If you left Big Law…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

First off, to the utter ass who implied that I’m stupid because I’m a preschool teacher, screw you. I went to UVA and have a masters in early childhood education. I taught preschool because it’s what I’ve always wanted to do since I was a little girl and I LOVED it. My husband and I decided equally that I would quit my job when my oldest was born because 1) it made sense financially and 2) it was the only job that meant more to me than being a teacher. I’m sorry if your job doesn’t bring you joy or you weren’t supported doing what you love but that was incredibly rude and uncalled for. Luckily you aren’t teaching young children because we certainly don’t need your name calling influencing them.

Also, my youngest in currently in two morning a week preschool. I pick her up at noon. She has two more years of part time school before she starts kindergarten. So in addition to my concerns over what my salary would actually bring in, DH and I are both committed to me being home with her until she goes to school full time. I’m not saying that we can’t be flexible in that if we truly need to be, but when I have offered to look into work he has said he wants me home with her (not in a controlling alpha way, just that we both feel strongly on the importance of one parent home with the child if possible).

First off, totally agree, ignore the ass.

Second, I like the suggestion that maybe your husband could stick with it for a few more years, save as much as possible, and maybe pay down the house. Yes, you can maybe earn more interest with a CD but there is something to be said about the peace of mind of owning your own house. I think the mortgage is your greatest hesitation, so work to pay it down.

I also get the reluctance (on yours or your DH's part) of you going back to work. Staying at home isn't just about saving money on daycare. Kids will have a lot of activities in elementary years and still benefit greatly from having a parent home. But it might be possible to do a part time job or one with flexible schedules so you can still pick your kids up after school.

Even with a partime job OP is going to have to make some major financial sacrifices if her DH goes to the government. She has not yet said anything she’s willing to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is easy. I would live below your means and save a ton for the next year or two and then do this. I would also go back to teaching when the youngest goes to K. Every little bit counts.

+1 It will take 6-9 months to even line up the govt job DH wants to jump ship to. So for 12-18 months: try to live on $180, track expenses to the penny, and pad your savings. OP and co should be able to add 10-15% to their net worth, conservatively, if they do this. They'll have more liquid that they can dedicate to preschool or vacation funds or whatever. And maybe the littlest one will be in public by the time it's time to pull the trigger.

So I would say the answer is yes, absolutely, but let's do this methodically and figure out our spend rate and make sure we have both eyes open. As a former big law lawyer who jumped ship last year - I knew for 6 months what I had lined up for the next step, and those 6 months were blissful in comparison to the previous 3 years. I was still working but I was not ground down because it was temporary. Hopefully OP's DH will get the same relief from having an exit plan in place.

Lastly, OP should keep her options open w/r/t returning to work, because she has a great career for a mom and once all kids are in school it would help to bring in some extra money without needing childcare. But that's a personal family decision and if they can be frugal and stay in public school, they can likely make it work either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is easy. I would live below your means and save a ton for the next year or two and then do this. I would also go back to teaching when the youngest goes to K. Every little bit counts.

+1 It will take 6-9 months to even line up the govt job DH wants to jump ship to. So for 12-18 months: try to live on $180, track expenses to the penny, and pad your savings. OP and co should be able to add 10-15% to their net worth, conservatively, if they do this. They'll have more liquid that they can dedicate to preschool or vacation funds or whatever. And maybe the littlest one will be in public by the time it's time to pull the trigger.

So I would say the answer is yes, absolutely, but let's do this methodically and figure out our spend rate and make sure we have both eyes open. As a former big law lawyer who jumped ship last year - I knew for 6 months what I had lined up for the next step, and those 6 months were blissful in comparison to the previous 3 years. I was still working but I was not ground down because it was temporary. Hopefully OP's DH will get the same relief from having an exit plan in place.

Lastly, OP should keep her options open w/r/t returning to work, because she has a great career for a mom and once all kids are in school it would help to bring in some extra money without needing childcare. But that's a personal family decision and if they can be frugal and stay in public school, they can likely make it work either way.

I’m all for frugality but a family of 5 on a single GS-15 salary is going to be lean, especially for a couple not used to budgeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it's the private school that'll kill you. 50k a year/kid will eat up any savings pretty quickly. Can the oldest move to public?

Op here

My older two are in public school in bethesda. My youngest is in private preschool but we pay about $3,000 a year now. I think even when she is five mornings a week it will be less than $10,000. And we have no plans to move from public. We are in a great cluster and our older two are thriving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it's the private school that'll kill you. 50k a year/kid will eat up any savings pretty quickly. Can the oldest move to public?

Op here

My older two are in public school in bethesda. My youngest is in private preschool but we pay about $3,000 a year now. I think even when she is five mornings a week it will be less than $10,000. And we have no plans to move from public. We are in a great cluster and our older two are thriving

It’s the non-negotiable activities then. You seem like you want the best for your kids - are you going to be fine with significantly worse clothes, activities, etc. than their peers? It’s going to be tough for them to go from 7 figure HHI to what is essentially lower income in the DMV. You live in Bethesda in a good school cluster - you’re going to be around real wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it's the private school that'll kill you. 50k a year/kid will eat up any savings pretty quickly. Can the oldest move to public?

Op here

My older two are in public school in bethesda. My youngest is in private preschool but we pay about $3,000 a year now. I think even when she is five mornings a week it will be less than $10,000. And we have no plans to move from public. We are in a great cluster and our older two are thriving

It’s the non-negotiable activities then. You seem like you want the best for your kids - are you going to be fine with significantly worse clothes, activities, etc. than their peers? It’s going to be tough for them to go from 7 figure HHI to what is essentially lower income in the DMV. You live in Bethesda in a good school cluster - you’re going to be around real wealth.

It could absolutely be done, but it will take very strong mental resolve and belief in the mission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

First off, to the utter ass who implied that I’m stupid because I’m a preschool teacher, screw you. I went to UVA and have a masters in early childhood education. I taught preschool because it’s what I’ve always wanted to do since I was a little girl and I LOVED it. My husband and I decided equally that I would quit my job when my oldest was born because 1) it made sense financially and 2) it was the only job that meant more to me than being a teacher. I’m sorry if your job doesn’t bring you joy or you weren’t supported doing what you love but that was incredibly rude and uncalled for. Luckily you aren’t teaching young children because we certainly don’t need your name calling influencing them.

Also, my youngest in currently in two morning a week preschool. I pick her up at noon. She has two more years of part time school before she starts kindergarten. So in addition to my concerns over what my salary would actually bring in, DH and I are both committed to me being home with her until she goes to school full time. I’m not saying that we can’t be flexible in that if we truly need to be, but when I have offered to look into work he has said he wants me home with her (not in a controlling alpha way, just that we both feel strongly on the importance of one parent home with the child if possible).

OK now I'm curious and I do think this is relevant - what's your backstory? How did you meet, at what points in education/career, etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it's the private school that'll kill you. 50k a year/kid will eat up any savings pretty quickly. Can the oldest move to public?

Op here

My older two are in public school in bethesda. My youngest is in private preschool but we pay about $3,000 a year now. I think even when she is five mornings a week it will be less than $10,000. And we have no plans to move from public. We are in a great cluster and our older two are thriving

It’s the non-negotiable activities then. You seem like you want the best for your kids - are you going to be fine with significantly worse clothes, activities, etc. than their peers? It’s going to be tough for them to go from 7 figure HHI to what is essentially lower income in the DMV. You live in Bethesda in a good school cluster - you’re going to be around real wealth.

Seriously? I am in biglaw and still buy a lot of kid clothes secondhand (at like Kid-to-Kid) because who cares about clothes they grow out of so quickly?! It’s better for the environment too.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn’t he go in house? That seems like a better middle ground. You can live a good life on 500k. On 200k with three kids in a HCOL an area, not so much (particularly coming from seven figures.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn’t he go in house? That seems like a better middle ground. You can live a good life on 500k. On 200k with three kids in a HCOL an area, not so much (particularly coming from seven figures.)

And/or you can get back into the workforce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn’t he go in house? That seems like a better middle ground. You can live a good life on 500k. On 200k with three kids in a HCOL an area, not so much (particularly coming from seven figures.)

And/or you can get back into the workforce.

Yeah, it’s this. OP, I agree you should ignore the rude PP who was insulting for no reason. But you really shouldn’t ignore people who are saying you need to go back to work. I understand your desire to stay home with your youngest. Lots of people have that desire. For most it is not a possibility. That will very likely be your family if your husband goes to government. And he should do that if he’s truly miserable. Biglaw is the worst, and he didn’t get to 7 figures without putting in many years of grueling firm work. Let him take a break (and to be clear, his “break” will still involve a full time job). It’s your turn to do your part for the family. Figure out how to get back into the workforce in the most lucrative way possible, and put your youngest in full time daycare. It’s what literally almost every American family does. You can too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn’t he go in house? That seems like a better middle ground. You can live a good life on 500k. On 200k with three kids in a HCOL an area, not so much (particularly coming from seven figures.)

And/or you can get back into the workforce.

Yeah, it’s this. OP, I agree you should ignore the rude PP who was insulting for no reason. But you really shouldn’t ignore people who are saying you need to go back to work. I understand your desire to stay home with your youngest. Lots of people have that desire. For most it is not a possibility. That will very likely be your family if your husband goes to government. And he should do that if he’s truly miserable. Biglaw is the worst, and he didn’t get to 7 figures without putting in many years of grueling firm work. Let him take a break (and to be clear, his “break” will still involve a full time job). It’s your turn to do your part for the family. Figure out how to get back into the workforce in the most lucrative way possible, and put your youngest in full time daycare. It’s what literally almost every American family does. You can too.

I don’t understand all the posters telling OP to go back to work. She clearly doesn’t want to and won’t. If I were her I would pressure DH to stay in big law longer and then move to in house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

First off, to the utter ass who implied that I’m stupid because I’m a preschool teacher, screw you. I went to UVA and have a masters in early childhood education. I taught preschool because it’s what I’ve always wanted to do since I was a little girl and I LOVED it. My husband and I decided equally that I would quit my job when my oldest was born because 1) it made sense financially and 2) it was the only job that meant more to me than being a teacher. I’m sorry if your job doesn’t bring you joy or you weren’t supported doing what you love but that was incredibly rude and uncalled for. Luckily you aren’t teaching young children because we certainly don’t need your name calling influencing them.

Also, my youngest in currently in two morning a week preschool. I pick her up at noon. She has two more years of part time school before she starts kindergarten. So in addition to my concerns over what my salary would actually bring in, DH and I are both committed to me being home with her until she goes to school full time. I’m not saying that we can’t be flexible in that if we truly need to be, but when I have offered to look into work he has said he wants me home with her (not in a controlling alpha way, just that we both feel strongly on the importance of one parent home with the child if possible).

OK now I'm curious and I do think this is relevant - what's your backstory? How did you meet, at what points in education/career, etc?

I’m not the OP, but a teacher by education who became a SAHM with a big law husband (who later went in house.) We met in undergrad. It’s not complicated.

[Anonymous]

NP, and OP, I agree that you should encourage your husband to go in-house for a more reasonable work/life balance and a salary higher than a government one. My DH was also in big law for 7+ years and together, we were making almost seven figures HHI. He left to go in-house ($400K, base and bonus), and our HHI dropped by a couple hundred thousand, but he’s much healthier, relaxed, and happier, and since he can be more present with the kids, we have also saved money with me cooking more (eating out/ordering out less), not needing a sitter because I was traveling for work, etc. I was making a little over $200K and now make a bit over $300K, so obviously that helps our HHI immensely, but he really did get much better balance back in his life and still maintained a salary much higher than a GS-15.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

First off, to the utter ass who implied that I’m stupid because I’m a preschool teacher, screw you. I went to UVA and have a masters in early childhood education. I taught preschool because it’s what I’ve always wanted to do since I was a little girl and I LOVED it. My husband and I decided equally that I would quit my job when my oldest was born because 1) it made sense financially and 2) it was the only job that meant more to me than being a teacher. I’m sorry if your job doesn’t bring you joy or you weren’t supported doing what you love but that was incredibly rude and uncalled for. Luckily you aren’t teaching young children because we certainly don’t need your name calling influencing them.

Also, my youngest in currently in two morning a week preschool. I pick her up at noon. She has two more years of part time school before she starts kindergarten. So in addition to my concerns over what my salary would actually bring in, DH and I are both committed to me being home with her until she goes to school full time. I’m not saying that we can’t be flexible in that if we truly need to be, but when I have offered to look into work he has said he wants me home with her (not in a controlling alpha way, just that we both feel strongly on the importance of one parent home with the child if possible).

OK now I'm curious and I do think this is relevant - what's your backstory? How did you meet, at what points in education/career, etc?

I’m not the OP, but a teacher by education who became a SAHM with a big law husband (who later went in house.) We met in undergrad. It’s not complicated.

I guess he’s okay with never quitting? Or taking a break? Or having the option?