What do you think you did right to have a close relationship with your adult child?

[Anonymous]

I have managed to stay close to my 17 year old DD, this far. I wondered what other people think they got right with their kids going into young adulthood, college and beyond?

[Anonymous]

Being kind, friendly, supportive and nonjudgmental. Having money to make their lives easier helps too.

[Anonymous]

Answering as adult child who’s very close with my parents - having them help with childcare. That’s huge. There are things I overlook (annoying personality things) for how much help they provide for us as two working parents.

[Anonymous]

I think being non judgemental and non reactionary are the most important, as well as respecting who your kid is, even if they are different from you. My mom did the opposite of all those, and as a result, we've never been close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Answering as adult child who’s very close with my parents - having them help with childcare. That’s huge. There are things I overlook (annoying personality things) for how much help they provide for us as two working parents.

You sound more transactional than genuinely close.

[Anonymous]

Offering truly non-judgmental, unconditional love is so important. And wanting to know them for who they are, not who we want them to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I have managed to stay close to my 17 year old DD, this far. I wondered what other people think they got right with their kids going into young adulthood, college and beyond?

17 is nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Answering as adult child who’s very close with my parents - having them help with childcare. That’s huge. There are things I overlook (annoying personality things) for how much help they provide for us as two working parents.

Wrong answer. Pathetically selfish, wrong answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Answering as adult child who’s very close with my parents - having them help with childcare. That’s huge. There are things I overlook (annoying personality things) for how much help they provide for us as two working parents.

Wrong answer. Pathetically selfish, wrong answer.

+1
Have some shame about your selfish nature

[Anonymous]

People have often asked me that. All three of mine still want to tell me stuff and seek my advice. I honestly don’t know, but I think it helps to listen. I know it’s more than that, they have to want to talk to you and get your opinion and so on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being kind, friendly, supportive and nonjudgmental. Having money to make their lives easier helps too.

I don’t know, we lived in poverty for most of their childhood and now,and my young adults still talk to me and seek my opinion.

[Anonymous]

I'm not close to my parents. In addition to being very (over) reactionary to anything I tried to share, they also had a lot of personal problems throughout my childhood and continuing into my adulthood. It felt like they never had time for a genuine relationship or anything beyond logistics and checking the boxes on things like making sure we did "the holidays." They were always overwhelmed, mostly with problems of their own making.

I don't make very much time for them, because they didn't make time for me or my sibling. I do the bare minimum and so does my sister.

My advice would be to really be present with your kids and enjoy the moment. I always felt like one line item on a never-ending to-do list and I hated it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Answering as adult child who’s very close with my parents - having them help with childcare. That’s huge. There are things I overlook (annoying personality things) for how much help they provide for us as two working parents.

So, it’s transactional. 🩷

[Anonymous]

Let your kid grow, don't be controlling, but be avaiailble and supportive when they ask for guidance.

Know that even if you do everything right, there might be a period where your kid (adult kid) thinks they know everything better than you. Myoldest is 27 and in the last few years, there have been a few admissions of "hey you really did know best for X or Y".

We have always had a good relationship because I'm there to support him. Knows he can always call and ask questions or just chat and not get feed back (if that's what he wants).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Offering truly non-judgmental, unconditional love is so important. And wanting to know them for who they are, not who we want them to be.

BINGO! We all have/had goals for our kids but you must learn to accept them for what they want to be and support that.