Referee Abuse

[Anonymous]

Dear Lord. Had the “privilege” to watch my 13-year old daughter referee 6 matches this weekend at the Herndon All Star Rec Tournament. Watched her get verbally abused by two coaches, including one who continued yelling at her post-match at Hutchison Park, until I interceded from the parent sideline. (I have coached, I have my licenses, I’ve watched close to a thousand youth soccer matches the last 15 years with 3 daughters playing & me coaching so I know the sport) & told the woman to just stop. This was U11. Rec soccer. A 25 minute match. Her team lost by one goal. A clean goal. Her team never scores. And ironically the one match my daughter called where she didn’t make a mistake (admittedly she missed a few inconsequential calls in other matches). Please, coaches. And parents. Stop abusing referees. There were 18 boys on the field. One ref doing the best she could to get every call right. Take it down a notch, parents & coaches. Expect refs to not get it perfect every time. Sometimes you have a better view from your lawn chair or the bench than the center ref. Appreciate that & respect the fact they are doing the best they can. It’s youth soccer. Watch your kids compete & do their best. And please don’t expect perfection from referees. Thank you. Rant out.

[Anonymous]

So I'm a 50 year old dad with two sons that played soccer (ones still plays) and I coached both when they were younger, I have licenses, etc. I don't coach any longer but I've been reffing with my oldest son for about 6 years and my younger son refs now too. So I've seen my share of matches at well over the years. So your daughter is 13 so a brand new ref (how many matches under her belt?) and you thought it was a good idea to allow her to solo ref (because U11s don't have full crews at this tournament) a 9v9 boys match where she needs to watch offside on both ends, watch the goal line on both ends, and touch line to touch line and you thought it was going to end well? And if you watched as many matches as you said, you should know that this age and level is prime for psychotic parents and coaches. I, personally, would NEVER center this match. Now, should that coach have gave her a hard time?...of course not. That's a huge problem...but you know they do anyway. They are crazy. But you threw your daughter into the fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I'm a 50 year old dad with two sons that played soccer (ones still plays) and I coached both when they were younger, I have licenses, etc. I don't coach any longer but I've been reffing with my oldest son for about 6 years and my younger son refs now too. So I've seen my share of matches at well over the years. So your daughter is 13 so a brand new ref (how many matches under her belt?) and you thought it was a good idea to allow her to solo ref (because U11s don't have full crews at this tournament) a 9v9 boys match where she needs to watch offside on both ends, watch the goal line on both ends, and touch line to touch line and you thought it was going to end well? And if you watched as many matches as you said, you should know that this age and level is prime for psychotic parents and coaches. I, personally, would NEVER center this match. Now, should that coach have gave her a hard time?...of course not. That's a huge problem...but you know they do anyway. They are crazy. But you threw your daughter into the fire.

Your victim blaming is delightful.

Look, my 14 year old son also refs rec games- because it’s a decent job that pays well. Hes also doing it because they can’t fill the roles with older refs. Why? Because of parents. If parents don’t improve their behavior on the sidelines, then there will soon be no refs at all for games.

Also, the idea that full grown adult parents of 10 year old rec soccer players don’t recognize that it’s not ok to harrass the 13 year old ref doing her best, is astonishing to me. I’m sure these same parents would go ape shit if someone looked cross-eyed at their own tween.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I'm a 50 year old dad with two sons that played soccer (ones still plays) and I coached both when they were younger, I have licenses, etc. I don't coach any longer but I've been reffing with my oldest son for about 6 years and my younger son refs now too. So I've seen my share of matches at well over the years. So your daughter is 13 so a brand new ref (how many matches under her belt?) and you thought it was a good idea to allow her to solo ref (because U11s don't have full crews at this tournament) a 9v9 boys match where she needs to watch offside on both ends, watch the goal line on both ends, and touch line to touch line and you thought it was going to end well? And if you watched as many matches as you said, you should know that this age and level is prime for psychotic parents and coaches. I, personally, would NEVER center this match. Now, should that coach have gave her a hard time?...of course not. That's a huge problem...but you know they do anyway. They are crazy. But you threw your daughter into the fire.

Your victim blaming is delightful.

Look, my 14 year old son also refs rec games- because it’s a decent job that pays well. Hes also doing it because they can’t fill the roles with older refs. Why? Because of parents. If parents don’t improve their behavior on the sidelines, then there will soon be no refs at all for games.

Also, the idea that full grown adult parents of 10 year old rec soccer players don’t recognize that it’s not ok to harrass the 13 year old ref doing her best, is astonishing to me. I’m sure these same parents would go ape shit if someone looked cross-eyed at their own tween.

I am not blaming the victim whatsoever. I agree that grown adults shouldn't say anything to the ref (ESPECIALLY YOUNG TEENS....BUT THEY DO!) I get all your points, but, until the parents and coaches stop acting the way they do, I would NOT have 13 year old daughter solo ref a 9v9 (or even 7v7) tournament game because I know some a-hole is going to say something to her and I would lose my temper and now I'm in the face of the coach/parent and all hell is breaking loose. It's really, really hard for 13/14 year olds to get the experience they need because I believe they need to start off as AR for like a year. But ARs (full crews) start at U13 so they'd be ARing their own age group, which might not be the best. And they just are not ready to solo solo ref. Solo reffing is hard! I wish more rec programs had ARs for their U10s and U11s so young refs can gain more experience. I am not blaming the victim here or at least that is not my intention but having a 13-14 year old solo ref a tournament game is crazy to me. You are asking for trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I'm a 50 year old dad with two sons that played soccer (ones still plays) and I coached both when they were younger, I have licenses, etc. I don't coach any longer but I've been reffing with my oldest son for about 6 years and my younger son refs now too. So I've seen my share of matches at well over the years. So your daughter is 13 so a brand new ref (how many matches under her belt?) and you thought it was a good idea to allow her to solo ref (because U11s don't have full crews at this tournament) a 9v9 boys match where she needs to watch offside on both ends, watch the goal line on both ends, and touch line to touch line and you thought it was going to end well? And if you watched as many matches as you said, you should know that this age and level is prime for psychotic parents and coaches. I, personally, would NEVER center this match. Now, should that coach have gave her a hard time?...of course not. That's a huge problem...but you know they do anyway. They are crazy. But you threw your daughter into the fire.

Your victim blaming is delightful.

Look, my 14 year old son also refs rec games- because it’s a decent job that pays well. Hes also doing it because they can’t fill the roles with older refs. Why? Because of parents. If parents don’t improve their behavior on the sidelines, then there will soon be no refs at all for games.

Also, the idea that full grown adult parents of 10 year old rec soccer players don’t recognize that it’s not ok to harrass the 13 year old ref doing her best, is astonishing to me. I’m sure these same parents would go ape shit if someone looked cross-eyed at their own tween.

I am not blaming the victim whatsoever. I agree that grown adults shouldn't say anything to the ref (ESPECIALLY YOUNG TEENS....BUT THEY DO!) I get all your points, but, until the parents and coaches stop acting the way they do, I would NOT have 13 year old daughter solo ref a 9v9 (or even 7v7) tournament game because I know some a-hole is going to say something to her and I would lose my temper and now I'm in the face of the coach/parent and all hell is breaking loose. It's really, really hard for 13/14 year olds to get the experience they need because I believe they need to start off as AR for like a year. But ARs (full crews) start at U13 so they'd be ARing their own age group, which might not be the best. And they just are not ready to solo solo ref. Solo reffing is hard! I wish more rec programs had ARs for their U10s and U11s so young refs can gain more experience. I am not blaming the victim here or at least that is not my intention but having a 13-14 year old solo ref a tournament game is crazy to me. You are asking for trouble.

And if we don't allow our kids to do these games, then they definitely won't have enough refs and THEN maybe they'll do something about it. But we can say that adults shouldn't say anything to refs until we are blue in the face but NO ONE does anything about it because refs still show up and take it.

[Anonymous]

Thirteen year old children should not be professional referees. It's just a really bad idea. Obviously these coaches should have behaved better, based on your description. But you are just asking for trouble to force the coaches to pretend like the child referee is a serious authority figure on the field who has the judgment and knowledge to call the game fairly and-more importantly-ensure the safety of all the other children playing the game.

[Anonymous]

Do you not understand that there is a nationwide referee shortage, because of refs and parents abusing them? No adult is going to take the abuse, and most of the teens are too intimidated to red card the abusive coaches and parents.

Until the abuse stops, you will see more and more kids refereeing games - and they will quit too, which means more churn and less development, which means they'll not improve and we're all stuck with those who are learning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thirteen year old children should not be professional referees. It's just a really bad idea. Obviously these coaches should have behaved better, based on your description. But you are just asking for trouble to force the coaches to pretend like the child referee is a serious authority figure on the field who has the judgment and knowledge to call the game fairly and-more importantly-ensure the safety of all the other children playing the game.

this maybe the child refs need a safesport portal to keep the coaches honest/at bay.

Call it the abusive game coach portal

[Anonymous]

I'm an older ref and us older refs also often get abused, but, without older refs, these leagues and tournaments definitely would not happen. I refereed maybe 8 mini games over the weekend U13s and U16s and the coaches and parents were all quite pleasant actually. Pretty rare but on the flip side, the weekend before I was doing a rec tournament and it was U11 girls. This girl on the blue team tripped and really hit hard. You can tell she was hurt. The ball went up field. I turned quickly to see who had possession and blue was about to get the ball as the white team was well behind in the race for the ball. I blew the whistle to stop play for an injury and call drop for blue. The drop ball goes to the team that last possessed/touched the ball. I didn't see who touched the ball last because the injured player had my attention for an extra few seconds. Well the white team coach went absolutely bananas that I was giving the drop to blue since blue was the team that was hurt. I guess I could have waited until the blue team got to the ball and touched it, but I don't even think that would have mattered to the coach because he thought it should go to white because a blue player was hurt. I mean this how petty these coaches are. There's a little tiny 10 year old lying there crying and this coach is going nuts over a drop ball and he was wrong about the rule. I'm sure there are millions of examples of coaches acting ridiculous over something petty like a throw in call or something. But it's just so important for these coaches, parents, and players to win that common sense is out the window. I was doing a U12 boys game recently and these parents SCREAMED about EVERY SINGLE CALL. I mean even calls I made. I blew the whistle and called offside. The parents were screaming that it was offside. I'm like...I know! That's why I blew the whistle. They just can not help themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thirteen year old children should not be professional referees. It's just a really bad idea. Obviously these coaches should have behaved better, based on your description. But you are just asking for trouble to force the coaches to pretend like the child referee is a serious authority figure on the field who has the judgment and knowledge to call the game fairly and-more importantly-ensure the safety of all the other children playing the game.

this maybe the child refs need a safesport portal to keep the coaches honest/at bay.

Call it the abusive game coach portal

Are you saying that referees should be able to report abusive coaches to safesport? Geez. Not bad in theory but Safesport would have to hire thousands to investigate all the incidents.

[Anonymous]

My dc played in this tournament at Lake Fairfax-U14 boys. We had excellent refs and the tournament was very well-run.

However, the behavior of some of the parents, coaches and players was absolutely disgusting.

CYA parents got a yellow card for general obnoxiousness. FPYC coaches got a yellow card for encouraging dirty play. FPYC players got three yellow cards for hard fouls in one game. FPYC parents were heckling players on the opposing team! These are 12 yo boys!

It was completely ridiculous: these are rec games meant to be fun for the kids. Maybe they should just make all the adults sit in the parking lot and the kids can coach themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thirteen year old children should not be professional referees. It's just a really bad idea. Obviously these coaches should have behaved better, based on your description. But you are just asking for trouble to force the coaches to pretend like the child referee is a serious authority figure on the field who has the judgment and knowledge to call the game fairly and-more importantly-ensure the safety of all the other children playing the game.

Yes, the coaches should be submitting to the authority of a teen referee. If not, they should be carded and ejected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I'm a 50 year old dad with two sons that played soccer (ones still plays) and I coached both when they were younger, I have licenses, etc. I don't coach any longer but I've been reffing with my oldest son for about 6 years and my younger son refs now too. So I've seen my share of matches at well over the years. So your daughter is 13 so a brand new ref (how many matches under her belt?) and you thought it was a good idea to allow her to solo ref (because U11s don't have full crews at this tournament) a 9v9 boys match where she needs to watch offside on both ends, watch the goal line on both ends, and touch line to touch line and you thought it was going to end well? And if you watched as many matches as you said, you should know that this age and level is prime for psychotic parents and coaches. I, personally, would NEVER center this match. Now, should that coach have gave her a hard time?...of course not. That's a huge problem...but you know they do anyway. They are crazy. But you threw your daughter into the fire.

You think u11 rec boys parents are the craziest level?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thirteen year old children should not be professional referees. It's just a really bad idea. Obviously these coaches should have behaved better, based on your description. But you are just asking for trouble to force the coaches to pretend like the child referee is a serious authority figure on the field who has the judgment and knowledge to call the game fairly and-more importantly-ensure the safety of all the other children playing the game.

Fine no refs for rec soccer. Done.

[Anonymous]

My boys are older teens who played many all star tournaments and I can confidently say CYA, FPYC and Loudoun have the worst parents.