Depressed over lifestyle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When dh and I got married he has an extremely lucrative job. Lost the job and now is making about 1/4 his salary from before. I also work ft. Hopes of him getting a better job are slim, maybe in the future. I nag him to apply and network. He resents me.

So, my first question to OP: Why the hell aren't you working a second job if you care so much about the money, you lazy nagging b*tch?

And my next question to OP: Maybe you think your standard of living will improve if you make your husband miserable, because if you think you can't "cut" it on $150K just wait until you're a single mom?!

What a crazy moron of a poster!!!

Did you miss that she's already working a first job? And he is not? Pray tell why does she have to pick up a second job?

Because she's the one who's "depressed" that their HHI is "only" $150. A lot of people on this chain agree that it's not exactly a "depressing" HHI, but I agree that it's all relative. Because she's saying that's a "depressing" HHI, then she should get off his b*tchy *ss and do something about it herself.

DH as I understand poster is working; OP just feels he's not quite working out because he can't control the job market.

[Anonymous]

I still don't understand where the money is going. With $150K HHI, your monthly take home should be around $7,500 I'm guessing, accounting for health insurance and some retirement savings. After $4,000 for mortgage and daycare, you're still left with $3,500. Where does that go? Are there other loans that you're paying off?

Also, if you're putting a lot of money away right now for your child's college savings, you could temporarily do away with that to afford having a second child. Then, as the kids "graduate" from daycare, divert that amount into their college accounts. You'll be accustomed to living without it anyway, and $1,500/month adds up quickly, especially with the power of compounding over the next 13 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you only have one child, if I were you, I'd move into a cheaper place thereby reducing the mortgage.

While our income didn't take a dramatic hit like your's did, I was sick of living with high expenses. We moved to a cheaper area with good schools. Explore your options. Your mortgage is probably your biggest expense. Don't know how old your child is, but once your DC hits K, you won't have to pay for childcare as much, just after school care. This was another big burden on us.

If you do move and have a cheaper mortgage, this may enable you to have a second child. However, I would seriously not do this as this will add more stress to you and your marriage.

Her mortgage is pretty damn good for this area

You can't rent a two bedroom in dc for that amount

Yes you can and without trying very hard. Next year, my child and I are moving to Chevy Chase on an income under 100K and renting a 2 bedroom for about $1600-1700. I am renting my 2bed DC condo about for less than that. I can find that price under $2400 easily in the District.

OP probably doesn't want to move because she's too busy keeping up with the Joneses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Do you really think that is why people don't want to hear it (because it is ugly and reflects badly on you)? I think in general people have trouble hearing things that are negative or bad. It makes them very uncomfortable.


Nah, I have friends who are going through some tough times. Cheating husband, death of 2 family members one month apart, loss of a job, child diagnosed with severe SN, and a health problem to name a few of the things my friends are going through. I have no problem listening to them, trying to help them through the tough times, and just hearing all the shit they are dealing with. If I had a friend vent to me how sad they were that their HHI is 150K, and that after saving for college, retirement, etc., they don't have enough money to go out to eat, I'd probably feel less of them considering another friend is realizing that retirement may never be possible considering her kid will never be independent and will require a lifetime of costly therapies, treatments, and medical devices that are not all covered by insurance. I would just have a hard time being empathetic to someone like OP when I have friends other friends who put her problems into perspective.

Is that nice of me? Well no, but it's honest.

Ok. The reason I asked is that I am having a really hard time right now because I am in the middle of a divorce (my husband cheated on me) and I feel like my sadness about it is driving friends away.

Some people believe that divorce is contagious. The sadness you're experiencing is totally normal during a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you only have one child, if I were you, I'd move into a cheaper place thereby reducing the mortgage.

While our income didn't take a dramatic hit like your's did, I was sick of living with high expenses. We moved to a cheaper area with good schools. Explore your options. Your mortgage is probably your biggest expense. Don't know how old your child is, but once your DC hits K, you won't have to pay for childcare as much, just after school care. This was another big burden on us.

If you do move and have a cheaper mortgage, this may enable you to have a second child. However, I would seriously not do this as this will add more stress to you and your marriage.

Her mortgage is pretty damn good for this area

You can't rent a two bedroom in dc for that amount

Yes you can and without trying very hard. Next year, my child and I are moving to Chevy Chase on an income under 100K and renting a 2 bedroom for about $1600-1700. I am renting my 2bed DC condo about for less than that. I can find that price under $2400 easily in the District.

OP probably doesn't want to move because she's too busy keeping up with the Joneses.

I've been looking for a two bedroom in dc for several months. Most are 2800 to 3500. A 2400 mortgage is very reasonable for this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you only have one child, if I were you, I'd move into a cheaper place thereby reducing the mortgage.

While our income didn't take a dramatic hit like your's did, I was sick of living with high expenses. We moved to a cheaper area with good schools. Explore your options. Your mortgage is probably your biggest expense. Don't know how old your child is, but once your DC hits K, you won't have to pay for childcare as much, just after school care. This was another big burden on us.

If you do move and have a cheaper mortgage, this may enable you to have a second child. However, I would seriously not do this as this will add more stress to you and your marriage.

Her mortgage is pretty damn good for this area

You can't rent a two bedroom in dc for that amount

Yes you can and without trying very hard. Next year, my child and I are moving to Chevy Chase on an income under 100K and renting a 2 bedroom for about $1600-1700. I am renting my 2bed DC condo about for less than that. I can find that price under $2400 easily in the District.

OP probably doesn't want to move because she's too busy keeping up with the Joneses.

Please tell me the address of these buildings where you can rent a two bedroom for 1600.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you only have one child, if I were you, I'd move into a cheaper place thereby reducing the mortgage.

While our income didn't take a dramatic hit like your's did, I was sick of living with high expenses. We moved to a cheaper area with good schools. Explore your options. Your mortgage is probably your biggest expense. Don't know how old your child is, but once your DC hits K, you won't have to pay for childcare as much, just after school care. This was another big burden on us.

If you do move and have a cheaper mortgage, this may enable you to have a second child. However, I would seriously not do this as this will add more stress to you and your marriage.

Her mortgage is pretty damn good for this area

You can't rent a two bedroom in dc for that amount

Yes you can and without trying very hard. Next year, my child and I are moving to Chevy Chase on an income under 100K and renting a 2 bedroom for about $1600-1700. I am renting my 2bed DC condo about for less than that. I can find that price under $2400 easily in the District.

OP probably doesn't want to move because she's too busy keeping up with the Joneses.

I've been looking for a two bedroom in dc for several months. Most are 2800 to 3500. A 2400 mortgage is very reasonable for this area.

Stop looking on Wisconsin Ave. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you only have one child, if I were you, I'd move into a cheaper place thereby reducing the mortgage.

While our income didn't take a dramatic hit like your's did, I was sick of living with high expenses. We moved to a cheaper area with good schools. Explore your options. Your mortgage is probably your biggest expense. Don't know how old your child is, but once your DC hits K, you won't have to pay for childcare as much, just after school care. This was another big burden on us.

If you do move and have a cheaper mortgage, this may enable you to have a second child. However, I would seriously not do this as this will add more stress to you and your marriage.

Her mortgage is pretty damn good for this area

You can't rent a two bedroom in dc for that amount

Yes you can and without trying very hard. Next year, my child and I are moving to Chevy Chase on an income under 100K and renting a 2 bedroom for about $1600-1700. I am renting my 2bed DC condo about for less than that. I can find that price under $2400 easily in the District.

OP probably doesn't want to move because she's too busy keeping up with the Joneses.

Please tell me the address of these buildings where you can rent a two bedroom for 1600.

http://www.apartmentguide.com/apartments/Maryland/Chevy-Chase/Barclay-~-Fairfax-Court/188901/

Took less than 1 minute to find. Very good school zone too.

[Anonymous]

My apologies for some of the nasty comments you've received.

I used to live in the DC area and know how expensive it can be. My advise to you would be to do the following:

1) Make a list of your priorities. What are the things that bring you the most happiness? How important is having a 2nd child?

2) Depending upon your answer to number 1 you may want to consider moving to a lower cost area. I did this and it changed my life. I blog about my experience leaving DC here:
http://bmorebungalow.blogspot.com/

3) Stop complaining. I know this is hard because sometimes it feels good to complain, but I promise it feels better to actually solve you problems, and complaining does not acheive this.

4) Start learning about ways to save money. I PROMISE there are many ways to save that you are currently not doing. You can refer to my blog for assistance with this. This will help you create room in the budget for going out if that's important to you.

5) Tell your husband you are sorry for nagging him and that you love him no matter how much he makes. Then keep a daily journal of small things you are thankful for. Your gratefulness will multiply and you will start to feel a lot better.

6) Stop comparing yourself to others. It doesn't matter what your friends have or are doing. What matters is your happiness.

Good luck And hang in there, it's not as bad as you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you only have one child, if I were you, I'd move into a cheaper place thereby reducing the mortgage.

While our income didn't take a dramatic hit like your's did, I was sick of living with high expenses. We moved to a cheaper area with good schools. Explore your options. Your mortgage is probably your biggest expense. Don't know how old your child is, but once your DC hits K, you won't have to pay for childcare as much, just after school care. This was another big burden on us.

If you do move and have a cheaper mortgage, this may enable you to have a second child. However, I would seriously not do this as this will add more stress to you and your marriage.

Her mortgage is pretty damn good for this area

You can't rent a two bedroom in dc for that amount

Yes you can and without trying very hard. Next year, my child and I are moving to Chevy Chase on an income under 100K and renting a 2 bedroom for about $1600-1700. I am renting my 2bed DC condo about for less than that. I can find that price under $2400 easily in the District.

OP probably doesn't want to move because she's too busy keeping up with the Joneses.

Please tell me the address of these buildings where you can rent a two bedroom for 1600.

Two bedroom for less than $1000. I am SO SICK of people saying you CAN'T live in DC for under a certain amount. Do you think janitors and home health aides and cashiers don't live in the city? You're wrong! They do!

http://www.wcsmith.com/Jetu-Apartments-Washington-DC

[Anonymous]

Yes, well, this woman claims she found the apartment for that amount in Chevy Chase. Not NE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When dh and I got married he has an extremely lucrative job. Lost the job and now is making about 1/4 his salary from before. I also work ft. Hopes of him getting a better job are slim, maybe in the future. I nag him to apply and network. He resents me. Our quality of life has just changed so much. We have no money to do anything fun like eat at a restaurant or take a weekend away. All our money goes to a reasonable mortgage and day care. Can't have a second kid because we can't afford 2 kids in daycare. Just depressed seeing all my other friends have more successful spouses, babies, trips, nice houses. Just depressed. I know it's pathetic and I need to be happy. But we went from a hhi of 400k to around 150k. All my expectations that we talk about, just an easier path, are poof. I sound terrible but I am just really sad. I am thankful for being able to still afford our house etc. but just so depressed. Vent over, go ahead an berate me.

Sucks to be you, another reason to never get married, guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is an attorney and lost his job when the legal market tanked.

Bwahah, thought you were getting over by marrying a lawyer, eh? Idiot.

[Anonymous]

I am the OP of another thread in this forum who right now cannot hardly afford to feed my children. Go cry in your cornflakes. "Can't go out or take nice trips". Wow. I would hate for you to know what it would be like to REALLY suffer.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry people are so cruel on here.

it is tough to go through a big change in your lifestyle, and the bazillions of people who make crazy incomes seem to disappear the moment you mention something like that.

i used to read a blog called Zen Habits a lot.

You do need to find ways to be joyful and re-envision your lifestyle around non-monetary stuff. find hobbies that enrich you and that provide an escape, and that you can do with your family, husband and friends. for me it is gardening and hiking, both involve the outdoors and are very low-cost. you can still invite your friends who are more successful to join you and they can enjoy themselves. also check out the michelle singletary books or the book Your money or your life. It can help you reframe your choices. We go super frugal on one or two areas to splurge in another.

we have a very modest income (150-200K) but friends who are very wealthy (1M-5M income) . it is tough, no matter how superficial that sounds.

the toughest part is friends who can accept you without crazy price tags and expensive outings.

we have had to make new friends. our oldest and dearest friends could care less, but most of them are not here.

we also try to imagine that the future will hold other things, try to enjoy the present. you only live once.

hope some of that helps.