spin-off! What is so awful about attending school with exclusively upper middle class kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What is so awful about attending school with exclusively upper middle class kids?

When "diversity in schools" stops being the same thing as "less than great schools", I'll embrace it. Until then, no thanks.

For us who maybe don't live in such a great school district - "less than great school" might actually be an issue. Or maybe my kid has special learning needs that make a public school a terrible fit. Or whatever the reason. The question still remains ....

So is it really so awful that my kid attends a "school with exclusively upper middle class kids"?

Not the pp you quoted. My staunch answer is "No." As long as you teach your children that all people are equal regardless of their race, religion, ethnicity, or financial means. Poor people aren't bad and rich people aren't good. Get them involved in community service and charity early. If the school is a good fit for your child and provides the level of education you're happy with, then go there. There's no need to bend over backwards to eschew private school so your little one will become a "good person." There are lots of crappy, mean-spirited people from all income levels. Think about it. Did you turn out exactly like your other classmates, or are you more a product of what your parents taught you at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of people who don't want to have a diverse personal life and expect the school to take care of diversity for them.

Sad.

If your personal life is diverse you can actually pick a school based on what is best for your child academically.

I think this may hold true for when your kids are in the early school years and you can wield more influence over who their friends are, but as they get older, your social circle will do less to determine who they hang out with and they are left with school as the major source of their social circle. They may have some friends from other sources, but the fact of the matter is that they will be spending most of their time with the other people at their school.

Actually right now - their social circle completely dominates my social circle - I am basically only friends with parents of their friends.

[Anonymous]

"Actually right now - their social circle completely dominates my social circle - I am basically only friends with parents of their friends. "

Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Actually right now - their social circle completely dominates my social circle - I am basically only friends with parents of their friends. "

Weird.

Really - is that weird. Who do you hang with friends from college and high school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What is so awful about attending school with exclusively upper middle class kids?

When "diversity in schools" stops being the same thing as "less than great schools", I'll embrace it. Until then, no thanks.

For us who maybe don't live in such a great school district - "less than great school" might actually be an issue. Or maybe my kid has special learning needs that make a public school a terrible fit. Or whatever the reason. The question still remains ....

So is it really so awful that my kid attends a "school with exclusively upper middle class kids"?

Not the pp you quoted. My staunch answer is "No." As long as you teach your children that all people are equal regardless of their race, religion, ethnicity, or financial means. Poor people aren't bad and rich people aren't good. Get them involved in community service and charity early. If the school is a good fit for your child and provides the level of education you're happy with, then go there. There's no need to bend over backwards to eschew private school so your little one will become a "good person." There are lots of crappy, mean-spirited people from all income levels. Think about it. Did you turn out exactly like your other classmates, or are you more a product of what your parents taught you at home?

It just sounds like from many posts that people want the schools to teach diversity instead of the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My post ended up in the middle of the quote....

Out of school, you only hung out with middle class black kids?

I'm the PP you're asking, and the answer to your question is yes. That is primarily who I felt the most comfortable with, so if I hadn't had the chance to have (sometimes forced) interactions with other types of kids at school, that would have been my entire experience growing up.

So I imagine your circle of friends may be different now - and therefore - your children's experience different. Maybe not -- just asking -- don't you think your kids will get alot of diversity in their personal lives and the need for it at school may be less.

Well, yes, I do have a more diverse circle of friends now (although not socioeconomically), but then again, my parents had a diverse circle of friends (I'm actually bi-racial) and I grew up in a diverse neighborhood. Yet, during that middle school and high school period where all you want to do is find somewhere to fit it, I gravitated toward people who were the most like me. If I had gone to a school of mostly black middle class kids, I don't know where I would have had the chance to have much interaction with people from different backgrounds. Maybe my kids will have a similar experience, maybe they won't - but I do find that there's value in giving them the opportunity to interact with a wider variety of people than might be present within my own social circle or our neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Actually right now - their social circle completely dominates my social circle - I am basically only friends with parents of their friends. "

Weird.

Really - is that weird. Who do you hang with friends from college and high school?

Yes, and friends I met in the first grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Actually right now - their social circle completely dominates my social circle - I am basically only friends with parents of their friends. "

Weird.

Really - is that weird. Who do you hang with friends from college and high school?

Yes, and friends I met in the first grade.

So you were born and raised here and stayed here your whole life. Didn't realize DC had people like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Actually right now - their social circle completely dominates my social circle - I am basically only friends with parents of their friends. "

Weird.

Really - is that weird. Who do you hang with friends from college and high school?

Yes, and friends I met in the first grade.

Wow! Most my friends from HS/college are spread all over the country. Now my friends are neighbors, parents of my kids friends (that I spend hours sitting next to at practices/games), 1 friend from grade school, coaches, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My post ended up in the middle of the quote....

Out of school, you only hung out with middle class black kids?

I'm the PP you're asking, and the answer to your question is yes. That is primarily who I felt the most comfortable with, so if I hadn't had the chance to have (sometimes forced) interactions with other types of kids at school, that would have been my entire experience growing up.

So I imagine your circle of friends may be different now - and therefore - your children's experience different. Maybe not -- just asking -- don't you think your kids will get alot of diversity in their personal lives and the need for it at school may be less.

Well, yes, I do have a more diverse circle of friends now (although not socioeconomically), but then again, my parents had a diverse circle of friends (I'm actually bi-racial) and I grew up in a diverse neighborhood. Yet, during that middle school and high school period where all you want to do is find somewhere to fit it, I gravitated toward people who were the most like me. If I had gone to a school of mostly black middle class kids, I don't know where I would have had the chance to have much interaction with people from different backgrounds. Maybe my kids will have a similar experience, maybe they won't - but I do find that there's value in giving them the opportunity to interact with a wider variety of people than might be present within my own social circle or our neighborhood.[/quote]

I agree - just not in a situation where socioeconomically that happens in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What is so awful about attending school with exclusively upper middle class kids?

When "diversity in schools" stops being the same thing as "less than great schools", I'll embrace it. Until then, no thanks.

For us who maybe don't live in such a great school district - "less than great school" might actually be an issue. Or maybe my kid has special learning needs that make a public school a terrible fit. Or whatever the reason. The question still remains ....

So is it really so awful that my kid attends a "school with exclusively upper middle class kids"?

Not the pp you quoted. My staunch answer is "No." As long as you teach your children that all people are equal regardless of their race, religion, ethnicity, or financial means. Poor people aren't bad and rich people aren't good. Get them involved in community service and charity early. If the school is a good fit for your child and provides the level of education you're happy with, then go there. There's no need to bend over backwards to eschew private school so your little one will become a "good person." There are lots of crappy, mean-spirited people from all income levels. Think about it. Did you turn out exactly like your other classmates, or are you more a product of what your parents taught you at home?

It just sounds like from many posts that people want the schools to teach diversity instead of the parents.

Sounds like that to me, too. It's the school's job to provide a nurturing environment where children can learn, to educate them, and to stimulate creativity, not to teach them how to be good people. When you meet a group of entitled jerks, it's not because of the school, it's because their parents decided that the child/teen's behaviour was acceptable and didn't bother to correct it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What is so awful about attending school with exclusively upper middle class kids?

When "diversity in schools" stops being the same thing as "less than great schools", I'll embrace it. Until then, no thanks.

For us who maybe don't live in such a great school district - "less than great school" might actually be an issue. Or maybe my kid has special learning needs that make a public school a terrible fit. Or whatever the reason. The question still remains ....

So is it really so awful that my kid attends a "school with exclusively upper middle class kids"?

Not the pp you quoted. My staunch answer is "No." As long as you teach your children that all people are equal regardless of their race, religion, ethnicity, or financial means. Poor people aren't bad and rich people aren't good. Get them involved in community service and charity early. If the school is a good fit for your child and provides the level of education you're happy with, then go there. There's no need to bend over backwards to eschew private school so your little one will become a "good person." There are lots of crappy, mean-spirited people from all income levels. Think about it. Did you turn out exactly like your other classmates, or are you more a product of what your parents taught you at home?

It just sounds like from many posts that people want the schools to teach diversity instead of the parents.

I don't want the school to "teach" diversity, as it's not something that can really be taught. It's something that needs to be experienced. If everyone my kids go to school with is just like them, the school (and I as a parent) can "teach" diversity all I want, but it's not going to go as far in getting them comfortable around all sorts of people as actually attending school with all sorts of people will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What is so awful about attending school with exclusively upper middle class kids?

When "diversity in schools" stops being the same thing as "less than great schools", I'll embrace it. Until then, no thanks.

For us who maybe don't live in such a great school district - "less than great school" might actually be an issue. Or maybe my kid has special learning needs that make a public school a terrible fit. Or whatever the reason. The question still remains ....

So is it really so awful that my kid attends a "school with exclusively upper middle class kids"?

Not the pp you quoted. My staunch answer is "No." As long as you teach your children that all people are equal regardless of their race, religion, ethnicity, or financial means. Poor people aren't bad and rich people aren't good. Get them involved in community service and charity early. If the school is a good fit for your child and provides the level of education you're happy with, then go there. There's no need to bend over backwards to eschew private school so your little one will become a "good person." There are lots of crappy, mean-spirited people from all income levels. Think about it. Did you turn out exactly like your other classmates, or are you more a product of what your parents taught you at home?

It just sounds like from many posts that people want the schools to teach diversity instead of the parents.

I don't want the school to "teach" diversity, as it's not something that can really be taught. It's something that needs to be experienced. If everyone my kids go to school with is just like them, the school (and I as a parent) can "teach" diversity all I want, but it's not going to go as far in getting them comfortable around all sorts of people as actually attending school with all sorts of people will.

Not true. A visit to any racially diverse school's cafeteria will show you that this doesn't happen. Children/teens gravitate towards others "like them." Did you attend college in the US? Did you befriend people of varied cultures, races, nationalities? If so, then there's a great way to teach your children about being comfortable with others who don't look like them. Visit your friends or have them visit you. Privates aren't 100% white. Go out of your way to befriend students who aren't white (sorry, but I'm making an assumption that you are white). Invite them and their families over. Sometimes all it takes is one or two good friends from a particular race, ethnicity, or religion to help you accept the entire group. You can learn to be comfortable around a variety of people, just start with the people at your child's school, in your neighborhood (again, even upper NW isn't 100% white).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not true. A visit to any racially diverse school's cafeteria will show you that this doesn't happen. Children/teens gravitate towards others "like them." Did you attend college in the US? Did you befriend people of varied cultures, races, nationalities? If so, then there's a great way to teach your children about being comfortable with others who don't look like them. Visit your friends or have them visit you. Privates aren't 100% white. Go out of your way to befriend students who aren't white (sorry, but I'm making an assumption that you are white). Invite them and their families over. Sometimes all it takes is one or two good friends from a particular race, ethnicity, or religion to help you accept the entire group. You can learn to be comfortable around a variety of people, just start with the people at your child's school, in your neighborhood (again, even upper NW isn't 100% white).

Honestly, it's hard to know where to start here. In a racially diverse school, kids share classes with kids who are different from them, even if the cafeteria will look somewhat (not entirely) segregated. There is a great deal of exposure to low-SES kids in diverse schools. In fact, many kids will have at least a few low-SES friends, even if they don't cross over to different cliques in the cafeteria.

Then after arguing that everybody self-segregates, this PP comes up with the counter-intuitive recommendation that we all reconnect with the minority friends from our college days that the PP says we never had, so that ... I guess our kids can meet the kids of these re-established minority friends the PP says we never had in the first place? Finally, it's been pointed out many times here and elsewhere that minorities at DC private schools are upper middle or upper class -- this isn't real socio-economic diversity.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to know if the posters claiming "diverse schools don't teach diversity, instead you should make some token minority friends for the purpose of inviting them to dinner so your kids can see them" are naive, or self-deluding. I want to think naive, but some of this seems so willfully blinkered and calculating.

As some PPs have said, send your kids to private school for small classes and a good education. But don't think that they will be exposed to real SES diversity there, of the sort they would get (yes, it's true despite the specious arguments about cafeterias) in a truly diverse school.