Not returning to work after maternity leave

[Anonymous]

I have decided not to return to work after maternity leave. In the last few weeks, my colleagues have been asking when I'm going to come back, and my boss just asked me the other day if I have my daycare set up yet. My HR department has said I don't need to make up my mind until after the baby is born, which is fine but everyone keeps asking me when I'm going to be back in the office. A friend of mine told me to lie and say I'm coming back if I want to ensure getting the paid leave. I feel bad about it and hate that I can't tell them the truth so they can prepare properly. Has anyone else had similar guilty feelings? Things are going to be really busy for them during my absence and even worse when they find out I'm not returning. I'm also curious to know when during maternity leave is the best time to tell my boss of my plans not to return. Do I tell them 2 weeks before my leave time is up? I don't want to tell them too early and risk losing any benefits.

[Anonymous]

I didn't know for sure that I wasn't going back to work until my maternity leave was coming to an end. I did not tell my boss or my coworkers until I returned at which point I gave my two weeks notice. I pretty much told them that I fully intended to return to work but I changed my mind after the baby was born. (And of course, I didn't know for certain until my leave ended.) Everyone was very understanding. I didn't feel guilty about it at all, although I felt a little bad for my coworkers because I like them and I didn't want to leave them in the lurch. They suspected anyway. Turns out, I think it was a good opportunity for them to make some changes in the division anyway, so maybe it even turned out for the best. Again, I definitely would not say anything until after your leave ends, but only you know if you can live with that decision.

[Anonymous]

PP again - just wanted to say that I gave my notice on my first day back then worked for the standard two weeks as a courtesy. Not sure if that was clear.

[Anonymous]

It is fine for you to tell your co-workers and such that you don't know what you are going to do. However, it depends on your company policy whether or not you will be allowed to keep any pay or benefits you receive if you do not return to work. Some companies will let you go and let you keep your STD payments. Others will demand reimbursement. My company for one has a written policy regarding return to work and it specifically notes that you need to work x days (with no vacation time) for your return to work to be considered complete.

[Anonymous]

Be very careful with your timing!

I was in the same boat. I didn't say anything about being a SAHM and in fact played it off with "after maternity leave, I'll continue doing X, Y, Z with you".
I waited until the last two weeks of my maternity and told the HR folks I was announcing my two week notice. I used the excuse that I" could not part from my DD, it is too hard, I had intending on returning to work, but..." I made sure to be diplomatic and appreciative of their support/help with their well wishes and helping me sort out FMLA, STD, etc.

The clincher - I actually had to physically return to work and work the last two weeks of my "two week notice". Otherwise, I would have to pay them back the money of my health insur., benefits, and STD money. So DH had to take two weeks off from his job to stay home while I went back to work for two weeks.

Double check with your HR dept. for specifics. I do feel bad because I didn't give my boss or HR a lot of time to find a replacement nevertheless time to cross train the new person, but I only felt guilty for about a day - I was too consumed with my new baby to care.

Good luck and congrats.

[Anonymous]

I'm thinking about this right now. If my employee manual doesn't say anyting to this effecgt can my company force my return to work or return of benfits from my leave? Also, is two weekd the standard length of time? Does anyone know of a law regarding this?

[Anonymous]

Most of this stuff isn't covered by laws, but by employment contracts. And whether your employee manual is purported to cover everything in your contract is another question.

[Anonymous]

I'm assuming that you're getting PAID maternity leave?

There are a number of issues here:

1) The LAW (the FMLA, assuming it applies to your company), does not require any paid leave. If you're getting paid, it may be under your company's STD policy, or it may be out of their own pocket. The FMLA does require that an employer keep paying for the employees benefits during the leave... but this is only assuming the employee intends to return to work. So yes, your company can rightfully terminate your leave benefits if/when you tell them you're not coming back. If they suspect you never had any intent to come back, they might legally ask for you to repay the health care benefits they paid for you.

2) Ethically, I think what you're doing is flat wrong. You're stringing along your employer, (and your former co-workers), to get "free money" (ie. money/benefits that you are not working for). Doing shit like this hurts ALL women who will come after you, and the company (if its supplying paid leave voluntarily) may decide to STOP providing this benefit to future pregnant employees because you've abused it and taken them for a ride. Not to mention, you may need to return to the workforce someday, and not only will you be burning your bridges with THIS company, but you may want to think about how you're going to explain not providing your next company with a reference from them.

Trying to tell yourself that its still up in the air (or telling them that) is just a lie. Once you KNOW you are not returning, I think you have an obligation to tell them. If you can afford to stay home, you can affort to forego the extra weeks of paid leave.

[Anonymous]

My employer (private company) sent me a letter before I left on maternity leave detailing all the terms etc. It mentioned that in the case I didn't return, I would owe them the insurance premiums they paid while I was gone. I would think that unless your company is really small, they would have some sort of generic leave policy that you can reference. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I agree with 9:29

Another thing to keep in mind is that you have no idea if 6 months or a year down the road you'll want to work part-time or perhaps as a consultant a few hours a week. If you burn bridges now, forget about it.

I have a good friend who was honest about her desire to stay home. 4 years later, she works about 10-20 hours a week for her old employer, at home on a very flexible basis. She told me that many women in her company were dishonest about their desire to stay home after their babies were born, and the company will not rehire them now.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same position as you, OP. I'm telling my boss that I "hope" to return to work. Even though I am actually leaning toward not returning, I don't think it's wrong to leave open the possibility that I'll be returning because even I have no way of predicting exactly how I'll feel once the baby arrives. During maternity leave, I may feel like I'm going nuts stuck at home without work or I may feel like there's no way I could return to the office. I doubt that any first-time mother really knows how she is going to feel or what she is going to do unless there is a financial imperative driving her decision.

You should not feel guilty about telling your boss toward the end of your maternity leave so long as you are willing to work for a couple weeks to clear things off your desk and transition your replacement. Bosses understand that employees can leave suddenly for a huge variety of reasons and this is part of the challenge of managing an organization.

Bottom line: My advice is to avoid giving your boss a definitive answer. If he's asking whether you've enrolled in daycare, you can say "not yet" and if someone asks whether you're returning, you can say that you hope to. It's not a lie and it does NOT make it worse for other women down the road -- don't let anyone guilt you into thinking that.

[Anonymous]

OP, another thing to keep in mind is that you may change your mind once the baby is born. Staying home with a baby is HARD, not to mention isolating and giving up a lot of who you are. My best friend spent her whole pregnancy convincing her husband that she should stay home, told her employer pre-delivery that she wouldn't be coming back, and then called them 5 weeks after giving birth and begged for her job back. Keep your options open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have decided not to return to work after maternity leave.

Most women struggle with this decision; you have made it already. You know what you should do, it's just not what you want to do. I agree with others that we don't always know how we will feel once the baby is born; that's true. But if this is really just about the money and benefits...I don't know. This is a choice you need to make, weighing everything posters have said here. A compromise might be to indeed wait until after the baby is born to mae a final decision, but I think waiting until the end of your maternity leave to tell them is something else. Up to you, clearly, but I agree that burning bridges is not a great idea.

[Anonymous]

I have no problem with 1st time (or even 2nd time) mothers keeping their options open while they decide what to do.

But once you KNOW you're not returning (as the OP does), you owe it to your employer, your co-workers, and your fellow women to be honest about it. Stringing people along is selfish and unethical.

[Anonymous]

I'm upset because I don't get paid maternity leave and when I asked why a 35-year-old company with over 350 employees (85% of them women) - doesn't have that benefit, they told me it was because so many women had taken advantage of it in years past. I've been with the company for over 3 years and plan on continuing to work for them after I deliver my baby. But attitutudes like the OPs are very selfish and hurtful to future professional moms.