My boss hates me

[Anonymous]

I have a senior position in my organization and my boss seems to absolutely hate me. I have no idea why. I work hard, I volunteer to do extra things, I participate, I feel like I'm a good team player. She is toxic and petty and she plays favorites. She will laugh and smile with other people and be cold and aloof with me. She nitpicks everything I do and seems to always be keeping score. I feel infantilized and underappreciated. I just really need to get out but I also need a way to live with her until I do. Any suggestions?

I don't know why some women feel the need to be so toxic and awful to other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a senior position in my organization and my boss seems to absolutely hate me. I have no idea why. I work hard, I volunteer to do extra things, I participate, I feel like I'm a good team player. She is toxic and petty and she plays favorites. She will laugh and smile with other people and be cold and aloof with me. She nitpicks everything I do and seems to always be keeping score. I feel infantilized and underappreciated. I just really need to get out but I also need a way to live with her until I do. Any suggestions?

I don't know why some women feel the need to be so toxic and awful to other women.

Sounds like DCUM.

[Anonymous]

I've been in a similar situation. Get the hell out of there. Start looking for another job ASAP. Life is too short for that BS.

[Anonymous]

The day will likely come when she turns on you. Don't wait for her to hurt your career. It sounds like you deserve better.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been working w her? Has her animosity shown up in performance appraisals? Sometimes yhe best approach is to live well and be glad you're not her-- a petty, pitiful human.,

[Anonymous]

Keep reminding yourself that this is temporary--you will get out.

Do your best not to take things personally. She has the problem, not you.

Focus on building relationships with others at your workplace that you respect.

She is a bully. Once you leave, she'll find another victim.

Good luck with the job search.

[Anonymous]

Me too, OP. We have a very gossipy and unprofessional COS who is sure has it in for me for something that didn’t even happen (but she thought had happened until I set the record straight.) it wasn’t even something I did, but something she heard I had said. we’ve been going through a reorg and Im glad to still have my job, but my team has been mostly reassigned or promoted so I only have one low performer on my team. I applied for a promotion too but was boxed out. I plan to find a new job after I hit my vesting anniversary next year… good luck to you. Vindictive bosses are the worst.

[Anonymous]

I’ve come across very few people like that and I think the thing to do is just get away.

If your list of toxic people is long, maybe it’s you. But if it’s short, just get away.

[Anonymous]

You needd to quietly start looking for a new job. That woman will not change and I will get likely get worse. Lots of mean girls in management unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Are you getting your actual work done before volunteering for other things? I’ve had one who was always raising their hand for this working group or that special project. The problem was their actual required core work wasn’t getting done, or was getting thrown together haphazardly at the last second.

[Anonymous]

I am in a similar situation only a few months in. I immediately started looking and secured another offer with another one expected. I plan to quit and use my exit interview to call her out.

Life is too short to deal with mean girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar situation only a few months in. I immediately started looking and secured another offer with another one expected. I plan to quit and use my exit interview to call her out.

Life is too short to deal with mean girls.

I should add: I have been working for 10+ years and have NEVER encountered this before. I keep in touch with almost all my past bosses, had great relationships with them, and am regularly approached by a couple of them for jobs. This made me feel better that it was not a 'me' issue.

[Anonymous]

my boss also has favorites who can seemingly do no wrong and then other people, who in many cases are highly competent, can do no right. it sucks. it's immaturity of management.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I had a similar boss and you just need to get out. I know, easier said than done. Until then, just be professional and keep doing your work. You volunteering isn't going to make her like you more so I would only volunteer if you truly want to--not to prove anything to her or anyone else. And work your network--hopefully they know of a position you can transfer into. I'm sorry and good luck!

[Anonymous]

I worked for someone like this and it started to affect my mental health. Get your ducks in a row and leave on your own terms. For now just do your work and find another job.

When I was in this situation I read about bullies. They go after the most competent people. I was on a team of about ten people. I thought it would be the opposite but it made sense. They are threatenedeven if you are not threatening.

You may find she's been victimizing others too. It wasn’t obvious when we were in meetings but she was yelling at them over the phone and they felt the same way I did. She favored the two most incompetent, timid people. I think she could only feel competition or pity. She felt sorry for them. She did things like yell at me for a bad idea and then praise the idea when one of these two brought it up months later.

Crazy making and you can't win. Not only that but she was "kiss up, kick down" and behaved like a different person to our superiors.

Life is too short to work for psychos.