If you are a SAHM or SAHD, how much money does your spouse make?

[Anonymous]

140k, bought at the peak and pay about 2/5 the income to the mortgage. Because of this (the mortgage interest deduction) our taxable income is more in the 60k range.

We live very frugally: no eating out, one inexpensive car, no cable (although DSL), no cell phones, minimal new clothes and drycleaning, no vacations that aren't to visit family, books from the library for entertaining. We are maxing 401k contributions and prepaying the mortgage, but we have pretty much no short-term savings and there are things for the house that we could really use and just aren't getting and won't get anytime soon (a new fence, repaired foundation in the garage, central air, blinds, reupholstering the 40+ year old dining room set from my grandmother).

We have started a college fund (our son is only 4 months old) but we really don't know how well we'll be able to fund it beyond gifts from my husband's mother. Prepaying the mortgage will save us a lot long term (nearly 200k if we are able to follow the plan) and I could get a job to pay toward college as well (although I have preferred not to have a desk job, I am credentialed as a lawyer). It would be nice to travel, but right now we are on the join-the-community-pool plan for the foreseeable future of summer vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The bottom line is, you develop a resourcefulness that there are other ways to fix problems than spending money.

I get what you're saying, but frankly this sounds very stressful and sad. Much sadder than having some help with childcare and then being able to afford emergencies and paying final respects/seeing a parent before they pass away.

Again, that's to me. I completely agree that to others, the stress and other things are worth it to SAH. But I am too anxious to be able to live like that, myself.

Well, that's totally understandable! There is a personality issue -- what you are comfortable with. I stayed at home for many years and this is exactly what my husband and I did -- for 8 years. It wasn't stressful or sad. And it was much easier on the environment -you CAN reduce, reuse, recycle a lot more, make things from scratch etc., when you aren't both working all day and doing the second shift at night.

But it did take time, and now that I am back at work, I find I am spendig a LOT more money because I just don't have the time any more to employ all those strategies. I do enjoy having the money to spend on classes and activities, and even new clothes, for my children.

I'm the PP you responded to. I get your meaning, but please don't assume I am not sustainable just because I WOH. I recycle, reuse, kids wear hand-me-downs, we have one car and I walk to work (4 miles) -- this is also my "gym membership"! I even do bonkers things like vermiculture and composting that I doubt most moms have patience for! (I'm a bit of a sustainability nut).

However, the safety cushion is what I can't get over. And it would kill me not to see my parents or in-laws if they were sick/dying. So I hear you, but to each her own!

[Anonymous]

I work and our HHI is 150k. But once I deduct 20k for daycare and aftercare for 2 kids, my commuting costs to work (say 1k), and the 10k DH pays to his ex (who makes 3x as much as he does, and custody is shared, haven't figured that one out yet), our hhi is down to 120, so pretty much that is what DH would need to make for us to maintain this lifestyle--as fancy as it is (one 10 year old car, very unfancy neighborhood in DC with no good public school, old house in dire need of repairs, no fancy vacations, etc). I maxed out retirement this year, for the first time, and save a bit for the baby's education, but my husband sadly did not contribute to his own retirement for 8 years, nor for a college fund for his kid, because of tight finances before we were together. So we have a lot of catch up and while I would love to have another kid and possibly stay home, I'm not sure I could unless we moved somewhere cheaper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a major issue here (for the homeowners) is when they bought into the market. Those who purchased in the early 2000's, are likely to have much smaller mortgages and be able to live on substantially less than those who bought post-2005.

Definitely true. I could probably SAH on DH's salary, but we're too young to have bought pre-2005. We're looking at buying now, and this takes SAH out of the picture. That's fine by me, but it still frustrates me when others who bought pre-boom make it sound like it's easy to live close-in in an old, small house on one small take-home. We're looking to live in an old, small house not so close in, and it's still going to take two salaries to do it (160K combined).

Yep, same here.

I agree it makes a ton of difference if you bought a place before the prices went up. But there are still lots of close-in places where you can buy for almost reasonable prices. They're mostly in PG County, and maybe some folks are not looking at that as a good option. I grew up in Montgomery County and was indoctrinated in the idea that PG was somehow bad. But, its a great place for my family.

There are lots of good houses for sale in the $200,000 - $300,000 range, and they're very close-in to DC. You can still buy here, even with far less than the $160,000 HHI that the other posters mentioned.

[Anonymous]

We live in a SMALL house in arlington. My husband makes about $275k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm the PP you responded to. I get your meaning, but please don't assume I am not sustainable just because I WOH. I recycle, reuse, kids wear hand-me-downs, we have one car and I walk to work (4 miles) -- this is also my "gym membership"! I even do bonkers things like vermiculture and composting that I doubt most moms have patience for! (I'm a bit of a sustainability nut).

However, the safety cushion is what I can't get over. And it would kill me not to see my parents or in-laws if they were sick/dying. So I hear you, but to each her own!

I never said or meant to imply that 2 income families coulnd't be sustainable/green/etc. But I do think it is harder when you are both working to find the time to do these things. PLus, you have more money, so you just don't need to.

When both parents are working you (often) have more money than time; when one is at home you (often) have more time than money.

As I said, now that I am back in the working world, I have found I have much less time to (1) ask friends (2) cruise the thrift stores, (3) post onneighborhood discussion forums, (4) cruise Craigslist and freecycle for items I need -- that's what I did when I wasn't working. It kept costs down tremendously! Now, it's a lot easier just to go to Target at buy a new blender. (Or whatever).

As for a safety cusion -- yes, money is an important safety cusion. But - having one person home during the day and not obligated to go to work was also a saftey cushion. When my mom had a major health issue and needed someone to come help out for 4 weeks, I was able to just pick and go stay there. (this was before the kids hit school hit schol). Had I been working I could not have done so -- or at least it would have been a MUCH bigger hassle. In that case, what was needed wasn't money -- it was someone with some free time. It would have killed me, not to have been able to help her when she really needed me.

Now that I am working, it will be MUCH harder for me to be able to respond to another medical emergency such as that one. Yeah, through FMLA I shoudl be able to take leave without pay but...it won't be looked upone favorably, I can tell that already. Anyhow, money i nice, and I'm glad to be earning it again. But there were many benefits to SAH.

[Anonymous]

To some extent, the time versus money debate is a personality one. I'd rather WOH and spend my time in my chosen vocation and pay others to do repairs, etc. I have a neighbor who'd much rather spend a lot of her time looking for really great deals on stuff than work. She'd have heart palpitations if she shelled out as much as we do, and I'd be bored, frustrated and pissed if I couldn't just write a check for stuff. Working wouldn't help her and SAH wouldn't help me.

[Anonymous]

I'm a $1MM + SAHM, 3 kids. We live in Chevy Chase. DH didn't always make this much but always around $300k range until last several years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work and our HHI is 150k. But once I deduct 20k for daycare and aftercare for 2 kids, my commuting costs to work (say 1k), and the 10k DH pays to his ex (who makes 3x as much as he does, and custody is shared, haven't figured that one out yet), our hhi is down to 120, so pretty much that is what DH would need to make for us to maintain this lifestyle--as fancy as it is (one 10 year old car, very unfancy neighborhood in DC with no good public school, old house in dire need of repairs, no fancy vacations, etc). I maxed out retirement this year, for the first time, and save a bit for the baby's education, but my husband sadly did not contribute to his own retirement for 8 years, nor for a college fund for his kid, because of tight finances before we were together. So we have a lot of catch up and while I would love to have another kid and possibly stay home, I'm not sure I could unless we moved somewhere cheaper.

Is custody truly 50/50?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a $1MM + SAHM, 3 kids. We live in Chevy Chase. DH didn't always make this much but always around $300k range until last several years.

What does your husband do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a $1MM + SAHM, 3 kids. We live in Chevy Chase. DH didn't always make this much but always around $300k range until last several years.

What does your husband do?

Jump from 300K to 1M sounds like biglaw (associate to partner) to me, but I could be wrong (I'm not the PP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a $1MM + SAHM, 3 kids. We live in Chevy Chase. DH didn't always make this much but always around $300k range until last several years.

What does your husband do?

Jump from 300K to 1M sounds like biglaw (associate to partner) to me, but I could be wrong (I'm not the PP)

Also not the PP but could be high level business executive as well. My dad made a similar jump to this as he climbed the letter from working in finance department for a company to the executive office.

Not my husband though - he is hovering around the 6 figure mark so I also work!

[Anonymous]

Er, ladder. Not sure how one would climb the letter.

[Anonymous]

So we are preparing for an involuntary 1-income family (possible layoff, not certain, but need to prepare). HHI would go from $275k to $100K. We have no debt except mortgage. Here is how I currently think about it: Generally, your total monthly debt payment should be no more than 1/3 of pre-tax income (think 1/3 shelter, 1/3 taxes, 1/3 food, clothes, other). Our monthly housing payment is $3k, which translates to $36K per year. Using this formula, our minimum income to support a $3k monthly debt (housing) payment should be 3 x 36 = $118K. So the $100K is a tiny bit short and we will have to be frugal, but I think we can make it. These are just rules of thumb, but this is how I think about it, if that helps. If you rent, just use rent as your monthly payment instead of mortgage.

[Anonymous]

PP here: My math is wrong above.
3 * 36 = $108, not $118. So if you only want to take on 1/3 of income in form of housing, a $108K salary will support a 3k housing payment.