Nanny share situation has ruined one of my few friendships

[Anonymous]

OP knows that they did their friend dirty.
The only reason the friend is in a daycare bind is because OP handled a situation so incorrectly and overstepped so much she lost child care for the both of them.
No major decisions should be made without talking to the other couple.
OP way overstepped her boundaries and there is no way after a few mist days of work. Would I go to the doctor to get a note for one of my employers. Especially if health insurance was not included as a benefit.
On top of that, if I had good attendance up to this point and a couple of days sick now have them questioning my integrity. That's not a good fit.

You're hiring someone to watch your child. Let's hope you can trust them and if not, let's hope you find out before they take one. Too many sick days.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry that you all are in this situation right now. I was about to enter into a nanny share arrangement with my best friend, who I've known for over a decade and lives 3 miles from me. Even though we had the contract all drawn up, luckily, my nanny turned down working for the share arrangement.

I now realize so many things could have gone wrong and negatively impacted our friendship. For example, my one year older and bossy toddler could end up bossing her kid around every day. One of us could have been frequently late for pickup, racking up overtime charges. Maybe we would disagree with how the nanny does something, and there would be no way to compromise on it. Perhaps a child could cause property damage or too much noise. My friend lives in a rental and we mostly work from home.

Back in college, I lived with my best friend at the time, and it completely ruined the friendship too. Sharing a nanny with a friend seems to be too risky an arrangement.

[Anonymous]

OP. Treat your nanny better next time. I hope she finds a better family. The your share family seems nicer than you.

Apologize to your nanny. Offer a big bonus and you would love to have her back. Probably she doesn't like your ugly personality OP, it shows.
Change your attitude, treat your nanny better, give her time off too. Appreciate the ones who takes care of your children. I always gives big bonuses to my Provider and 2 other assistants.

OP you are not a professional. Treat better your employees. You are not the center of everything. Be more empathetic, caring and not a fking robot. You ruined the friendship. B.

[Anonymous]

I'm a business owner I always treat my employees them lunch every Friday and much more!

I want to make my employess happy and stay.
Do you do that OP? Offer them free lunch, big bonuses. Stop being cheap and selfish.

Do you treat good to your employees? I hope so. You seem very bossy and acts like a robot towards childcare. It's childcare. Be nicer. They are taking care of your precious little gems. Not your stinky business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The doctors note was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Yup. The other share family is better off away from OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is how the nanny reacted then she already wanted to quit. This was a last straw. Nobody would do this in a good working arrangement.

Agree. I think the OP made a mistake, but if the nanny cared about the job she could have brought up the issue to both the share parents.

If the Employer acts like an ahole then the employee learns that.

Nanny did the right choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree you were wrong, but a friend who can’t forgive the misstep is a friend who would desert you at some point anyway. I think you’re better off without the friend. The fact the nanny isn’t willing to work with the friend to find a replacement for you means the nanny wants to move on, not just from you, but from your friend as well, and that’s not your fault. I don’t believe the nanny cares whether it would be awkward between you two (why would she care about that?) she is just using it as an excuse to move on. Sorry, OP, but I think if it hadn’t been this, it would have been something else with these two.

I don’t know. It’s a pretty big deal to ruin your friend’s childcare arrangements.

I think it’s the nanny that’s ruining the childcare relationship with the friend. The nanny could just “fire” OP. The fact that she won’t means she isn’t interested in working with the friend, and that’s not OP’s fault. I think nanny would have left sooner rather than later anyway, not only because of OP.

Did you read the OP? It was long, but she did say the nanny needed the share rate and the friend couldn’t afford it.

I read it. It said that nanny wouldn’t give the friend an opportunity to find someone else to nanny share with.

Because she doesn’t need to. Experienced nannies are in demand. Better to move on and start fresh.

HahaHA but OP ugly attitude is still the same. All the nannies and employees will RUN AWAY FROM HER HAHA

[Anonymous]

Has OP come back with an update?

[Anonymous]

OP, did you pay your Nanny's doctor's fees? And paid her sick days?

We pay the nanny for the whole week, even if she isn't there. Appreciate your nanny better next time. Or everyone will leave you and your kids.

Make it easier for the nanny. Not harder. You have a cold heart OP. Your business will sink if you keep having your monster/horrible attitude towards others who works for you.

People will fake smiles at you, pretend to like you. But nanny was smart, strong and left the ahole bossy parent. Good for her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never had a job where a note was requested. I am an adult and know how to manage my own illnesses and when to seek medical care. I def do not need my employer to tell me when to see a doctor. I would hate to work for you.

I do wonder what kind of business OP runs where she can’t trust her employees to not steal from her. If she can’t trust them to be sick, she can’t trust them with clients, inventory, cash, etc.

I'm curious about that too. OP has a general disdain and suspicion about her company's employees that spills over into other parts of her life. I've run a small business for a decade and a half and while every minute hasn't been smooth sailing with the people who work with me, most are very pleasant and trustworthy. I'm going out on a limb assuming OP doesn't pay well and is likely a prickly boss.

Adding to the situation are two very young children who saw each other daily and will no longer get to do so. They could have been longtime friends had OP not completely blown the relationship with the other parents. This situation is sad all the way around.

Oh please! It is perfectly normal to need a Dr note for a 3 day absence at many jobs. Both my parents needed a Dr. note for sick leave more than 2 days or any time it was a day before or after a holiday weekend. They both had professional, but union negotiated contract jobs. Lots of small businesses have employees who are not reliable and will definitely lie and take advantage of sick leave - have you ever worked fast food or retail?

And there’s the point, though you clearly missed it. The nanny is the person you trust to provide private care to your child — NOT a McDonalds or Walmart worker.

[Anonymous]

OP is a horrible Bussiness owner. Needs a coach/mentor sessions, she needs to learn how to treat her employees. Because I'm sure she treats this ugly way to her employees. I never ask a doctors appointment to my employees.

You are not a Bussiness owner. You couldn't even keep a nanny.
Your heart is cold AF.

[Anonymous]

If you can’t intuitively discern the difference between two differences businesses you are running, IDK what to tell you.

[Anonymous]

I don't see how 10 pages of people yelling at the OP in the exact same way is helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how 10 pages of people yelling at the OP in the exact same way is helpful.

It’s not. Bet OP is long gone.

[Anonymous]

Probably asking mom or daddy to take care of the child. Because anyone can smell her stinky attitude from far away