If you left Big Law…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Did not expect a four page thread on this but I should have known better

So to answer some questions, first off DH hasn’t been making 7 figures as partner for five years, just for the last one. He was 500K, then 650, 800, etc. He worked his way up.

Yes, our savings are our retirement as well, hence why I’m anxious.

For the PP who asked why he’s miserable- I think most people who have been in big law or know someone married to Big law know the answer, but it’s relentless. You’re either crazy busy and stressed or not busy and stressed because you’re worrying about billable hours. You’re at the mercy of the clients anytime day or night. But most of all it’s cutthroat and money and clients are power and DH just doesn’t like to operate that way.

And yes, he’s had a government job before. This is his second firm, and he did five years in govt between them. He loved every second and was so happy, but we then had a third child and our oldest was starting school and we needed to leave DC for better schools and a bigger house so he took one for the team.

And I have never said I’m not open to going back to work once my youngest is in school full day. But as I said I’m a teacher and even if I go back, while it would help, I’m not going to be bringing in anything significant.

Our spending is primarily mortgage, household bills, and food. He’s often not home for dinner and I have three young kids so we eat out or order in more than we would if he switched jobs. His law school loans are paid off, and we have no other debt. I think like a lot of people out discretionary spending is Amazon purchases and target runs and yes it all adds up. We would 100% be willing to rein that in. My concern stems just from the basics- food, mortgage, bills, etc. Our older two kids do a lot of sports (not summer camps because I’m
Home with them and they don’t need to) but we aren’t willing to budge in spending for their activities. We are also committed to 100% financing their undergraduate educations. Neither DH nor I had any undergraduate student loans and we feel very strongly about starting off kids off without debt. If they decide to go to med school or law school or what have you, if we are able to help we will but no guarantees in that front.

I am the poster who asked why your husband is miserable.

I know many biglaw partners who are quite happy and have been for decades.

OP: Maybe it is because this is a DC based website, but the responses are unusual in my experience for one in your situation. I wonder how many posters are actually in biglaw based on the responses.

Your husband wants to quit after his most financially successful year. Of course, there is stress for one with a family of 5 to support and for one generating over a million dollars in annual income. In my opinion, he should tough it out for a few more years to see how he adjusts. If unwilling to do so, then there are more options than just government work. However, SEC attorneys can make about $250,000 while other US government attorneys at the GS-15 level are earning in the $160s to low $180s.

Anyone in biglaw should be aware of at least two other options--going in-house or making an "Of Counsel" agreement instead of being a partner.

Have a very different experience re: the first bolded. Spouse and I both started careers in biglaw and most partners we know/knew are very unhappy. Being happy requires finding the right niche practice area and a special personality type.

That said, agree re: the second bolded. I'd absolutely recommend looking at in-house or Of Counsel arrangements. Should be able to find better income/happiness balance.

Yeah, DH is a lawyer and has done Big Law (two different firms), in house a few places, and is now a partner at a small firm. Most everyone he knows professionally is a lawyer. Almost none of the partners are happy except 1 or 2 notable exceptions who basically don't have to do legal work any more. One just develops work (and is amazing at it) and then hands it off, and the other is a firm managing partner so essentially runs the firm but doesn't service clients. All the other partners we know hate it. Many of them have made their peace and straight up said they are not willing to walk away from the money even if they are unhappy. They have big mortgages and private school bills to pay. Others did leave and are much happier, but those are the ones who were more prudent financially.

But until OP and her husband actually crunch numbers, which it does NOT sound like they have done, they have no clue if they can do what they are proposing. Given their relatively low savings, I suspect she spends much more than she realizes, even if its not on anything fancy. DH and I have determined we need about $225k annual income to what we call "keep the lights on." To us this means pay mortgage and utilities, taxes, maintenence, maximize retirement and college savings vehicles, pay for reasonable (but not fancy) kid activities and take non fancy vacations. This does NOT include purchasing new cars, major home renovations beyond maintenance, or fancy "special" vacations. So we pay for those with the money we make over $225k and those would all be cut if we suddently needed to live on $225k. How OP would do it on a Gov salary is beyond me.

I'm a lawyer who works with a lot of BigLaw firms. I don't think most who make it to partner actually hate the work--most enjoy it to some extent or they wouldn't have gotten that far. I think most just hate the quantity of work and how it takes over all aspects of your life. Some hate their firm politics, but that is very firm dependant. Others seem to find colleagues they actually like, and that helps make it all feel more tolerable, even if never ending.

Yep. It's the quantity of work. They would love to do it 50 hours a week.

And the fact that no vacation (or even weekend) is EVER just a vacation/weekend. There is always SOME work to do. Big Law partners do no vacation anywhere without reliable high speed internet and a place to get work done. I have heard this from countless partners. One literally travels with her own printer.

I am a partner at a big firm (top wall st firm) and literally never in my life heard of this…

But it IS true that I will never take a true vacation. I will always have to be sort of working….but I dont need a printer…ever.

I’ve never known a partner to do this but I’ve known quite a few lawyers over the years who absolutely could not do editing without printing so I don’t find the story weird. (DP obviously)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Did not expect a four page thread on this but I should have known better

So to answer some questions, first off DH hasn’t been making 7 figures as partner for five years, just for the last one. He was 500K, then 650, 800, etc. He worked his way up.

Yes, our savings are our retirement as well, hence why I’m anxious.

For the PP who asked why he’s miserable- I think most people who have been in big law or know someone married to Big law know the answer, but it’s relentless. You’re either crazy busy and stressed or not busy and stressed because you’re worrying about billable hours. You’re at the mercy of the clients anytime day or night. But most of all it’s cutthroat and money and clients are power and DH just doesn’t like to operate that way.

And yes, he’s had a government job before. This is his second firm, and he did five years in govt between them. He loved every second and was so happy, but we then had a third child and our oldest was starting school and we needed to leave DC for better schools and a bigger house so he took one for the team.

And I have never said I’m not open to going back to work once my youngest is in school full day. But as I said I’m a teacher and even if I go back, while it would help, I’m not going to be bringing in anything significant.

Our spending is primarily mortgage, household bills, and food. He’s often not home for dinner and I have three young kids so we eat out or order in more than we would if he switched jobs. His law school loans are paid off, and we have no other debt. I think like a lot of people out discretionary spending is Amazon purchases and target runs and yes it all adds up. We would 100% be willing to rein that in. My concern stems just from the basics- food, mortgage, bills, etc. Our older two kids do a lot of sports (not summer camps because I’m
Home with them and they don’t need to) but we aren’t willing to budge in spending for their activities. We are also committed to 100% financing their undergraduate educations. Neither DH nor I had any undergraduate student loans and we feel very strongly about starting off kids off without debt. If they decide to go to med school or law school or what have you, if we are able to help we will but no guarantees in that front.

I am the poster who asked why your husband is miserable.

I know many biglaw partners who are quite happy and have been for decades.

OP: Maybe it is because this is a DC based website, but the responses are unusual in my experience for one in your situation. I wonder how many posters are actually in biglaw based on the responses.

Your husband wants to quit after his most financially successful year. Of course, there is stress for one with a family of 5 to support and for one generating over a million dollars in annual income. In my opinion, he should tough it out for a few more years to see how he adjusts. If unwilling to do so, then there are more options than just government work. However, SEC attorneys can make about $250,000 while other US government attorneys at the GS-15 level are earning in the $160s to low $180s.

Anyone in biglaw should be aware of at least two other options--going in-house or making an "Of Counsel" agreement instead of being a partner.

Have a very different experience re: the first bolded. Spouse and I both started careers in biglaw and most partners we know/knew are very unhappy. Being happy requires finding the right niche practice area and a special personality type.

That said, agree re: the second bolded. I'd absolutely recommend looking at in-house or Of Counsel arrangements. Should be able to find better income/happiness balance.

Yeah, DH is a lawyer and has done Big Law (two different firms), in house a few places, and is now a partner at a small firm. Most everyone he knows professionally is a lawyer. Almost none of the partners are happy except 1 or 2 notable exceptions who basically don't have to do legal work any more. One just develops work (and is amazing at it) and then hands it off, and the other is a firm managing partner so essentially runs the firm but doesn't service clients. All the other partners we know hate it. Many of them have made their peace and straight up said they are not willing to walk away from the money even if they are unhappy. They have big mortgages and private school bills to pay. Others did leave and are much happier, but those are the ones who were more prudent financially.

But until OP and her husband actually crunch numbers, which it does NOT sound like they have done, they have no clue if they can do what they are proposing. Given their relatively low savings, I suspect she spends much more than she realizes, even if its not on anything fancy. DH and I have determined we need about $225k annual income to what we call "keep the lights on." To us this means pay mortgage and utilities, taxes, maintenence, maximize retirement and college savings vehicles, pay for reasonable (but not fancy) kid activities and take non fancy vacations. This does NOT include purchasing new cars, major home renovations beyond maintenance, or fancy "special" vacations. So we pay for those with the money we make over $225k and those would all be cut if we suddently needed to live on $225k. How OP would do it on a Gov salary is beyond me.

I'm a lawyer who works with a lot of BigLaw firms. I don't think most who make it to partner actually hate the work--most enjoy it to some extent or they wouldn't have gotten that far. I think most just hate the quantity of work and how it takes over all aspects of your life. Some hate their firm politics, but that is very firm dependant. Others seem to find colleagues they actually like, and that helps make it all feel more tolerable, even if never ending.

Yep. It's the quantity of work. They would love to do it 50 hours a week.

And the fact that no vacation (or even weekend) is EVER just a vacation/weekend. There is always SOME work to do. Big Law partners do no vacation anywhere without reliable high speed internet and a place to get work done. I have heard this from countless partners. One literally travels with her own printer.

I am a partner at a big firm (top wall st firm) and literally never in my life heard of this…

But it IS true that I will never take a true vacation. I will always have to be sort of working….but I dont need a printer…ever.

I’ve never known a partner to do this but I’ve known quite a few lawyers over the years who absolutely could not do editing without printing so I don’t find the story weird. (DP obviously)

I travel with a printer in my car trunk!

-Lawyer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Did not expect a four page thread on this but I should have known better

So to answer some questions, first off DH hasn’t been making 7 figures as partner for five years, just for the last one. He was 500K, then 650, 800, etc. He worked his way up.

Yes, our savings are our retirement as well, hence why I’m anxious.

For the PP who asked why he’s miserable- I think most people who have been in big law or know someone married to Big law know the answer, but it’s relentless. You’re either crazy busy and stressed or not busy and stressed because you’re worrying about billable hours. You’re at the mercy of the clients anytime day or night. But most of all it’s cutthroat and money and clients are power and DH just doesn’t like to operate that way.

And yes, he’s had a government job before. This is his second firm, and he did five years in govt between them. He loved every second and was so happy, but we then had a third child and our oldest was starting school and we needed to leave DC for better schools and a bigger house so he took one for the team.

And I have never said I’m not open to going back to work once my youngest is in school full day. But as I said I’m a teacher and even if I go back, while it would help, I’m not going to be bringing in anything significant.

Our spending is primarily mortgage, household bills, and food. He’s often not home for dinner and I have three young kids so we eat out or order in more than we would if he switched jobs. His law school loans are paid off, and we have no other debt. I think like a lot of people out discretionary spending is Amazon purchases and target runs and yes it all adds up. We would 100% be willing to rein that in. My concern stems just from the basics- food, mortgage, bills, etc. Our older two kids do a lot of sports (not summer camps because I’m
Home with them and they don’t need to) but we aren’t willing to budge in spending for their activities. We are also committed to 100% financing their undergraduate educations. Neither DH nor I had any undergraduate student loans and we feel very strongly about starting off kids off without debt. If they decide to go to med school or law school or what have you, if we are able to help we will but no guarantees in that front.

I am the poster who asked why your husband is miserable.

I know many biglaw partners who are quite happy and have been for decades.

OP: Maybe it is because this is a DC based website, but the responses are unusual in my experience for one in your situation. I wonder how many posters are actually in biglaw based on the responses.

Your husband wants to quit after his most financially successful year. Of course, there is stress for one with a family of 5 to support and for one generating over a million dollars in annual income. In my opinion, he should tough it out for a few more years to see how he adjusts. If unwilling to do so, then there are more options than just government work. However, SEC attorneys can make about $250,000 while other US government attorneys at the GS-15 level are earning in the $160s to low $180s.

Anyone in biglaw should be aware of at least two other options--going in-house or making an "Of Counsel" agreement instead of being a partner.

I have worked in big law. You haven't. And it's bizarre that you, who only 'knows' people who work in big law, claim to know better.

You also don't know the legal market all that well. Depending on speciality, in house can mean just as long of hours as big law, but at far less pay.

A young partner going to 'of counsel' will not be well received.

You don't know much.

Of counsel arrangements can--and are--tailor made based on individual needs & circumstances. If OP's husband is an expert in a particular area, he can negotiate an of counsel agreement with his current firm or with another firm. Whether or not his desire will be well received is largely dependent upon his specialty & the current market for that special knowledge.

LOL at your generalization of in-house counsel. I doubt that you have much experience. Clearly, you know little about in-house compensation arrangements and hours and lifestyle and clearly you are unfamiliar with the flexibility and use of of counsel arrangements.

Your angry tone and silly accusations do nothing to enhance your craving for credibility and superiority. The fact that you have posted without discussing the options of going in-house or of counsel speaks volumes.

If I may make a suggestion based on the tone & content of your posts in this thread, please see a proctologist ASAP.

Oh please. Half of you posting are total jokes.

[Anonymous]

I think this is easy. I would live below your means and save a ton for the next year or two and then do this. I would also go back to teaching when the youngest goes to K. Every little bit counts.

[Anonymous]

Big law equity partner here with a thriving practice at a top firm. I earn a lot, and I appreciate the high stress nature of the job. It can be a true grind. But I guess I'm wired a bit differently in that I can't imagine doing anything else.

OP--Has your husband availed himself of career counseling/coaching options? It sounds like he is an income partner just hitting his stride in earning potential. There is no doubt serious stress with the job, but there are certainly ways to manage it and make it liveable. He is undergoing transition in career responsibility, and part of what needs to occur is an adjustment to new roles and development of appropriate support structure to manage his role.

E.g., it sounds like he is an income partner climbing the ranks. (Perhaps just minted equity this last year--but that would make leaving now especially strange.) One source of stress derives if he is essentially playing role of senior associate + income partner at the same time. Getting team in place is critical and can vastly improve quality of life.

If he could make it 4 to 5 more years at least, it would go far in setting up your financial situation. And I doubt he'd do better transitioning back to a firm post gov't stint.

This isn't really the advice you are looking for, but it seems he is having success in the career. Has he truly exhausted all options in making the career work for him? The financial case is quite certainly overwhelming to continue.

[Anonymous]

I contemplated it, but chicken out. Instead, I have tried to change things at work to be less miserable and I succeeded. I have been also focusing more on what I liked about my job in the first place: amazing cases, the thrill of winning, working with talented colleagues, etc. At the end, the golden handcuffs won…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Did not expect a four page thread on this but I should have known better

So to answer some questions, first off DH hasn’t been making 7 figures as partner for five years, just for the last one. He was 500K, then 650, 800, etc. He worked his way up.

Yes, our savings are our retirement as well, hence why I’m anxious.

For the PP who asked why he’s miserable- I think most people who have been in big law or know someone married to Big law know the answer, but it’s relentless. You’re either crazy busy and stressed or not busy and stressed because you’re worrying about billable hours. You’re at the mercy of the clients anytime day or night. But most of all it’s cutthroat and money and clients are power and DH just doesn’t like to operate that way.

And yes, he’s had a government job before. This is his second firm, and he did five years in govt between them. He loved every second and was so happy, but we then had a third child and our oldest was starting school and we needed to leave DC for better schools and a bigger house so he took one for the team.

And I have never said I’m not open to going back to work once my youngest is in school full day. But as I said I’m a teacher and even if I go back, while it would help, I’m not going to be bringing in anything significant.

Our spending is primarily mortgage, household bills, and food. He’s often not home for dinner and I have three young kids so we eat out or order in more than we would if he switched jobs. His law school loans are paid off, and we have no other debt. I think like a lot of people out discretionary spending is Amazon purchases and target runs and yes it all adds up. We would 100% be willing to rein that in. My concern stems just from the basics- food, mortgage, bills, etc. Our older two kids do a lot of sports (not summer camps because I’m
Home with them and they don’t need to) but we aren’t willing to budge in spending for their activities. We are also committed to 100% financing their undergraduate educations. Neither DH nor I had any undergraduate student loans and we feel very strongly about starting off kids off without debt. If they decide to go to med school or law school or what have you, if we are able to help we will but no guarantees in that front.

I am the poster who asked why your husband is miserable.

I know many biglaw partners who are quite happy and have been for decades.

OP: Maybe it is because this is a DC based website, but the responses are unusual in my experience for one in your situation. I wonder how many posters are actually in biglaw based on the responses.

Your husband wants to quit after his most financially successful year. Of course, there is stress for one with a family of 5 to support and for one generating over a million dollars in annual income. In my opinion, he should tough it out for a few more years to see how he adjusts. If unwilling to do so, then there are more options than just government work. However, SEC attorneys can make about $250,000 while other US government attorneys at the GS-15 level are earning in the $160s to low $180s.

Anyone in biglaw should be aware of at least two other options--going in-house or making an "Of Counsel" agreement instead of being a partner.

I have worked in big law. You haven't. And it's bizarre that you, who only 'knows' people who work in big law, claim to know better.

You also don't know the legal market all that well. Depending on speciality, in house can mean just as long of hours as big law, but at far less pay.

A young partner going to 'of counsel' will not be well received.

You don't know much.

Of counsel arrangements can--and are--tailor made based on individual needs & circumstances. If OP's husband is an expert in a particular area, he can negotiate an of counsel agreement with his current firm or with another firm. Whether or not his desire will be well received is largely dependent upon his specialty & the current market for that special knowledge.

LOL at your generalization of in-house counsel. I doubt that you have much experience. Clearly, you know little about in-house compensation arrangements and hours and lifestyle and clearly you are unfamiliar with the flexibility and use of of counsel arrangements.

Your angry tone and silly accusations do nothing to enhance your craving for credibility and superiority. The fact that you have posted without discussing the options of going in-house or of counsel speaks volumes.

If I may make a suggestion based on the tone & content of your posts in this thread, please see a proctologist ASAP.

Oh please. Half of you posting are total jokes.

Your rudeness and your lack of knowledge are apparent. There is another thread regarding in-house counsel position (title notes $230,000 salary) that may help you get a better understanding of the industry. Maybe then you can stop with the constant insults and begin to contribute meaningful comments to the thread.

P.S. Please get to that proctologist ASAP !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Did not expect a four page thread on this but I should have known better

So to answer some questions, first off DH hasn’t been making 7 figures as partner for five years, just for the last one. He was 500K, then 650, 800, etc. He worked his way up.

Yes, our savings are our retirement as well, hence why I’m anxious.

For the PP who asked why he’s miserable- I think most people who have been in big law or know someone married to Big law know the answer, but it’s relentless. You’re either crazy busy and stressed or not busy and stressed because you’re worrying about billable hours. You’re at the mercy of the clients anytime day or night. But most of all it’s cutthroat and money and clients are power and DH just doesn’t like to operate that way.

And yes, he’s had a government job before. This is his second firm, and he did five years in govt between them. He loved every second and was so happy, but we then had a third child and our oldest was starting school and we needed to leave DC for better schools and a bigger house so he took one for the team.

And I have never said I’m not open to going back to work once my youngest is in school full day. But as I said I’m a teacher and even if I go back, while it would help, I’m not going to be bringing in anything significant.

Our spending is primarily mortgage, household bills, and food. He’s often not home for dinner and I have three young kids so we eat out or order in more than we would if he switched jobs. His law school loans are paid off, and we have no other debt. I think like a lot of people out discretionary spending is Amazon purchases and target runs and yes it all adds up. We would 100% be willing to rein that in. My concern stems just from the basics- food, mortgage, bills, etc. Our older two kids do a lot of sports (not summer camps because I’m
Home with them and they don’t need to) but we aren’t willing to budge in spending for their activities. We are also committed to 100% financing their undergraduate educations. Neither DH nor I had any undergraduate student loans and we feel very strongly about starting off kids off without debt. If they decide to go to med school or law school or what have you, if we are able to help we will but no guarantees in that front.

I am the poster who asked why your husband is miserable.

I know many biglaw partners who are quite happy and have been for decades.

OP: Maybe it is because this is a DC based website, but the responses are unusual in my experience for one in your situation. I wonder how many posters are actually in biglaw based on the responses.

Your husband wants to quit after his most financially successful year. Of course, there is stress for one with a family of 5 to support and for one generating over a million dollars in annual income. In my opinion, he should tough it out for a few more years to see how he adjusts. If unwilling to do so, then there are more options than just government work. However, SEC attorneys can make about $250,000 while other US government attorneys at the GS-15 level are earning in the $160s to low $180s.

Anyone in biglaw should be aware of at least two other options--going in-house or making an "Of Counsel" agreement instead of being a partner.

I have worked in big law. You haven't. And it's bizarre that you, who only 'knows' people who work in big law, claim to know better.

You also don't know the legal market all that well. Depending on speciality, in house can mean just as long of hours as big law, but at far less pay.

A young partner going to 'of counsel' will not be well received.

You don't know much.

Of counsel arrangements can--and are--tailor made based on individual needs & circumstances. If OP's husband is an expert in a particular area, he can negotiate an of counsel agreement with his current firm or with another firm. Whether or not his desire will be well received is largely dependent upon his specialty & the current market for that special knowledge.

LOL at your generalization of in-house counsel. I doubt that you have much experience. Clearly, you know little about in-house compensation arrangements and hours and lifestyle and clearly you are unfamiliar with the flexibility and use of of counsel arrangements.

Your angry tone and silly accusations do nothing to enhance your craving for credibility and superiority. The fact that you have posted without discussing the options of going in-house or of counsel speaks volumes.

If I may make a suggestion based on the tone & content of your posts in this thread, please see a proctologist ASAP.

Oh please. Half of you posting are total jokes.

Your rudeness and your lack of knowledge are apparent. There is another thread regarding in-house counsel position (title notes $230,000 salary) that may help you get a better understanding of the industry. Maybe then you can stop with the constant insults and begin to contribute meaningful comments to the thread.

P.S. Please get to that proctologist ASAP !

PPS. You don’t need a space before your punctuation.

[Anonymous]

Immediate PP here.

Also the poster you’re responding to is right and you are wildly wrong. But we all know you’re not getting any offers in house or otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP shouldn’t dismiss a teacher’s salary. They make a good salary here given all the breaks they have. Also I am confused why a SAHM eats out with her kids all the time? And I am a former big law associate turned SAHM of 3 (with no regrets!).

Agree with this…I WFH FT and make $300K. I’m 28 weeks pregnant with my third and make dinner every night of the week (except Friday, we go out or get takeout). My husband doesn’t get home until 7 pm most nights and after dinner and clean up I have 1-2 hours of work calls on M, T, W…If I can do it (and it’s not easy, but it’s doable to prep and throw something in the oven at 5:45) someone with kids in school all day can do it.

But your life doesn’t sound enviable in the slightest. Technically OP could do it, but why?

OP’s lifestyle is far easier than mine…why can’t she make Mac and cheese or homemade pizza or get a rotisserie chicken and throw veggies in the oven? My HHI is $800K and I don’t balk at doing this. If OP’s income is about to be $160K she should figure out how to live the frugal lifestyle she thinks she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big law equity partner here with a thriving practice at a top firm. I earn a lot, and I appreciate the high stress nature of the job. It can be a true grind. But I guess I'm wired a bit differently in that I can't imagine doing anything else.

OP--Has your husband availed himself of career counseling/coaching options? It sounds like he is an income partner just hitting his stride in earning potential. There is no doubt serious stress with the job, but there are certainly ways to manage it and make it liveable. He is undergoing transition in career responsibility, and part of what needs to occur is an adjustment to new roles and development of appropriate support structure to manage his role.

E.g., it sounds like he is an income partner climbing the ranks. (Perhaps just minted equity this last year--but that would make leaving now especially strange.) One source of stress derives if he is essentially playing role of senior associate + income partner at the same time. Getting team in place is critical and can vastly improve quality of life.

If he could make it 4 to 5 more years at least, it would go far in setting up your financial situation. And I doubt he'd do better transitioning back to a firm post gov't stint.

This isn't really the advice you are looking for, but it seems he is having success in the career. Has he truly exhausted all options in making the career work for him? The financial case is quite certainly overwhelming to continue.

Do you ever get to have weekends or vacations truly off with your family. No phone calls or emails or last minute virtual meetings? I get that you "can't imagine doing anything else" because you are addicted to the money, but what about your family? Or are they like OP and just want the money too?

[Anonymous]

OP here.

First off, to the utter ass who implied that I’m stupid because I’m a preschool teacher, screw you. I went to UVA and have a masters in early childhood education. I taught preschool because it’s what I’ve always wanted to do since I was a little girl and I LOVED it. My husband and I decided equally that I would quit my job when my oldest was born because 1) it made sense financially and 2) it was the only job that meant more to me than being a teacher. I’m sorry if your job doesn’t bring you joy or you weren’t supported doing what you love but that was incredibly rude and uncalled for. Luckily you aren’t teaching young children because we certainly don’t need your name calling influencing them.

Also, my youngest in currently in two morning a week preschool. I pick her up at noon. She has two more years of part time school before she starts kindergarten. So in addition to my concerns over what my salary would actually bring in, DH and I are both committed to me being home with her until she goes to school full time. I’m not saying that we can’t be flexible in that if we truly need to be, but when I have offered to look into work he has said he wants me home with her (not in a controlling alpha way, just that we both feel strongly on the importance of one parent home with the child if possible).

[Anonymous]

Honestly it's the private school that'll kill you. 50k a year/kid will eat up any savings pretty quickly. Can the oldest move to public?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

First off, to the utter ass who implied that I’m stupid because I’m a preschool teacher, screw you. I went to UVA and have a masters in early childhood education. I taught preschool because it’s what I’ve always wanted to do since I was a little girl and I LOVED it. My husband and I decided equally that I would quit my job when my oldest was born because 1) it made sense financially and 2) it was the only job that meant more to me than being a teacher. I’m sorry if your job doesn’t bring you joy or you weren’t supported doing what you love but that was incredibly rude and uncalled for. Luckily you aren’t teaching young children because we certainly don’t need your name calling influencing them.

Also, my youngest in currently in two morning a week preschool. I pick her up at noon. She has two more years of part time school before she starts kindergarten. So in addition to my concerns over what my salary would actually bring in, DH and I are both committed to me being home with her until she goes to school full time. I’m not saying that we can’t be flexible in that if we truly need to be, but when I have offered to look into work he has said he wants me home with her (not in a controlling alpha way, just that we both feel strongly on the importance of one parent home with the child if possible).

First off, totally agree, ignore the ass.

Second, I like the suggestion that maybe your husband could stick with it for a few more years, save as much as possible, and maybe pay down the house. Yes, you can maybe earn more interest with a CD but there is something to be said about the peace of mind of owning your own house. I think the mortgage is your greatest hesitation, so work to pay it down.

I also get the reluctance (on yours or your DH's part) of you going back to work. Staying at home isn't just about saving money on daycare. Kids will have a lot of activities in elementary years and still benefit greatly from having a parent home. But it might be possible to do a part time job or one with flexible schedules so you can still pick your kids up after school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

First off, to the utter ass who implied that I’m stupid because I’m a preschool teacher, screw you. I went to UVA and have a masters in early childhood education. I taught preschool because it’s what I’ve always wanted to do since I was a little girl and I LOVED it. My husband and I decided equally that I would quit my job when my oldest was born because 1) it made sense financially and 2) it was the only job that meant more to me than being a teacher. I’m sorry if your job doesn’t bring you joy or you weren’t supported doing what you love but that was incredibly rude and uncalled for. Luckily you aren’t teaching young children because we certainly don’t need your name calling influencing them.

Also, my youngest in currently in two morning a week preschool. I pick her up at noon. She has two more years of part time school before she starts kindergarten. So in addition to my concerns over what my salary would actually bring in, DH and I are both committed to me being home with her until she goes to school full time. I’m not saying that we can’t be flexible in that if we truly need to be, but when I have offered to look into work he has said he wants me home with her (not in a controlling alpha way, just that we both feel strongly on the importance of one parent home with the child if possible).

Eh, it’s why Wharton grads don’t date Penn nursing students. But congrats, you did land the golden goose. Now he has to work to keep your lifestyle.