Promotion isn't what husband expected, and it's affecting home life

[Anonymous]

My husband recently accepted a promotion. Long before he even interviewed for the position, he knew it would involve longer hours, more tedious work, and no guarantee that the rewards would come quickly. Because I know him well, I gently raised those concerns before he accepted. I encouraged him to think carefully about whether he was attracted to the actual job or just the idea of a promotion and career advancement.

He was very clear that this was something he had always wanted professionally and that he understood exactly what he was signing up for.

Fast forward to now, and he's exhausted. The benefits he expected haven't materialized in the ways he had expected, the work is draining, and I suspect he's questioning whether he made the right decision. Unfortunately, because of the nature of the position, he can't simply walk away.

The problem is that his unhappiness comes home with him every day. I can tell he's miserable, and it affects the entire household. Part of me wants to say, "This is exactly what we talked about," but I know that wouldn't be productive or kind.

For those who have been in a similar situation, what can I do? How do you support a spouse who is struggling with a decision they knowingly made, while also dealing with the impact that decision is having on you and your family?

[Anonymous]

I had a spouse in a bad place at work, and we agreed that every day I would ask him how his day was and he could vent for 5-10 minutes. But he had to wait until I asked, because I couldn't deal with the negativity the second he walked in the door, and he had to compartmentalize so that he wasn't negative all the time.

Also, set aside/save the money from the raise. Don't let it create lifestyle creep. It gives you guys a cushion and options. Worst case scenario, he can retire early.

[Anonymous]

What a long way of providing no details, OP. How bad is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a spouse in a bad place at work, and we agreed that every day I would ask him how his day was and he could vent for 5-10 minutes. But he had to wait until I asked, because I couldn't deal with the negativity the second he walked in the door, and he had to compartmentalize so that he wasn't negative all the time.

Also, set aside/save the money from the raise. Don't let it create lifestyle creep. It gives you guys a cushion and options. Worst case scenario, he can retire early.

This is actually really great advice. I think setting a time limit and conditions for venting, would help. Sometimes it just kills the whole mood of the house. I think setting time for it could be helpful, for sure. I also can’t get into too anything too specific, but I can say he’s locked in and can’t quit the position for a set period of time, nor can he retire anytime soon. Thanks for the advice!

[Anonymous]

Have him interview for a new job.

My spouse got fired.

The job wasn't worth it, and he made a mistake that made his entire family miserable.

He can walk away before it is too late. I am not sure why he can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have him interview for a new job.

My spouse got fired.

The job wasn't worth it, and he made a mistake that made his entire family miserable.

He can walk away before it is too late. I am not sure why he can't.

He cannot. He is locked in for a set period (contract). I can’t say specifically, but I’m sure you understand what I mean.

[Anonymous]

He can leave before the contract is up (I promise you this happens all the time). Now that he has the title and responsibilities of the new position, he should be eligible for better jobs, or, a lesser job at a bigger conpany.

Or

He goes back to the higher ups and says, this isn't ehat I thought it would be, and I'm burning out - I'd like to step back.


You need to be supportive no matter what, that's all

[Anonymous]

Encourage him to find another job.

[Anonymous]

Is he military?

[Anonymous]

Does he workout? Maybe he could go to the gym or go for a run directly after work to de-stress.

[Anonymous]

I would put yourself in his shoes, and ask yourself what type of support you would want. I think the real issue here is that you think you wouldn’t have made a mistake like this, when the reality is that we all make mistakes about things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have him interview for a new job.

My spouse got fired.

The job wasn't worth it, and he made a mistake that made his entire family miserable.

He can walk away before it is too late. I am not sure why he can't.

He cannot. He is locked in for a set period (contract). I can’t say specifically, but I’m sure you understand what I mean.

Just be kind and remind him that good or bad, nothing lasts forever so stay patient and keep looking for opportunities to pivot or exit when possible. In meanwhile make conscious effort to not let it ruin his health and home environment as those things matter more in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he workout? Maybe he could go to the gym or go for a run directly after work to de-stress.

This^ or something like soccer, golf, tennis, pickle ball etc where he can forget it all and occasionally vent to his buddies.

[Anonymous]

Any nonalcoholic solution is good.

[Anonymous]

You should increase your income OP, so that your DH has the option to leave his current job and find one that’s more suitable for him. There needs to be a financial cushion to give him some flexibility.