What's so bad about living in sin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

1. I grew up with married parents who despised each other and refused to divorce.
2. Every single married couple I know have a) divorced or b) are completely miserable, lonely and unfulfilled.
3. My relationship works without marriage. It's perfect as it is. Why change anything?
We are happy, monogomous and committed. He is my family.

I was in the same situation. And I agree, marriage won't change a damn thing between two people. And if it does, then those people weren't right for each other to begin with.

When we split up, it was REAL easy compared to our friends who have been divorced.

You must have no kids and few real assets. We have 4 million dollars and three teenagers. Married or not, there would be huge fights if we broke up.

Why would there be fights? If you are two mature adults, you cut the shit in half, agree to kids schedule, and move on.

So it sounds like divorce is good for immature adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So how is a legal system supposed to determine who's your partner, other than through a marriage or domestic partner registration?

Why does the legal system need to know who my partner is?

So your partner can visit you in the hospital, make medical decisions on your behalf and be the executor of your will. And oh yeah, receive your assets when you die. You must be very young and have little money.

Wrong. I'm not young and I have plenty of money.. We each have a medical/healthcare/financial POA which allows both of us to make decisions should the other be unable to. That is the most legal I ever want our relationship to be.

Do you have a will leaving your assets to the other person.

You are really nosy. Yes. I have a will.
The house is in both of our names. That's our biggest asset. It'll go directly to him.
Everything else will go to my nephews.
That's the way we both want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You are really nosy. Yes. I have a will.
The house is in both of our names. That's our biggest asset. It'll go directly to him.
Everything else will go to my nephews.
That's the way we both want it.

You sure shut the naysayers up.

I think it is pretty clear to most that marriage is not required to be committed or raise a family. If you want to get married? Go for it and enjoy. But don't look down upon those that don't choose the same path.

I was with my ex for a long time, had children, and never married. We were as much as a family as anyone that was married.

[Anonymous]

The problem with not marrying when you are in a LTR, is that the legal rights associated with marriage are legion and ever-changing. Currently in Maryland, there are over 400 rights granted to married couples that are not granted to cohabitants or even common-law marriages. In the federal laws, there are over 1100. Yes, you can pay to duplicate many of these, but even if you reviewed the laws and were current today, legislation that hasn't passed or even been proposed yet can change the picture in a matter of weeks. By this time next year, there will be new laws and rights granted to marriages that are not granted in your legal paperwork. When that happens, all married couples are immediately granted the legal protections, but those who are in LTR with legal paperwork would have to amend their paperwork to include those changes (if they even knew about them--many of these changes are never really publicized well).

Also be careful about how your documents are drafted. I know of a case where a couple had such documents, but due to a slight issue in the legalese during drafting when one partner died, the family of the deceased partner was able to successfully sue and overturn the final directives. That included having the body returned to their home state for interment and half of the property going to the family instead of to the surviving partner. Additionally, the surviving partner had to sell the joint home to award the family half of the value of the property. Marriage laws are designed to withstand such cases much better than privately drafted documents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I break up with my partner, we will split our stuff, work out our custody and child support arrangements, and go our separate ways. We will also change our various powers of attorney and change documents that relate to finances, property, and health. We won't have to wait around a year and pay Big Brother to give us permission. Been there, done that. It was ridiculous. Marriage is not the answer or preference for everyone.

There are studies that say every time a person goes through a divorce they are much more likely to have another divorce. I'm sure it's the same for cohabitating for many years and then breaking up. The chance of another break-up is greater. I have a slight issue with people not getting married because it seems to cost society a lot to take care of people who are by themselves as they age and take care of their children. I wouldn't judge anyone though. I did also think it was possibly unfortunate when friends cohabited for 3+ years and then finally decided their partner wasn't going to marry them. By this time they were in their late 20's to 30's. Most of these friends haven't married and are now in their 40's and 50's. Maybe they are happy without children and a husband or maybe they still wish they had their 20's back to date more people instead of moving in with a guy they probably knew from the start was unlikely to marry them. They move in different circles from us now traveling and going out late so we don't see them much with kids but are happy they're enjoying life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I break up with my partner, we will split our stuff, work out our custody and child support arrangements, and go our separate ways. We will also change our various powers of attorney and change documents that relate to finances, property, and health. We won't have to wait around a year and pay Big Brother to give us permission. Been there, done that. It was ridiculous. Marriage is not the answer or preference for everyone.

There are studies that say every time a person goes through a divorce they are much more likely to have another divorce. I'm sure it's the same for cohabitating for many years and then breaking up. The chance of another break-up is greater. I have a slight issue with people not getting married because it seems to cost society a lot to take care of people who are by themselves as they age and take care of their children. I wouldn't judge anyone though. I did also think it was possibly unfortunate when friends cohabited for 3+ years and then finally decided their partner wasn't going to marry them. By this time they were in their late 20's to 30's. Most of these friends haven't married and are now in their 40's and 50's. Maybe they are happy without children and a husband or maybe they still wish they had their 20's back to date more people instead of moving in with a guy they probably knew from the start was unlikely to marry them. They move in different circles from us now traveling and going out late so we don't see them much with kids but are happy they're enjoying life.

You're sure its the same? Please don't assume. Unless you have concrete numbers, don't guess. It's bad for the team. You suggest that it would be better to go through divorce after divorce than to live with someone longterm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

1. I grew up with married parents who despised each other and refused to divorce.
2. Every single married couple I know have a) divorced or b) are completely miserable, lonely and unfulfilled.
3. My relationship works without marriage. It's perfect as it is. Why change anything?
We are happy, monogomous and committed. He is my family.

I was in the same situation. And I agree, marriage won't change a damn thing between two people. And if it does, then those people weren't right for each other to begin with.

When we split up, it was REAL easy compared to our friends who have been divorced.

You must have no kids and few real assets. We have 4 million dollars and three teenagers. Married or not, there would be huge fights if we broke up.

Why would there be fights? If you are two mature adults, you cut the shit in half, agree to kids schedule, and move on.

So it sounds like divorce is good for immature adults.

You are very naive or you must not know that most divorces aren't democratic decisions, and that people don't always agree to "cut the shit in half" or agree to kids' schedules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You are really nosy. Yes. I have a will.
The house is in both of our names. That's our biggest asset. It'll go directly to him.
Everything else will go to my nephews.
That's the way we both want it.

You sure shut the naysayers up.

I think it is pretty clear to most that marriage is not required to be committed or raise a family. If you want to get married? Go for it and enjoy. But don't look down upon those that don't choose the same path.

I was with my ex for a long time, had children, and never married. We were as much as a family as anyone that was married.

Did your friends recognize the grieving process you went through when you split up with your ex, similar to the support they give friends who get divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So how is a legal system supposed to determine who's your partner, other than through a marriage or domestic partner registration?

Why does the legal system need to know who my partner is?

So your partner can visit you in the hospital, make medical decisions on your behalf and be the executor of your will. And oh yeah, receive your assets when you die. You must be very young and have little money.

This can be done without marriage. Proper agreements drafted, etc. You don't need marriage for your partner to do any of these things.

It's much easier to be married. Why do you think homosexuals want the right to be married?

Of course in the short run it is easier...but don't say it can't be done or that only married people have these options.

In the long run, divorce is a lot messier.

So, you don't marry, because you assume the relationship will end, and it's easier to end a cohabiting situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You are very naive or you must not know that most divorces aren't democratic decisions, and that people don't always agree to "cut the shit in half" or agree to kids' schedules.

I completely understand. And it strengthens my point. Divorce is needed for immature adults. The mature ones are the ones who can put feelings aside, split everything, and go their separate ways. It has been done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You are really nosy. Yes. I have a will.
The house is in both of our names. That's our biggest asset. It'll go directly to him.
Everything else will go to my nephews.
That's the way we both want it.

You sure shut the naysayers up.

I think it is pretty clear to most that marriage is not required to be committed or raise a family. If you want to get married? Go for it and enjoy. But don't look down upon those that don't choose the same path.

I was with my ex for a long time, had children, and never married. We were as much as a family as anyone that was married.

Did your friends recognize the grieving process you went through when you split up with your ex, similar to the support they give friends who get divorced?

Not that poster,but why wouldn't they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So, you don't marry, because you assume the relationship will end, and it's easier to end a cohabiting situation?

Personally I don't marry because I don't see the benefits of it. I am with a person because I want to be with them. I commit to them because I love them, not because I'm legally tied to them. The easy split is just a possible benefit if it comes to that.

Others want to marry and gain the benefits from that. That is their choice.

My opinion comes from they way I look at things. And in this situation I step back and say WHY do I need to get married? And there really aren't any reasons that make sense to me because marriage doesn't strengthen a commitment IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Did your friends recognize the grieving process you went through when you split up with your ex, similar to the support they give friends who get divorced?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Does the fact that some choose not to marry make your marriage somehow invalid? Why do you care exactly?
Do you feel that your marriage is threatened?
I could give a shit if you get married or not. Doesn't affect my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You are very naive or you must not know that most divorces aren't democratic decisions, and that people don't always agree to "cut the shit in half" or agree to kids' schedules.

I completely understand. And it strengthens my point. Divorce is needed for immature adults. The mature ones are the ones who can put feelings aside, split everything, and go their separate ways. It has been done.

This is an honest question, because I have zero friends in LTRs that aren't marriages. Do cohabiting adults feel like they are building an estate together, or are long term investments always separate?