Preschool vs Daycare Wars

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw nanny shares are unlicensed daycares, no thanks.

Yup. And in home daycares sketch me out. Sure, the people that work there on paper are licensed, but what about their creepy male relative that lives there? I’m not letting my two daughters near anyone that hasn’t been CORI checked (might be a Massachusetts thing although I’m sure something similar exists in each state).

I’m the PP who pays my nanny $70K a year and she’s our nanny - it’s actually not the same as an unlicensed daycare center but I guess since you think daycare and preschool are the same thing you hear “nanny” and instead of assuming a caregiving for children in a family you bizarrely hear “unlicensed daycare center with sketchy male relative hanging around.” And thanks for congratulating me. I work very hard as does my nanny and it’s important to be to provide fair compensation to her and the teachers at my children’s preschool. A distinction that I am making between daycare and the set up that I pay for (nanny + preschool) - for the poster who asked what the point of this comment was.

It is only important to you to police how others refer to their daytime child arrangements to ensure you can make “a distinction” about your own? Are you that hard up for validation about your own choices?

It’s a bit like how if someone needs to say over and over that they’re in charge…it’s likely they’re not.

Call your setup “a nanny + preschool” and don’t worry about what other people call theirs. It’s got nothing to do with you, and doesn’t add to, or detract from, the choices you’re making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw nanny shares are unlicensed daycares, no thanks.

Yup. And in home daycares sketch me out. Sure, the people that work there on paper are licensed, but what about their creepy male relative that lives there? I’m not letting my two daughters near anyone that hasn’t been CORI checked (might be a Massachusetts thing although I’m sure something similar exists in each state).

I’m the PP who pays my nanny $70K a year and she’s our nanny - it’s actually not the same as an unlicensed daycare center but I guess since you think daycare and preschool are the same thing you hear “nanny” and instead of assuming a caregiving for children in a family you bizarrely hear “unlicensed daycare center with sketchy male relative hanging around.” And thanks for congratulating me. I work very hard as does my nanny and it’s important to be to provide fair compensation to her and the teachers at my children’s preschool. A distinction that I am making between daycare and the set up that I pay for (nanny + preschool) - for the poster who asked what the point of this comment was.

I didn’t congratulate you on anything. Hope you don’t split your head open when you fall off of your high horse.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a lot of comments -

For kids under four, the “education” provided at half day preschools is equivalent to that at quality daycares. (I had four kids go through half day preschool).

Parents use “school” instead of daycare because of (1) society’s negative perceptions of daycare or (2) some weird mom guilt thing.

(I say this as someone who had a nanny for many, many years). Nannies are overvalued. I think parents need to justify spending $60k per year on childcare so they convince themselves that their nanny is so much better than a daycare worker. In doing so, they characterize daycares and daycare workers as inferior when really those workers often have the same credentials and temperament as a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The data just doesn’t support group learning before age 3 or so. If your goal is to ‘school’ a two year old you would hire a nanny because they are learning from a single caregiver and not from peers. The peers are only competitors for the caregivers attention. Any center that is trying to sell you on STEM classes for 2 year olds is ripping you off. They are usually just trying to distract you from the caregiver ratio.

Look for a high caregiver ratio not a curriculum or ‘school’ before age 3/4. Often an in-home daycare is better in this regard, frankly.

After age 3/4 they do learn from peers so there is definite benefit to a school environment.

Let’s just be honest about the tough choices all parents make and not let an industry try to sell us on non-evidence based nonsense.

https://criticalscience.medium.com/on-the-science-of-daycare-4d1ab4c2efb4#:~:text=Children%20spending%20long%20hours%20in,negative%20effect%20on%20later%20behavior.

If you actually read the studies cited on this blog post you'll see "the data" is not nearly as definitive as the author makes it sound. Talk to any speech therapist that works with young toddlers and they will tell you many 1 year olds with expressive language delays magically start talking when they are in a group setting. Just because they aren't playing cooperatively yet doesn't mean they aren't learning from each other.

In my sample size one family, where my daughter had 1:1 and sometimes 2:1 (two teachers to her alone) care (COVID wasn’t bad for everything) I found she made huge strides when she spent time with her cousins compared to with adults alone. Babies are absolutely fascinated by other children. And everyone I know with two kids praises to the skies the benefits of the first child “teaching” the second potty training.

But also? It doesn’t matter. This isn’t about whether daycare and preschool are good options or whether we all should eat rice and beans and never travel to stay home with our kids.

This is about people who actually care what other parents call their childcare. And that’s nothing but sad. I can’t be angry at someone who has that little validating their parenting that this is what they’re fixed on.

I think it’s degrading to NOT use the appropriate language when talking about early childhood development, especially saying ‘it’s all interchangeable.’ It’s a very nuanced field and every stage has different developmental needs and milestones that must be met. insisting that your 2 yo is in in ‘school’ instead of childcare is irrational, because that’s not even an ideal environment for a 2yo. It just shows ignorance and probably guilt. Daycare and/or childcare should not be ‘dirty words.’ They are developmentally appropriate descriptions of care settings.

Once again child care professionals do not use the term "daycare" - it is not anymore appropriate than "school". Btw there are absolutely preschools near me that have half-day 2/3 days per week programs for 2 year olds. Even if daycare were an appropriate term in general it certainly would not apply to that.

There is literally a thread right below this one in which a mom at first thinks she either needs a nanny OR a preschool for her 2 yo and everyone explains that the pre-school does not equal daycare/childcare for working parents. So yes words DO matter and saying ‘it’s all interchangeable’ is confusing at best and even deliberately deceptive (by people trying to upsell group childcare) at worst.

I have always been a working mom. I have used various combos of daycares, Nannie’s, and preschools For my three kids under 7. All have pluses and minuses, and are family and kid-specific choices. But we need to be honest and realistic about distinguishing the needs of a 2 yo vs a 5 yo.

The OP of that thread was clear that the preschool option was only 5 hours per week. The replies acknowledged that she was unlikely to be done with work in only 5 hours per week. Everyone managed to stay on track and give practical advice without confusion because she provided adequate information. If she was considering a preschool program every morning for 4 hours (which absolutely do exist and are typically more expensive) the advice would have been potentially different. If the OP had refused to clarify the number of hours or made a huff tha obviously everyone should know that preschool is only 5 hours a week she probably would not have gotten as many relevant responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a lot of comments -

For kids under four, the “education” provided at half day preschools is equivalent to that at quality daycares. (I had four kids go through half day preschool).

Parents use “school” instead of daycare because of (1) society’s negative perceptions of daycare or (2) some weird mom guilt thing.

(I say this as someone who had a nanny for many, many years). Nannies are overvalued. I think parents need to justify spending $60k per year on childcare so they convince themselves that their nanny is so much better than a daycare worker. In doing so, they characterize daycares and daycare workers as inferior when really those workers often have the same credentials and temperament as a nanny.

You forgot to mention also that child care professionals don't use the term "daycare" and don't think it is appropriate, probably because you have zero respect for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a lot of comments -

For kids under four, the “education” provided at half day preschools is equivalent to that at quality daycares. (I had four kids go through half day preschool).

Parents use “school” instead of daycare because of (1) society’s negative perceptions of daycare or (2) some weird mom guilt thing.

(I say this as someone who had a nanny for many, many years). Nannies are overvalued. I think parents need to justify spending $60k per year on childcare so they convince themselves that their nanny is so much better than a daycare worker. In doing so, they characterize daycares and daycare workers as inferior when really those workers often have the same credentials and temperament as a nanny.

Your particular nanny may not have been worth the cost. My nanny is a much better carer than a daycare worker and worth every penny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a lot of comments -

For kids under four, the “education” provided at half day preschools is equivalent to that at quality daycares. (I had four kids go through half day preschool).

Parents use “school” instead of daycare because of (1) society’s negative perceptions of daycare or (2) some weird mom guilt thing.

(I say this as someone who had a nanny for many, many years). Nannies are overvalued. I think parents need to justify spending $60k per year on childcare so they convince themselves that their nanny is so much better than a daycare worker. In doing so, they characterize daycares and daycare workers as inferior when really those workers often have the same credentials and temperament as a nanny.

Your particular nanny may not have been worth the cost. My nanny is a much better carer than a daycare worker and worth every penny.

Translation: she makes MY life easier

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a lot of comments -

For kids under four, the “education” provided at half day preschools is equivalent to that at quality daycares. (I had four kids go through half day preschool).

Parents use “school” instead of daycare because of (1) society’s negative perceptions of daycare or (2) some weird mom guilt thing.

(I say this as someone who had a nanny for many, many years). Nannies are overvalued. I think parents need to justify spending $60k per year on childcare so they convince themselves that their nanny is so much better than a daycare worker. In doing so, they characterize daycares and daycare workers as inferior when really those workers often have the same credentials and temperament as a nanny.

Your particular nanny may not have been worth the cost. My nanny is a much better carer than a daycare worker and worth every penny.

But how would you know this? It depends on the nanny and on the daycare, which I think is the PP’s point. Your nanny may be better, and that’s great. We have a wonderful daycare where several of the care providers have a Bachelor’s degree in teaching or are currently studying to get one. I’m going to guess the majority of nannies don’t have that. And that’s okay. But to say one is unequivocally better than the other is too simplistic.

[Anonymous]

I sent my child to a preschool that had before and after care and functioned as a daycare for me so I could work full-time. I would use the terms daycare and preschool interchangeably for my situation. I will say that my full day preschool was 2x the price of a standard daycare, and I think the quality of teachers was higher based on my observations when I toured different daycares and schools. So many daycares are so low in quality, that I think the term has come to have a negative connotation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a lot of comments -

For kids under four, the “education” provided at half day preschools is equivalent to that at quality daycares. (I had four kids go through half day preschool).

Parents use “school” instead of daycare because of (1) society’s negative perceptions of daycare or (2) some weird mom guilt thing.

(I say this as someone who had a nanny for many, many years). Nannies are overvalued. I think parents need to justify spending $60k per year on childcare so they convince themselves that their nanny is so much better than a daycare worker. In doing so, they characterize daycares and daycare workers as inferior when really those workers often have the same credentials and temperament as a nanny.

Your particular nanny may not have been worth the cost. My nanny is a much better carer than a daycare worker and worth every penny.

But how would you know this? It depends on the nanny and on the daycare, which I think is the PP’s point. Your nanny may be better, and that’s great. We have a wonderful daycare where several of the care providers have a Bachelor’s degree in teaching or are currently studying to get one. I’m going to guess the majority of nannies don’t have that. And that’s okay. But to say one is unequivocally better than the other is too simplistic.

Not to mention for some families a nanny is just not better logistically. If you have two parents WFH in an apartment, it really doesn't work. Hell, I have a friend with a decent sized house who was thrilled to send her kids back to daycare because they were all at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a lot of comments -

For kids under four, the “education” provided at half day preschools is equivalent to that at quality daycares. (I had four kids go through half day preschool).

Parents use “school” instead of daycare because of (1) society’s negative perceptions of daycare or (2) some weird mom guilt thing.

(I say this as someone who had a nanny for many, many years). Nannies are overvalued. I think parents need to justify spending $60k per year on childcare so they convince themselves that their nanny is so much better than a daycare worker. In doing so, they characterize daycares and daycare workers as inferior when really those workers often have the same credentials and temperament as a nanny.

The value of a nanny is that my children can nap in the comfort of their own home, be on their own schedule, and get away from the stress of interacting with other toddlers who have no social skills (see daycare cortisol studies). My kids are calmer and happier. Some kids are more extroverted and prefer the noisy daycare environment or do fine without proper naps, and that's fine for them.

[Anonymous]

We do nanny+preschool. Preschool is at our local elementary school and the full time program is 12hrs/week so it really doesn’t provide any childcare function.

I wish there wasn’t a stigma around calling daycare daycare, it just seems like daycares and parents feel pressure to show that their childcare (whatever it is) is quality and high level. This is dcum, I’m sure most parents have researched and chosen childcare that is reputable and meets their family’s needs.

Also, I get that there are lots of daycares that also provide preschool. I say call it whatever you want, I don’t care and wouldn’t care enough to correct a person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With my first child I truly had no idea the word ‘daycare’ had a negative connotation and was so confused when people would suggest putting my 9mo old in preschool.

Holy crap, this might explain all the really weird conversations I had when we moved to this area. So many people kept asking me if we had found a preschool for our daughter yet or where she went to preschool and I would always say "oh no, she's tall for her age but she's only two."

I was confused and worried that everyone assumed she should be in school already because we thought even preschool at three is kind of optional...

Well I feel pretty stupid now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a lot of comments -

For kids under four, the “education” provided at half day preschools is equivalent to that at quality daycares. (I had four kids go through half day preschool).

Parents use “school” instead of daycare because of (1) society’s negative perceptions of daycare or (2) some weird mom guilt thing.

(I say this as someone who had a nanny for many, many years). Nannies are overvalued. I think parents need to justify spending $60k per year on childcare so they convince themselves that their nanny is so much better than a daycare worker. In doing so, they characterize daycares and daycare workers as inferior when really those workers often have the same credentials and temperament as a nanny.

The value of a nanny is that my children can nap in the comfort of their own home, be on their own schedule, and get away from the stress of interacting with other toddlers who have no social skills (see daycare cortisol studies). My kids are calmer and happier. Some kids are more extroverted and prefer the noisy daycare environment or do fine without proper naps, and that's fine for them.

Parent of older teens here. You are the kind of parent I was talking about, the kind that isn’t safe for other kids to be around and that it’s best to stay away from.

[Anonymous]

I’m not reading this whole stupid thread but the answer is glaringly obvious. Free standing centers that for full-day don’t go beyond an age of 3 or 4 are day cares (depending on when pre-k starts). For centers that have nurseries through Pre-K and even on into elementary school, those are preschools.

We use a preschool that also has daycare services to extend the day because we both work.

It seems stupid to acquiesce to DCUM stupidity and call it Preschool and Daycare. We call it school, because we want our kids to begin to get socialized to the idea of school and that it’s what they do during the day. There’s an excitement about it because at this age it’s nothing but fun. They also see older kids going to school and this gets them to understand that this is their school equivalent.