An observation about my husband

[Anonymous]

OP here. He actually loves taking the kids out. They do fun stuff. He just doesn't like getting them ready to go do so a lot of times they leave hours after they intended.

I'm not complaining, I just think it's interesting. It would drive me crazy, but he seems relatively unbothered (sometimes he gets annoyed with himself or them for wasting time, but usually he just lets it go).

I guess I was just curious if anyone knew why this would be. It's not because he's avoiding family or doesn't care about time with kids. The whole reason he goes to the gym so early on Saturday is so that he can have the afternoons with them (and me, if I don't have to work, though I often have to work).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hes dragging his feet they all do this.

Who is “they” in this post making some sweeping generalization that likely isn’t true?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup, he's a piss poor kid wrangler and doesn't care about giving his children the best of himself.

You can't do it for him, and if you point it out, you'll need to be diplomatic.

This. And he just doesn't want to do the work. He does not want to take them out. If he wanted to, he would. But he wants you to do the work instead. He goes out by himself because he is avoiding his family.

That’s some weird projection, pp.

The examples OP so smugly gave are he gets up before everyone else to go the gym and takes a while to go to the library on a Saturday. One is a matter of routine and he isn’t avoiding anyone since the family is asleep. The other outing is something more spontaneous and doesn’t actually need to be done on a firm timetable.

Did they ultimately go to the library, OP?

[Anonymous]

I think your husband has the right attitude. Kids shouldn't always feel hurried and stressed. Get dressed and leave the house when you are ready especially if there is no clear/necessary time to be.

Im sure you constantly shriek at them to be on time for stuff raising their cortisol and anxiety levels. Let them be. Go back to work and let him do things his way.

[Anonymous]

Mine needs checklists for what he is supposed to do. Means well, but absent minded. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. I am sorry you married a dud. My husband never behaved like that...ever. Maybe time to reconsider some things...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your husband has the right attitude. Kids shouldn't always feel hurried and stressed. Get dressed and leave the house when you are ready especially if there is no clear/necessary time to be.

Im sure you constantly shriek at them to be on time for stuff raising their cortisol and anxiety levels. Let them be. Go back to work and let him do things his way.

I’m the wife and now my kids are older teens I see this as good and bad. Yes all the rushing them out to do fun stuff seemed to be such a waste of stress and unnecessary negative emotions. But I was also the one that anticipated their needs and my kids weren’t the type that would be fine with a later nap or would forget to eat lunch if I didn’t remind them, so dilly dallying meant missing the sleep or food window and otherwise we were throwing snacks at them or constantly buying food/drinks out that we couldn’t afford at the time.

If OP’s kids and dh are happy with the slow method then that’s great, but if he’s bringing home kids who are melting down because lunch is 2 hours late because of the dilly dallying then that’s the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him know his poor behavior will be noted in his quarterly performance review.

Hopefully he noted the struggle in his weekly accomplishment email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your husband has the right attitude. Kids shouldn't always feel hurried and stressed. Get dressed and leave the house when you are ready especially if there is no clear/necessary time to be.

Im sure you constantly shriek at them to be on time for stuff raising their cortisol and anxiety levels. Let them be. Go back to work and let him do things his way.

It sounds more like he’s avoiding being the responsible parent by living in his phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your husband has the right attitude. Kids shouldn't always feel hurried and stressed. Get dressed and leave the house when you are ready especially if there is no clear/necessary time to be.

Im sure you constantly shriek at them to be on time for stuff raising their cortisol and anxiety levels. Let them be. Go back to work and let him do things his way.

It sounds more like he’s avoiding being the responsible parent by living in his phone.

You shouldn't talk about yourself that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your husband has the right attitude. Kids shouldn't always feel hurried and stressed. Get dressed and leave the house when you are ready especially if there is no clear/necessary time to be.

Im sure you constantly shriek at them to be on time for stuff raising their cortisol and anxiety levels. Let them be. Go back to work and let him do things his way.

I’m the wife and now my kids are older teens I see this as good and bad. Yes all the rushing them out to do fun stuff seemed to be such a waste of stress and unnecessary negative emotions. But I was also the one that anticipated their needs and my kids weren’t the type that would be fine with a later nap or would forget to eat lunch if I didn’t remind them, so dilly dallying meant missing the sleep or food window and otherwise we were throwing snacks at them or constantly buying food/drinks out that we couldn’t afford at the time.

If OP’s kids and dh are happy with the slow method then that’s great, but if he’s bringing home kids who are melting down because lunch is 2 hours late because of the dilly dallying then that’s the problem.

The OP started an entire post to micro-manage how her husband gets his kids ready. If he was bringing home tired or melting down kids she surely would have mentioned it to add to her smug "I do it best" credentials.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your husband has the right attitude. Kids shouldn't always feel hurried and stressed. Get dressed and leave the house when you are ready especially if there is no clear/necessary time to be.

Im sure you constantly shriek at them to be on time for stuff raising their cortisol and anxiety levels. Let them be. Go back to work and let him do things his way.

Agree with the bold we can be too controlled by the clock it's not good for anyone. If he's not dragging on to manage it let it go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men suck. They just do.

Don’t vote for men anymore. They can’t be involved with anything legal for organizing people.

They rape and kill kids and women. I’m n every race, religion and nation.

It’s the men not the race or religion.

You really said it.

[Anonymous]

It's called weaponized incompetence. He is hoping you will take over. It gets old and you will either blow up at him or just start taking the kids out on weekends with your mom friends. And yes, you are complaining, and you are right to. It is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids taking their time allows less time on playground (exhausting for a parent) and more time at home on the phone waiting for them.
How old are the kids?
Mine would be out the door leaving DH behind.

I brought my kids to the playground because it was easier for me as a parent. There was tons of stuff for them to play on while I socialize with other parents. At home, they are always getting into stuff or looking for something to do.
If my kids were playing nicely together at home while ostensibly taking two hours to “get dressed,” that would be great with me!