Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of overweight women were clearly triggered by this discussion.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter just went through a world pandemic and most women gained 15 plus pounds. Be gentle on her she will figure things out.

[Anonymous]

I guess a question is - is she gaining weight and you aren’t sure why or is she making poor
Food choices and eating more than she needs? Either way - I would not start with a pediatrician - I’d work with a dietician - who is experienced with teenage girls - and you could start by meeting by yourself and then deciding whether to broach the topic with her - how often do you talk deeply with your daughter? What do you think is underlying the weight and weight gain? Stress? Mindless eating? Boredom? Eating her feelings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many of you PPs are insane. Obesity is a problem. I have three cousins who died young due to obesity related diseases. I was overweight as a child and I HATED it. Every minute of it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me with exercise and eating habits, but they were obese, too.

OP, you are right to worry. Obesity is terrible and yet totally preventable. I wish you luck

If it's so preventable why are 40% of Americans obese?

Poor choices. Obesity is not rocket science. We sit around all day and eat bad food with high calories and low nutrition

No one treating an obese population thinks this. Your comment is a prime example of Dunning-Kruger.

this is just not true. Not true at all.
Obesity is not some mysterious disease. It's a pretty clear cause and effect. are some people more prone? Yes. But we know what the base issues are and how to get out of it.
People like you making excuses for obesity and trying to frame it as some random disease like lupus are fooling yourselves. And, frankly, you're a danger to society. You're why we have so many obese people. It is not ok to be obese.

Again, no one in the field says this. Only ignorant people outside of it.

Let me guess. You're in the field and read that in Vogue somewhere, right?
Almost everyone that I know in medicine says otherwise, and they live with me. So nice try.

Do they always opine outside their specialties?

HA! Because the anonymous rantings of a DCUM lunatic is so much more reliable. Get off WebMD and feed your kids something healthy. And while you're at it, go for a walk.

Since we are on an anonymous forum I’ll tell you what I really think about all those “people in medicine” living in your house. In my 20 year career in healthcare, I’ve discovered most practitioners are quite dumb. Incompetent at critical thinking. Really only skilled at memorizing, which was once incredibly helpful and is now mostly replaced by technology. There are very few true experts moving the ball forward in any area of practice but many self-aggrandizing frontline practitioners who couldn’t tell a well-designed study from a WebMD article. They are completely unable to grasp basic details of the validity of research like population size, confounding factors, P-hacking, etc. My only solace as a patient is that I can circumvent them when I need to with my privilege and ability to pay out of pocket. But I feel terrible for everyone else out there, seeing these hacks and getting truly horrible care and advice.

Hopefully OP can find someone actually competent. But it will be hard.

Let me guess, you're in medical sales. Or worse, admin. Not an actual physician or researcher yourself but damn do you know a lot about it.
Like I said, go for a walk.

Sure, “go take a walk poster.” No one believes you live with a real doctor. More like an anti-vax nurse or a Chiropractor. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

Purposely having an insurance company send a letter that she is uninsurable isn’t helping. It won’t make her smaller. You really think that’s an effective way to encourage weight loss? Seriously?

This is funny. I'm a PP who has been overweight my entire life. This actually happened to me shortly after college...my parent said I couldn't be on their insurance anymore so I had to get my own plan. I was rejected based on my BMI. I'll give you one guess as to whether that spurred me to lose weight lol. And that was as an adult...any teenager is going to be like "Ummm, okay. Anyway. What's life insurance?" So at best it will be ineffective, at worst it will hurt the DD and the relationship because it's a f***** up thing to do to a person, making an insurance company do your dirty work.

You have independent proof of your condition. How you chose to react to that information was up to you. Because you chose to ignore the warning does not mean that OP's daughter will react in the same manner. You are an adult and it is your life. OP's daughter is a minor and in the care and custody of her parents.

Would you ignore dangerous behavior of your minor child ? Or would you try to help ? And if you try to help, would you seek independent professional advice from a qualified medical practitioner or would you coddle the minor child and act like everything is okay ?

OP hasn’t sought any healthcare (mental or physical) for her daughter at all.

OP here.
How do you seek healthcare for this (mental or physical) without conveying that it is a problem to the kid? Very curious how you would do this.

I have been very careful to not say anything to my kid. We don't talk about weight.


I mentioned my sons in one line (ONE LINE) and people are extrapolating that I love them more. I simply mentioned them because the first advice in any child weight post is always (rightfully so) "remove junk from the house."
We do remove most junk but the context of our family dynamic is that we can't fill the fridge solely with hard-boiled eggs and cheese sticks and cut-up vegetables. I have two kids who are in the midst of trying to put on
20+ pounds of muscle this winter (they are in winter conditioning for spring sports) and eat 4000-5000 calories a day. Anyway, No I don't love them more than my daughter and I don't buy a lot of things they might want out of respect for her.
I meet them all in the middle.

As to weight-she is about 5'2 and was a size 6 and now a size 12-14. So she's not obese but she's medically overweight..BMI is on the high end of the scale of "overweight" or her height. Now go ahead and jump on me for saying that my perfectly healthy daughter is not overweight.

I have to sign off now as I'm headed to an evening event.

Why did you say that she wasn't small before, as a size 6? Size 6 is plenty small.

NP here who is 5’2” and size 6 is not small especially with today’s vanity sizing. Size 2-6 is normal. Size 0 or 00 is small.

[Anonymous]

Just make the snacks in the house real food. Make them easy to grab and eat, like cut up fruit or veggies with a yogurt or hummus dip. Make good meals and the boys can have second or third helpings. Your boys won’t thank you later if they get fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many of you PPs are insane. Obesity is a problem. I have three cousins who died young due to obesity related diseases. I was overweight as a child and I HATED it. Every minute of it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me with exercise and eating habits, but they were obese, too.

OP, you are right to worry. Obesity is terrible and yet totally preventable. I wish you luck

If it's so preventable why are 40% of Americans obese?

Poor choices. Obesity is not rocket science. We sit around all day and eat bad food with high calories and low nutrition

No one treating an obese population thinks this. Your comment is a prime example of Dunning-Kruger.

this is just not true. Not true at all.
Obesity is not some mysterious disease. It's a pretty clear cause and effect. are some people more prone? Yes. But we know what the base issues are and how to get out of it.
People like you making excuses for obesity and trying to frame it as some random disease like lupus are fooling yourselves. And, frankly, you're a danger to society. You're why we have so many obese people. It is not ok to be obese.

Again, no one in the field says this. Only ignorant people outside of it.

Let me guess. You're in the field and read that in Vogue somewhere, right?
Almost everyone that I know in medicine says otherwise, and they live with me. So nice try.

Do they always opine outside their specialties?

HA! Because the anonymous rantings of a DCUM lunatic is so much more reliable. Get off WebMD and feed your kids something healthy. And while you're at it, go for a walk.

Since we are on an anonymous forum I’ll tell you what I really think about all those “people in medicine” living in your house. In my 20 year career in healthcare, I’ve discovered most practitioners are quite dumb. Incompetent at critical thinking. Really only skilled at memorizing, which was once incredibly helpful and is now mostly replaced by technology. There are very few true experts moving the ball forward in any area of practice but many self-aggrandizing frontline practitioners who couldn’t tell a well-designed study from a WebMD article. They are completely unable to grasp basic details of the validity of research like population size, confounding factors, P-hacking, etc. My only solace as a patient is that I can circumvent them when I need to with my privilege and ability to pay out of pocket. But I feel terrible for everyone else out there, seeing these hacks and getting truly horrible care and advice.

Hopefully OP can find someone actually competent. But it will be hard.

Let me guess, you're in medical sales. Or worse, admin. Not an actual physician or researcher yourself but damn do you know a lot about it.
Like I said, go for a walk.

Pharma executive actually. Thank God we in pharma actually cure disease and save lives because your PA husband and CNA daughter sure aren’t.

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned that with rapid weight gain, she might be eating secretly or outside of the home—perhaps to cope with big feelings about a variety of possible issues. Having a mom who is weight conscious IME makes kids who are struggling with food issues struggle MORE. OP, you may not have said anything, but your feelings about her weight gain are probably coming across loud and clear.

I’d open the lines of communication and find out how she feels about losing the social connections with her soccer team, about the increased work load at school, about whatever is going on in her life. Weight and food issues are so rarely actually about weight and food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of overweight women were clearly triggered by this discussion.

I’m triggered all right by OP and even more by the horrific parents advocating the insurance thing and similar. But I’m not an overweight woman. What I was, many years ago, was a terrified thirteen-year-old who had been violently sexually assaulted, and who, like OPs daughter, gained weight very quickly and dropped out of my athletic activities, and threw myself into schoolwork. What I wouldn’t have given for a compassionate parent who didn’t view my weight gain as her shame, and been embarrassed by me. What I wouldn’t have given for a parent who didn’t assume that I was just making bad choices on purpose.

So yes, I am angry and triggered, because so many of you clearly could not care less about your daughters, unless they embarrass you or god forbid you have to buy new clothes. I feel so sorry for those lonely and victimized little girls.

[Anonymous]

I'd phrase it as getting checked out for the rapid weight gain. That itself has nothing to do with being overweight. Rapid gain is a sign of possible medical conditions like hormonal issues.

If an adult gained a few sizes in one year, with semi-exercise and I assume semi-healthy eating, that's also a valid reason to get everything checked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of overweight women were clearly triggered by this discussion.

I’m triggered all right by OP and even more by the horrific parents advocating the insurance thing and similar. But I’m not an overweight woman. What I was, many years ago, was a terrified thirteen-year-old who had been violently sexually assaulted, and who, like OPs daughter, gained weight very quickly and dropped out of my athletic activities, and threw myself into schoolwork. What I wouldn’t have given for a compassionate parent who didn’t view my weight gain as her shame, and been embarrassed by me. What I wouldn’t have given for a parent who didn’t assume that I was just making bad choices on purpose.

So yes, I am angry and triggered, because so many of you clearly could not care less about your daughters, unless they embarrass you or god forbid you have to buy new clothes. I feel so sorry for those lonely and victimized little girls.

You are really reading into thing that are not true. Projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of overweight women were clearly triggered by this discussion.

I’m triggered all right by OP and even more by the horrific parents advocating the insurance thing and similar. But I’m not an overweight woman. What I was, many years ago, was a terrified thirteen-year-old who had been violently sexually assaulted, and who, like OPs daughter, gained weight very quickly and dropped out of my athletic activities, and threw myself into schoolwork. What I wouldn’t have given for a compassionate parent who didn’t view my weight gain as her shame, and been embarrassed by me. What I wouldn’t have given for a parent who didn’t assume that I was just making bad choices on purpose.

So yes, I am angry and triggered, because so many of you clearly could not care less about your daughters, unless they embarrass you or god forbid you have to buy new clothes. I feel so sorry for those lonely and victimized little girls.

You are really reading into thing that are not true. Projecting.

Not really a stretch to say that insurance exam mom in particular doesn’t really love her daughter. Sorry but it’s pretty clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

np You can care all you want but, you can't do anything because your daughter is an adult. Is your mom still alive? Would you like her to tell you what to eat and when to exercise? Your daughter knows what to do and if you bring up weight/exercise than your relationship will suffer.

You need to back off. Trust me, if you push it you could make her eat more just to punish YOU. I was like your dd and I would eat more when my mom told me I was fat because I was testing her..will she still love me? Now, I eat right and exercise for me, not my mom.

[Anonymous]

Holy crap, get her tested for PCOS. It affects at least six percent of all women. If that’s what it is, standard thinking about what you need to eat and do to lose weight won’t work. Her body doesn’t process in the same way. I ate low-fat foods like a bird and exercised and nothing happened. I ate a low carb diet with a much greater caloric load and a much higher fat content and I lost 70 pounds in seven months and my blood cholesterol levels went from bad to exceptional. It’s how my body is wired.

I would almost bet that’s what this is. It’s not a moral failing and she knows she’s fat and she doesn’t need to hear your “concern”. If she could be thin she would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

You're not wrong.
The APA is now targeting overweight kids for treatment pretty aggressively. This is the kind of problem that turns into obesity, and that is a problem.