Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd put my foot down personally. Does not bode well for optimism about the marriage. I wouldn't marry someone who wanted to do this. But maybe I have different ideas about what marriage is than others.

+1

All the red flags not the least of which he doesn’t seem to give AF about your financial security, OP. Run.

Why he needs to do that when Op doesn't bring anything to the table. Op, doesn't have a job, probably don't contribute in the family expenses and retirement and now want her share in his house. Looks like she could completely screw his kids over.

She’s a homemaker caring for his home and his child. That is what she brings to the table. That is a contribution - a big one.

His kids are adults and he had a home before she came in his life so looks to me that she is getting to stay for free, and let him support her kids financially and now want more without contributing financially. That's not bringing enough to the table, sorry.

Then he can reimburse her for 7 years of FT childcare, housekeeping, and other errands at the market rate, as well as what a surrogate would have cost. Don’t forget her forgone social security contributions. My guess is that all adds up to about half the home equity.

His share is only half of all that. Full time daycare works out to 12k a year. She surely can get a job paying more than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd put my foot down personally. Does not bode well for optimism about the marriage. I wouldn't marry someone who wanted to do this. But maybe I have different ideas about what marriage is than others.

+1

All the red flags not the least of which he doesn’t seem to give AF about your financial security, OP. Run.

Why he needs to do that when Op doesn't bring anything to the table. Op, doesn't have a job, probably don't contribute in the family expenses and retirement and now want her share in his house. Looks like she could completely screw his kids over.

She’s a homemaker caring for his home and his child. That is what she brings to the table. That is a contribution - a big one.

His kids are adults and he had a home before she came in his life so looks to me that she is getting to stay for free, and let him support her kids financially and now want more without contributing financially. That's not bringing enough to the table, sorry.

Then he can reimburse her for 7 years of FT childcare, housekeeping, and other errands at the market rate, as well as what a surrogate would have cost. Don’t forget her forgone social security contributions. My guess is that all adds up to about half the home equity.

His share is only half of all that. Full time daycare works out to 12k a year. She surely can get a job paying more than that.

With the youngest child (theirs together) why on earth would full time daycare be needed? At most, just some afterschool care - depending on the baby daddy's schedule. A job is a good idea, OP. Don't put yourself in a dangerous situation financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

Get a job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Then he can reimburse her for 7 years of FT childcare, housekeeping, and other errands at the market rate, as well as what a surrogate would have cost. Don’t forget her forgone social security contributions. My guess is that all adds up to about half the home equity.

I could never understand this "market rate" business. First, as a matter of math, whatever housework and childcare she's doing, only half of that is for the sake of the husband because the rest is for her. In this case, the ratio goes even worse for her because her children (who are not the fiance's) are in the picture, and whatever she does for them, he has nothing to do with. And finally, you can never compare the housework and childcare at your own house with the market-rate service because the market-rate service provider does not stay around to enjoy the fruits of their labor. A housekeeper cleans and leaves. She doesn't get to enjoy the clean house. The chef cooks and leaves. He doesn't enjoy the food he made. So please don't compare what you do with a full-rate service provider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

You're fifty, your child is seven. Where did you live before you turned 43?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

Get a job

DP. I think all of you knee-jerk "Get a job" PPs failed reading comprehension. She already works a part time job. And we do not know if there are reasons (financial or any other type) why she might need to work ONLY part time and be available for the kids. Hers, his and theirs. So much judgement and reflexive "get a job" response on this thread when you don't know all the circumstances. The bottom line of any answer is quite siimply, OP and her fiance need to go together to consult an experienced attorney who has handled a lot of real estate and estate business and who can lay out what they should do for maxiumum protection in the event the fiance dies or they split up. That's all she needs to know: Consult a real expert, not DCUM's judgemental ninnies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everybody thinking the guy is a jerk? He seems sane… sounds like OP wants to sit on her butt, barely work, have this man take care of her, their kid, her kids, and be put on the house? Looks like OP has nothing in her name, no retirement and refused to work at the age of 50! Sounds like he put a ring on it and then realized her true colors…

They aren’t married. She has stayed home taking care of their joint child and has zero financial protection in return, since she would get nothing in a divorce or will. That’s a huge problem and yes, he is a jerk for putting her in this position.

The kid is 7 and in school. OP needs to do something with her life than sit and rot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

You're fifty, your child is seven. Where did you live before you turned 43?

Also, use your 25 YEARS’ worth of savings from working before you met him to contribute to the cost.

Or, let me guess, that’s YOUR nest egg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

Get a job

DP. I think all of you knee-jerk "Get a job" PPs failed reading comprehension. She already works a part time job. And we do not know if there are reasons (financial or any other type) why she might need to work ONLY part time and be available for the kids. Hers, his and theirs. So much judgement and reflexive "get a job" response on this thread when you don't know all the circumstances. The bottom line of any answer is quite siimply, OP and her fiance need to go together to consult an experienced attorney who has handled a lot of real estate and estate business and who can lay out what they should do for maxiumum protection in the event the fiance dies or they split up. That's all she needs to know: Consult a real expert, not DCUM's judgemental ninnies.

And I’m guessing he pays for the atty, right?

Guess who the client is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

You're fifty, your child is seven. Where did you live before you turned 43?

Also, use your 25 YEARS’ worth of savings from working before you met him to contribute to the cost.

Or, let me guess, that’s YOUR nest egg.

OP has two older kids with someone else. I’m sure she was always a SAHM/working very PT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

Get a job

DP. I think all of you knee-jerk "Get a job" PPs failed reading comprehension. She already works a part time job. And we do not know if there are reasons (financial or any other type) why she might need to work ONLY part time and be available for the kids. Hers, his and theirs. So much judgement and reflexive "get a job" response on this thread when you don't know all the circumstances. The bottom line of any answer is quite siimply, OP and her fiance need to go together to consult an experienced attorney who has handled a lot of real estate and estate business and who can lay out what they should do for maxiumum protection in the event the fiance dies or they split up. That's all she needs to know: Consult a real expert, not DCUM's judgemental ninnies.

His children are adults. I'm very sure she doesn't need to be available to them.

The answer "get a job" is reflexive because OP is here complaining about financial insecurity. Getting a job is the shortest path to that.

Your "quite simply" answer is ridiculous. It is not what they "should" do. It is what her fiance is willing to do. He is the one holding the cards. He already declined to put her on the deed. I'd say that's a pretty good indication of what he is willing to do. And in these circumstances, getting a job (which is fully within her control) is a much safer bet than begging a man for financial security (which is entirely at his mercy). Relying on yourself is the best strategy.

[Anonymous]

You are 60 years old where is the house you bought before you met him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

Get a job

DP. I think all of you knee-jerk "Get a job" PPs failed reading comprehension. She already works a part time job. And we do not know if there are reasons (financial or any other type) why she might need to work ONLY part time and be available for the kids. Hers, his and theirs. So much judgement and reflexive "get a job" response on this thread when you don't know all the circumstances. The bottom line of any answer is quite siimply, OP and her fiance need to go together to consult an experienced attorney who has handled a lot of real estate and estate business and who can lay out what they should do for maxiumum protection in the event the fiance dies or they split up. That's all she needs to know: Consult a real expert, not DCUM's judgemental ninnies.

His children are adults. I'm very sure she doesn't need to be available to them.

The answer "get a job" is reflexive because OP is here complaining about financial insecurity. Getting a job is the shortest path to that.

Your "quite simply" answer is ridiculous. It is not what they "should" do. It is what her fiance is willing to do. He is the one holding the cards. He already declined to put her on the deed. I'd say that's a pretty good indication of what he is willing to do. And in these circumstances, getting a job (which is fully within her control) is a much safer bet than begging a man for financial security (which is entirely at his mercy). Relying on yourself is the best strategy.

DP. I don’t think anyone here has disagreed that OP needs to become more financially independent by getting a better and FT job. But it’s also important for her not to lose sight of the fact that she is being mistreated by her “fiance” and it has resulted in her being financially vulnerable. She needs to know that in order to take next steps.

[Anonymous]

Prenup and marriage or dump him and hire a lawyer to for child support. Either way get daycare started and a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

Get a job

DP. I think all of you knee-jerk "Get a job" PPs failed reading comprehension. She already works a part time job. And we do not know if there are reasons (financial or any other type) why she might need to work ONLY part time and be available for the kids. Hers, his and theirs. So much judgement and reflexive "get a job" response on this thread when you don't know all the circumstances. The bottom line of any answer is quite siimply, OP and her fiance need to go together to consult an experienced attorney who has handled a lot of real estate and estate business and who can lay out what they should do for maxiumum protection in the event the fiance dies or they split up. That's all she needs to know: Consult a real expert, not DCUM's judgemental ninnies.

His children are adults. I'm very sure she doesn't need to be available to them.

The answer "get a job" is reflexive because OP is here complaining about financial insecurity. Getting a job is the shortest path to that.

Your "quite simply" answer is ridiculous. It is not what they "should" do. It is what her fiance is willing to do. He is the one holding the cards. He already declined to put her on the deed. I'd say that's a pretty good indication of what he is willing to do. And in these circumstances, getting a job (which is fully within her control) is a much safer bet than begging a man for financial security (which is entirely at his mercy). Relying on yourself is the best strategy.

DP. I don’t think anyone here has disagreed that OP needs to become more financially independent by getting a better and FT job. But it’s also important for her not to lose sight of the fact that she is being mistreated by her “fiance” and it has resulted in her being financially vulnerable. She needs to know that in order to take next steps.

Don't you think she knows that already? she posted, after all.

I disagree that her financial vulnerability is the result of being mistreated. He supported her stay-at-home lifestyle as well as two children who are not his. I'd say that's pretty generous.