Why do some women think it's acceptable to get engaged without a ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I feel sorry for you that your relationship with your DH was so tenuous during your dating period that you didn't think he was serious without a ring. A lot of us had stronger partnerships in dating than that. Maybe that explains your perspective; that your boyfriend/now DH was lukewarm towards you.

OP here. I'm really sorry that your partner didn't respect you enough to propose or to buy you a ring. My relationship with him before marriage was fine.

DP. I'm sorry you think material things are a reflection of respect and esteem. I'm sorry you've gotten to the age you are and still don't know your preferences are not the preferences of others.

How have a ring and a proposal ever prevented infidelity, violence and divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He didn't get a ring. I didn't want a ring. He built me a greenhouse, which is far more meaningful for me

We also just agreed to get married.


worry less about other people's relationships and focus on your own.

I am seriously jealous of your greenhouse! That is one of the most romantic things I've ever heard.

Rings are BORING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of cool girls here. Men play the field if they can and are generally less concerned with commitment than women are. A man proposing and giving you a ring is letting you know they want to commit to you and that you're not only for a fun time. Men that don't propose with a ring don't value their partners as much. OP is right in being concerned.

My now husband dated other women before me and he wasn't really into marriage until he met me. I knew he wanted me for the long run because he planned a very romantic proposal and he's been keeping up with this after marriage. He provides for me and our children. I don't have to come home stressed out to a bunch of chores because he takes care of the financial aspects. My friends who agreed to an "equal" marriage ditching all traditions have to work and raise kids because their husbands don't make enough money or refuse being the breadwinners.

I think you dated very different men than I did. My DH was all in on our relationship. I never once thought "well if there's no ring, he's probably still shopping around." He wasn't. We bought a house together before we got married. Put your names down on a 400k mortgage and then tell me you need a freaking diamond to prove he's not still "playing the field."

If you date serious people who are adults, you don't need them to prove that they care about you by buying you a piece of jewelry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The olds’ hypocrisy of “The man proposes with a diamond ring on bended knee after getting permission from her father” but “I am a proud feminist” simply cannot die off soon enough.

Gag.

Has any of the women here who expects a ring identifiex herself as a feminist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He didn't get a ring. I didn't want a ring. He built me a greenhouse, which is far more meaningful for me

We also just agreed to get married.


worry less about other people's relationships and focus on your own.

I am seriously jealous of your greenhouse! That is one of the most romantic things I've ever heard.

Rings are BORING.

Lol! I love it, and it really reflected how well he knew me. I get more use out of it than I would have out of a ring. I have nothing against rings, or women who want them, it's just not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He didn't get a ring. I didn't want a ring. He built me a greenhouse, which is far more meaningful for me

We also just agreed to get married.


worry less about other people's relationships and focus on your own.

I am seriously jealous of your greenhouse! That is one of the most romantic things I've ever heard.

Rings are BORING.

+1 very sweet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH told me he loved me and wanted to marry me pretty early on. It didn’t feel formal until he had a ring.

If they have a date, that is more important than an actual ring. In some lower SES, people seem to be engaged forever and never have a wedding. It feels the guy gave the woman a ring and is not actually committed or wants to get married.

DCUM never fails to deliver its grain of subtle sexism wrapped up in elitism. If marriage doesn't happen it's because the man decided it this way. Women all want to get married have no say over a marriage not happening. And of course, no engagement has failed in higher SES. Every relationship there always goes as planned.

Of course there are failed engagements.

I just knew some women who were engaged, had babies and never planned a wedding, never got married. I’m not sure if they couldn’t afford a wedding or never planned to get married. I personally would have wanted to be married (courthouse ok) before giving birth to a baby. The older I get, the more old fashioned I become.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister and another friend got "engaged" recently. None of them had rings and in the case of my sister, there was not even a proposal, just her and the guy agreeing on a date to get married later this year. I feel like it sets the bar very low for their partners and it's not something women should be ok with. My husband too popped the question without one and it felt incredibly informal, as if he wasn't serious about getting married. I told him that a ring was important to me and he popped the question again a week later with a ring.

A ring doesn't even need to be expensive, there are many cute rings for less than $500. It's the symbolism behind it that's important. It doesn't seem that my friend and sister are being taken seriously by their men, but they look like they're ok with it which is baffling. Women should stop pretending to be cool girls and set higher standards for their partners.

Haven’t read the thread but the symbolism is exactly why many people don’t want an engagement ring. Whereas a marriage ring is worn by both parties and signifies a mutual commitment, an engagement ring is just to signal that a woman has been claimed by a man. No thanks. And the diamond thing has its own issues. Anyone who wants a ring, go ahead, but opting out is usually intentional.

Married, did not have a proposal, did not wear an engagement ring, no one has ever noticed or cared (or so I thought lol)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of cool girls here. Men play the field if they can and are generally less concerned with commitment than women are. A man proposing and giving you a ring is letting you know they want to commit to you and that you're not only for a fun time. Men that don't propose with a ring don't value their partners as much. OP is right in being concerned.

My now husband dated other women before me and he wasn't really into marriage until he met me. I knew he wanted me for the long run because he planned a very romantic proposal and he's been keeping up with this after marriage. He provides for me and our children. I don't have to come home stressed out to a bunch of chores because he takes care of the financial aspects. My friends who agreed to an "equal" marriage ditching all traditions have to work and raise kids because their husbands don't make enough money or refuse being the breadwinners.

I think you dated very different men than I did. My DH was all in on our relationship. I never once thought "well if there's no ring, he's probably still shopping around." He wasn't. We bought a house together before we got married. Put your names down on a 400k mortgage and then tell me you need a freaking diamond to prove he's not still "playing the field."

If you date serious people who are adults, you don't need them to prove that they care about you by buying you a piece of jewelry.

Yes, this. If you need the ring to know he’s serious then that’s a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He didn't get a ring. I didn't want a ring. He built me a greenhouse, which is far more meaningful for me

We also just agreed to get married.


worry less about other people's relationships and focus on your own.

I am seriously jealous of your greenhouse! That is one of the most romantic things I've ever heard.

Rings are BORING.

Lol! I love it, and it really reflected how well he knew me. I get more use out of it than I would have out of a ring. I have nothing against rings, or women who want them, it's just not me.

DP. That's awesome! How lovely he recognized what was meaningful to you. I'm sure it was a labor of love!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So like no diamond engagement ring ever?

Just a question and start planning?

I suppose that’s how how lots of the world does it and then just wears wedding bands once married.

Lots of the world don't even wear wedding bands.

[Anonymous]

My spouse of ten years and three kids did not get me a ring. We also had a 4 person wedding in a church. He did however have the down payment saved up for a house which we now both own. Tokens are not the important part op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because to them it's acceptable. If none of the parties care about rings and proposals why should they go ahead with it? It sounds like you are the one with the problem.

I know they find it acceptable. That's the point. It's sad they're ok with it.

Why is it sad if they love each other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The olds’ hypocrisy of “The man proposes with a diamond ring on bended knee after getting permission from her father” but “I am a proud feminist” simply cannot die off soon enough.

Gag.

Has any of the women here who expects a ring identifiex herself as a feminist?

I don't know how they could. Feminism is about having choices and honoring the choice. Expecting a proposal and an engagement ring is anti-feminist even when it's a role reversal - their expectation is that a man will meet the expectation of gendered role simply because he's male. It's definitely contrary to feminism.

[Anonymous]

People that want and care about engagement rings should marry others that feel the same way.

People that don’t want them should marry others that don’t care about them.

Everyone should refrain from judging others’ choices as to whether or not they want a ring.

*problem solved*