Feeling uneasy about friend’s beneficiary designation

[Anonymous]

My friend recently asked me to be a witness on her beneficiary designation on her 401k account.
She has 3 kids, 2 with special needs (autism, severe mental health issues, the kids are currently teens and their futures are far from settled) and about 2 mil net worth with half in 401 and half in their home and other assets.
My friend listed her current boyfriend as the sole beneficiary of the 401 because she “loves” him and he has no money of his own after job loss and divorce.
I feel really really uneasy about this. I am also divorced and repartnered but my partner would never want this. If I die, it all goes to my kids (via a trust) who will need it to pay for college and help them in their lives. My ex husband has made similar arrangements.

I think it is a really bad idea for my friend to leave half her money to this boyfriend. But she says she loves him and feels sorry for him because “he’s had bad luck and his ex wife took everything”. I am certain there is more to this story. My friend has low self esteem and cannot even go a day without a boyfriend. Since her divorce, she has literally not had one single day where she was not in a relationship or desperately seeking one. Her current guy seems decent, like I don’t think he will murder her, but I don’t understand how someone educated with a good job and savings would want to be in a relationship with a broke 50 year old.

I also think she is underestimating what her kids are going to need as adults. If I were a kid in this situation I would feel very hurt.
I delayed signing the witness form because I felt uneasy about it. Finally my friend reminded me and I relented, after all, it’s a free country. But I don’t feel right about this at all.
What does DCUM think?

[Anonymous]

Just say no and keep moving. It's her money and she can do whatever she wants, however dumb that might be.

[Anonymous]

Your friend has made a very bad financial decision. I feel quite bad for her kids. Your friend needs therapy not an unemployed broke boyfriend. She can change the beneficiary designation which I hope she does. Does her family know she did this?!

[Anonymous]

These women who put men before their children are the worst kind of people I couldn’t be friends with a piece of crap like that. I couldn’t keep quiet about it either.

[Anonymous]

Don't be her witness. Let someone else do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your friend has made a very bad financial decision. I feel quite bad for her kids. Your friend needs therapy not an unemployed broke boyfriend. She can change the beneficiary designation which I hope she does. Does her family know she did this?!

OP. That is a good question. I don’t think her mom or kids know. They do not have a lot of other family and the kids would be in an awful situation if their mom died, since there are some problems with their dad, though at least he has money.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried pointing out to her that she is responsible for her children first and that boyfriend may not look out for them at all if something happens to her. Talk to her. I can't imagine someone with this much bad judgement is a great friend.

[Anonymous]

Have you expressed these concerns to her? Asked her how she envisions her special needs kids being supported when she’s gone?

[Anonymous]

"Larla, I feel like you're making a big mistake with this and I can't, in good conscience, facilitate it by signing that paper. Please find another friend to do it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you expressed these concerns to her? Asked her how she envisions her special needs kids being supported when she’s gone?

Yeah. She rationalized it by saying her kids will be fine with what she’s leaving them, and anyway they have their dad. from which the eldest daughter is estranged.
I don’t think she’s accounting for things like inflation and the fact that it is much harder for young adults nowadays to get good jobs than it was when we were getting established. Add in special needs and it is going to be very very hard. I think It’s likely that 2 out of 3 of her kids will not launch well if at all and will need help well into adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Sounds fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Larla, I feel like you're making a big mistake with this and I can't, in good conscience, facilitate it by signing that paper. Please find another friend to do it."

Too late, I signed it a few weeks ago. I did mention my concerns, friend made her justifications, but I do not feel good about it at all. But I can’t really take it back now, all I can do it tell her it still bothers me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake.

Do you post this on every thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake.

I never care but this does sound fake. I just did beneficiaries via power of attorney and didn't need witnesses; just a notary.

[Anonymous]

I would not do that for a friend. I would tell her that you think she needs to put her kids' needs above this or any man, and you can't support any decision that puts Larlito, Larlita, and Larlette's financial future in jeopardy.