Reply to Tops for first time school parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I recommend you not assume someone is judging you just because they have a different set up. Life will be hard if you start doing this already.

If you meet a mom who has a flexible job or is a SAHM, do not just assume she judges you for working or using after care. Odds are good she's not thinking about you at all.

Regarding PTO, I recommend attending meetings so you know what is going on, but deciding in advance what you are willing to commit in terms of money or time. We give money during the holiday drive (set amount we decide in advance based on budget) and I commit to volunteering once in the fall and once in the spring. I vastly prefer chaperoning or volunteering during the school day to volunteering at events (I've done both) so I try to jump at my preferred activities when they come up. Most field trips are scheduled far in advance so I can get time off, and our school often has sign ups to come help with things during lunch, so they make it easy.

I will never volunteer for a PTO position or other similar organizing role. I express a lot of gratitude for the parents who do, but it is not for me.[/quote]

Thank you so much. How did you word your preference on volunteering? I would appreciate some language I can work with.  [/quote]

You don't need to word it because no one is going to ask you "what is your preference with volunteering?" Just do what you want.

Some schools will pressure you to do more and more, especially if you have multiple kids at the school and are there for a while. When people have suggested to me that I should take a board position on the PTO or take over organizing for an event, I just say "Thanks for thinking of me, but I don't have the bandwidth. Happy to pitch in in other ways though," or something similar. They are often desperate for volunteers so I hold strong at my limits. I know people who have gotten pressured into doing more than they want to do, and this always leads to resentment. I'm an older mom and have learned to say no.

But here's a tip: don't complain about stuff unless you are willing to take on responsibility for it. There is nothing worse than the parent who shows up to a PTO meeting with a bug up her butt about some issue or another (school drop off, the way a fundraising email was worded, the timing of an event) but doesn't volunteer to take on an organizing role. If you don't want to take on big volunteer roles, do NOT complain about the work of the people who do. Express gratitude, ask how you can help. These people do not work for you, and the PTO volunteers aren't paid at all. Be respectful and mindful of the effort involved. This is the #1 thing I see with PK parents who come in -- they have oversized expectations and can get whiny and rude when the flawed public school doesn't live up to those expectations. It's a good way to annoy people. [/quote]

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