The divide gets bigger as you get older...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you can't see on the surface is which people are in soul-killing jobs, whether they are paid well or not.

This is a cope.

So you’re admitting that rich people are lazy and work very little? Thank you for confirming what I already knew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is true. Early start is key. Focus on careers that help you establish yourself and are the best /most profitable match for your skill set.

We both went to a top 15 school - met after college through friends - big law/finance dual income in 20s and 30s. By mid 40s, we are senior in our respective careers with hhi of $4-7m per year.
Money is a non issue in our life.
Time is a more valuable commodity.

I’m guessing you work in either tech or finance at an executive level. That salary is extremely rare from a W2 income

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're happy and have a fulfilling career, so what?

That's exactly what I thought at 25, but I didn't realize how much of a difference income makes on every area of your life. Where you can live, where your kids go to school, when or if you can ever retire, if you can travel, if you can afford certain types of healthcare, how you live, the security you feel, the security you can offer your family (parents or children), etc.

It never ends.

My best friend from college and I both got advanced degrees the same year, she went to a top MBA program and I went to a top public policy school. Fast forward over 20 years and she has a luxurious vacation home, huge savings, multiple kids in private school, and lots of luxuries. I’m doing fine as a GS-15 but our paths diverged a little and then a lot.

Major life decisions and accomplishments that look subtle compound overtime.

Unfortunately so do losses, mistakes and regrets.

agree.

By age 26-28, people should come to a realization about the life they really want and course correct if they need to do regarding their careers and major life decisions that impact their finances.

What? At 28 I was dating and living a bohemiam life moving from city to city. I had no idea how much freaking $$$$ I would need for a very basic lifestyle of reasonable commute, decent schools, and kids in boring SFH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're happy and have a fulfilling career, so what?

That's exactly what I thought at 25, but I didn't realize how much of a difference income makes on every area of your life. Where you can live, where your kids go to school, when or if you can ever retire, if you can travel, if you can afford certain types of healthcare, how you live, the security you feel, the security you can offer your family (parents or children), etc.

It never ends.

My best friend from college and I both got advanced degrees the same year, she went to a top MBA program and I went to a top public policy school. Fast forward over 20 years and she has a luxurious vacation home, huge savings, multiple kids in private school, and lots of luxuries. I’m doing fine as a GS-15 but our paths diverged a little and then a lot.

Major life decisions and accomplishments that look subtle compound overtime.

Unfortunately so do losses, mistakes and regrets.

agree.

By age 26-28, people should come to a realization about the life they really want and course correct if they need to do regarding their careers and major life decisions that impact their finances.

What? At 28 I was dating and living a bohemiam life moving from city to city. I had no idea how much freaking $$$$ I would need for a very basic lifestyle of reasonable commute, decent schools, and kids in boring SFH.

Just because you couldn’t manage to grow up doesn’t mean everyone else can’t. You do understand that this nomadic lifestyle where you wait until your like 35 to procreate isn’t making urban women any happier, correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're happy and have a fulfilling career, so what?

That's exactly what I thought at 25, but I didn't realize how much of a difference income makes on every area of your life. Where you can live, where your kids go to school, when or if you can ever retire, if you can travel, if you can afford certain types of healthcare, how you live, the security you feel, the security you can offer your family (parents or children), etc.

It never ends.

My best friend from college and I both got advanced degrees the same year, she went to a top MBA program and I went to a top public policy school. Fast forward over 20 years and she has a luxurious vacation home, huge savings, multiple kids in private school, and lots of luxuries. I’m doing fine as a GS-15 but our paths diverged a little and then a lot.

Major life decisions and accomplishments that look subtle compound overtime.

Unfortunately so do losses, mistakes and regrets.

agree.

By age 26-28, people should come to a realization about the life they really want and course correct if they need to do regarding their careers and major life decisions that impact their finances.

What? At 28 I was dating and living a bohemiam life moving from city to city. I had no idea how much freaking $$$$ I would need for a very basic lifestyle of reasonable commute, decent schools, and kids in boring SFH.

Just because you couldn’t manage to grow up doesn’t mean everyone else can’t. You do understand that this nomadic lifestyle where you wait until your like 35 to procreate isn’t making urban women any happier, correct?

DP: It sure made me happy to have a nomadic, fun life in my 20s in different cities throughout the world. I love caring for my kids now, and having had a steady job and living a fairly sedate domestic life in my late 30s and 40s, but I wouldn't give up my 20s and all I experienced then for anything. I think the timing was perfect for me--personally, financially--and I'm a better parent for it. I have lots of rich memories which I get to enjoy many times over rather than waiting to do those things when I'm retired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're happy and have a fulfilling career, so what?

That's exactly what I thought at 25, but I didn't realize how much of a difference income makes on every area of your life. Where you can live, where your kids go to school, when or if you can ever retire, if you can travel, if you can afford certain types of healthcare, how you live, the security you feel, the security you can offer your family (parents or children), etc.

It never ends.

My best friend from college and I both got advanced degrees the same year, she went to a top MBA program and I went to a top public policy school. Fast forward over 20 years and she has a luxurious vacation home, huge savings, multiple kids in private school, and lots of luxuries. I’m doing fine as a GS-15 but our paths diverged a little and then a lot.

Major life decisions and accomplishments that look subtle compound overtime.

Unfortunately so do losses, mistakes and regrets.

agree.

By age 26-28, people should come to a realization about the life they really want and course correct if they need to do regarding their careers and major life decisions that impact their finances.

What? At 28 I was dating and living a bohemiam life moving from city to city. I had no idea how much freaking $$$$ I would need for a very basic lifestyle of reasonable commute, decent schools, and kids in boring SFH.

This reminds me that a big part of the divide can be how soon you got married and had kids. Big difference in your early 40s between a couple with kids in middle school who bought a house 15 years ago and a couple in the thick of the hugely expensive nanny-or-double-daycare years squished into a condo because neither of them ever wanted a house until five years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're happy and have a fulfilling career, so what?

That's exactly what I thought at 25, but I didn't realize how much of a difference income makes on every area of your life. Where you can live, where your kids go to school, when or if you can ever retire, if you can travel, if you can afford certain types of healthcare, how you live, the security you feel, the security you can offer your family (parents or children), etc.

It never ends.

My best friend from college and I both got advanced degrees the same year, she went to a top MBA program and I went to a top public policy school. Fast forward over 20 years and she has a luxurious vacation home, huge savings, multiple kids in private school, and lots of luxuries. I’m doing fine as a GS-15 but our paths diverged a little and then a lot.

Major life decisions and accomplishments that look subtle compound overtime.

Unfortunately so do losses, mistakes and regrets.

agree.

By age 26-28, people should come to a realization about the life they really want and course correct if they need to do regarding their careers and major life decisions that impact their finances.

What? At 28 I was dating and living a bohemiam life moving from city to city. I had no idea how much freaking $$$$ I would need for a very basic lifestyle of reasonable commute, decent schools, and kids in boring SFH.

This reminds me that a big part of the divide can be how soon you got married and had kids. Big difference in your early 40s between a couple with kids in middle school who bought a house 15 years ago and a couple in the thick of the hugely expensive nanny-or-double-daycare years squished into a condo because neither of them ever wanted a house until five years ago.

I agree with what you’re saying, but I thought you were going to talk about the divide between parents/families that had kid(s) too young and never recovered financially or socially. I know too many folks who ended up with a kid at 24 or earlier and just can’t catch a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're happy and have a fulfilling career, so what?

That's exactly what I thought at 25, but I didn't realize how much of a difference income makes on every area of your life. Where you can live, where your kids go to school, when or if you can ever retire, if you can travel, if you can afford certain types of healthcare, how you live, the security you feel, the security you can offer your family (parents or children), etc.

It never ends.

My best friend from college and I both got advanced degrees the same year, she went to a top MBA program and I went to a top public policy school. Fast forward over 20 years and she has a luxurious vacation home, huge savings, multiple kids in private school, and lots of luxuries. I’m doing fine as a GS-15 but our paths diverged a little and then a lot.

Major life decisions and accomplishments that look subtle compound overtime.

Unfortunately so do losses, mistakes and regrets.

agree.

By age 26-28, people should come to a realization about the life they really want and course correct if they need to do regarding their careers and major life decisions that impact their finances.

What? At 28 I was dating and living a bohemiam life moving from city to city. I had no idea how much freaking $$$$ I would need for a very basic lifestyle of reasonable commute, decent schools, and kids in boring SFH.

Just because you couldn’t manage to grow up doesn’t mean everyone else can’t. You do understand that this nomadic lifestyle where you wait until your like 35 to procreate isn’t making urban women any happier, correct?

I was saving money, I just had no idea how much things cost when I entered the next phase. My parents house is worth $70k. Today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're happy and have a fulfilling career, so what?

That's exactly what I thought at 25, but I didn't realize how much of a difference income makes on every area of your life. Where you can live, where your kids go to school, when or if you can ever retire, if you can travel, if you can afford certain types of healthcare, how you live, the security you feel, the security you can offer your family (parents or children), etc.

It never ends.

My best friend from college and I both got advanced degrees the same year, she went to a top MBA program and I went to a top public policy school. Fast forward over 20 years and she has a luxurious vacation home, huge savings, multiple kids in private school, and lots of luxuries. I’m doing fine as a GS-15 but our paths diverged a little and then a lot.

Major life decisions and accomplishments that look subtle compound overtime.

Unfortunately so do losses, mistakes and regrets.

agree.

By age 26-28, people should come to a realization about the life they really want and course correct if they need to do regarding their careers and major life decisions that impact their finances.

What? At 28 I was dating and living a bohemiam life moving from city to city. I had no idea how much freaking $$$$ I would need for a very basic lifestyle of reasonable commute, decent schools, and kids in boring SFH.

Just because you couldn’t manage to grow up doesn’t mean everyone else can’t. You do understand that this nomadic lifestyle where you wait until your like 35 to procreate isn’t making urban women any happier, correct?

I was saving money, I just had no idea how much things cost when I entered the next phase. My parents house is worth $70k. Today.

They still do, just not here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're happy and have a fulfilling career, so what?

That's exactly what I thought at 25, but I didn't realize how much of a difference income makes on every area of your life. Where you can live, where your kids go to school, when or if you can ever retire, if you can travel, if you can afford certain types of healthcare, how you live, the security you feel, the security you can offer your family (parents or children), etc.

It never ends.

My best friend from college and I both got advanced degrees the same year, she went to a top MBA program and I went to a top public policy school. Fast forward over 20 years and she has a luxurious vacation home, huge savings, multiple kids in private school, and lots of luxuries. I’m doing fine as a GS-15 but our paths diverged a little and then a lot.

Major life decisions and accomplishments that look subtle compound overtime.

Unfortunately so do losses, mistakes and regrets.

agree.

By age 26-28, people should come to a realization about the life they really want and course correct if they need to do regarding their careers and major life decisions that impact their finances.

What? At 28 I was dating and living a bohemiam life moving from city to city. I had no idea how much freaking $$$$ I would need for a very basic lifestyle of reasonable commute, decent schools, and kids in boring SFH.

Just because you couldn’t manage to grow up doesn’t mean everyone else can’t. You do understand that this nomadic lifestyle where you wait until your like 35 to procreate isn’t making urban women any happier, correct?

I was saving money, I just had no idea how much things cost when I entered the next phase. My parents house is worth $70k. Today.

+1, this is totally fair. I am one of those women who got married and had kids later in life (late 30s), and even though many of my friends had kids before me, I didn't fully understand how much things cost (houses in a good school district, or if not, private school; FT nanny, etc.) Now I do get it and am shifting my career accordingly (left Feds for private sector job).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're happy and have a fulfilling career, so what?

That's exactly what I thought at 25, but I didn't realize how much of a difference income makes on every area of your life. Where you can live, where your kids go to school, when or if you can ever retire, if you can travel, if you can afford certain types of healthcare, how you live, the security you feel, the security you can offer your family (parents or children), etc.

It never ends.

My best friend from college and I both got advanced degrees the same year, she went to a top MBA program and I went to a top public policy school. Fast forward over 20 years and she has a luxurious vacation home, huge savings, multiple kids in private school, and lots of luxuries. I’m doing fine as a GS-15 but our paths diverged a little and then a lot.

Major life decisions and accomplishments that look subtle compound overtime.

Unfortunately so do losses, mistakes and regrets.

agree.

By age 26-28, people should come to a realization about the life they really want and course correct if they need to do regarding their careers and major life decisions that impact their finances.

What? At 28 I was dating and living a bohemiam life moving from city to city. I had no idea how much freaking $$$$ I would need for a very basic lifestyle of reasonable commute, decent schools, and kids in boring SFH.

This reminds me that a big part of the divide can be how soon you got married and had kids. Big difference in your early 40s between a couple with kids in middle school who bought a house 15 years ago and a couple in the thick of the hugely expensive nanny-or-double-daycare years squished into a condo because neither of them ever wanted a house until five years ago.

I agree with what you’re saying, but I thought you were going to talk about the divide between parents/families that had kid(s) too young and never recovered financially or socially. I know too many folks who ended up with a kid at 24 or earlier and just can’t catch a break.

Same. I'm 40 and I've seen this go both ways. I have a few friends who remained active in their faith and they married and had kids young. They have been stay at home moms since college, so no child care costs. One married a police officer, and they bought their first home at ~ 23 and traded up twice. They live in a nice home now. Their kids are older teenagers now, and she just recently started a career because she can. I don't think they have a ton of money saved for their kids' college or retirement, but they have a pretty nice house with a pretty small mortgage, and he'll have a police pension. They're planning various fun trips over the next decade because they'll be empty nesters by ~45. On the other hand, most of my law school friends had kids in their late thirties, but we've all been saving since we graduated law school at 25yo. I still bought a house in my twenties, and because I had kids later, I was in a financial position to superfund their college funds. I don't get to take all the great trips in my 40s that my friend who had her kids really young will take because I have toddlers who don't travel well. I don't think either approach is superior. There are pros and cons. Sometimes I wish I had kids younger just so I could maximize my time on earth with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're happy and have a fulfilling career, so what?

That's exactly what I thought at 25, but I didn't realize how much of a difference income makes on every area of your life. Where you can live, where your kids go to school, when or if you can ever retire, if you can travel, if you can afford certain types of healthcare, how you live, the security you feel, the security you can offer your family (parents or children), etc.

It never ends.

My best friend from college and I both got advanced degrees the same year, she went to a top MBA program and I went to a top public policy school. Fast forward over 20 years and she has a luxurious vacation home, huge savings, multiple kids in private school, and lots of luxuries. I’m doing fine as a GS-15 but our paths diverged a little and then a lot.

Major life decisions and accomplishments that look subtle compound overtime.

Unfortunately so do losses, mistakes and regrets.

agree.

By age 26-28, people should come to a realization about the life they really want and course correct if they need to do regarding their careers and major life decisions that impact their finances.

What? At 28 I was dating and living a bohemiam life moving from city to city. I had no idea how much freaking $$$$ I would need for a very basic lifestyle of reasonable commute, decent schools, and kids in boring SFH.

This reminds me that a big part of the divide can be how soon you got married and had kids. Big difference in your early 40s between a couple with kids in middle school who bought a house 15 years ago and a couple in the thick of the hugely expensive nanny-or-double-daycare years squished into a condo because neither of them ever wanted a house until five years ago.

I agree with what you’re saying, but I thought you were going to talk about the divide between parents/families that had kid(s) too young and never recovered financially or socially. I know too many folks who ended up with a kid at 24 or earlier and just can’t catch a break.

PP here and I’ve definitely seen that with extended family in other parts of the country but not a lot in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the sentiment. From my college/post-college friend group there are three tracks. All three sets are in the top 20% of national income, but reflect the realities of a post-ivy education.

1) Non-profit world or similar. Lower incomes, but interesting jobs. But clearly needs to watch spending, and can't really do blow out european trips regularly. Can't afford expensive housing markets like DC and either rent or move to further out suburbs. We're talking <150K/year, so not poor by any means.

2) successful, but not too stressed. got that law degree or med school degree, but in-house or is a HMO pediatrician. good incomes and a decent amount of time to enjoy their lives. Travels frequently abroad (but not always first class, unless they have lots of airline miles) and own a home in nice inner suburbs or the city. Is thinking about a modest vacation cabin on the lake or a small boat. Usually still married to first spouse. Can afford an elite private school, but it is their biggest expense. Think more like 400K/year as a midpoint for a dual-income couple, with one spouse on a 'parent-track' job.

3) uber-professionally successful. went into private equity or is a high stress surgeon type with their own practice. honestly I don't see these friends much anymore, but most have had multiple weddings. They don't really see their kids too often, but their trips seem to be first class/private vacations to exotic locals. Eats out very frequently at the best places. Not clear if they own or rent properties, but they live in great locations. We're in the 2M+ range of salary. Note: a few friends are in the category since they inherited wealth.

We're in the middle of the pack. I do sometimes get resentful of the last category when my flight gets delayed and I wish I could just charter my own jet. But I'm very happy with our life. We own a nice 4bd/3ba on a leafy street that is walking distance to the office and schools. I'm not just cut out for the high stress life.

Wow, do you really get bitter you can't just go and charter a jet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the sentiment. From my college/post-college friend group there are three tracks. All three sets are in the top 20% of national income, but reflect the realities of a post-ivy education.

1) Non-profit world or similar. Lower incomes, but interesting jobs. But clearly needs to watch spending, and can't really do blow out european trips regularly. Can't afford expensive housing markets like DC and either rent or move to further out suburbs. We're talking <150K/year, so not poor by any means.

2) successful, but not too stressed. got that law degree or med school degree, but in-house or is a HMO pediatrician. good incomes and a decent amount of time to enjoy their lives. Travels frequently abroad (but not always first class, unless they have lots of airline miles) and own a home in nice inner suburbs or the city. Is thinking about a modest vacation cabin on the lake or a small boat. Usually still married to first spouse. Can afford an elite private school, but it is their biggest expense. Think more like 400K/year as a midpoint for a dual-income couple, with one spouse on a 'parent-track' job.

3) uber-professionally successful. went into private equity or is a high stress surgeon type with their own practice. honestly I don't see these friends much anymore, but most have had multiple weddings. They don't really see their kids too often, but their trips seem to be first class/private vacations to exotic locals. Eats out very frequently at the best places. Not clear if they own or rent properties, but they live in great locations. We're in the 2M+ range of salary. Note: a few friends are in the category since they inherited wealth.

We're in the middle of the pack. I do sometimes get resentful of the last category when my flight gets delayed and I wish I could just charter my own jet. But I'm very happy with our life. We own a nice 4bd/3ba on a leafy street that is walking distance to the office and schools. I'm not just cut out for the high stress life.

My friend group is different. I would say low end is 200k, mid is 500 and high is $1m+. We are in the higher group and I guess we are working rich. We look at people who sold a company or made a killing in crypto and know we will never earn that much. We probably earn the most but we are not the richest. I consider ourselves UMC. I feel the rich are mostly generational wealth or the crypto millionaires.

DH and I deliberately chose to be in group 2. The most important thing to us is to have time with the kids while they are growing up, to ensure that they are equipped to make the right decisions. We could have chosen group 3, but leaving then with a full-time nanny just scared me to death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're happy and have a fulfilling career, so what?

That's exactly what I thought at 25, but I didn't realize how much of a difference income makes on every area of your life. Where you can live, where your kids go to school, when or if you can ever retire, if you can travel, if you can afford certain types of healthcare, how you live, the security you feel, the security you can offer your family (parents or children), etc.

It never ends.

My best friend from college and I both got advanced degrees the same year, she went to a top MBA program and I went to a top public policy school. Fast forward over 20 years and she has a luxurious vacation home, huge savings, multiple kids in private school, and lots of luxuries. I’m doing fine as a GS-15 but our paths diverged a little and then a lot.

Major life decisions and accomplishments that look subtle compound overtime.

Unfortunately so do losses, mistakes and regrets.

agree.

By age 26-28, people should come to a realization about the life they really want and course correct if they need to do regarding their careers and major life decisions that impact their finances.

What? At 28 I was dating and living a bohemiam life moving from city to city. I had no idea how much freaking $$$$ I would need for a very basic lifestyle of reasonable commute, decent schools, and kids in boring SFH.

This reminds me that a big part of the divide can be how soon you got married and had kids. Big difference in your early 40s between a couple with kids in middle school who bought a house 15 years ago and a couple in the thick of the hugely expensive nanny-or-double-daycare years squished into a condo because neither of them ever wanted a house until five years ago.

I agree with what you’re saying, but I thought you were going to talk about the divide between parents/families that had kid(s) too young and never recovered financially or socially. I know too many folks who ended up with a kid at 24 or earlier and just can’t catch a break.

+1 Yeah, on average it makes the most financial sense to have your kids late. You invest your extra capital early on, it grows and you're at your highest earning when the kids come and your nest egg is already growing well. Of course some people have life setbacks or don't plan well or whatever and this doesn't work out, but most often there are more financial benefits to waiting to have kids than having them early. Of course, fertility issues may arise, but that's a relatively low percent of people. There may be other reasons to have kids earlier (e.g., energy levels for kids and grandkids)--but finances usually aren't one of them.