have my guests pay for their own at my wedding. Horrible!

I come from a working class background. Every wedding I went to as a kid or a young person had a cash bar. Beer, soda, coffee and (sometimes) wine were included with the reception. If you wanted something else, you were paying.

Not everybody has as much money as you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its poor manners, in the same way a cash bar is poor manners, or invites to the wedding but not reception are poor manners.

But I am surprised at the number of people that would forbid their spouses from going. Its a day, its his friend. Go let him "celebrate"

No, it's actually more rude than those. Inviting one half of a married couple to a wedding is unacceptable.

I wouldn't forbid my spouse from going, but he wouldn't go, because he knows how totally uncool that is.

It doesn't say good things about the bride and groom's views of marriage, or their likely success at marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could it truly be a money thing? Is the couple and family strapped for cash?

I once attended a wedding where DH went up to get drinks at the bar and he was expected to pay. We thought it was so odd. Everyone at our table was surprised and talking about how it was a cash bar. I personally would rather have a cheaper wedding, maybe just at a church, than have my guests pay for their own at my wedding. Horrible!

I come from a working class background. Every wedding I went to as a kid or a young person had a cash bar. Beer, soda, coffee and (sometimes) wine were included with the reception. If you wanted something else, you were paying.

Not everybody has as much money as you do.

This is very uncommon in the Northeast. I have been to many church weddings where I don't think any alcohol was served. I think that is fine too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could it truly be a money thing? Is the couple and family strapped for cash?

I once attended a wedding where DH went up to get drinks at the bar and he was expected to pay. We thought it was so odd. Everyone at our table was surprised and talking about how it was a cash bar. I personally would rather have a cheaper wedding, maybe just at a church, than have my guests pay for their own at my wedding. Horrible!

I come from a working class background. Every wedding I went to as a kid or a young person had a cash bar. Beer, soda, coffee and (sometimes) wine were included with the reception. If you wanted something else, you were paying.

Not everybody has as much money as you do.

This is very uncommon in the Northeast. I have been to many church weddings where I don't think any alcohol was served. I think that is fine too.

It used to be pretty common in the midwest (where I'm from). I think because so many receptions were held at venues that had a stocked bar but the bride/groom didn't include alcohol in their receptions. They didn't close the bar if alcohol wasn't included in the venue/catering fee.

[Anonymous]

My husband would not attend a wedding if he was invited and not me.
In part because it would signal to him that the people getting married had no idea what marriage really means.
And in part because he would see it as enormous insult to me and our marriage and he simply would not go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could it truly be a money thing? Is the couple and family strapped for cash?

I once attended a wedding where DH went up to get drinks at the bar and he was expected to pay. We thought it was so odd. Everyone at our table was surprised and talking about how it was a cash bar. I personally would rather have a cheaper wedding, maybe just at a church, than have my guests pay for their own at my wedding. Horrible!

Holy cow, what sheltered life do you live in, Buffy? Take your teacup poodle and gucci leash and skedaddle right out of there before you catch a whiff of reality!!