Mean daughter, cut off phone.

[Anonymous]

For the last eight months my daughter has been rude and flat out mean to me. She is in college, but goes to school nearby. I am resentful as , when I was hospitalized for a major surgery during the fall she did not even stop by to see if I was ok or stop by to check on her siblings. She lived a good life in her high school years, traveling to multiple countries while I was fighting a terminal illness. But now that I'm better it's like she resents that I did not die.

I've decided to stop being a doormat and allowing her to walk all over me. I cut off her cell phone and am beginning to process that I just don't have a daughter anymore. I took down her photos and it like having a child who has passed away.

Just needed to vent.

[Anonymous]

Taking down her photos and pretending she doesn’t exist seems a bit extreme.
I think cutting off her phone with fair warning is fine if she’s being a jerk towards you.

[Anonymous]

You did her a favor. She can get a job and get her own phone and service.
From the post it's clear that she has very good reasons to stay away.

[Anonymous]

Other than a college student not checking in on you after surgery, you don’t describe anything she has done. But you have taken down her pictures and are acting like you don’t have a daughter. That seems like a massive overreaction on your side.

Trips in high school aren’t relevant in the slightest.

[Anonymous]

No decent mother would take down photos without at least attempting to talk to your daughter. The phone choice was fine. But taking down the photos was not and was a toxic move.

[Anonymous]

You sound like my narcissistic MIL. Seek help.

[Anonymous]

What kind of terminal illness did you recover from? Are you maybe being a bit dramatic with what you had?

[Anonymous]

Are you a narcissist or a troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Other than a college student not checking in on you after surgery, you don’t describe anything she has done. But you have taken down her pictures and are acting like you don’t have a daughter. That seems like a massive overreaction on your side.

Trips in high school aren’t relevant in the slightest.

This. Also kids that age are still figuring themselves out and their brain chemistry is still whacky. I would never write-off a child forever for something that most likely could be attributed to a developmental phase

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a pretty typical college student. They’re usually fairly self-involved at that stage as they are trying to establish independent. You need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Ok sounds like my mom. Any slight she felt (whether justifiable or not ) was met with a massive overreaction. A friend doesn't agree with her? She cuts them off. When I couldnt make it to my brother's bday dinner because of work, she didn't talk to me for 2 weeks. Even though my brother had told her we had arranged another time to get together.

Needless to say, while I have very happy memories of my childhood, I also spent it walking on egg shells. I had to learn how to stand up for myself and even just make my needs know. I suppressed it as a kid because I was scared of how my mom would react. In college and after I was stressed calling her because I never knew what kind of mood she would be in. I have to call her today and I'm already dreading it because I could tell she was annoyed when I said I couldn't call her when she wanted.

Please get therapy. My mom went on meds and got therapy. And despite what I posted above, she has gotten drastically better. My anxiety is just from all the years of dealing with her. Had she not gotten help, I probably would have become estranged from her.

[Anonymous]

How does your husband interpret her behavior? How many other kids do you have? How old was this daughter when you first became sick?

[Anonymous]

So much drama

How about this ... have a timeline for getting her off your payroll. You've done the phone. You can have a gradual timeframe for her to be financially independent

A lot of maturity comes with being financially independent from parents. You two will get along much better too. You, though, have got to set a more reasonable example of better mental health.

Stop the drama

[Anonymous]

So you ended your relationship with your daughter? Did you make attempts to set boundaries or consider something less drastic? I don’t know if there’s a language issue, but the OP is pretty vague. What is rude and mean? Was she simply not present? Maybe she was afraid you would die and handled it in an unhealthy way. It just seems like there were other avenues to pursue here.

Also, taking away a phone is bigger than it sounds. Nowadays so much of life is tied to your phone- bank accounts, bills, etc. Did you just cut it off out of the blue? Did you take away her number meaning she couldn’t receive her 2FAs? One of my ACs stole from us and did some other things. It was bad and we didn’t want to provide the expensive cell plan anymore. We told them what we were willing to pay for and gave them plenty of time to figure out what they wanted. They ended up joining a friend’s group plan and we cooperated fully with transferring their phone number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you ended your relationship with your daughter? Did you make attempts to set boundaries or consider something less drastic? I don’t know if there’s a language issue, but the OP is pretty vague. What is rude and mean? Was she simply not present? Maybe she was afraid you would die and handled it in an unhealthy way. It just seems like there were other avenues to pursue here.

Also, taking away a phone is bigger than it sounds. Nowadays so much of life is tied to your phone- bank accounts, bills, etc. Did you just cut it off out of the blue? Did you take away her number meaning she couldn’t receive her 2FAs? One of my ACs stole from us and did some other things. It was bad and we didn’t want to provide the expensive cell plan anymore. We told them what we were willing to pay for and gave them plenty of time to figure out what they wanted. They ended up joining a friend’s group plan and we cooperated fully with transferring their phone number.

+1
If OP cut off the phone without warning and lead time, that's really drastic and punitive.