How do I tell my 32 year old son who’s living with me for free that I’m ready for him to leave? I

[Anonymous]

How do I tell my 32 year old son who’s living with me for free that I’m ready for him to leave? I let him move in for free three months ago after his wife left him. He can afford a place of his own but still hasn’t

[Anonymous]

No, support him.

[Anonymous]

Larlo, it's time for you to look for your own apartment. Please plan to move out next month.

[Anonymous]

only after three months? what pains is he causing that you want him to leave? or is this only about money (not paying)?

[Anonymous]

It's been a few months. He hasn't been with you all that long, let him get back on his feet.

[Anonymous]

3 months is not very long! Give him some time.

[Anonymous]

I would perhaps discuss with him that you want to have a timeline of when he'll be finding his own place. What is he waiting for?

AND is he irritating you, like leaving a mess in the kitchen for you to clean up, not doing his laundry and assuming you will, basically reverting back to his 15 year old self? Then I'd tell him THAT and say that as long as he starts living in the house like another adult, he's welcome to stay another 3 months, but then he needs to go.

[Anonymous]

3 months to recover from a loved one's abandonment is not enough, OP. When it's been a year, you say:

"Larlo, you can't stay here too long, it's going to hinder your emotional recovery. You need your own place, it will help you move on and be your own person."

And if you suspect he may be on the spectrum, has ADHD or has other behaviors that led to his wife leaving him, make sure you get him a psychological assessment and therapy (and possibly meds) while he's living with you. You have more leverage now compared to when he'll move out and be on his own!

[Anonymous]

Even if he can technically afford a lease, there's a lot of practical reasons he may not want to commit to that. I don't know if kids are involved, but he may be questioning whether he still wants to live in this area or if he has kids, may be worried about school districts. He may be considering changing jobs and wants to remain flexible on location. He may need to save for a lawyer and/or wants to wait until his divorce settlement to see if he's better off just buying than renting.

Agree with PP who said to address any specific concerns directly.

[Anonymous]

Son its been 3 mths. Please plan to move out within the next 60 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do I tell my 32 year old son who’s living with me for free that I’m ready for him to leave? I let him move in for free three months ago after his wife left him. He can afford a place of his own but still hasn’t

Are there children involved?

[Anonymous]

Address the issues vs just telling him to move out. Is he messy? Do you need money for rent/utilities? Is the space just too small for your to coexist peacefully? A blunt conversation about the specific things that are bothering you is in order. Tread carefully if the things that are getting on your nerves are similar to the reasons his wife may have given for leaving.

[Anonymous]

I think at 3 months, I'd start with a conversation rather than a declaration.

"I know this has been a really hard time for you, and I'm glad I've been able to help you out. However, I don't think this arrangement is going to work for either of us indefinitely. Have you started thinking about what your next steps will be?"

Then listen. See where he is, what he's thinking. If he clearly hasn't thought much about it yet, it's fine to leave it there and come back to it a month later. "Have you thought more about what I said and what your next steps are?"

I wouldn't do anything like "Okay, you need to make other living arrangements by X date" until you've crossed the six month mark, at least, but I think it makes sense to start the conversation about it now.

It also may make sense to stop making it so cushy (if you have been). Ex: Are you doing all the cooking and cleaning? I think it simultaneously makes sense to start pushing some tasks over to him for the short term.

[Anonymous]

32 and divorced? Fine, whatever. Living with mom and dad when he can afford his own place? I honestly don't even know, you'd have to go back much further but this is a Failson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would perhaps discuss with him that you want to have a timeline of when he'll be finding his own place. What is he waiting for?

AND is he irritating you, like leaving a mess in the kitchen for you to clean up, not doing his laundry and assuming you will, basically reverting back to his 15 year old self? Then I'd tell him THAT and say that as long as he starts living in the house like another adult, he's welcome to stay another 3 months, but then he needs to go.

Exactly this.