s/o Asking for money for teens tacky?

[Anonymous]

We have a similar situation. We have a house near a ski resort where we go all winter on the weekends. My son is 9 and is a very social kid. We would be happy to bring a friend along sometimesbut the friend would need a lift ticket for 2 days, rentals and possibly a lesson. (for most friends) The lift tickets for 2 days is close to 200 plus rentals 40. We have season passes.

We are happy to feed and house the second kid but is it tacky to invite but then ask for the parents to cover the lift ticket and rental? My gut says yes, but I would like to let my son invite some friends this year but 300 per weekend would add up quickly. (I'm adding food at the mountain in there plus whatever incidentals)

[Anonymous]

I think the key here is talking to the parents before you issue an invite. Find out if their kids ski and if they have equipment. Then you can say something like “We’d love to have Jack join us [for specific weekend, number of weekends, whatever it’s going to be]. Would you like me to send you a link to rentals/lessons/lift tickets so you can think about it?”

Also, consider how things will work if you are inviting a kid who is a beginner or first timer. What will be your plan for supervising/entertaining and what will you do if the kid hates skiing? We hosted many kids for skiing and it was fine because DH or I knew and were ok that we would miss out on some mountain time.

[Anonymous]

Hosting mean paying, IMO. If your kid is that social he can make friends for the weekend who are already at the ski resort.

[Anonymous]

I have zero issue in this instance offering to host a kid but making clear ski rentals and lift tickets are on the kid's parent. These are things that are often arranged and paid for online anyway.

Honestly, I probably wouldn't take a random 9 year old who hasn't skied before and be responsible for arranging lessons and what not. That just sounds kind of miserable, so I would make sure the invitee could ski.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have zero issue in this instance offering to host a kid but making clear ski rentals and lift tickets are on the kid's parent. These are things that are often arranged and paid for online anyway.

Honestly, I probably wouldn't take a random 9 year old who hasn't skied before and be responsible for arranging lessons and what not. That just sounds kind of miserable, so I would make sure the invitee could ski.

Yeah, plus if your kid is a solid skier and his friend needs ski school they won't be spending that time together anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have zero issue in this instance offering to host a kid but making clear ski rentals and lift tickets are on the kid's parent. These are things that are often arranged and paid for online anyway.

Honestly, I probably wouldn't take a random 9 year old who hasn't skied before and be responsible for arranging lessons and what not. That just sounds kind of miserable, so I would make sure the invitee could ski.

Agree with this first part. Just note that and send the link to the lift tickets and rentals when you extend the invitation. You can simply say they will need to rent skis and buy lift tickets for the weekend. If that's a problem, then they can decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hosting mean paying, IMO. If your kid is that social he can make friends for the weekend who are already at the ski resort.

Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hosting mean paying, IMO. If your kid is that social he can make friends for the weekend who are already at the ski resort.

Stupid response. As if you're paying for your kids' friends to ski. Be sure to post back here and tell us that you're flying them private to your house in Vail or Megeve and covering everything. I'm sure we'll believe it.

[Anonymous]

I think it's perfectly fine to ask for them to pay for lift tickets and rental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hosting mean paying, IMO. If your kid is that social he can make friends for the weekend who are already at the ski resort.

Absolutely.

Please. Hosting does not mean paying for everything. Inviting someone to come with you is not the same as hosting a dinner party.

[Anonymous]

This is a completely different situation than having someone tag along to the house you already own/rent and asking for food money. This is hundreds (possibly thousands if multiple kids) in activity fees. Of course you wouldn't be expected to pay that unless you're super-rich.

[Anonymous]

I have multiple large circles of friends, and we invariably do a lot of things in groups. The simple trick is that we are clear what is free and what is not from the get go and do not try and social engineer too many things.

A recent show invite that had 8 families from our neighborhood joining in. It was wonderful. We all paid for ourselves and one friend also brought along a couple who was visiting from OOS. 6 couples went out for dinner afterwards and I made reservations but checks were separate.

Friends, anyone interested in attending xxxxx show at xxxx venue? DH and I will be attending it and we have already purchased our tickets for DD/MM/YYYY the 7 pm show from ticket master. We have paid $xx for 2 tickets. You are free to buy more expensive or cheaper tickets based on availability. We plan to go for dinner at abc restaurant (yelp rating 4.7, $$). Let us know if you want to join in for the show, dinner or both. If you all want to go for dinner as a group, let me know and I will make reservations. We have place for 2 more people in our car, incase you don't want to drive at night.

My kids have learned that. They organize a lot of get togethers and meetups for their friends but they are clear what event they are hosting themselves (no money or food contribution), what is the dress code, what is a potluck (with menu), transportation, what contribution do they need etc.

They also travel a lot internationally as a group and they do a good job similarly.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I would absolutely expect to pay for lift tickets, and would really really appreciate it if the parents were clear about that at the beginning. I hate not knowing what’s expected!

[Anonymous]

OK, I think there's a lot more nuance here.

I totally agree with others that you don't want to wind up in charge of a kid who has never skied before. It's risky and this kid and your kid could wind up super frustrated.

Also -- I would set the expectation with your child that he could bring a friend maybe once or twice in a season. Then, I'd wait until you know a certain set of parents pretty well. Then you can talk more openly about costs, risks, etc. I would contact the parent before your child invites the kid, and let them know that you'd have them pay for the rentals and lift ticket.

It would be a pain to do this weekend after weekend, which is one reason I'd try to make this a special treat for your kid.

By the time they're 12 or 13, there are usually more kids who have their own skis or at least have some experience.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if this asking for money is a regional thing. Some areas of the US have families with huge houses, big $100k cars, summer house but seem to think that $300 a weekend for a guest is a lot of money. Maybe all their money is tied up in consumerism?

I grew up in a wealthy area where people didn’t wear wealth on their sleeves. They wouldn’t think of asking a guest for money. They’d pick up your child in their 10 year old Honda and head out without ever discussing money.