If you are a SAHM or SAHD, how much money does your spouse make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here: My math is wrong above.
3 * 36 = $108, not $118. So if you only want to take on 1/3 of income in form of housing, a $108K salary will support a 3k housing payment.

You should be fine on mortgage especially as you say you have no other debts -- I assume paid for cars etc? One are you would run into trouble is if were trying to send kids to private schools. Assuming not, you should be OK -- and good luck!

[Anonymous]

Am I the only SAHD so far on this post? DW makes $110-150 range with pretty flexible schedule and lots of paid time off. If I worked I would make the same amount roughly. We decided that I would be the one to stay at home for the first three years because DW wants to work on her career. We don't believe in daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not the PP you were responding to, but I can tell you the answer to some of your questions. When you don't have a lot of money, and something bad happens, what do you do?

In SOME cases, it's a true catastrophe, yes. But in other cases? You just deal. House needs repairs? You call around to find the cheapest repair you can, supervise them well and lern from them for next time. Learn to do some work yourself. Scrounge for supplies instead of paying full price. Make friends with some neighbors who have handyman skills and barter. You need to travel expensivley at the last minute to visit someone ill? Well, when you have less money, your perspective changes. You frankly DON'T travel last minute very often. When my FIL passed away very suddenly, only my husband flew to the funeral, not me with the toddlers and the infant. Car breaks down? Well first of all you take a lot of steps to keep that car in good working order but if it does break down and needs repairs? Again -- you do what you can yourself, rely on a big network of friends for help ( and of course you help them in return), live where you can walk to many locations, take public transportation; shop around for the cheapest repairs (even if they take longer and don't come with a fancy waiting room).

The bottom line is, you develop a resourcefulness that there are other ways to fix problems than spending money.

OK, I am being judgmental, but skipping your FIL's funeral because you can't afford to travel is a little much. My husband and I have an HHI around 400k, 3/4 of which is my income. DH and I get a few snide comments about my continuing to work and our "lifestyle" from his family. We've thought about having DH stay home, but he loves his career.

My sister SAH and her husband makes less than mine. They live very frugally. When my dad became gravely ill, DH and I flew to be by dad's side, as did my sister. BIL did not come. Dad passed away a couple of days later. When I was alone with my dad, he asked for my BIL. My sister had a couple of outbursts where she said that she was upset that BIL was not there to support her during the funeral or my father's final days. BIL's absence hurt my father and my sister. I don't know if BIL knows any of this.

For me, being with my dad during his last days and being with my family for the funeral meant putting my foot down at work and suddenly leaving for 2 weeks. My absence caused problems at the office, but we got through it. If we did not have much money, expenses to see a dying family member would have gone on the credit card or we would have gone without something. If family is far-flung, unexpected travel is part of life regardless of financial circumstance. Perhaps you are living too close to the edge if you can't travel to pay final respects and provide support to the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

OK, I am being judgmental, but skipping your FIL's funeral because you can't afford to travel is a little much. My husband and I have an HHI around 400k, 3/4 of which is my income. DH and I get a few snide comments about my continuing to work and our "lifestyle" from his family. We've thought about having DH stay home, but he loves his career.



I'm not PP but OMG 400K you are so judgmental and out of touch. Do you have any idea how much it costs to buy 4 last minute plane tickets? It could be more than 2K. That number could have a huge impact on a family. You are blessed that you could drop everything to be with your family in crisis but not everybody had the resources.

[Anonymous]

A couple thoughts on college and retirement savings. My parents were middle-class (by non-DC standards) and had no college savings (I'm not even sure such a thing occurred to them). I went to a top 25 school, had more than half provided in grants, and took out loans for the rest. I paid off $150/month for about 20 years and am just now done with them. No big deal. And, I chose my alma mater due in part to the grant situation. I'm not saying that saving is bad, but assuming you're relatively smart (I'm not a genius), it's not that hard to get grants and loans. And, on the retirement savings, I've been saving for a decade and due to the stock market and some bad timing, I've made virtually no money. So, again, while saving should be encouraged (I guess), there's certainly no guarantee that you'll actually earn interest on your savings, so saving early isn't the panacea that everyone says it is. It's kind of a big lie, imho.

All that said, I am also someone who can't function without a safety net in savings. It stresses me out way too much - and this is an ongoing fight with DH, who was raised with money and (though he has huge student loan debt b/c he never bothered paying it off until he met me) so just assumes his family will help us should we ever need it (who don't even send holiday presents to the kids). I wish we could save more, but we bought a tiny house in Alexandria a couple years ago and the $3600 mortgage requires both salaries, no question. I have to assume that the folks who live off one salary have 1) a huge savings from some law job 2) bought a decade ago or 3) rent really cheaply. It's the mortgage cost in the end that kills us. And, we live in a 1800 sqft house with original fixtures from the 1960s. Nothing glamorous here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a major issue here (for the homeowners) is when they bought into the market. Those who purchased in the early 2000's, are likely to have much smaller mortgages and be able to live on substantially less than those who bought post-2005.

Definitely true. I could probably SAH on DH's salary, but we're too young to have bought pre-2005. We're looking at buying now, and this takes SAH out of the picture. That's fine by me, but it still frustrates me when others who bought pre-boom make it sound like it's easy to live close-in in an old, small house on one small take-home. We're looking to live in an old, small house not so close in, and it's still going to take two salaries to do it (160K combined).

Yep, same here.

I agree it makes a ton of difference if you bought a place before the prices went up. But there are still lots of close-in places where you can buy for almost reasonable prices. They're mostly in PG County, and maybe some folks are not looking at that as a good option. I grew up in Montgomery County and was indoctrinated in the idea that PG was somehow bad. But, its a great place for my family.

There are lots of good houses for sale in the $200,000 - $300,000 range, and they're very close-in to DC. You can still buy here, even with far less than the $160,000 HHI that the other posters mentioned.

I agree, although we have been looking in PG county (not real seriously yet. . .) and places in the neighborhood we are looking at are generally in the $375 - $400K range so we'd still need an $80K down payment which will take us forever to save on one income, especially since we still have student loans to pay.

[Anonymous]

PP here that does NOT plan on saving for kid's education fund. I had a free ride at school, but chose to get lots of scholarships to pay for the majority of my education therefore lessening the burden for my parents (which wasn't actually a burden for their relatively high income). We will provide help for our kids, but we will not pay every dime for each of our three kids. We expect them to work hard, gain scholarships and yes, get a loan. We have made sacrifices for me to stay home so we keep all three out of some crappy daycare. We will once again have enough money to save more, but we will never be a very high income family. Not everyone around here is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple thoughts on college and retirement savings. My parents were middle-class (by non-DC standards) and had no college savings (I'm not even sure such a thing occurred to them). I went to a top 25 school, had more than half provided in grants, and took out loans for the rest. I paid off $150/month for about 20 years and am just now done with them. No big deal. And, I chose my alma mater due in part to the grant situation. I'm not saying that saving is bad, but assuming you're relatively smart (I'm not a genius), it's not that hard to get grants and loans. And, on the retirement savings, I've been saving for a decade and due to the stock market and some bad timing, I've made virtually no money. So, again, while saving should be encouraged (I guess), there's certainly no guarantee that you'll actually earn interest on your savings, so saving early isn't the panacea that everyone says it is. It's kind of a big lie, imho.

All that said, I am also someone who can't function without a safety net in savings. It stresses me out way too much - and this is an ongoing fight with DH, who was raised with money and (though he has huge student loan debt b/c he never bothered paying it off until he met me) so just assumes his family will help us should we ever need it (who don't even send holiday presents to the kids). I wish we could save more, but we bought a tiny house in Alexandria a couple years ago and the $3600 mortgage requires both salaries, no question. I have to assume that the folks who live off one salary have 1) a huge savings from some law job 2) bought a decade ago or 3) rent really cheaply. It's the mortgage cost in the end that kills us. And, we live in a 1800 sqft house with original fixtures from the 1960s. Nothing glamorous here.

You should be talking to a financial advisor. The beauty of retirement is if you diversify, it is almost impossible not to make money over the course of your career - 30-40 years. I really don't know much about finances, but 401K is a sure thing for many of us who have good matching plans through work. It's free money essentially, and it's foolish not to take advantage of it. I understand what you mean and short term savings is important, but we had lay offs this fall and I worry about some of the older folks who may not have an easy time with getting back to their earning potential. They may have to retire earlier and a lower salary. So I don't think anyone should be dismissing retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple thoughts on college and retirement savings. My parents were middle-class (by non-DC standards) and had no college savings (I'm not even sure such a thing occurred to them). I went to a top 25 school, had more than half provided in grants, and took out loans for the rest. I paid off $150/month for about 20 years and am just now done with them. No big deal. And, I chose my alma mater due in part to the grant situation. I'm not saying that saving is bad, but assuming you're relatively smart (I'm not a genius), it's not that hard to get grants and loans. And, on the retirement savings, I've been saving for a decade and due to the stock market and some bad timing, I've made virtually no money. So, again, while saving should be encouraged (I guess), there's certainly no guarantee that you'll actually earn interest on your savings, so saving early isn't the panacea that everyone says it is. It's kind of a big lie, imho.

I appreciate your perspective. However, in the last thirty years, college tuition has increased by about 440%. To give you a benchmark, median income increased by only 150% in that time. Unfortunately, that means that being able to afford your loans if you're a recent college grad is no longer not a big deal. Tuition inflation is out of control.

[Anonymous]

I SAH and we haven't been able to max out retirement these past few years as we'd like. I admit the insecurity is stressful, but what about real estate as an investment/retirement plan? Not the investment property, wheeling and dealing variety, but the value of paying off one's own home? We have 30% equity in our home, which is our emergency cushion in the form of a home equity line. And while our 401K savings aren't huge, our home will be paid off in 25 years, before we could collect on 401K anyway. Has anyone experience with reverse mortgages as a retirement strategy? Is this a stupid idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OK, I am being judgmental, but skipping your FIL's funeral because you can't afford to travel is a little much.

Hmmm. This is the way we looked at it.

1) Money for 4 plane tickets (me, two toddlers, and infant on the lap) would take a huge chunk of our savings.
2) DH didn't have a close relationship with his father. Grandkids had seen him just once. He had never traveled to see grandkids.
3) Step-mom wasn't a "baby" person, and wouldn't derive comfort from seeing her step-grandkids.
4) We would have had to stay ina motel, not in family's house as there was no room for all of us in FIL's house.
5) FIL died very suddenly, this wasn't to be with him in his last moments, this was to go to the funeral.
6) If I went with the kids, I would have been NO use in comforting DH if he needed it -- I would be dealing with two toddlers and an infant in a new environment, keeping them quiet at step-moms' house, etc.)

For all of those reasons, it just didn't make sense for me to take the kids to the funeral, which was across the country. I admit though on a HHI of about 80K it was easy to just say "can't afford it" and not have to go into the other reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OK, I am being judgmental, but skipping your FIL's funeral because you can't afford to travel is a little much. My husband and I have an HHI around 400k, 3/4 of which is my income. DH and I get a few snide comments about my continuing to work and our "lifestyle" from his family. We've thought about having DH stay home, but he loves his career.

I'm not PP but OMG 400K you are so judgmental and out of touch. Do you have any idea how much it costs to buy 4 last minute plane tickets? It could be more than 2K. That number could have a huge impact on a family. You are blessed that you could drop everything to be with your family in crisis but not everybody had the resources.

Yes, PP with the 400k income, you are out of touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband makes $130K and works for the feds. I work 10 hours a week and we rent out our basement, earning an additional $30K combined. We own in NW DC with one child. We have no savings, little retirement, no college fund, but plan to start contributing to all once DC enters public school. I may or may not return to work full-time in the future. Staying at home these past few years has changed me. I no longer have the patience for most desk jobs so will need to seriously reexamine my life and goals when the time comes. For now, being home with my DC these formative years has been worth feeling the pinch and insecurity of a life without savings or extras. We're happier than we've ever been and consider ourselves truly rich (though perhaps not wealthy).

How old are you? You're not rich because you have very little saved, regardless of income. What about SAH has made you lose patience for desk jobs? I would think an office job would be bliss after being AH and having no time to pee or eat lunch in peace.

I think you misunderstood my use of the word, "rich." I enjoy setting my own schedule, or better, allowing my child's needs to determine that schedule. I would resent any job that interfered with our family time. And I do manage to pee and eat in peace; not in solitude, but in peace. As for savings, I left out an important piece of the puzzle mentioned by others: We bought our first home in 2000 and sold it at the peak. So our equity is tied up in our current house, not in a savings account. My husband will retire with a government pension, which won't be enough to get by on, but will augment our meager 401K savings that took a hit these past few years. But I didn't contribute to this thread to justify our decisions, only to share that there are a number of factors involved in the decision to stay at home, and people find a way to do what is important to them. It's tough in this area to be sure, but we all make choices based on our priorities. Our DC won't go to private school but will go the best public school we can get into through the lottery. We live in a transitioning area in NW DC in a small house with no yard. We rent out our finished basement instead of using the space to expand our living area. We have one child, not more. We don't drive fancy cars or take extravagant vacations. There are times when I envy our friends with more money, investments, house, whatever, but they have made different decisions than we have. We live close to friends and family, we have our health, our educations, each other, and we're happy. That is my definition of "rich."

[Anonymous]

OK, I am being judgmental, but skipping your FIL's funeral because you can't afford to travel is a little much. My husband and I have an HHI around 400k, 3/4 of which is my income. DH and I get a few snide comments about my continuing to work and our "lifestyle" from his family. We've thought about having DH stay home, but he loves his career.

My sister SAH and her husband makes less than mine. They live very frugally. When my dad became gravely ill, DH and I flew to be by dad's side, as did my sister. BIL did not come. Dad passed away a couple of days later. When I was alone with my dad, he asked for my BIL. My sister had a couple of outbursts where she said that she was upset that BIL was not there to support her during the funeral or my father's final days. BIL's absence hurt my father and my sister. I don't know if BIL knows any of this.

For me, being with my dad during his last days and being with my family for the funeral meant putting my foot down at work and suddenly leaving for 2 weeks. My absence caused problems at the office, but we got through it. If we did not have much money, expenses to see a dying family member would have gone on the credit card or we would have gone without something. If family is far-flung, unexpected travel is part of life regardless of financial circumstance. Perhaps you are living too close to the edge if you can't travel to pay final respects and provide support to the rest of the family.

How kind of you to sit in judgment from your place of privilege. I'm not the PP you're addressing but I do SAHM and can tell you that if I were to go back to work I'd add well less than 30K net to our income (nevermind 300K) and we would still not be in a position to purchase last minute tickets. While it's great that you were able to "put your foot down" and take two weeks of leave from work, please realize that there are millions of employees who care about their families just as much as you do yet who would lose their jobs if they did the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here: My math is wrong above.
3 * 36 = $108, not $118. So if you only want to take on 1/3 of income in form of housing, a $108K salary will support a 3k housing payment.

I think that's fine if you're figuring out how to live in crisis mode - i.e., in response to a layoff or some other unplanned reduction in income. But if you're only spending $36,000 on food, clothes, "other" (including retirement and college savings, home maintenance/repair, travel, transportation, recreation, insurance, etc.), then you're cutting it tight. There is no way I would want to support a 3k housing payment on a $108k salary over the long term.