What are some of the life lessons you've learned?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

By 50, you should know yourself and how you want to spend the rest of your time on earth. Keep your boundaries intact so that other people do not take up your time and other finite resources with their priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The biggest lesson I am finally learning in my early 50s is that what you see is what you get. I've spent my whole life being pretty disappointed at how my romantic partners and friends have let me down. Therapy taught me that because my mother's entire life revolved around her children, she set me up for the inevitable disappointment when unrelated adults just didn't satisfy my emotional needs the way she did. I am learning for the first time what realistic expectations are.

Lesson: make yourself happy. Don't wait for friends and spouse to read your mind to know what you like, want and do.

This scares me. I am a SAHM and former teacher so I have a deep desire to help children. Could you explain how your mother did this to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The biggest lesson I am finally learning in my early 50s is that what you see is what you get. I've spent my whole life being pretty disappointed at how my romantic partners and friends have let me down. Therapy taught me that because my mother's entire life revolved around her children, she set me up for the inevitable disappointment when unrelated adults just didn't satisfy my emotional needs the way she did. I am learning for the first time what realistic expectations are.

Lesson: make yourself happy. Don't wait for friends and spouse to read your mind to know what you like, want and do.

This scares me. I am a SAHM and former teacher so I have a deep desire to help children. Could you explain how your mother did this to you?

By being more than my mother, more of a confidante. Too interested in my social life. I didn't realize it at the time, but no other relationship can satisfy me on a sustained basis because it's just not normal to have another person so completely emotionally in tune with you. My husband can't begin to compare, and I am inevitably disappointed even in close female friends because their interest in my life isn't as intense as hers was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apologize to your teens when you are in the wrong.

I actually love doing this.

[Anonymous]

I should have never gotten married. Sure I have two kids who turned out good but I still have a wife who is as frigid as the North Pole. I really miss the days of having sex with a different woman everyday and was much happier then.

[Anonymous]

Amazin wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Amazin wrote:From the start of your career set up an "FU Fund". At some point you will want to make a job or career change and you need the $$ resources to do so. For many years my wife and I saved one of our dual incomes. That allowed her at one point to quit her corporate job and start her own business which was soon successful. That success and the FU fund eventually allowed me to quit my corporate job and pursue more entrepreneurial ventures which also turned out to be very successful. After selling one company I was jobless for two years before starting another business. It too has worked out nicely. All of this is due to our having lived modestly for years in order to create the bank roll we needed to invest in ourselves without putting our family's needs at risk. We are now mostly retired but work part time and have plenty of resources to live well and give back.

The problem I have with your "life lesson" is that you wasted away both of your best years on extreme frugality. Now that you are old and have more $$ in the bank,I'm not sure this is an entirely good thing. Time is the most valuable resource and we need to balance how we use balance time with financial progress, particularly during our younger years. I don't believe waiting til the end.

We did not waste away our best years by being extremely frugal. We lived very comfortably, traveled globally and were never monetarily stressed. We both worked very hard. My kids all graduated from college and medical school debt free, my grandkids college educations are already funded via 529's and I'm semi-retired but mostly on vacation. Too many young couples fight and break up over money as they want to keep up with their neighbors. We never worried about that. My wife and I constantly remind ourselves how lucky we have been and how great our lives are.

Sounds like your real life secret is "make a heck of a lot of money"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Amazin wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Amazin wrote:From the start of your career set up an "FU Fund". At some point you will want to make a job or career change and you need the $$ resources to do so. For many years my wife and I saved one of our dual incomes. That allowed her at one point to quit her corporate job and start her own business which was soon successful. That success and the FU fund eventually allowed me to quit my corporate job and pursue more entrepreneurial ventures which also turned out to be very successful. After selling one company I was jobless for two years before starting another business. It too has worked out nicely. All of this is due to our having lived modestly for years in order to create the bank roll we needed to invest in ourselves without putting our family's needs at risk. We are now mostly retired but work part time and have plenty of resources to live well and give back.

The problem I have with your "life lesson" is that you wasted away both of your best years on extreme frugality. Now that you are old and have more $$ in the bank,I'm not sure this is an entirely good thing. Time is the most valuable resource and we need to balance how we use balance time with financial progress, particularly during our younger years. I don't believe waiting til the end.

We did not waste away our best years by being extremely frugal. We lived very comfortably, traveled globally and were never monetarily stressed. We both worked very hard. My kids all graduated from college and medical school debt free, my grandkids college educations are already funded via 529's and I'm semi-retired but mostly on vacation. Too many young couples fight and break up over money as they want to keep up with their neighbors. We never worried about that. My wife and I constantly remind ourselves how lucky we have been and how great our lives are.

Sounds like your real life secret is "make a heck of a lot of money"

No, it was to use our money wisely! But the real secret was marrying a wonderful woman who is a great wife and mother, smart as hell and helped us be in sync on what were our goals. We never had a goal of making a lot of money. We didn't grow up with it. It was the result of smart things we did, but not our objective. We both wanted good careers but our marriage and kids always came first. I was never a 24/7 workaholic by any stretch of the imagination. It turned out I was very good at what I did, which was a big surprise to me, and was able to make some great career moves because I had saved enough money to make bets on myself. And, I had a wife who was supportive of those bets. The bets paid off! I have a wonderful relationship with my wife and kids and I'm blessed that it's all worked out. And I'm smart enough to know that luck played a part. If you are single minded on making a lot of money the odds are good that you won't and/or you won't have a very unsatisfying personal life.