Depressed over lifestyle

[Anonymous]

I understand where OP is coming from.

We are a family of 4 on 75K. I guess my life has had some financial ups and downs - was lower working class growing up, made it through college, have been OK ever since, while working and am now SAHM.

While I was in college, my dad's small business took off when he got some pretty big contracts - for a few years he was making 300-400k. Of course the first thing my mom wanted to to was spend it - vacations, upgrade the house, plastic surgery, making sure my youngest sister had all the latest stuff, going to salons, eating out almost every d*** day. Needless to say, this money did them no good once the contracts were finished. When my mom found out that the contracts would not be renewed, she pretty much freaked out. She makes about 40k. (she is an RN, could be making more but chose a less lucrative School Nurse path so she could have easier hours) Anyway, as soon as it became clear that the big money was over, my mom pretty much made it clear that there was NO WAY she was going to stick around and support her loser husband. The divorce happened pretty quickly after the contracts were done. They sold the house but didn't take away that much because they'd actually taken out HELOCS to pay for improvements(!) She has def. had a tough time downsizing and is now dating a sketchy rich guy who takes her out to dinner several times a week. (She's still in the red every month.)

The takeaway: For richer or for poorer, right? If you want it, go and get it yourself.

For my family, we are doing OK on 75k and have a lot to be happy about, we also know that DH is really just starting out in his career, and if we are able to live well on 75k, then anything extra is a bonus that should be carefully managed. I hope I am able to keep this discipline up once I return to work.

OP I hope you are able to push through this and still love your husband.

[Anonymous]

I wish I knew you, because you sound like a genuine, honest but thoughtful person. I agree with this post. I've noticed in listening to people talk about other people that there's this weird sort of game where people do in fact look down on others if they don't live the same standard of living but they look down on them even more if they don't live the same standard of living and aren't happy about it. It's bizarre and backwards.

I feel like everyone around me is faux enlightened, maybe even on these forums. They talk the talk about not envying others or not keeping up with the joneses or not caring about what other people have. But they have very strong ideas about standard of living and DEFINITELY look down on people who don't make a certain amount of money or who don't live a certain style of life. And of course, even if you are struggling, you're not allowed to notice when other people aren't.

There's like this put up and shut up attitude when it comes to people who are truly middle class.

Whenever I drill down, I realize that many of these "enlightened" people are actually elitist. They mouth empathetic words, but deep down, they kind of feel like they deserve their personal trainer, but for whatever reason, you don't or you just didn't make the right choices.

I honestly don't know one person who is like this. I am not saying you are not being honest, just that I am very glad that I run in different circles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't have more than one child because your HHI is $150,000? That is just a sad way of thinking. You need to move out of DC to gain some perspective on how people lead happy lives with more children and far less money.

different poster, but yeah 150k in DC is not the same as 150k in other places. Housing costs, food, etc are so much more expensive here. My mortgage back home was half of what it was here and that's because back home $150k could get you a really nice home in the suburbs. The cost of living is a major downfall of this area, add in a daycare bill and it can be a real struggle to live here. I don't think the incomes here really make up for the cost of living personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand where OP is coming from.

We are a family of 4 on 75K. I guess my life has had some financial ups and downs - was lower working class growing up, made it through college, have been OK ever since, while working and am now SAHM.

While I was in college, my dad's small business took off when he got some pretty big contracts - for a few years he was making 300-400k. Of course the first thing my mom wanted to to was spend it - vacations, upgrade the house, plastic surgery, making sure my youngest sister had all the latest stuff, going to salons, eating out almost every d*** day. Needless to say, this money did them no good once the contracts were finished. When my mom found out that the contracts would not be renewed, she pretty much freaked out. She makes about 40k. (she is an RN, could be making more but chose a less lucrative School Nurse path so she could have easier hours) Anyway, as soon as it became clear that the big money was over, my mom pretty much made it clear that there was NO WAY she was going to stick around and support her loser husband. The divorce happened pretty quickly after the contracts were done. They sold the house but didn't take away that much because they'd actually taken out HELOCS to pay for improvements(!) She has def. had a tough time downsizing and is now dating a sketchy rich guy who takes her out to dinner several times a week. (She's still in the red every month.)

The takeaway: For richer or for poorer, right? If you want it, go and get it yourself.

For my family, we are doing OK on 75k and have a lot to be happy about, we also know that DH is really just starting out in his career, and if we are able to live well on 75k, then anything extra is a bonus that should be carefully managed. I hope I am able to keep this discipline up once I return to work.

OP I hope you are able to push through this and still love your husband.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I wish I knew you, because you sound like a genuine, honest but thoughtful person. I agree with this post. I've noticed in listening to people talk about other people that there's this weird sort of game where people do in fact look down on others if they don't live the same standard of living but they look down on them even more if they don't live the same standard of living and aren't happy about it. It's bizarre and backwards.

I feel like everyone around me is faux enlightened, maybe even on these forums. They talk the talk about not envying others or not keeping up with the joneses or not caring about what other people have. But they have very strong ideas about standard of living and DEFINITELY look down on people who don't make a certain amount of money or who don't live a certain style of life. And of course, even if you are struggling, you're not allowed to notice when other people aren't.

There's like this put up and shut up attitude when it comes to people who are truly middle class.

Whenever I drill down, I realize that many of these "enlightened" people are actually elitist. They mouth empathetic words, but deep down, they kind of feel like they deserve their personal trainer, but for whatever reason, you don't or you just didn't make the right choices.

I honestly don't know one person who is like this. I am not saying you are not being honest, just that I am very glad that I run in different circles.

I know lots of people like this and feel for the PP who wrote the post your quoting.

You don't run in different circles. You run in the same circles except you have the luxury of not being me or the PP you are quoting so you never have to notice if this happens or not. Be thankful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand where OP is coming from.

We are a family of 4 on 75K. I guess my life has had some financial ups and downs - was lower working class growing up, made it through college, have been OK ever since, while working and am now SAHM.

While I was in college, my dad's small business took off when he got some pretty big contracts - for a few years he was making 300-400k. Of course the first thing my mom wanted to to was spend it - vacations, upgrade the house, plastic surgery, making sure my youngest sister had all the latest stuff, going to salons, eating out almost every d*** day. Needless to say, this money did them no good once the contracts were finished. When my mom found out that the contracts would not be renewed, she pretty much freaked out. She makes about 40k. (she is an RN, could be making more but chose a less lucrative School Nurse path so she could have easier hours) Anyway, as soon as it became clear that the big money was over, my mom pretty much made it clear that there was NO WAY she was going to stick around and support her loser husband. The divorce happened pretty quickly after the contracts were done. They sold the house but didn't take away that much because they'd actually taken out HELOCS to pay for improvements(!) She has def. had a tough time downsizing and is now dating a sketchy rich guy who takes her out to dinner several times a week. (She's still in the red every month.)

The takeaway: For richer or for poorer, right? If you want it, go and get it yourself.

For my family, we are doing OK on 75k and have a lot to be happy about, we also know that DH is really just starting out in his career, and if we are able to live well on 75k, then anything extra is a bonus that should be carefully managed. I hope I am able to keep this discipline up once I return to work.

OP I hope you are able to push through this and still love your husband.

Small business is a gamble

[Anonymous]

You run in the same circles except you have the luxury of not being me or the PP you are quoting so you never have to notice if this happens or not. Be thankful.

That's not the case at all - I'm divorced with 2 kids and make $75Ka year, no child support. But the people I hang out with are genuinely good people who don't act that way. I don't choose to associate with people who are snobby/fake except to the extent necessary to tolerate them in a work situation or whatever, and in that context, I don't care what they think.

[Anonymous]

OP, please try to have a different perspective here.

Blessings come in different forms and the fact that your family is making six figures is still good.

Also, be thankful for what you do have.

Excellent health. Each other. Love. A roof over your head. Groceries in the house. Reliable transportation. College fund for your child. Peace of mind for old age.

Trust me.
There is ALWAYS someone out there who has it much worse out there.

Yes, even here. In the United States of America.

[Anonymous]

at $150K, you can't really say that you can't afford a second child. You just need to get creative and prioritize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When dh and I got married he has an extremely lucrative job. Lost the job and now is making about 1/4 his salary from before. I also work ft. Hopes of him getting a better job are slim, maybe in the future. I nag him to apply and network. He resents me.

So, my first question to OP: Why the hell aren't you working a second job if you care so much about the money, you lazy nagging b*tch?

And my next question to OP: Maybe you think your standard of living will improve if you make your husband miserable, because if you think you can't "cut" it on $150K just wait until you're a single mom?!

What a crazy moron of a poster!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When dh and I got married he has an extremely lucrative job. Lost the job and now is making about 1/4 his salary from before. I also work ft. Hopes of him getting a better job are slim, maybe in the future. I nag him to apply and network. He resents me.

So, my first question to OP: Why the hell aren't you working a second job if you care so much about the money, you lazy nagging b*tch?

And my next question to OP: Maybe you think your standard of living will improve if you make your husband miserable, because if you think you can't "cut" it on $150K just wait until you're a single mom?!

What a crazy moron of a poster!!!

Did you miss that she's already working a first job? And he is not? Pray tell why does she have to pick up a second job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now, all that said, I hope you think about the bigger picture here. Please, OP, encourage your daughter not to rely on her SES status and HHI to be soley the result of her husband's career and income. That is a very dangerous trap that women have fallen into for generations. That is why women usually end up with the proverbial short end of the stick in a divorce. It is why I would never be content as a full time SAHM. I grew up in a home with two married conventional parents. My mom, while an ivy league grad, stayed home once my brother and I were born and my dad was in charge of all their finances. Frankly, now that they are elderly, I dont think my mom has clue what their personal finances look like. That scares the crap out of me. I will not be that wife, that mom, that woman. Its the bigger picture here in my mind, OP.

+1

Your mother, ivy league educated, was a DUMBASS.

You shouldn't say that about someone's mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When dh and I got married he has an extremely lucrative job. Lost the job and now is making about 1/4 his salary from before. I also work ft. Hopes of him getting a better job are slim, maybe in the future. I nag him to apply and network. He resents me.

So, my first question to OP: Why the hell aren't you working a second job if you care so much about the money, you lazy nagging b*tch?

And my next question to OP: Maybe you think your standard of living will improve if you make your husband miserable, because if you think you can't "cut" it on $150K just wait until you're a single mom?!

What a crazy moron of a poster!!!

Did you miss that she's already working a first job? And he is not? Pray tell why does she have to pick up a second job?

No--the husband is working. He's just making less money. They both have first jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand where OP is coming from.

We are a family of 4 on 75K. I guess my life has had some financial ups and downs - was lower working class growing up, made it through college, have been OK ever since, while working and am now SAHM.

While I was in college, my dad's small business took off when he got some pretty big contracts - for a few years he was making 300-400k. Of course the first thing my mom wanted to to was spend it - vacations, upgrade the house, plastic surgery, making sure my youngest sister had all the latest stuff, going to salons, eating out almost every d*** day. Needless to say, this money did them no good once the contracts were finished. When my mom found out that the contracts would not be renewed, she pretty much freaked out. She makes about 40k. (she is an RN, could be making more but chose a less lucrative School Nurse path so she could have easier hours) Anyway, as soon as it became clear that the big money was over, my mom pretty much made it clear that there was NO WAY she was going to stick around and support her loser husband. The divorce happened pretty quickly after the contracts were done. They sold the house but didn't take away that much because they'd actually taken out HELOCS to pay for improvements(!) She has def. had a tough time downsizing and is now dating a sketchy rich guy who takes her out to dinner several times a week. (She's still in the red every month.)

The takeaway: For richer or for poorer, right? If you want it, go and get it yourself.

For my family, we are doing OK on 75k and have a lot to be happy about, we also know that DH is really just starting out in his career, and if we are able to live well on 75k, then anything extra is a bonus that should be carefully managed. I hope I am able to keep this discipline up once I return to work.

OP I hope you are able to push through this and still love your husband.

Small business is a gamble

Agreed! Especially in this country with it's health care/insurance costs. It's too risky for most people to start a small business unless one is VERY well capitalized - and difficult to scale back lifestyle if things go south.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I understand how you feel. I'm sure I would feel the same. People can be so self-righteous with their comments. I think in order to move on you have to accept (even mourn) that the life you thought you would have (at least financially) is over. Then focus on moving forward with the life you have now. Definitely talk to a financial planner who can help restructure your savings and retirement goals given your new reality. I also think moving is not a bad idea- start over somewhere a lot less expensive without all the pressures inherent in living in DC. Has your husband reached out to his law school's career services office for help and advice? They might know of other opportunities both in and out of DC.

So many thrift store shoppers and coupon clippers and unwaxed women come out of the woodworks for posts like these. Martyr central.

^^^ I want to be friends w/ unwaxed women commenter. So freaking funny...^^^