Tops for first time school parent

[Anonymous]

Our DC is entering PK3 in one of DC schools this fall. I am looking for tips from experienced parents on how best to set my child for success. What are some practical things I should plan for? Open to private, charter or private school experiences.

So far we have all school closure day marked on a our calendar and lining up a few back up care option.
Also met a few mom who have flexibility jobs and or are primary parents judging others who put their kids in after care..I run.away when I see these types of mom.

I welcome tips on preparing for school, what's a sweet spot with attending the non stop events PTO shares, things to keep in mind while interacting with other parents.

I am new and open to all your wisdom to this new phase of our lives.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Move now it’s easier.

[Anonymous]

Go to whatever events you feel like. There's no sweet spot, it doesn't matter.

The teachers will really appreciate it if you chaperone the field trips. That's a big value add for them, even if you're just assigned your own kid and one friend.

Be mentally prepared for way less transparency and daily or weekly reporting on your specific child, compared to what you get from nanny or daycare. You'll have much less control and you shouldn't be making a lot of specific requests without compelling reasons. Sometimes that's a hard transition for a parent.

The aftercare jobs have bad hours and low pay so there is a lot of turnover. Expect that.

[Anonymous]

I recommend you not assume someone is judging you just because they have a different set up. Life will be hard if you start doing this already.

If you meet a mom who has a flexible job or is a SAHM, do not just assume she judges you for working or using after care. Odds are good she's not thinking about you at all.

Regarding PTO, I recommend attending meetings so you know what is going on, but deciding in advance what you are willing to commit in terms of money or time. We give money during the holiday drive (set amount we decide in advance based on budget) and I commit to volunteering once in the fall and once in the spring. I vastly prefer chaperoning or volunteering during the school day to volunteering at events (I've done both) so I try to jump at my preferred activities when they come up. Most field trips are scheduled far in advance so I can get time off, and our school often has sign ups to come help with things during lunch, so they make it easy.

I will never volunteer for a PTO position or other similar organizing role. I express a lot of gratitude for the parents who do, but it is not for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to whatever events you feel like. There's no sweet spot, it doesn't matter.

The teachers will really appreciate it if you chaperone the field trips. That's a big value add for them, even if you're just assigned your own kid and one friend.

Be mentally prepared for way less transparency and daily or weekly reporting on your specific child, compared to what you get from nanny or daycare. You'll have much less control and you shouldn't be making a lot of specific requests without compelling reasons. Sometimes that's a hard transition for a parent.

The aftercare jobs have bad hours and low pay so there is a lot of turnover. Expect that.

Thank you so much for these tips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recommend you not assume someone is judging you just because they have a different set up. Life will be hard if you start doing this already.

If you meet a mom who has a flexible job or is a SAHM, do not just assume she judges you for working or using after care. Odds are good she's not thinking about you at all.

Regarding PTO, I recommend attending meetings so you know what is going on, but deciding in advance what you are willing to commit in terms of money or time. We give money during the holiday drive (set amount we decide in advance based on budget) and I commit to volunteering once in the fall and once in the spring. I vastly prefer chaperoning or volunteering during the school day to volunteering at events (I've done both) so I try to jump at my preferred activities when they come up. Most field trips are scheduled far in advance so I can get time off, and our school often has sign ups to come help with things during lunch, so they make it easy.

I will never volunteer for a PTO position or other similar organizing role. I express a lot of gratitude for the parents who do, but it is not for me.

Thank you so much. How did you word your preference on volunteering? I would appreciate some language I can work with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recommend you not assume someone is judging you just because they have a different set up. Life will be hard if you start doing this already.

If you meet a mom who has a flexible job or is a SAHM, do not just assume she judges you for working or using after care. Odds are good she's not thinking about you at all.

Regarding PTO, I recommend attending meetings so you know what is going on, but deciding in advance what you are willing to commit in terms of money or time. We give money during the holiday drive (set amount we decide in advance based on budget) and I commit to volunteering once in the fall and once in the spring. I vastly prefer chaperoning or volunteering during the school day to volunteering at events (I've done both) so I try to jump at my preferred activities when they come up. Most field trips are scheduled far in advance so I can get time off, and our school often has sign ups to come help with things during lunch, so they make it easy.

I will never volunteer for a PTO position or other similar organizing role. I express a lot of gratitude for the parents who do, but it is not for me.

Thank you so much. How did you word your preference on volunteering? I would appreciate some language I can work with.

You don't need to word anything, you just sign up when your preferred things are happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recommend you not assume someone is judging you just because they have a different set up. Life will be hard if you start doing this already.

If you meet a mom who has a flexible job or is a SAHM, do not just assume she judges you for working or using after care. Odds are good she's not thinking about you at all.

Regarding PTO, I recommend attending meetings so you know what is going on, but deciding in advance what you are willing to commit in terms of money or time. We give money during the holiday drive (set amount we decide in advance based on budget) and I commit to volunteering once in the fall and once in the spring. I vastly prefer chaperoning or volunteering during the school day to volunteering at events (I've done both) so I try to jump at my preferred activities when they come up. Most field trips are scheduled far in advance so I can get time off, and our school often has sign ups to come help with things during lunch, so they make it easy.

I will never volunteer for a PTO position or other similar organizing role. I express a lot of gratitude for the parents who do, but it is not for me.

Thank you so much. How did you word your preference on volunteering? I would appreciate some language I can work with.

You don't need to word it because no one is going to ask you "what is your preference with volunteering?" Just do what you want.

Some schools will pressure you to do more and more, especially if you have multiple kids at the school and are there for a while. When people have suggested to me that I should take a board position on the PTO or take over organizing for an event, I just say "Thanks for thinking of me, but I don't have the bandwidth. Happy to pitch in in other ways though," or something similar. They are often desperate for volunteers so I hold strong at my limits. I know people who have gotten pressured into doing more than they want to do, and this always leads to resentment. I'm an older mom and have learned to say no.

But here's a tip: don't complain about stuff unless you are willing to take on responsibility for it. There is nothing worse than the parent who shows up to a PTO meeting with a bug up her butt about some issue or another (school drop off, the way a fundraising email was worded, the timing of an event) but doesn't volunteer to take on an organizing role. If you don't want to take on big volunteer roles, do NOT complain about the work of the people who do. Express gratitude, ask how you can help. These people do not work for you, and the PTO volunteers aren't paid at all. Be respectful and mindful of the effort involved. This is the #1 thing I see with PK parents who come in -- they have oversized expectations and can get whiny and rude when the flawed public school doesn't live up to those expectations. It's a good way to annoy people.

[Anonymous]

The biggest thing I regret is not explicitly preparing my kid for aftercare. We talked so much about school and met his teacher and visited the classroom - but the transition to aftercare was where we struggled. Ask around to find out the deal at your school. But at our school (DCPS Title 1) very few PK3 kids were in aftercare, which surprised me. Only two other kids in his class of 16. And the way it worked was all the parents come and get their kids and then the kids that are “left” get picked up by the aftercare instructor and brought to the gym, where there were totally different (non-teacher) staff. My kid was a MESS and it was an unexpectedly abrupt transition. Wish I’d prepared him.

(By January aftercare was his fav part of the day and still is now three years later, FWIW)

[Anonymous]

A lot of kids at my kids school don’t go to aftercare either. It’s so mysterious to me as someone with an 8-4.30 job. How is it possible??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recommend you not assume someone is judging you just because they have a different set up. Life will be hard if you start doing this already.

If you meet a mom who has a flexible job or is a SAHM, do not just assume she judges you for working or using after care. Odds are good she's not thinking about you at all.

Regarding PTO, I recommend attending meetings so you know what is going on, but deciding in advance what you are willing to commit in terms of money or time. We give money during the holiday drive (set amount we decide in advance based on budget) and I commit to volunteering once in the fall and once in the spring. I vastly prefer chaperoning or volunteering during the school day to volunteering at events (I've done both) so I try to jump at my preferred activities when they come up. Most field trips are scheduled far in advance so I can get time off, and our school often has sign ups to come help with things during lunch, so they make it easy.

I will never volunteer for a PTO position or other similar organizing role. I express a lot of gratitude for the parents who do, but it is not for me.

Thank you so much. How did you word your preference on volunteering? I would appreciate some language I can work with.

https://www.netmums.com/child/let-men-take-on-the-pta-expert-calls-on-women-to-boycott-volunteering-at-school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of kids at my kids school don’t go to aftercare either. It’s so mysterious to me as someone with an 8-4.30 job. How is it possible??

1) They still have a nanny, especially if there are younger kids at home
2) Parents have staggered hours (this is most common among families I know, with one parent working like 7-3 and the other doing 9-5)
3) Live in or nearby grandparent providing bridge childcare
4) Irregular job hours. This doesn't always mean part time or even a truly flexible job. I know a family where both parents are doctors who regularly work 12 hours shifts but then have certain weekdays off. I think when their daughter was younger, one of them did reduced hours but it as like 32 hours a week instead of 40, so not like a cushy part time job. But their schedules are quite rigid, it's just their jobs don't operate on an office schedule which enables one of them to pick their kid up from school everyday at 3:30
5) For older kids (like starting in 2nd or 3rd), I know plenty of parents who WFH and just don't do childcare because their kids can entertain themselves for a couple hours until they wrap up work

[Anonymous]

Try to bear in mind that the school is having to walk and chew gum in 100 different ways. Yes, preschool adjustment and preschool quality of life is important. It is! But there are so many other grades and so many other things going on at the same time. And there are kids and families with really different, really significant needs. Doesnt mean your kid isn't important too, but keep it in perspective. Especially if it's a Title I school. Try very hard to listen more than you speak, and to expect to compromise. Your culture is not the only culture at the school, and your opinion is just your opinion. Don't be one of those people who says they value diversity but isn't willing to compromise when diversity is happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of kids at my kids school don’t go to aftercare either. It’s so mysterious to me as someone with an 8-4.30 job. How is it possible??

I'm the poster whose kid was one of 3 out of 16 kids in aftercare.

In our situation, the majority of the kids in the class were fairly recent Latino immigrants who primarily lived in multigenerational housing. So, yes, maybe mom and dad are working 9-5, but maybe they're instead working split-shifts, and also there's aunts and uncles and grandparents and older cousins around, and so there was a really village approach to childcare. Very noticeable at pickup time the few times we got the kids right after school - yes, there were a few moms and dads, but there were also lots of other family members doing pickup. And the parents who were there were also picking up the kids' cousins.

I think the thing that I had to realize is that while the UMC parents all had had some kind of regular, full time, professional childcare for the previous 3 years (daycare, nanny, etc), poor and working class families were never doing that. They don't have $2200 a month to shell out to a daycare center. They've been making it work for three years with relatives, informal arrangements, split shifts, etc, etc. So to all of a sudden have care from 8:45-3:15 was a bonanza.

But yeah, that's all hindsight. When my oldest was starting I just assumed pretty much everyone would go to aftercare, and I was dead wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of kids at my kids school don’t go to aftercare either. It’s so mysterious to me as someone with an 8-4.30 job. How is it possible??

I'm the poster whose kid was one of 3 out of 16 kids in aftercare.

In our situation, the majority of the kids in the class were fairly recent Latino immigrants who primarily lived in multigenerational housing. So, yes, maybe mom and dad are working 9-5, but maybe they're instead working split-shifts, and also there's aunts and uncles and grandparents and older cousins around, and so there was a really village approach to childcare. Very noticeable at pickup time the few times we got the kids right after school - yes, there were a few moms and dads, but there were also lots of other family members doing pickup. And the parents who were there were also picking up the kids' cousins.

I think the thing that I had to realize is that while the UMC parents all had had some kind of regular, full time, professional childcare for the previous 3 years (daycare, nanny, etc), poor and working class families were never doing that. They don't have $2200 a month to shell out to a daycare center. They've been making it work for three years with relatives, informal arrangements, split shifts, etc, etc. So to all of a sudden have care from 8:45-3:15 was a bonanza.

But yeah, that's all hindsight. When my oldest was starting I just assumed pretty much everyone would go to aftercare, and I was dead wrong.

Yeah, between low-income and immigrant families who don't like to put their kids in aftercare, and upper income families with one parent who has a flexible job/no job and/or is independently wealth either from working in their 20s/30s and living off investments or family money, there are MANY kids who don't use aftercare.

Aftercare kids are all dual full-time working parents.