Ignorace on the pain of infertility

[Anonymous]

13:28 - you're a total ass. Someone starts a topic about the ignorance on the pain of infertility and your response is to post an ignorant comment?

I won't even try to educate you because you obviously can't see that what may be right for you in your situation isn't a cure-all for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Everyone needs to make the choices that are best for her. To miss out on the joy of pregnancy is a big loss for many of us, though, yes, it does not mean one cannot be a parent. Sometimes one must grieve over that loss first.

There are financial issues as well. We are continuing TTC because insurance pays for most of it. We do not have the $20,000 for adoption. We would use all of our resources getting a child and have none left to raise the child if we adopted. Thus until we run out of insurance or win the lottery, TTC is our only option.

The insentivity of co-workers and family who see you in person can be maddening. If that one co-worker keeps rambling on, perhaps one day you should just say that while you are happy for her and her good fortune, the daily baby update is adding stress to already stressful situation. facebook can't be avoided - this can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't care what people post on FB (like many others I just hide them), but I cannot get away from an insensitive co-worker who got pregnant after my miscarriage and was driving me nuts with her talk about pregnancy, symptoms, numerous baby showers and now about cutesy things her baby does. And the worst part is, she is a 41-year old grandmother with has two grown up kids. This one is her third one and her husband does not even care about the baby. She sits next to my cubicle, so I cannot hide from her. So every day coming to work and listening to her is a torture.

What is your point?

[Anonymous]

"The insentivity of co-workers and family who see you in person can be maddening. If that one co-worker keeps rambling on, perhaps one day you should just say that while you are happy for her and her good fortune, the daily baby update is adding stress to already stressful situation. facebook can't be avoided - this can. "

And when you do have your baby, please don't bore your co-workers with YOUR daily baby update.

[Anonymous]

People can definitely be insensitive and overshare but people TTC can also be insensitive, selfish, focused on their own issues to the exclusion of being happy or supportive to friends. I try to see both sides. I had a long route to having a child: 4 years of TTC, various treatments, complications, and an eventful pregnancy. I'm now TTC #2 and it's likewise a struggle. However, even in my darkest times when it did hurt to see ultrasound pictures or baby clothes and pregnant tummies, I was happy for others and understood this was part of life. It's not a TTC issue it's really a personality thing. Some people are sufferers and take things beyond personally. It's also a form of real selfishness to expect others not to share about the happiest thing in their lives. There is certainly a balance and one ought to be sensitive to those TTC. People chronically overshare on FB about all things--thank goodness you can just ignore it or block posts, end of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care what people post on FB (like many others I just hide them), but I cannot get away from an insensitive co-worker who got pregnant after my miscarriage and was driving me nuts with her talk about pregnancy, symptoms, numerous baby showers and now about cutesy things her baby does. And the worst part is, she is a 41-year old grandmother with has two grown up kids. This one is her third one and her husband does not even care about the baby. She sits next to my cubicle, so I cannot hide from her. So every day coming to work and listening to her is a torture.

What is your point?

My point is that I don't understand why people are upset when others post their baby-related updates on FB when it can be avoided. There are much more stressful situations like the one described above when there is no way I can justclick on 'remove' button and forget about it. The majoirty of fertile people out there just don't get what we are going through. And I am not even infertile, my husband is. By the way, once I told this co-worker what the problem was of us not having kids, she advised me to go have sex with someone who looks like my husband, so I can have a baby. Anyone has advice how I can shut her up for good?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"The insentivity of co-workers and family who see you in person can be maddening. If that one co-worker keeps rambling on, perhaps one day you should just say that while you are happy for her and her good fortune, the daily baby update is adding stress to already stressful situation. facebook can't be avoided - this can. "

And when you do have your baby, please don't bore your co-workers with YOUR daily baby update.

I am WAY too private and also superstitious - I never share personal stuff like that at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care what people post on FB (like many others I just hide them), but I cannot get away from an insensitive co-worker who got pregnant after my miscarriage and was driving me nuts with her talk about pregnancy, symptoms, numerous baby showers and now about cutesy things her baby does. And the worst part is, she is a 41-year old grandmother with has two grown up kids. This one is her third one and her husband does not even care about the baby. She sits next to my cubicle, so I cannot hide from her. So every day coming to work and listening to her is a torture.

What is your point?

My point is that I don't understand why people are upset when others post their baby-related updates on FB when it can be avoided. There are much more stressful situations like the one described above when there is no way I can justclick on 'remove' button and forget about it. The majoirty of fertile people out there just don't get what we are going through. And I am not even infertile, my husband is. By the way, once I told this co-worker what the problem was of us not having kids, she advised me to go have sex with someone who looks like my husband, so I can have a baby. Anyone has advice how I can shut her up for good?

Go have sex with someone who looks like your husband so you can have a baby.

Okay, of course, I am kidding, I couldn't resist, though: it seems like that is the only thing that would work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care what people post on FB (like many others I just hide them), but I cannot get away from an insensitive co-worker who got pregnant after my miscarriage and was driving me nuts with her talk about pregnancy, symptoms, numerous baby showers and now about cutesy things her baby does. And the worst part is, she is a 41-year old grandmother with has two grown up kids. This one is her third one and her husband does not even care about the baby. She sits next to my cubicle, so I cannot hide from her. So every day coming to work and listening to her is a torture.

What is your point?

My point is that I don't understand why people are upset when others post their baby-related updates on FB when it can be avoided. There are much more stressful situations like the one described above when there is no way I can justclick on 'remove' button and forget about it. The majoirty of fertile people out there just don't get what we are going through. And I am not even infertile, my husband is. By the way, once I told this co-worker what the problem was of us not having kids, she advised me to go have sex with someone who looks like my husband, so I can have a baby. Anyone has advice how I can shut her up for good?

Go have sex with someone who looks like your husband so you can have a baby.

Okay, of course, I am kidding, I couldn't resist, though: it seems like that is the only thing that would work!

Well, I offered him to at least use a donor sperm, but he would rather adopt than do this. We will be trying another round of IVF in late November since he has some viable sperm.

[Anonymous]

"My point is that I don't understand why people are upset when others post their baby-related updates on FB when it can be avoided. There are much more stressful situations like the one described above when there is no way I can justclick on 'remove' button and forget about it. The majoirty of fertile people out there just don't get what we are going through. And I am not even infertile, my husband is. By the way, once I told this co-worker what the problem was of us not having kids, she advised me to go have sex with someone who looks like my husband, so I can have a baby. Anyone has advice how I can shut her up for good? "

Stop sharing info with her! Why did you tell her about your intimate stuff and opened the door to begin with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My point is that I don't understand why people are upset when others post their baby-related updates on FB when it can be avoided. There are much more stressful situations like the one described above when there is no way I can justclick on 'remove' button and forget about it. The majoirty of fertile people out there just don't get what we are going through. And I am not even infertile, my husband is. By the way, once I told this co-worker what the problem was of us not having kids, she advised me to go have sex with someone who looks like my husband, so I can have a baby. Anyone has advice how I can shut her up for good? "

Stop sharing info with her! Why did you tell her about your intimate stuff and opened the door to begin with?

Because at some point she and I were quite close (until she started sneaking out of town and cheating on her husband with her ex; I still don't know whose baby it is). Now I just don't have any respect for her and don't share a thing.

[Anonymous]

Someone in the other thread made a comment that stuck with me - this could apply to other things too. I've lost both my parents and I'm 32. So posts wishing parents happy birthdays, talking about how wonderful parents are, seeing pics of grandparents with friends' babies knowing my parents will never appear in those kind of pics - it's heartbreaking. But it's my choice to look at the site, and I can't begrudge others their happiness because of my losses, which have nothing to do with them. We never know what others have been through.

[Anonymous]

People can post what they want on FB. Posting pregnancy news is a very normal part of everyday life for those FB page owners. How can we expect them not to talk about such an important part of their life? When one of us infertile women finally gets pregnant will we, too, all refrain from posting about our pregnancies anywhere for fear of hurting some infertile women?

We can't ask the world to change for us. We can only change ourselves. We have to find someone to talk to about our personal pain to help us manage and cope with life's realities.

That said, if I knew my friend was struggling with infertility for a long time I would not post news about it on FB regularly. But I owe that degree of loyalty and sensitivity to my friend. Many people on FB have acquaintances, neighbors, and people who aren't their close friends.