I'm the Horrible MIL

[Anonymous]

I saw my DIL today. I realized a few things about her. She is kind, educated, gracious, sensitive, warm, loving, graceful and beautiful, and is good to my son and their children. I could not have found a better match for my son if I had done so myself. I am not the type to give compliments. For some reason, I cannot accept her. There are many differences between us, but none that should matter. She has never done anything wrong. She would never hurt me or my family. Yet I feel the need to see or imagine the bad instead of seeing the good. I make remarks when I should not. I fail to think before I open my mouth. I do things that some would think are inappropriate. I do not include her. I favor the other grandkids even though the (4 only ones) to carry on the family name are as cute as can be, they do well in school, are kind and loving, and are really good kids.

Maybe I am jealous because they have the marriage, success or love I never had. Maybe it did not matter who my handsome son married, maybe I would have found fault with anyone. Maybe I am just an ogre. My son and DIL have worked so hard together, and some would say they deserve everything they have. I have never been there for them. I say I support them, but I have never shown it. My friends pick on their DIL's, and there I am, trying to add to the fury, though I really have nothing bad to say that is truthful. I am sure they have been through a lot that I don't know about. They have had a terrible year, one thing after another. They do not ask for anything.

I barely see their children. I read these boards and see posts about the "evil MIL", and realize maybe that is me.

[Anonymous]

It is never too late in life to start trying to have the relationships you want to have, or know it would be good to have. Extend a hand, and then just keep doing it. If there is damage there, it may take a long time to rebuild that relationship. But I think it will pay off in spades.

[Anonymous]

Well, I'm not sure if this is a work of fiction by a DIL who is feeling wrongly judged by her MIL and this is her way of dealing with it or if it's legit. If it's legit, let me say this...for a woman who apparently has a great capacity for self-introspection, you apparently have a deficit in conscience. Yes, you sound like a "horrible MIL" (your words, not mine) who half-heartedly wants to acknowledge it just so she can somehow make herself fell a smidgen better without trying to actually change, make amends, get more involved, etc. I feel pity for you. You sound like one of those people who believes "the promise is as good as the delivery," which is never true. Sigh...

[Anonymous]

sounds like really crappy fiction. If I am wrong... go get yourself a behavioral therapist and change your ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I barely see their children. I read these boards and see posts about the "evil MIL", and realize maybe that is me.

WTF? Not sure if this posting is for real, but if so - aren't these YOUR grand kids? I agree w/ PP that you need to see a therapist.

[Anonymous]

To me, this sounds like a posting from DIL view; where MIL is never there. Sounds too fishy... DIL is wonderful, etc, etc. Nothing bad to say, etc, etc, but MIL still won't accept???

[Anonymous]

No, you're the horrible DIL. You're not fooling anyone: "She is kind, educated, gracious, sensitive, warm, loving, graceful and beautiful, and is good to my son and their children." Gimme a break. Maybe if you used fewer complimentary descriptors about yourself this post would have been more plausible.

[Anonymous]

I doubt this is real, simply because most extremely cruel and nasty people lack even the attempt at insight into their own behavior and are convinced that they are the victims.

[Anonymous]

I believe it's real. I hope you step up to the plate and become the mil your dil deserves. What if she began not including you in their lives? In the lives of their children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I favor the other grandkids even though the (4 only ones) to carry on the family name are as cute as can be, they do well in school, are kind and loving, and are really good kids.

Puke.

[Anonymous]

I think this is fiction by an unhappy DIL. If so, she has bigger issues than her MIL.

On the off chance it's real, I credit the OP for being self-aware and able to articulate her challenges. I encourage her to try a few months of therapy to help her convert that self-awareness into the type of behavior she aspires to. If this post is legit, she's probably more than half way there.

[Anonymous]

OP, move to florida, it'll be better that way

[Anonymous]

yeah, don't believe this post. too pitch perfect

[Anonymous]

I hate it when posters cry "fake" for no reason, but I'll eat my hat if this post is real.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am not getting any younger. I am trying to make things right. If only for myself. Honestly, I do not see myself reaching out to my DIL at this point. As I mentioned, I am not the type. It is not my way. But I do fear the grandchildren have already formed an unfavorable opinion of me. Should I be concerned with how they will remember me? They are all under age 10, FWIW. (The others are age 13-19, so I believe their opinion is probably formed.)

I have my own life going on. I date, read, etc. My life wasn't always easy. I forget that their life is not always easy either. They have nice things, and I fear I resent that.

Will my son resent me because I am not nicer to my DIL? Age brings you in touch with your mortality sometimes. I am not saying I am open to that much change.