Depressed over lifestyle

[Anonymous]

OP, I think what you are asking is how to be happy, right? Thing is others can't tell you! You know the money is adequate and you are secure. Would making another kid make you happier? Having more friends? Time for vacations and outings? You can make these happen! It just depends on how important these are to you. My suggestion is to move to a better market for your husband or yourself, have the second kid, and find friends and over activities to occupy you.

[Anonymous]

PP here: I have to wonder though if you are just a wee depressed because of other reasons. Have you had a physical? Sleeping and eating well? Exercise?

[Anonymous]

I kind of relate... on the feeling sad n relative deprivation part.
Ironically I made the most among my friends starting out from grad school. 110k when others were at 35 50 60. Five years later the gap was smaller but still there. But Then I married someone who made 65k while my ftiends married In the 130-200 range, and going up. Five more years later I look around and their lifestyle shot up, all live in nice areas with nice houses. My dh's salary is still at 85k and i can't afford to sahm. We don't even have our long term good school district house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is an attorney and lost his job when the legal market tanked. Our mortgage is 2400 per month and day care is 1500(find me something cheaper I beg you. Does not exist). After saving for retirement and college and paying bills and groceries we have no discretionary money. I am just sad at my reality. I am fully aware it's fine but it's not at all what I imagined. Disappointment

We have never paid that much for a single child in daycare and have had excellent caretakers. It's out there. At any rate, how about focusing on when you are finished with the daycare payment? Then you will have another $1k per month to play with (I am figuring you will need before/after care). Or then you could afford a second. What about finding a way to bring in more money? Side gigs? Can you make more? Not that $150k is anything to sneeze at, but who says it has to be permanent?

[Anonymous]

Op I bring in less than half that. Stop nagging your husband. Give him a blowjob and be quiet about having a lower six figure salary than you used to. In richer or poorer, remember?

[Anonymous]

Why don't you get a higher paying job and stop berating him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is an attorney and lost his job when the legal market tanked. Our mortgage is 2400 per month and day care is 1500(find me something cheaper I beg you. Does not exist). After saving for retirement and college and paying bills and groceries we have no discretionary money. I am just sad at my reality. I am fully aware it's fine but it's not at all what I imagined. Disappointment

We have never paid that much for a single child in daycare and have had excellent caretakers. It's out there. At any rate, how about focusing on when you are finished with the daycare payment? Then you will have another $1k per month to play with (I am figuring you will need before/after care). Or then you could afford a second. What about finding a way to bring in more money? Side gigs? Can you make more? Not that $150k is anything to sneeze at, but who says it has to be permanent?

Where do you live? My children went to a home daycare and even then it was $1200/mo and that was a bargain. I lucked out and found her after going to no less than 15 home daycares that were complete disasters. I had to get my 2nd child on her wait list the day I found out I was pregnant. She runs a year wait. This is Arlington.

[Anonymous]

I think moving would help immensely. Some place where the cost of housing and childcare is cheaper. And then you will be able to afford things like vacations. Also starting some place new is probably better because you won't be reminded of your "other" lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Since you only have one child, if I were you, I'd move into a cheaper place thereby reducing the mortgage.

While our income didn't take a dramatic hit like your's did, I was sick of living with high expenses. We moved to a cheaper area with good schools. Explore your options. Your mortgage is probably your biggest expense. Don't know how old your child is, but once your DC hits K, you won't have to pay for childcare as much, just after school care. This was another big burden on us.

If you do move and have a cheaper mortgage, this may enable you to have a second child. However, I would seriously not do this as this will add more stress to you and your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop saving so much for college and retirement. You shouldn't be saving at the expense of your mental health, your well-being, your family, and and your marriage. A fully funded college and retirement are not worth that cost. You need to enjoy the life you have now. You have no idea how life will unfold, live the life you have rather than sacrificing it for the life you might have 30 years from now.

We have a lower HHI than you, and more kids and have a great life and lifestyle. You have options to live life differently. Your choices shouldn't be dragging you down.

Thirty or forty years from now, this posters' kids will be unable to save for their own retirement bc they will be supporting their elderly,parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is an attorney and lost his job when the legal market tanked. Our mortgage is 2400 per month and day care is 1500(find me something cheaper I beg you. Does not exist). After saving for retirement and college and paying bills and groceries we have no discretionary money. I am just sad at my reality. I am fully aware it's fine but it's not at all what I imagined. Disappointment

We have never paid that much for a single child in daycare and have had excellent caretakers. It's out there. At any rate, how about focusing on when you are finished with the daycare payment? Then you will have another $1k per month to play with (I am figuring you will need before/after care). Or then you could afford a second. What about finding a way to bring in more money? Side gigs? Can you make more? Not that $150k is anything to sneeze at, but who says it has to be permanent?

Where do you live? My children went to a home daycare and even then it was $1200/mo and that was a bargain. I lucked out and found her after going to no less than 15 home daycares that were complete disasters. I had to get my 2nd child on her wait list the day I found out I was pregnant. She runs a year wait. This is Arlington.

Silver Spring - close in but not downtown. In home daycares run about $250/wk, and centers run about $1200-1300 for toddlers/preschoolers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you only have one child, if I were you, I'd move into a cheaper place thereby reducing the mortgage.

While our income didn't take a dramatic hit like your's did, I was sick of living with high expenses. We moved to a cheaper area with good schools. Explore your options. Your mortgage is probably your biggest expense. Don't know how old your child is, but once your DC hits K, you won't have to pay for childcare as much, just after school care. This was another big burden on us.

If you do move and have a cheaper mortgage, this may enable you to have a second child. However, I would seriously not do this as this will add more stress to you and your marriage.

Her mortgage is pretty damn good for this area

You can't rent a two bedroom in dc for that amount

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is an attorney and lost his job when the legal market tanked. Our mortgage is 2400 per month and day care is 1500(find me something cheaper I beg you. Does not exist). After saving for retirement and college and paying bills and groceries we have no discretionary money. I am just sad at my reality. I am fully aware it's fine but it's not at all what I imagined. Disappointment

I'm a little confused at your math. I'm a single mom. I'm making $120K. I'm paying about what you're paying for mortgage and daycare. I'm saving $4K a year for son's college but much much less for my own retirement. When DS is 10, I plan to invert that and save more like $4K for my retirement and put aside more like $2K for his college, assuming things are still financially as they are now. Things are tight, but by no means terrible. We go out to eat about two times a week; I am able to have wonderful birthdays with him and buy him the presents I want to buy him; we are planning a vacation to Luray Caves and maybe another to Baltimore this summer... I don't seem to be as angry or resentful as you, and I just wonder what else is going on with your money. I drive an old late model cheapo but reliable car, so low insurance and no car payment. I don't have cable and have a boring cheapo phone ($35+ taxes a month). I keep our thermostat really low and buy some of my clothes at Goodwill.

I also have looked into the afterschool care and it's A LOT less, so I am optimistic in 2 years that maybe things will ease up (as I won't be paying for daycare.)

I'm honestly not trying to sound mean, but I am truly confused by why you'd be so upset at your finances...

[Anonymous]

OP, if you're not some psycho troll, I'll chime in that my HHI is 130k and my husband and I are planning on having a second baby soon. We eat out once a week and find other ways to have fun. You have a warped perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you're not some psycho troll, I'll chime in that my HHI is 130k and my husband and I are planning on having a second baby soon. We eat out once a week and find other ways to have fun. You have a warped perspective.

Um, I make the same as OP as well, but purchased my house pre bubble for 187K. Yea, I eat out too. Not everyone is the same.

Good for you, do you want a cookie?