Help for 21 yr old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Sounds like you may need an adventure in your life.

All I’m saying is that it sounds like her current situation is what’s making her depressed. Going on a stricter volunteer program allowed one to see just how much world there is out there beyond the narrow scope of job hunting and validating your self worth based on acceptance letters. That, is the problem in our society with young adults. The programs are structured, professional, and a month is not an eternity.

But if the solution is to medicate and numb them further into oblivion, away from their passions, desires and actual motivation, go on ahead.

But then what kinds of humans are we raising, and why?

Depression is a real thing that needs support, medication, therapy and a way forward. You sound unhinged. A month of volunteering, away from home is not going to "cure" this depressed person who is in the midst of a "job search". It will not be a "fun adventure".

What a weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Medication
Therapy
Parental support without inducing additional anxiety
Having something to look forward to, grad school, dating, travel, fun hobby, unpaid internships, retail job etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cautionary tale for other parents. Make sure that your kids have the scaffolding to be academically successful in K-12. And then they choose a major that will get them employed.

How can your DD be happy when she is feeling like a jobless failure? Her depression is specific. And on top of that, she no longer have the college experience so that is also depressing.

Get with a job consultant and get her on a path that gets her a job. Then, continue to let her stay at home so that she can build a nest egg. Would a graduate degree or a professional degree help her to have a better future?

Agree with this.

My 17 yr old DD was struggling for a few years - lots of friend issues, not doing so great in school. She had been in therapy for a couple of years.

Lo and behold, she got into the college she wanted to go to, found a great BF and a different friend group, doing much better academically, and now she says she doesn't think she needs therapy anymore.

I had kept telling her that I think a lot of her depression is situational, and that she needs to be able to figure out how to deal with disappointments in life and when things aren't going so great. It's fine to have a therapist as a sounding board, but the better way is to learn to manage struggles and disappointments.

I had a lot of struggles when I was younger. I had to learn to manage it.

That's not to say she shouldn't see a therapist only that her depression is probably tied to her situation.

[dony898]

Get her a full psychiatric evaluation asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Sounds like you may need an adventure in your life.

All I’m saying is that it sounds like her current situation is what’s making her depressed. Going on a stricter volunteer program allowed one to see just how much world there is out there beyond the narrow scope of job hunting and validating your self worth based on acceptance letters. That, is the problem in our society with young adults. The programs are structured, professional, and a month is not an eternity.

But if the solution is to medicate and numb them further into oblivion, away from their passions, desires and actual motivation, go on ahead.

But then what kinds of humans are we raising, and why?

NP. Any recommendations?

[Anonymous]

Walk with her daily and let her do most of the talking. Even a short walk in the neighborhood will be better than no walk.

[Anonymous]

In a candid moment she told you that you don't hear her. Your response to that is: I don't think that's the case. You're fooling yourself, OP. You're in denial. Money and stuff doesn't fill emotional voids. Being financially comfortable doesn't mean someone is emotionally comfortable. It doesn't sound like you're connecting with her. You get defensive when she speaks hard truths, and your pride goes up like an obstacle and gets in the way. Lose the pride. Lead with humility. Make yourself approachable. Right now, you're not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she do an abroad volunteering experience? Looks great on CV, is an adventure and experience, and gets a young person actually living an exciting life, as opposed to just trying to get selected for a job. She has her whole life to apply and work jobs.

What is her major? No amount of volunteering abroad can make up for a not-in-demand major.

I am a career coach and work in a DC area university. This is not true. Your major doesn’t matter nearly as much as you think it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Walk with her daily and let her do most of the talking. Even a short walk in the neighborhood will be better than no walk.

This is the answer. Start with this. The other suggestions might come into play later. But start here.

[Anonymous]

Folks here can offer suggestions in finding work if we know the degree and maybe what work she desires. It can be depressing being unable to find a job.

[Anonymous]

She needs something in life to look forward to every morning. Go back to school for masters, volunteer, exercise…anything.