How do I tell my 32 year old son who’s living with me for free that I’m ready for him to leave? I

[Anonymous]

You must be very nice. My kids can't wait to get the heck out. I did bare minimum as a parent and they wouldn't miss me at all.
18-year old moved out to attend college and has roommates. By the time he turned 19, he already had thousands saved up as he works a lot.
Does he not have zest for life right now? He should be going out with friends, attending concerts, learning something, taking up hobbies.
Also, hoe does he not feel that you don't really want him there for that long?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would perhaps discuss with him that you want to have a timeline of when he'll be finding his own place. What is he waiting for?

AND is he irritating you, like leaving a mess in the kitchen for you to clean up, not doing his laundry and assuming you will, basically reverting back to his 15 year old self? Then I'd tell him THAT and say that as long as he starts living in the house like another adult, he's welcome to stay another 3 months, but then he needs to go.

Exactly this.

This

[Anonymous]

Such an info less post. Why do you want him to leave? Are there any benefits to you? Is he struggling emotionally?

OP, do you talk with him?

My family had a very good experience when adult child moved in. They enjoyed each other. They didn’t like living in solo pods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think at 3 months, I'd start with a conversation rather than a declaration.

"I know this has been a really hard time for you, and I'm glad I've been able to help you out. However, I don't think this arrangement is going to work for either of us indefinitely. Have you started thinking about what your next steps will be?"

Then listen. See where he is, what he's thinking. If he clearly hasn't thought much about it yet, it's fine to leave it there and come back to it a month later. "Have you thought more about what I said and what your next steps are?"

I wouldn't do anything like "Okay, you need to make other living arrangements by X date" until you've crossed the six month mark, at least, but I think it makes sense to start the conversation about it now.

It also may make sense to stop making it so cushy (if you have been). Ex: Are you doing all the cooking and cleaning? I think it simultaneously makes sense to start pushing some tasks over to him for the short term.

I like this approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:32 and divorced? Fine, whatever. Living with mom and dad when he can afford his own place? I honestly don't even know, you'd have to go back much further but this is a Failson.

Stop.

Have you ever had an unexpected, traumatic setback (job/relationship/health)? Well, you will.
It is part of the human condition.

In an ideal world, your family of origin will offer you a safe place to regroup.

[Anonymous]

3 months is enough time. Tell him it's time for you to find your own place now. Please do so by (give a date) May 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Such an info less post. Why do you want him to leave? Are there any benefits to you? Is he struggling emotionally?

OP, do you talk with him?

My family had a very good experience when adult child moved in. They enjoyed each other. They didn’t like living in solo pods.

Given OP never returned I think it’s safe to assume that he’s struggling with being imaginary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:32 and divorced? Fine, whatever. Living with mom and dad when he can afford his own place? I honestly don't even know, you'd have to go back much further but this is a Failson.

Stop.

Have you ever had an unexpected, traumatic setback (job/relationship/health)? Well, you will.
It is part of the human condition.

In an ideal world, your family of origin will offer you a safe place to regroup.

I have had many setbacks and am lucky to have wonderful parents who would have gladly welcomed me home if needed. But I never would have done that because it's pretty pathetic, especially in your 30s when you have a decent income. At some point you need to get your shit together and muster up a little grit and independence; he's 32 not 22, running to mommy and daddy, especially without a longer term plan, is a step in the wrong direction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do I tell my 32 year old son who’s living with me for free that I’m ready for him to leave? I let him move in for free three months ago after his wife left him. He can afford a place of his own but still hasn’t

So you open the doors to him but now you want him out... OP, it seems like you main concern is not his current mental health but the fact he's not paying anything.

[Anonymous]

Use the same words you want him to use when you are old and try to move in with him and his family…

[Anonymous]

Show him some love, OP.

[Anonymous]

LOL. We have a son (32 yo also) who lives with us and not in any hurry to move out.

[Anonymous]

Now you know why the wife left .

[Anonymous]

3 months is not a very long time. Don’t force the issue. I’m sure he doesn’t want to stay there either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Use the same words you want him to use when you are old and try to move in with him and his family…

That's not really the track he's on... hoping there is a sibling!