An observation about my husband

[Anonymous]

When he is leaving the house by himself, without kids, he leaves so quickly it sometimes happens before I realize it. Vanishing act. He goes to the gym on Saturday mornings while I stay home with the kids, and he often leaves before any of us are up. And I'm an early riser.

If he's leaving the house with kids, they never leave. They'll say they are leaving, and then like an hour later, I'll walk into the living room and he's sitting there on his phone and the kids are still wearing pajamas. Today he said he was going to take them to the library and a playground after lunch, which they ate at 11:30am. They are still here.

It's fine, I'm working so I'm just in my office not parenting and he'll figure it out. Just noting how wildly different it is. I know it's harder to get out the door with kids but it's not *that* hard. And they just get crankier and harder to motivate the longer string it out.

[Anonymous]

So, your way good, his way bad or his way good, your way bad or you two just have different ways? What's the point of this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, your way good, his way bad or his way good, your way bad or you two just have different ways? What's the point of this thread?

Obviously I think my way is better. I think he's making it harder on himself.

But mostly I just don't get why he does it. He can be efficient and motivated at other times (when he is going somewhere alone) but the minute the kids are in the mix it's just directionless procrastination. It is strange to me that his approach is so diametrically different depending on whether he's leaving alone or with kids.

When we go somewhere as a family, I will push us to get going so that we leave on time, but in that situation he will actually motivate to get ready to go as well (and help kids get ready). So it's not like he doesnt' know how to do it. But when led to his own devices he just sits around waiting for two kids under 8 to ready themselves and, I guess, announce it's time to leave. Which will never, ever happen, so they all just sit around the house saying they are leaving for hours.

[Anonymous]

He's allowed to do things his way, even if it makes it harder on himself. Unless he's complaining to you about it, I don't see any issue.

Also, just because it's not *that* hard for you to get yourself and 2 kids out the door, doesn't mean he feels the same. And that's OK too.

I don't see any reason to make this an issue.

[Anonymous]

Hes dragging his feet they all do this.

[Anonymous]

Yup, he's a piss poor kid wrangler and doesn't care about giving his children the best of himself.

You can't do it for him, and if you point it out, you'll need to be diplomatic.

[Anonymous]

Kids taking their time allows less time on playground (exhausting for a parent) and more time at home on the phone waiting for them.
How old are the kids?
Mine would be out the door leaving DH behind.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t care about where he’s going with the kids. He does care about where he’s going without them; probably because it is … without them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, he's a piss poor kid wrangler and doesn't care about giving his children the best of himself.

You can't do it for him, and if you point it out, you'll need to be diplomatic.

This. And he just doesn't want to do the work. He does not want to take them out. If he wanted to, he would. But he wants you to do the work instead. He goes out by himself because he is avoiding his family.

[Anonymous]

He’s working on doing it so poorly that you’ll get so annoyed that you’ll tell him not to do it. You’ll jump in and do it for him. You’ll get the kids ready and out of the house in 10 minutes. Then he can get the house to himself in addition to time alone outdoor the house that he got earlier.

[Anonymous]

How confident is he as a parent? I can walk out the door with my daughter and my purse. I don’t really care if she’s still in her pajamas— because there’s a spare outfit in my car. If she’s hungry, I know which coffee shop has the granola she likes. My husband has to take much longer to get out of the door because he needs to prepare more, pack more, check the water bottles etc.

[Anonymous]

He does the things that he likes with alacrity. He drags his feet on whatever he feels isn’t as important. It’s not that deep.

[Anonymous]

He just doesn’t want to do it because it sucks.

[Anonymous]

Let him know his poor behavior will be noted in his quarterly performance review.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hes dragging his feet they all do this.

My husband assumes the kids will be ready to go on a Saturday morning when they have nothing scheduled. He’ll sit on the sofa waiting for them and he never told them to get dressed, we are leaving now.