Middle age people are dropping like flies

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Our parents are killing us office. I can deal with teenagers because I chose to have them and they can be decent humans now and then. My elderly hostile and nasty elderly mother will be the death of me. I fear for her caregivers too.

I agree with that observation. I know several middle age people that are struggling with care of elderly parents that are 85+, two of elderly parents pushing 100. They just keep hanging in there, funds are dried up, stress is abundant. The stress is lethal.

How dare they!!!

So, what age are you planning to kill yourself or refuse all medical care?

Probably 85, or sooner if I lack mobility or cognition.

This sounds reasonable to me until I think that my parents are 80 and still independent and in reasonably good health. I know a lot can happen in 5 years, and probably will. But 85 seems like to soon to let go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our parents are killing us office. I can deal with teenagers because I chose to have them and they can be decent humans now and then. My elderly hostile and nasty elderly mother will be the death of me. I fear for her caregivers too.

I agree with that observation. I know several middle age people that are struggling with care of elderly parents that are 85+, two of elderly parents pushing 100. They just keep hanging in there, funds are dried up, stress is abundant. The stress is lethal.

How dare they!!!

So, what age are you planning to kill yourself or refuse all medical care?

Probably 85, or sooner if I lack mobility or cognition.

This sounds reasonable to me until I think that my parents are 80 and still independent and in reasonably good health. I know a lot can happen in 5 years, and probably will. But 85 seems like to soon to let go.

That's why they can just refuse medical care other than pain management. If they remain healthy, great, they'll stay alive, but no medical intervention to prolong life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked by the number of people dying in my circles in their 50s and 60s. More middle age people are passing than elderly. Has anyone noticed this trend? What gives?

In my extended family there are lots of 70-90 year olds, all hanging in there. Women tend to live longer.

[Anonymous]

AND all of them had COVID and all but survived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone else has posted here about how caring for an elderly parent will destroy your own health. Were the people in your circle who have passed caregivers of an elderly parent?

Not necessarily. It can give you sense of purpose and peace of full filling responsibility, which actually helps with mental AND physical health. It depends on your circumstances and mindset.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:50 and 60 is not middle age!!!!

Average life expectancy is 76 for men and 81 for women. Therfore, middle age is 36-40 for men and 38-42 for women. 50 and 60 is older than that.

Eh, I have lots of friends who just lost their parents. They were late 60s early 70s. People are able to live longer.

Unless they're anticipating living to between 120 and 138 years old, people in their 60s are NOT middle age.

In your 50s, OK. But that's stretching it toward the end.

Wrong, 45-65 is middle age. After 65 is old age.

In a society where average marriage age is going towards 35+, 50 can't be old age.

[Anonymous]

I just feel in awe of men having kids in their 50's, that's optimistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone else has posted here about how caring for an elderly parent will destroy your own health. Were the people in your circle who have passed caregivers of an elderly parent?

This is what killed my parent at 65. Their parent (my grandparent) lived on to a ripe old 94.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nature is attempting to right itself as boomer removers like covid and selfishness of continuing to block younger people from jobs and wealth

Boomers will leave their wealth to the next generation - a generation that had everything easier. Gen X'tra. They always demand more than they have coming.

Except our parents all divorced, remarried, started new families, etc. nothing to leave. Lol just wish they were still here in Earth.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote: The biggest issue we had (but really only if you were from an upper middle class suburban background) was the fact that our parents - especially mothers - despised us as a burden that prevented them from pursuing all those wonderful life-expanding experiences that the likes of Betty Friedan and other toxic wretches promised them.

It's hard for other generations to fully "get" but we had a whole generation of parents who regretted having us and did their best to pretend we didn't exist. I think a lot of this was jealousy of younger Boomer women who had access to all the jobs and social adventures that they were denied. Imagine being born in 1938 and in 1970 being told by all the cool kids that you were too old and "Don't trust anyone over 30." But instead of being good adults they just turned into spiteful a-holes and took it out on their burdens (children).

A lot of people my age from suburban NY experienced this, and now we need to pay the bills for these hateful old bats as they get into their 80s. Fun fun.

+1 Gen X from upstate NY, although I do love Betty Friedan's work and her Christmas fruitcake. She ID'ed a problem, didn't create it.

Generational x er here who was not from upstate New York. I was raised upper middle class in an area with a lot of wealth. Our mothers were the anti-feminists and they still saw us as a burden. Our moms didn't dream of amazing jobs, they dreamed of wealth without the work of parenting. Our moms catered to difficult, but often high earning husbands and they pressured us to be perfect so our daddies would be pleased. They too took out all their stress on us and turned into spiteful a-holes because hubby could never spend enough on them.With age they have become worse now that the prestige of their wife-to person-with-fancy-job title holds no clout and they aren't going on fancy vacations and eating at the most expensive restaurants. Constant woe is me with zero gratitude.My life is a sea of stress and I am just grateful when a receptionist is kind, a doctors appointment starts on time and my kids have a good day at school.

You really hit the nail on the head. With my mom (77), it is constant woe is me, regrets that she didn't travel as widely as she hoped and disappointment with their financial status and of course, my dad...

Sounds like a disease of affluence. My own mid-70's parents were penniless immigrants who both worked in a low-prestige family business. They saved and invested well, made sure I got a great education, and assisted with babysitting when my kids were young. They now enjoy the fruits of their hard work, travelling yearly to their home country, boasting about the grandkids, and trying to stay as fit as they can for as long as possible. They went from being dealt a sh*tty hand to throwing down a royal flush. I hope to have them around for a long time.

MMA Gen X kid (born in ‘71) and my parents are mid 80s and are not difficult at all. They were great parents then and are great parents now. And my mom was a SAHM who fully bought into Betty Friedan etc. I think some of you just had bad parents and think everyone’s parents are like that because those of us with healthy family dynamics don’t get on here and complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone else has posted here about how caring for an elderly parent will destroy your own health. Were the people in your circle who have passed caregivers of an elderly parent?

Not necessarily. It can give you sense of purpose and peace of full filling responsibility, which actually helps with mental AND physical health. It depends on your circumstances and mindset.

np I think studies have proven the pp right. Just because there are a few people who "find purpose and peace" there are many who experience negative affects:

https://www.cdc.gov/aging/caregiving/caregiver-brief.html

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It is astonishing to me that people think Gen X had it so much easier. First generation from broken families. Mostly neglected, not always benignly. Education funding cut. Graduated into a recession. The list goes on. Now we have college aged kids and are struggling to afford bloated tuition while incomes haven’t kept up with costs. Our retirement savings are inadequate and many of us are caring for our aging Boomer parents who don’t have enough money because they spent stupidly.

Boomers, sure. But they pulled the ladder up behind them for all of us.

Boomers had it much tougher, especially women. Women couldn't have men's jobs, mens pay,, college admissions, school sports - women couldn't run in marathons - discrimination was legal. Abortion rights hard won in the 1970s. Young Men were drafted into a war. Boomers studied and worked without the internet, pcs, cell phones, printers. There were terrible recessions and whole industries like steel, manufacturing jobs left, towns died and people fell from the middle class into poverty - Boomers lost their livelihood in the 1980s. It's astonishing how little younger people know about recent history.

Much of GenX didn't have internet, cell phones, etc. either.
There are boomer women running marathons NOW and for the past several decades. Katherine Switzer won NYC in 1974--when Boomers were all still under the age of 30!
The "terrible recessions" you describe are nothing compared to what their parents went through in the great depression.

It's astonishing how someone on DCUM will post misinformation and leave out facts about recent history.

Most Boomer women were raised by parents that expected them marry at 18 to have babies at 19 and raise them as a career. Our parents didn't save up for their daughters college education. Our parents thought girls shouldn't be taking up seats in college because women didn't have careers. We had mandatory Home Economics classes in HS to teach house keeping skills.

Boomer women fought and burned our bras for abortion rights, equality in jobs and education. It was hard being the first women to take mens jobs and seats in college. We put up with a lot of crap and sexual harassment sbich was legal back then.

The generation of women that followed takes a lot for granted. They never navigated the man's world Boomer women did. Now that Roe v Wade is overturned, I feel disappointed that Gen X and Z are asleep or on Netflix as the world slips backwards. Women Boomer are tired and don't want to fight for our basic rights again. Wake up ladies!

Ok now you're just outright lying. My mother was born in 1948--so amongst the oldest of the boomers. She went to a very traditional, Catholic all girls high school. Only TWO girls out of her entire class got married at 18. Many went on to college. And "mandatory home economics classes" are a GREAT idea for all students, boys and girls! Bring that back please!

We never asked you to "burn your bras" for anything (gross!) Interesting that you phrase it as "take men's jobs and seats" and not "earned/qualified for jobs and seats." Basically you're admitting that you got free handouts that you don't deserve--way to go, I guess?

Yeah my mom -- Black! in the South! -- was born in 1949 and DID get married at 19 as a college freshman to my grandparents' dismay to my dad, a 23-year-old recent college grad with a professional job and she finished undergrad, went on to grad school. And none of my grandparents were affluent or college-educated so there was no privilege or money to fall back on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is astonishing to me that people think Gen X had it so much easier. First generation from broken families. Mostly neglected, not always benignly. Education funding cut. Graduated into a recession. The list goes on. Now we have college aged kids and are struggling to afford bloated tuition while incomes haven’t kept up with costs. Our retirement savings are inadequate and many of us are caring for our aging Boomer parents who don’t have enough money because they spent stupidly.

All true, but we were also conveniently sandwiched between wars we didn't participate in much - too young for Vietnam, and too old for the post-9/11 conflicts. I know exactly one of my peers who was killed in battle (I graduated from high school in '86). My younger millennial wife graduated in 2000, and a number of her classmates were killed or left legless due to IEDs in Iraq. So we didn't have it that bad...

The biggest issue we had (but really only if you were from an upper middle class suburban background) was the fact that our parents - especially mothers - despised us as a burden that prevented them from pursuing all those wonderful life-expanding experiences that the likes of Betty Friedan and other toxic wretches promised them.

It's hard for other generations to fully "get" but we had a whole generation of parents who regretted having us and did their best to pretend we didn't exist. I think a lot of this was jealousy of younger Boomer women who had access to all the jobs and social adventures that they were denied. Imagine being born in 1938 and in 1970 being told by all the cool kids that you were too old and "Don't trust anyone over 30." But instead of being good adults they just turned into spiteful a-holes and took it out on their burdens (children).

A lot of people my age from suburban NY experienced this, and now we need to pay the bills for these hateful old bats as they get into their 80s. Fun fun.

You married someone 15 years younger than you?

[Anonymous]

Middle aged is more like 40s and 50s. 60s is getting old. You may be in denial about it, but it's true.

[Anonymous]

What I don't get is the research that says optimistic and loving people with great social connections live longer. In my family the nice ones all die younger. The mean, selfish, bitter ones who felt entitled and were MIA for any caregiving all live in to their late 80s and 90s. Their adult kids however end up with all the medical issues from dealing with such demanding nuts. They all seem to live to a riper age than their kids did which doesn't bode well for me since I am the daughter of a diva.