Ignorace on the pain of infertility

[Anonymous]

There are some serious a-holes on this site when it comes to infertility.

Has anyone else seen this thread?

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/134495.page

[Anonymous]

Meh...maybe, maybe not.

Too me, when it comes to infertility, it's simple, do you want to be a pregnant or do you want to be a mom? You can either waste your years trying to be pregnant or spend those years and become a mom and raise a child. There are many alternatives to traditional pregnancy.

I do have sympathy for those who can't concieve. My sympathy wanes after a few years and by 5+ years, well, refer back to the question - do you want to be pregnant or do you want to be a mom?

I was not and am not able to concieve and likely would not be able to carry a pregnancy to term anyway.

Today, I am the mom of a beautiful little girl. I am glad I did not waste all the years on the pain and heartache of chasing pregnancy. If I did, I would have missed out on being a mom.

[Anonymous]

how much did adoption cost??? Am looking into it.

[Anonymous]

I think it's very personal whether you want to adopt or use donor egg/sperm or a surrogate. I don't think anyone can judge anyone else's choice to do it or not do it. And I think we could/should try to have sympathy for anyone who faces infertility, no matter if they try to conceive for 1 or 20 years. 13:28 - awesome that you adopted. But it's not for everyone. As for the FB postings -- I say if it hurts your feelings stay off FB. You can't hamper others happiness just b/c things aren't working out for you. I just hide my friends who are baby crazy when I am feeling extra vulnerable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh...maybe, maybe not.

Too me, when it comes to infertility, it's simple, do you want to be a pregnant or do you want to be a mom? You can either waste your years trying to be pregnant or spend those years and become a mom and raise a child. There are many alternatives to traditional pregnancy.

I do have sympathy for those who can't concieve. My sympathy wanes after a few years and by 5+ years, well, refer back to the question - do you want to be pregnant or do you want to be a mom?

I was not and am not able to concieve and likely would not be able to carry a pregnancy to term anyway.

Today, I am the mom of a beautiful little girl. I am glad I did not waste all the years on the pain and heartache of chasing pregnancy. If I did, I would have missed out on being a mom.

Why are you on a TTC forum?

[Anonymous]

If fb posts bother you block friend or don't do fb. You can't expect people to try and be careful to hurt your feelings. Your problem is infertility but there are so many iter things that might hurt people

[Anonymous]

I'm TTC #2 and I think it is absolutely ridiculous for people to expect others on Facebook to censor their posts about pregnancy or their children. I have a friend on facebook who is constantly posting about her tennis matches and her trophies...I used to play, and since having a kid, I almost never play and my tennis game has gone to pot. Every time I see her posts about tennis, I get jealous and feel bad that I'm not playing. Should I expect her to be sensitive about how her tennis playing posts are going to offend others who wish they could be playing tennis and aren't? Of course not.

If someone on Facebook is posting stuff you don't like, then hide their posts. It's not that difficult.

[Anonymous]

I don't care what people post on FB (like many others I just hide them), but I cannot get away from an insensitive co-worker who got pregnant after my miscarriage and was driving me nuts with her talk about pregnancy, symptoms, numerous baby showers and now about cutesy things her baby does. And the worst part is, she is a 41-year old grandmother with has two grown up kids. This one is her third one and her husband does not even care about the baby. She sits next to my cubicle, so I cannot hide from her. So every day coming to work and listening to her is a torture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm TTC #2 and I think it is absolutely ridiculous for people to expect others on Facebook to censor their posts about pregnancy or their children. I have a friend on facebook who is constantly posting about her tennis matches and her trophies...I used to play, and since having a kid, I almost never play and my tennis game has gone to pot. Every time I see her posts about tennis, I get jealous and feel bad that I'm not playing. Should I expect her to be sensitive about how her tennis playing posts are going to offend others who wish they could be playing tennis and aren't? Of course not.

If someone on Facebook is posting stuff you don't like, then hide their posts. It's not that difficult.

I totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Adoption costs about as much as a single IVF treatment: $10,000 to $20,000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me, when it comes to infertility, it's simple, do you want to be a pregnant or do you want to be a mom? You can either waste your years trying to be pregnant or spend those years and become a mom and raise a child. There are many alternatives to traditional pregnancy.

I do have sympathy for those who can't conceive. My sympathy wanes after a few years and by 5+ years, well, refer back to the question - do you want to be pregnant or do you want to be a mom?

I agree with this. When we were having difficulty conceiving, a good friend said "If you want to be a parent, you will be a parent" and that really stuck with me. In the end, we were able to conceive without interventions, but her support really helped me be okay with knowing that I wasn't interested in going the IVF route, even if my partner wasn't (in the future) interested in adoption (we didn't get to that stage of conversation, so I don't know; he refused to talk about it hypothetically, but I was open).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh...maybe, maybe not.

Too me, when it comes to infertility, it's simple, do you want to be a pregnant or do you want to be a mom? You can either waste your years trying to be pregnant or spend those years and become a mom and raise a child. There are many alternatives to traditional pregnancy.

I do have sympathy for those who can't concieve. My sympathy wanes after a few years and by 5+ years, well, refer back to the question - do you want to be pregnant or do you want to be a mom?

I was not and am not able to concieve and likely would not be able to carry a pregnancy to term anyway.

Today, I am the mom of a beautiful little girl. I am glad I did not waste all the years on the pain and heartache of chasing pregnancy. If I did, I would have missed out on being a mom.

Have to agree with a PP, what are you doing here? Obviously, you have some unresolved issues if you are spending your time reading and commenting on a TTC forum. What is your threshold for wasted years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh...maybe, maybe not.

Too me, when it comes to infertility, it's simple, do you want to be a pregnant or do you want to be a mom? You can either waste your years trying to be pregnant or spend those years and become a mom and raise a child. There are many alternatives to traditional pregnancy.

I do have sympathy for those who can't concieve. My sympathy wanes after a few years and by 5+ years, well, refer back to the question - do you want to be pregnant or do you want to be a mom?

I was not and am not able to concieve and likely would not be able to carry a pregnancy to term anyway.

Today, I am the mom of a beautiful little girl. I am glad I did not waste all the years on the pain and heartache of chasing pregnancy. If I did, I would have missed out on being a mom.

I like this. Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh...maybe, maybe not.

Too me, when it comes to infertility, it's simple, do you want to be a pregnant or do you want to be a mom? You can either waste your years trying to be pregnant or spend those years and become a mom and raise a child. There are many alternatives to traditional pregnancy.

I do have sympathy for those who can't concieve. My sympathy wanes after a few years and by 5+ years, well, refer back to the question - do you want to be pregnant or do you want to be a mom?

I was not and am not able to concieve and likely would not be able to carry a pregnancy to term anyway.

Today, I am the mom of a beautiful little girl. I am glad I did not waste all the years on the pain and heartache of chasing pregnancy. If I did, I would have missed out on being a mom.

Why are you on a TTC forum?

If you go to "Recent Topics" like I do, all new topics pop up. I don't go on the TTC thread but if something interesting comes up I click on it regardless of what thread it's on.

[Anonymous]

If we all tried to not post something that could be potentially upsetting to one of our many friends, we'd go crazy and probably post nothing. We've been TTC #1 for 17 months. Lots of my FB friends are pregnant and have had babies in that time. I don't go out of my way to look at their belly pics or sono pics and if it got to me (they don't), I'd hide them.

I appreciate the sentiment of wanting to be a parent vs. pregnant, I've said it to myself many times and it's a comfort to know we have the option of adopting and we'll be parents no matter what. But, adoption isn't for everyone. And for some of us, IVF is covered by insurance, adoption isn't.

I also don't appreciate the implication that those struggling with infertility shouldn't complain or be upset because we have the option of adopting any time. Many couples are eventually successful, so it's not necessarily a waste either.