Help for 21 yr old

[Anonymous]

How do I help my 21 yr old who seemingly has everything on paper and yet is struggling mentally. Recent grad, no student loans, stable home life, no romantic attachments /break ups, no substance abuse etc. and yet there’s no light in her eyes, a dimness in her smile and no excitement about what’s happening next
She’s job hunting in the increasingly difficult time with no leads , no interviews and it’s getting discouraging and she’s losing self esteem. She has admitted to being in a tough place mentally a few months ago, severely depressed and anxious, barely able to function and just focused on getting through the day. As a mom it fills me guilt to know that my kid was going through this alone.
In our candid moments she does say that we don’t hear her. I don’t know if that is the case. I do hear her, and feel for her, but I’m at a loss for how to help her. We’ve tried therapy but it’s been intermittent and I don’t think it’s helped. Should we be looking at psychological/psychiatric services? Should i let her handle her care?
Anyone going through this with their kids or was a young adult in this situation, pls tell me what you did? Also what did your parents do / could have done to help you? I want to be there for her, but also, don’t want to make this about what I think she needs, vs what she actually does.

[Anonymous]

Severe depression and anxiety merits an actual screening with someone who can provide meds.

[Anonymous]

Agree RE a real screening.

Also - is she being active at all? Can you get her out on daily walks / hikes, with the more nature the better? Physical movement and time in nature aren't usually a complete solution, but they can truly help, often significantly.

[Anonymous]

Definitely needs an assessment
Very very likely she needs to be on medication immediately. Know that it is trial and error error. My kid tried SSRIs and did not do well. Took a couple of years to figure out the drug and then the dosage. She’s on Wellbutrin now and doing really well.
Talk Therapy did not work for her. I know it helps others. We went through about a half dozen therapists. She’s thriving and managing life without it.
Bottom line - You need to get her into an appointment asap.

[Anonymous]

You can’t force her to go to treatment unless she is actively harming herself, and then it will be tough. Maybe call crisis intervention for ways to cope or support her.

[Anonymous]

^also get her physically moving - even going for a walk, yoga, Pilates, peloton workouts. If she has anxiety go with her. The endorphins DO matter.

[Anonymous]

She was extremely active till she was in college. Got back last week n has been slowing down each day.

[Anonymous]

Can she do an abroad volunteering experience? Looks great on CV, is an adventure and experience, and gets a young person actually living an exciting life, as opposed to just trying to get selected for a job. She has her whole life to apply and work jobs.

[Anonymous]

Cautionary tale for other parents. Make sure that your kids have the scaffolding to be academically successful in K-12. And then they choose a major that will get them employed.

How can your DD be happy when she is feeling like a jobless failure? Her depression is specific. And on top of that, she no longer have the college experience so that is also depressing.

Get with a job consultant and get her on a path that gets her a job. Then, continue to let her stay at home so that she can build a nest egg. Would a graduate degree or a professional degree help her to have a better future?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she do an abroad volunteering experience? Looks great on CV, is an adventure and experience, and gets a young person actually living an exciting life, as opposed to just trying to get selected for a job. She has her whole life to apply and work jobs.

What is her major? No amount of volunteering abroad can make up for a not-in-demand major.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she do an abroad volunteering experience? Looks great on CV, is an adventure and experience, and gets a young person actually living an exciting life, as opposed to just trying to get selected for a job. She has her whole life to apply and work jobs.

Send a mentally depressed unemployed person, far away from home alone, so that she can become more depressed??

Do you even have children or you are just translating your mental farts into words to post here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t force her to go to treatment unless she is actively harming herself, and then it will be tough. Maybe call crisis intervention for ways to cope or support her.

Who are you ghouls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do I help my 21 yr old who seemingly has everything on paper and yet is struggling mentally. Recent grad, no student loans, stable home life, no romantic attachments /break ups, no substance abuse etc. and yet there’s no light in her eyes, a dimness in her smile and no excitement about what’s happening next
She’s job hunting in the increasingly difficult time with no leads , no interviews and it’s getting discouraging and she’s losing self esteem. She has admitted to being in a tough place mentally a few months ago, severely depressed and anxious, barely able to function and just focused on getting through the day. As a mom it fills me guilt to know that my kid was going through this alone.
In our candid moments she does say that we don’t hear her. I don’t know if that is the case. I do hear her, and feel for her, but I’m at a loss for how to help her. We’ve tried therapy but it’s been intermittent and I don’t think it’s helped. Should we be looking at psychological/psychiatric services? Should i let her handle her care?
Anyone going through this with their kids or was a young adult in this situation, pls tell me what you did? Also what did your parents do / could have done to help you? I want to be there for her, but also, don’t want to make this about what I think she needs, vs what she actually does.

How much are you willing to be actively involved in supporting her?

[Anonymous]

Wow. Sounds like you may need an adventure in your life.

All I’m saying is that it sounds like her current situation is what’s making her depressed. Going on a stricter volunteer program allowed one to see just how much world there is out there beyond the narrow scope of job hunting and validating your self worth based on acceptance letters. That, is the problem in our society with young adults. The programs are structured, professional, and a month is not an eternity.

But if the solution is to medicate and numb them further into oblivion, away from their passions, desires and actual motivation, go on ahead.

But then what kinds of humans are we raising, and why?

[Anonymous]

1) Physical exercise - both of you together...walks, yoga
2) Good nutrition - make healthy smoothie or juices, make sure that she does not have any nutritional deficiency
3) Being present - even if it takes time, be present.
4) Don't blame her - be positive, be around, be her cheerleader.
5) Encourage her to meet with college friends - they all feel lost and depressed after leaving college.
6) Help her make her resume, job interview, ask your network for jobs for her, create her profile, let a job consultant look at her profile etc. Help her actively.
7) Allow her to live in your house for free, cover all her costs.
8) Look at her credentials and pay for further education if that is required to get a job.
9) Get a therapist, a wellness coach, a job counselor for her.

This is how you help your depressed kid.