Referee Abuse

[Anonymous]

Upset? It’s a child’s game. Get some perspective.

And if you get upset at children’s games, you should stay home and not ruin it for everyone else.


It must be weird going around thinking you can tell people what they should and should not care about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Lord. Had the “privilege” to watch my 13-year old daughter referee 6 matches this weekend at the Herndon All Star Rec Tournament. Watched her get verbally abused by two coaches, including one who continued yelling at her post-match at Hutchison Park, until I interceded from the parent sideline. (I have coached, I have my licenses, I’ve watched close to a thousand youth soccer matches the last 15 years with 3 daughters playing & me coaching so I know the sport) & told the woman to just stop. This was U11. Rec soccer. A 25 minute match. Her team lost by one goal. A clean goal. Her team never scores. And ironically the one match my daughter called where she didn’t make a mistake (admittedly she missed a few inconsequential calls in other matches). Please, coaches. And parents. Stop abusing referees. There were 18 boys on the field. One ref doing the best she could to get every call right. Take it down a notch, parents & coaches. Expect refs to not get it perfect every time. Sometimes you have a better view from your lawn chair or the bench than the center ref. Appreciate that & respect the fact they are doing the best they can. It’s youth soccer. Watch your kids compete & do their best. And please don’t expect perfection from referees. Thank you. Rant out.

There needs to be zero tolerance for coaches or spectators who behave this way. They need to be ejected, suspended and publicly shamed. Their employers should be told about their behavior and they should lose their jobs.

Their teams should forfeit their games for the following two weeks. You’d see some pretty swift self-policing by the other parents of kids on these teams if suddenly their kid misses the next tournament or showcase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Upset? It’s a child’s game. Get some perspective.

And if you get upset at children’s games, you should stay home and not ruin it for everyone else.

It must be weird going around thinking you can tell people what they should and should not care about.

You mean like the PP who told people to stay home if they think behaving like cretins in front of kids is not ok? Like that?

Really, what are your kids learning from your behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If people do a bad job, someone should let them know. The referee is getting paid. Using the word “abuse” to describe people complaining at referees is blowing things out of proportion. If you feel bad for the referee because 1/2 of the fans don’t like the way a close call went then stay home. It’s supposed to be competitive, people are supposed to get upset, and there will be a loser every game.

Upset? It’s a child’s game. Get some perspective.

And if you get upset at children’s games, you should stay home and not ruin it for everyone else.

I can tell that your kid sucks and you don’t like his coach. If you are allowing other peopele being invested in the outcomes of their kids sporting events ruin your enjoyment of the game than you are the problem.

You really can’t see yourself, can you? Lord knows the kind of language you use at your kid’s games if this is how you behave on the internet. You do realize you can behave like an adult and still care about how the match goes, right? You must be so embarrassing for your kid.

[Anonymous]

No, I behave and it doesn’t bother me when other people don’t. You see, I’m not like you. I don’t think I’m better than everyone else and I realize that kids soccer does mean a lot to other people and I think that’s ok.

[Anonymous]

I also think coaches can have an oversized impact on parent behavior.

I was at a tournament last weekend where the parents constantly screamed at the ref during the game before ours (these were probably 12 year olds playing). The coach gathered the team at the end of the game for the wrap up and the first words out of his mouth were “well the refs were terrible and made us lose the game but…”. The refs were fine. You didn’t like it because the ref was handing out a card to the other team and your team decided to do a quick restart. The ref repeatedly whistled because play was not ready to start and no surprised you “scored” an uncontested goal which was called off.

There is a definite theme in my kids teams where coaches who blame refs have crappy parents that constantly shout at refs. Coaches that don’t blame the refs do not have parents that shout at refs.

Our daughter’s HS coach’s explanation for any loss is poor reffing and it drives me crazy. It makes the kids feel like they have no agency in the game and the results are simply the luck of the draw on whether the ref is more terrible for you or for the other team.

[Anonymous]

Why is screaming at people acceptable behavior for an adult? Is that what you want your kids to learn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former Cert. Coach, current Cert. Ref, current Team Manager for ECRL team here.

The problems with the Ref situation is similar to the problems with Youth/Travel Soccer in General:

1. Too many cooks in the mix (Assignors) for too many Leagues in the area. No one talks to one another in general.
I would contend that there is NOT a lack of Refs in the area to cover games. When I receive email blasts from Assignors, it generally goes out to over 1200 people from one Assignor. The problem is getting these folks properly Assigned.
In order to get a Ref assignment one must email the Assignor and request a game(s). Then the Assignor emails back if the Ref is selected and the Ref must Accept the game. If the Ref never hears back from the Assignor, the game was claimed by another Ref. Often I have requested games and did not receive the Assignment(s) and therefore did not Ref any games that day even though I was available to Ref. Point is there is no one System to get Games assigned to Refs. I believe there are enough Refs in the area to cover games, just the Systems are inept to communicate with one another to make sure all games get covered.

2. There are very good Refs from age 13 and up out there. There are some very bad Refs from age 13 and up out there. Age is not the issue. A desire to Oversee Rules of A Game and to fairly call that game is what is needed. 3 Refs cannot see everything but they need to make sure fairness is upheld. Because of the "implied" shortage of Refs, there are no Standards Refs must adhere to and no Performance Reviews they need to worry about. Even Refs who consistently behave poorly and receive complaints through League avenues, get no recourse or even feedback. There is no incentive to make bad Refs good ones, or to weed out the bad ones.

3. Parents/Coaches and Club Administrators for the most part believe Refs are another "team" or "opposition" working against them to achieve their goals of winning. I have seen it and heard it from hundreds and thousands of mouths. This must change and it should come from the Clubs themselves.

4. Why become a Ref? I did it because I love the game and want to be involved with making the game better where it is needed the most, good Officiating. It is hard to convince someone without the love of the game to become a Ref. It is not because of money. In fact, a Ref must often wait up to 30days to even get paid for games worked. There are games on October I worked and still have not gotten paid for (it is Nov. 25th) Assignors claim Leagues do not pay them until a certain date and then the Refs get their pay. Again this is a terrible System for keeping Refs over the long haul. Why continue to wait for payment for games over a month old when parents & Coaches abuse and belittle Refs every weekend?

The game used to be for the kids to love and to learn and to play. It is a far cry from that now. Just as everything else, people hungry for money co-opt the situation for their own gain. Youth/Travel Soccer has been bought by Business interests to fulfill their own aspirations, not aspirations of players. Same can be said for Referees.
Are the peole and powers that be, really looking out for the Players as a whole? I dare say no.

I 100% agree especially with #1. The logistics of how the assignors assign refs is absolutely crazy to me. I don’t have a solution but every time I think - there has to be a better way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former Cert. Coach, current Cert. Ref, current Team Manager for ECRL team here.

The problems with the Ref situation is similar to the problems with Youth/Travel Soccer in General:

1. Too many cooks in the mix (Assignors) for too many Leagues in the area. No one talks to one another in general.
I would contend that there is NOT a lack of Refs in the area to cover games. When I receive email blasts from Assignors, it generally goes out to over 1200 people from one Assignor. The problem is getting these folks properly Assigned.
In order to get a Ref assignment one must email the Assignor and request a game(s). Then the Assignor emails back if the Ref is selected and the Ref must Accept the game. If the Ref never hears back from the Assignor, the game was claimed by another Ref. Often I have requested games and did not receive the Assignment(s) and therefore did not Ref any games that day even though I was available to Ref. Point is there is no one System to get Games assigned to Refs. I believe there are enough Refs in the area to cover games, just the Systems are inept to communicate with one another to make sure all games get covered.

2. There are very good Refs from age 13 and up out there. There are some very bad Refs from age 13 and up out there. Age is not the issue. A desire to Oversee Rules of A Game and to fairly call that game is what is needed. 3 Refs cannot see everything but they need to make sure fairness is upheld. Because of the "implied" shortage of Refs, there are no Standards Refs must adhere to and no Performance Reviews they need to worry about. Even Refs who consistently behave poorly and receive complaints through League avenues, get no recourse or even feedback. There is no incentive to make bad Refs good ones, or to weed out the bad ones.

3. Parents/Coaches and Club Administrators for the most part believe Refs are another "team" or "opposition" working against them to achieve their goals of winning. I have seen it and heard it from hundreds and thousands of mouths. This must change and it should come from the Clubs themselves.

4. Why become a Ref? I did it because I love the game and want to be involved with making the game better where it is needed the most, good Officiating. It is hard to convince someone without the love of the game to become a Ref. It is not because of money. In fact, a Ref must often wait up to 30days to even get paid for games worked. There are games on October I worked and still have not gotten paid for (it is Nov. 25th) Assignors claim Leagues do not pay them until a certain date and then the Refs get their pay. Again this is a terrible System for keeping Refs over the long haul. Why continue to wait for payment for games over a month old when parents & Coaches abuse and belittle Refs every weekend?

The game used to be for the kids to love and to learn and to play. It is a far cry from that now. Just as everything else, people hungry for money co-opt the situation for their own gain. Youth/Travel Soccer has been bought by Business interests to fulfill their own aspirations, not aspirations of players. Same can be said for Referees.
Are the peole and powers that be, really looking out for the Players as a whole? I dare say no.

I 100% agree especially with #1. The logistics of how the assignors assign refs is absolutely crazy to me. I don’t have a solution but every time I think - there has to be a better way!

I agree with #1 as well. It's frustrating. You request a game two weeks in advance and you keep that time slot open and you never hear back. Personally, this is mostly on only one Assignor. The others are usually very responsive when it comes to this. Most are first come first serve as long as you are reasonably qualified. However, I think one, and it's the same one that often takes forever to assign games, plays favorites. Then he takes forever to pay you.

[Anonymous]

US soccer ref abuse prevention. Link below. That is an attempt of an answer. But the reporting part is too complicated in my opinion. I hope these young refs fill out the game reports every time. As for tourneys, they must have a clearer policy about coaches responsibilities. If your kid is a ref and was abused, have them fill out these reports, they do not need to show cards during games. And if it crosses the line (threats) the is an issue you must take to the police station. Adults have to be accountable.


https://www.ussoccer.com/rap