Cotillion

[Anonymous]

How can I explain this to you gently. Part of what it means to mature, to grow into oneself and to become a functioning, non-self absorbed adult, is realizing that not every occasion is an appropriate one to express one's "sense of style." Dressy, formal attire for girls and women means dresses.

How can I explain this to you gently? You are sexist trash.

[Anonymous]

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While some of the traditions are a bit outdated (such as dresses only for girls - I don't see why nice pants wont do), like with most things in life, we take in the lessons that work for us but not all. We are not mindless robots after all.


No. Things that are sexist are inappropriate, and should not be supported with your $. Would you feel the same way if the rule was that kids should only ask kids of their own race to dance? If not, what do you see as the difference?



To me the dressy clothes are the uniform for the activity. Would my son prefer to show up in athletic gear 100%, but he wears what is required and if he refused we would not go.
I imagine for a variety of reasons cotillion is not for everyone and that is OK. There are lots of activities that are not for my family. The stories I have heard about travel soccer frustrate me and sometimes even make me angry, so my family does not support it. But I don't ask other families to justify to me why they do.

That said, in terms of OPs asked I wanted to share our experience. Many people seem to be ruling it out without knowing much about it. Therefore, I thought the perspective of a family who participated would be helpful to OP.

Got it. You are ruling out travel soccer (which both my girls play) based on "stories you have heard" about it, but you are totally fine with an organization that forces girls to wear gender stereotyped clothing (which is completely different than comfortable athletic clothing that your son might prefer).

I've never understood this. If my DD likes dresses and enjoys wearing them, then why should she be looked down upon for that? It's equally OK to embrace your gender as it is to reject it. Anything else feels a lot like misogyny.

Lots of girls including mine like dresses, and its great for them to embrace their sense of style. That's not the issue. Its an issue when an organization requires a certain "uniform" like dresses for a girls. Some, even CIS kids, may not be comfortable in a dress. Even our school's chorus offers a dress AND several pants styles for females.

How can I explain this to you gently. Part of what it means to mature, to grow into oneself and to become a functioning, non-self absorbed adult, is realizing that not every occasion is an appropriate one to express one's "sense of style." Dressy, formal attire for girls and women means dresses. That is not likely to change anytime soon, simply because a group of rowdy moms on DCUM decide that it deprives their little darlings of a chance to express themselves at any time and place that they so desire.

You're an idiot. Close minded at that. My grandmother has never worn a dress and look smashing at all of her grandkids weddings. She can also foxtrot. No Cotillion Required.

No one here is saying you have to do cotillion. To each his / her own. We just want you to understand that too.

Well, just be aware that if it's a valued institution to you, it's going to die out if it doesn't stop with unnecessary exclusionary practices because fewer people want to be associated with that. I would appreciate a group setting that helps tweens focus on etiquette, social interactions etc. but not one that hangs onto outdated gendered roles.

x100 Thank you for so eloquently speaking this truth.

[Anonymous]

Why are folks using “Cotillion” wrong in this thread? It’s just a ball/formal event(and technically it’s a specific dance during a ball or other formal event, but I’ll digress). The activities leaning up to the Cotillion are mostly manners, etiquette, and dance classes, they are not “Cotillion”. I also don’t understand why folks are sending kids to multiple years of the manners, etiquette, and dance classes, particularly once they are middle school age. You take them once, and then hammer them in consistently at home and with practice at other social engagements. If you’d like to attend another cotillion (i.e. dance) next year, fine, but no need to attend all the classes again.

I find what listed here so strange, as I would not send my kids to manners class as a means for them to socialize with others without a device.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are folks using “Cotillion” wrong in this thread? It’s just a ball/formal event(and technically it’s a specific dance during a ball or other formal event, but I’ll digress). The activities leaning up to the Cotillion are mostly manners, etiquette, and dance classes, they are not “Cotillion”. I also don’t understand why folks are sending kids to multiple years of the manners, etiquette, and dance classes, particularly once they are middle school age. You take them once, and then hammer them in consistently at home and with practice at other social engagements. If you’d like to attend another cotillion (i.e. dance) next year, fine, but no need to attend all the classes again.

I find what listed here so strange, as I would not send my kids to manners class as a means for them to socialize with others without a device.

Its literally what the activity is called: Cotillion Classes. They call the ball the Spring Ball. https://nljc.com/n/index.php/chapters/arlingtonva/chapter/classes