spin-off! What is so awful about attending school with exclusively upper middle class kids?

[Anonymous]

My post ended up in the middle of the quote....

Out of school, you only hung out with middle class black kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that for some college/grad school is their first time interacting with people from varied racial and socioeconomic backgrounds. I am Black, from an impoverished background, am the first to go past high school in my family and graduated from a top 20 law school. I experienced so many of those kids from 'the bubbles' in law school. Where do you summer? It took me a while to figure this out...uh everyone does not "summer"...I work during summers to pay for my education. Financial aid office like what is that, my parents always write a check. My dad golfs with the partner at the firm so I don't even have to interview. Questions like do you and your brother have the same father. Seriously. Basically early on the upper class identified each other based on the boarding school and private school connections they had and stuck together. We just really had nothing in common. This also applied to my fellow black students also that were mainly from well to do families and schools. The uber wealthy black students separated themselves also. And that is not to say that all were like this. I made some really great friends in law school that were from uber wealthy families and for some reason they knew how to relate to people from all backgrounds, did not constantly refer to lifestyle topics related to their wealth, you would have no idea they were wealthy by material things and were really down to earth. I do not know what was different about their upbringing but they were just amazing human beings who seemed to be aware of the gifts they had been given and seemed grateful but not caught up in it. They were genuinely interested in getting to know who I was and what my experience was yet I was not their first black experience. These were rare people to find amongst this group but they did exist. The funny thing is most of the uber wealthy folks I was friends with did not even go on to be lawyers, they followed a passion of theirs in the arts or non-profit world...law school was just something to please the parents.
As I am now a parent who can afford to send my children to most private schools, I am struggling with the decision of where to send them to school and this topic is one of the reasons. Do I move from my lower middle class neighborhood (still in my first home) now that I can afford a neighborhood with much better public schools? Do I stay where I am and send them to private and save on the higher housing cost yet retain the socioeconomic and cultural diversity within our current neighborhood though that may be lacking in the private school?
Not sure what I will decide just yet, however what I do know is that I do not want to raise a child that was raised in a bubble like many that I ran into in the college/law school years.

The "where did you summer" type isn't that way because they're rich. It's because they're socially lazy jerks who weren't brought up properly. I grew up in a gilded bubble and I've gotta tell you, it's not as opaque as people think. I would've had to not read a single book, never watched television, or a single movie for the first 18 years of my life for me not to know that everyone didn't grow up the way I did. The snobby types know how other people live, but rather than taking the time to get to know someone, it's easier to just ask a few poignant and, in my opinion, rude questions so they can quickly sort out who they want to get to know better.

You can send your children to private school and still have well rounded individuals by the time they're sent off to college. My parents made sure I knew that we were privileged without taking me to soup kitchens. Some examples, as a child, my toys were never stored or thrown away. I helped my mother pack them so they could be taken to organizations that helped poor families. I had an amazing West Indian woman who took helped to care for me, and with her help, we sent all my clothes to children in her country who were very poor. I remember being excited to find out if they liked what we sent. I was encouraged to give to charities very early in my life. In short, it's up to the parents to instill good values in their children well before they're sent off to school. Otherwise, it doesn't matter where you send them, they won't grow up to be the considerate, thoughtful adults you want them to be.

[Anonymous]

"You can send your children to private school and still have well rounded individuals by the time they're sent off to college. My parents made sure I knew that we were privileged without taking me to soup kitchens. Some examples, as a child, my toys were never stored or thrown away. I helped my mother pack them so they could be taken to organizations that helped poor families. I had an amazing West Indian woman who took helped to care for me, and with her help, we sent all my clothes to children in her country who were very poor. I remember being excited to find out if they liked what we sent. '

OP - here's your answer. Would you want your kid to be a pretentious snob like this PP?

[Anonymous]

I think there are a lot of people who don't want to have a diverse personal life and expect the school to take care of diversity for them.

Sad.

If your personal life is diverse you can actually pick a school based on what is best for your child academically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"You can send your children to private school and still have well rounded individuals by the time they're sent off to college. My parents made sure I knew that we were privileged without taking me to soup kitchens. Some examples, as a child, my toys were never stored or thrown away. I helped my mother pack them so they could be taken to organizations that helped poor families. I had an amazing West Indian woman who took helped to care for me, and with her help, we sent all my clothes to children in her country who were very poor. I remember being excited to find out if they liked what we sent. '

OP - here's your answer. Would you want your kid to be a pretentious snob like this PP?

I'm the pp you quoted and I welcome the opportunity to learn what was pretentious or snobbish about my post. My parents taught me to happily give to others. There's something wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You can send your children to private school and still have well rounded individuals by the time they're sent off to college. My parents made sure I knew that we were privileged without taking me to soup kitchens. Some examples, as a child, my toys were never stored or thrown away. I helped my mother pack them so they could be taken to organizations that helped poor families. I had an amazing West Indian woman who took helped to care for me, and with her help, we sent all my clothes to children in her country who were very poor. I remember being excited to find out if they liked what we sent. '

OP - here's your answer. Would you want your kid to be a pretentious snob like this PP?

I'm the pp you quoted and I welcome the opportunity to learn what was pretentious or snobbish about my post. My parents taught me to happily give to others. There's something wrong with that?

PP, you made the aggregious DCUM mistake: you identified yourself as rich (or at least when you were growing up) on a thread that will draw people who are openly hostile to that and who are bound and determined to vilify rich people.

I grew up solidly middle class - for real - not by DCUM standards. I was very fortunate to work my rear off and now have a very lucrative career that allows my children to attend private school, although I did not. I went to public school and had a similar experience to many of the PPs - same group of almost exclusively white gifted kids all the way through high school, although this, too, is deemed irrelevant info on this thread.

All I can say is that I hope my children grow up to be like you and that my lessons of helping others stick with them the way your mother's stuck with you. To really date myself, I'll end with that really old expression: don't let the turkeys get you down.

[Anonymous]

What is so awful about attending school with exclusively upper middle class kids?

When "diversity in schools" stops being the same thing as "less than great schools", I'll embrace it. Until then, no thanks.

[Anonymous]

That's actually sad but true pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"

OP - here's your answer. Would you want your kid to be a pretentious snob like this PP?

I'm the pp you quoted and I welcome the opportunity to learn what was pretentious or snobbish about my post. My parents taught me to happily give to others. There's something wrong with that?

PP, you made the aggregious DCUM mistake: you identified yourself as rich (or at least when you were growing up) on a thread that will draw people who are openly hostile to that and who are bound and determined to vilify rich people.

I grew up solidly middle class - for real - not by DCUM standards. I was very fortunate to work my rear off and now have a very lucrative career that allows my children to attend private school, although I did not. I went to public school and had a similar experience to many of the PPs - same group of almost exclusively white gifted kids all the way through high school, although this, too, is deemed irrelevant info on this thread.

All I can say is that I hope my children grow up to be like you and that my lessons of helping others stick with them the way your mother's stuck with you. To really date myself, I'll end with that really old expression: don't let the turkeys get you down.

Thanks, that's very kind of you - made me blush a little. It's been a while since I've been on DCUM and I forgot this little rule. This is actually the first time I've mentioned anything about money on this board, so I guess I asked for it. I can't really blame someone for thinking evil thoughts about rich people. Some are really mean, even to those with similar backgrounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My post ended up in the middle of the quote....

Out of school, you only hung out with middle class black kids?

I'm the PP you're asking, and the answer to your question is yes. That is primarily who I felt the most comfortable with, so if I hadn't had the chance to have (sometimes forced) interactions with other types of kids at school, that would have been my entire experience growing up.

[Anonymous]

"My parents taught me to happily give to others. There's something wrong with that?"

1. You gave away castoffs. Come on.
2. You never mentioned the "luck" gene.

Totally clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of people who don't want to have a diverse personal life and expect the school to take care of diversity for them.

Sad.

If your personal life is diverse you can actually pick a school based on what is best for your child academically.

I think this may hold true for when your kids are in the early school years and you can wield more influence over who their friends are, but as they get older, your social circle will do less to determine who they hang out with and they are left with school as the major source of their social circle. They may have some friends from other sources, but the fact of the matter is that they will be spending most of their time with the other people at their school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My parents taught me to happily give to others. There's something wrong with that?"

1. You gave away castoffs. Come on.
2. You never mentioned the "luck" gene.

Totally clueless.

Ah, I've been waiting for you! Hello, Fellow Sister.

Despite 11:20's warnings, I'm going to try again. Modesty prevents me from detailing the extent of my charitable actions, but I don't mind sharing some of the things my mother did. The "castoffs" (I really don't like that word; it's mean) were included with many, many other items - dozens of layettes for babies, toilettries, clothes for children and adults and non-perishable food. For children, giving away their own personal items is more meaningful than just buying something. There's a greater connection. My first memory was when I was about 7 years old and I enjoyed it. It made giving later in life more fulfilling for me. FWIW, my parents also took me to this country and I met some very nice people. Whether you like it or not, despite our different experiences, we're all basically the same. Out of morbid curiousity, what do you do with your castoffs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My post ended up in the middle of the quote....

Out of school, you only hung out with middle class black kids?

I'm the PP you're asking, and the answer to your question is yes. That is primarily who I felt the most comfortable with, so if I hadn't had the chance to have (sometimes forced) interactions with other types of kids at school, that would have been my entire experience growing up.

So I imagine your circle of friends may be different now - and therefore - your children's experience different. Maybe not -- just asking -- don't you think your kids will get alot of diversity in their personal lives and the need for it at school may be less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What is so awful about attending school with exclusively upper middle class kids?

When "diversity in schools" stops being the same thing as "less than great schools", I'll embrace it. Until then, no thanks.

For us who maybe don't live in such a great school district - "less than great school" might actually be an issue. Or maybe my kid has special learning needs that make a public school a terrible fit. Or whatever the reason. The question still remains ....

So is it really so awful that my kid attends a "school with exclusively upper middle class kids"?