Was I out of line at the grocery store with a shrieking toddler?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic. People intervene when she's melting down in public ALL THE TIME. They think they are being helpful, either to me, or to themselves, as you thought. They are not. People need to mind their own business.

You tried to parent another person's child. A stranger's child. Without knowing what was going on. You felt entitled because you were uncomfortable. You were very much in the wrong.

If your child is shrieking in the store to the point of disturbing others, maybe it’s time to take them home. It doesn’t matter that they have autism, frankly.

I reply too soon. One of the ways that kids learn how to behave in public when they have challenges is to be in public. They have as much a right to be out in the world as you do. We’re not hiding autistic children at home for your comfort.

A parent of an autistic child here. Nothing about this situation says to me the child was autistic. She was corrected and she stopp ed. Seems perfectly neurotypical to me. If the mother had done it in the first place, there would be no need for OP to do it.

As a special educator with early childhood experience, the first disability that came to mind was hearing loss. Kids with hearing loss often have difficulty regulating volume because they can’t hear it.

But there are lots of toddlers, including many neurodivergent toddlers who might find it scary to have an adult come close to them, and address them directly in public. The fact that the child cried doesn’t mean that they understood what the OP was saying, or took it as a “correction”. They stopped screaming because their mouth started doing something else, in this case crying.

That isn’t to say that if the child’s parents had chosen to stop their screaming this way it wouldn’t have been fine. But OP shouldn’t have approached or addressed the child.

FFS I grew up in the 70s and parents always addressed other out-of-control kids. Parents today do not parent or discipline and that's the problem.

[Anonymous]

You’re disturbed OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You never know what's going on with other families. Maybe this child has special needs. Maybe the mother is horrible. Maybe the kid is a jerk. Maybe the mom is overwhelmed.

I try to ignore most bad behavior in public, especially by toddlers. So no, I would not have said anything. You did, the mom bristled, oh well. It seems like you thought the mom would stop and thank you, which was short sighted at best.

I used to be a nanny for a little girl with severe non verbal autism and something like this happened once. She was making noise in public (playfully) and some old bag complained that it was annoying.

I get that it's annoying but obviously if the mom cared or was able to stop her she would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t believe OP for the simple fact that there is no one, and I mean NO ONE, more bothered by a child’s screams than the MOTHER. It’s biologically wired into us to respond to our children screaming. Zero chance in hell the mom was laughing at the screaming. That’s the tell that this is made up or exaggerated.

Sadly this is not true for all parents. I've been in a couple situations where a child has been permitted to scream/shriek endlessly in public and the parent just ignored it, likely because they hear it so much they have just accepted it.

In both cases I can think of, the parents could easily have avoided subjecting other people to this. One was in the lobby of an after school activity, and it would have been possible to take the shrieking younger sibling outside to wait the 10-15 minutes until the activity ended. The other was a social event at a friend's house, and both parents and a sibling were present -- one of the parents could have left the party with the shrieking kid to spare others having to listen to it, but they didn't. In fact numerous people left the party early to get away from the kid, because it was so relentless and the parents refused to do anything about it.

Some people are bad parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic. People intervene when she's melting down in public ALL THE TIME. They think they are being helpful, either to me, or to themselves, as you thought. They are not. People need to mind their own business.

You tried to parent another person's child. A stranger's child. Without knowing what was going on. You felt entitled because you were uncomfortable. You were very much in the wrong.

If your child is shrieking in the store to the point of disturbing others, maybe it’s time to take them home. It doesn’t matter that they have autism, frankly.

I reply too soon. One of the ways that kids learn how to behave in public when they have challenges is to be in public. They have as much a right to be out in the world as you do. We’re not hiding autistic children at home for your comfort.

A parent of an autistic child here. Nothing about this situation says to me the child was autistic. She was corrected and she stopp ed. Seems perfectly neurotypical to me. If the mother had done it in the first place, there would be no need for OP to do it.

As a special educator with early childhood experience, the first disability that came to mind was hearing loss. Kids with hearing loss often have difficulty regulating volume because they can’t hear it.

But there are lots of toddlers, including many neurodivergent toddlers who might find it scary to have an adult come close to them, and address them directly in public. The fact that the child cried doesn’t mean that they understood what the OP was saying, or took it as a “correction”. They stopped screaming because their mouth started doing something else, in this case crying.

That isn’t to say that if the child’s parents had chosen to stop their screaming this way it wouldn’t have been fine. But OP shouldn’t have approached or addressed the child.

FFS I grew up in the 70s and parents always addressed other out-of-control kids. Parents today do not parent or discipline and that's the problem.

EXACTLY!!! In the overwhelming majority of the cases it's just bad parenting. So I'm grateful for people like OP. I would have done the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic. People intervene when she's melting down in public ALL THE TIME. They think they are being helpful, either to me, or to themselves, as you thought. They are not. People need to mind their own business.

You tried to parent another person's child. A stranger's child. Without knowing what was going on. You felt entitled because you were uncomfortable. You were very much in the wrong.

If your child is shrieking in the store to the point of disturbing others, maybe it’s time to take them home. It doesn’t matter that they have autism, frankly.

I reply too soon. One of the ways that kids learn how to behave in public when they have challenges is to be in public. They have as much a right to be out in the world as you do. We’re not hiding autistic children at home for your comfort.

A parent of an autistic child here. Nothing about this situation says to me the child was autistic. She was corrected and she stopp ed. Seems perfectly neurotypical to me. If the mother had done it in the first place, there would be no need for OP to do it.

As a special educator with early childhood experience, the first disability that came to mind was hearing loss. Kids with hearing loss often have difficulty regulating volume because they can’t hear it.

But there are lots of toddlers, including many neurodivergent toddlers who might find it scary to have an adult come close to them, and address them directly in public. The fact that the child cried doesn’t mean that they understood what the OP was saying, or took it as a “correction”. They stopped screaming because their mouth started doing something else, in this case crying.

That isn’t to say that if the child’s parents had chosen to stop their screaming this way it wouldn’t have been fine. But OP shouldn’t have approached or addressed the child.

FFS I grew up in the 70s and parents always addressed other out-of-control kids. Parents today do not parent or discipline and that's the problem.

You sound really MAGA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never know what's going on with other families. Maybe this child has special needs. Maybe the mother is horrible. Maybe the kid is a jerk. Maybe the mom is overwhelmed.

I try to ignore most bad behavior in public, especially by toddlers. So no, I would not have said anything. You did, the mom bristled, oh well. It seems like you thought the mom would stop and thank you, which was short sighted at best.

I used to be a nanny for a little girl with severe non verbal autism and something like this happened once. She was making noise in public (playfully) and some old bag complained that it was annoying.

I get that it's annoying but obviously if the mom cared or was able to stop her she would.

That's the problem. Parents don't care that their kids are being little sh*ts. Being in public comes with responsibilities and that includes controlling your crotch spawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who finds it strange that a toddler could understand a calm "ouch you're hurting my ears" enough to cry and then stop screaming? It just seems ...a bit far fetched.

It’s not one bit strange.Trust me, kids understand.

[Anonymous]

Folks, OP didn't yell at this kid. She did what the mom was refusing to do, and let the child know that the screaming was really unpleasant for other people in the store. That's actually important information for the child to know. And based on what OP describes, the mother seemed to need to know this too.

Also, regarding the question of special needs: I have a special needs kid. If my kid was making noise like this, I would have sought to quiet her if I could, and if not, I would have left the store as quickly as possible. If I'd had things I absolutely had to get, I would have gathered them quickly and then asked to check out immediately to get the child out of the store (I am certain people would accommodate this if the child was screaming). I think if OP had encountered a mom desperately trying to finish her shopping and get the child out of the store, she would have tried to assist the mom in doing so. But the mom didn't care.

And another thing: other people have needs too. There are special needs kids and adults who would struggle to deal with that kind of noise in a store. Should those people be forced to leave the store to escape that noise? Should someone with autism or auditory sensitivities be expected to accommodate this child, instead of the child accommodating them? This is a society and we all have t accommodate each other to some degree. OP wasn't unkind but she was seeking a reasonable accommodation. I'm sure the mom was embarrassed but hopefully next time she realizes she can't let a situation like that just go on without being addressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Folks, OP didn't yell at this kid. She did what the mom was refusing to do, and let the child know that the screaming was really unpleasant for other people in the store. That's actually important information for the child to know. And based on what OP describes, the mother seemed to need to know this too.

Also, regarding the question of special needs: I have a special needs kid. If my kid was making noise like this, I would have sought to quiet her if I could, and if not, I would have left the store as quickly as possible. If I'd had things I absolutely had to get, I would have gathered them quickly and then asked to check out immediately to get the child out of the store (I am certain people would accommodate this if the child was screaming). I think if OP had encountered a mom desperately trying to finish her shopping and get the child out of the store, she would have tried to assist the mom in doing so. But the mom didn't care.

And another thing: other people have needs too. There are special needs kids and adults who would struggle to deal with that kind of noise in a store. Should those people be forced to leave the store to escape that noise? Should someone with autism or auditory sensitivities be expected to accommodate this child, instead of the child accommodating them? This is a society and we all have t accommodate each other to some degree. OP wasn't unkind but she was seeking a reasonable accommodation. I'm sure the mom was embarrassed but hopefully next time she realizes she can't let a situation like that just go on without being addressed.

I'm a parent of an ASD kid and I completely agree with you.

[Anonymous]

You were absolutely fine and pretty nice about some very obnoxious behavior by the mom. And the fact that the mom cursed at you is crazy.

I’m sure everyone else in the store was grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic. People intervene when she's melting down in public ALL THE TIME. They think they are being helpful, either to me, or to themselves, as you thought. They are not. People need to mind their own business.

You tried to parent another person's child. A stranger's child. Without knowing what was going on. You felt entitled because you were uncomfortable. You were very much in the wrong.

+1
OP you were completely out of line not to approach the parent first if you really thought you had to intervene. My child has apraxia and will often shriek and squeal. She also has huge anxiety. I try to never bring her to places where judgey people like you will make the situation worse, but sometimes it’s unavoidable (cancelled sitters, etc). If that had been my dd you would have missed the 30 minute prep in the car before she’d even enter the store, the hour we would have spent on a social story with photos and videos before getting in the car, and then what would look like me turning a blind eye to her shrieks bc that’s the only way she could get through it. You also wouldn’t know that this was remarkably better than the last visit and each one was an improvement, and that we had a plan with her ABA and OT therapists to desensitize her to everyday things such as a store that should be no big deal but are to her. Guess what, if you had gotten in her face and corrected her like that, it would have set her back months and reinforced everything she was anxious about, so you bet I would have sworn at you. To the other judgey people, this isn’t a result of bad parenting or junk food or anything else. Her siblings are not like this and she was born this way. Everyday tasks are hard enough without encountering know it alls like you.

No one cares about your “30 minute prep.” And no is obliged to. And I’m not OP and have never corrected a child in public.

There’s a whole world out there that exists beyond your self-pity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yesterday late afternoon I went to the grocery store and almost immediately heard a child letting out loud, ear-piercing shrieks, the kind that reverberate through the aisles and make people wince. Every time it happened, I noticed other shoppers grimacing or exchanging uncomfortable looks.

This went on throughout my trip. Eventually, I ended up in the same aisle as the child, a little girl, maybe 2 or 2.5 years old, and her mom. What surprised me most was that the mom was laughing and clearly encouraging the shrieking, not trying to redirect or stop it. I was frustrated, not just by the noise, but by what felt like a complete disregard for others in the store. I walked up to their cart, looked at the child, covered my ears, and said “Ouch! Your shouting is really hurting my ears!” The little girl immediately burst into tears. The mom called me an expletive and told me I was rude. For the record, the shrieking stopped after that.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I didn’t yell or scold, I tried to speak calmly but honestly. Still, I’m wondering, was I out of line? Should I have just ignored it? How do others handle this kind of situation?

You were more than out of line. You were a cool unicorn needing tacos.

How dare you scold someone else’s child? Like, who do you think you ARE?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yesterday late afternoon I went to the grocery store and almost immediately heard a child letting out loud, ear-piercing shrieks, the kind that reverberate through the aisles and make people wince. Every time it happened, I noticed other shoppers grimacing or exchanging uncomfortable looks.

This went on throughout my trip. Eventually, I ended up in the same aisle as the child, a little girl, maybe 2 or 2.5 years old, and her mom. What surprised me most was that the mom was laughing and clearly encouraging the shrieking, not trying to redirect or stop it. I was frustrated, not just by the noise, but by what felt like a complete disregard for others in the store. I walked up to their cart, looked at the child, covered my ears, and said “Ouch! Your shouting is really hurting my ears!” The little girl immediately burst into tears. The mom called me an expletive and told me I was rude. For the record, the shrieking stopped after that.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I didn’t yell or scold, I tried to speak calmly but honestly. Still, I’m wondering, was I out of line? Should I have just ignored it? How do others handle this kind of situation?

You were more than out of line. You were a cool unicorn needing tacos.

How dare you scold someone else’s child? Like, who do you think you ARE?

Try to be less of an idiot.

OP, you did nothing wrong. The mom is an idiot. The parents who don’t parent do not change, in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yesterday late afternoon I went to the grocery store and almost immediately heard a child letting out loud, ear-piercing shrieks, the kind that reverberate through the aisles and make people wince. Every time it happened, I noticed other shoppers grimacing or exchanging uncomfortable looks.

This went on throughout my trip. Eventually, I ended up in the same aisle as the child, a little girl, maybe 2 or 2.5 years old, and her mom. What surprised me most was that the mom was laughing and clearly encouraging the shrieking, not trying to redirect or stop it. I was frustrated, not just by the noise, but by what felt like a complete disregard for others in the store. I walked up to their cart, looked at the child, covered my ears, and said “Ouch! Your shouting is really hurting my ears!” The little girl immediately burst into tears. The mom called me an expletive and told me I was rude. For the record, the shrieking stopped after that.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I didn’t yell or scold, I tried to speak calmly but honestly. Still, I’m wondering, was I out of line? Should I have just ignored it? How do others handle this kind of situation?

You were more than out of line. You were a cool unicorn needing tacos.

How dare you scold someone else’s child? Like, who do you think you ARE?

A shopper who was being disturned by a brat whose parent refused to parent her. I thought you'd know this 11 pages in. You dont get to claim the whole store to yourself. Want to listen to your brat scream, take them home and have at it. In public spaces, we all get to enjoy it. I"m not OP BTW