Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)

[Anonymous]

Did you state concerns to your child about attending or even applying to schools that have a reputation of “where fun goes to die?”

On sports team, a former teammate went to cmu and came back and reported how it really dragged them down. Kid was very bright and happy so it was surprising to hear what a downer it was. It scared me but I never mentioned it to my kid (though the two kids talk) bc I didn’t want to sway towards or against any schools.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I think anyone applying to these schools is aware and to some extent it is overblown and a bit of a flex if you will. Some thrive on that environment, I think the ones that won't will weed themselves out from even applying. I am sure there are exceptions like your child's teammate, but most are going in knowing what they are getting.

[Anonymous]

Yes. We have a top stats kid who doesn’t thrive in a competitive environment. She knows she will be better served being a big fish in a little pond where she can contribute to the success of those around her.

I am sure there are kids that thrive at these schools. This feels very personality dependent to me.

[Anonymous]

You need to step back. Your kid doesn't live in a bubble. If they're smart enough to get into these schools, they're smart enough to know that they can be intense. They'll have peers who go. They'll hear things themselves. They don't need mommy to worry.

[Anonymous]

My kid got into Georgetown, and after spending some time on the Facebook parents page, I am concerned about the conditions of the dorms and quality of the food. She is waiting form some other decisions this month, so hoping she gets into one of her higher ranked choice schools...otherwise, I will have to point out these problems to my student, who would likely be appalled to learn about this information.

[Anonymous]

Any direction I could offer would be quickly swatted away by my very independent DD, so I say nothing. But she has grown tired of the grind in HS these past 2 years and is approaching college with a sense of dread. All I can do to help is tell her it's okay if she wants to choose a more fun school if she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you state concerns to your child about attending or even applying to schools that have a reputation of “where fun goes to die?”

On sports team, a former teammate went to cmu and came back and reported how it really dragged them down. Kid was very bright and happy so it was surprising to hear what a downer it was. It scared me but I never mentioned it to my kid (though the two kids talk) bc I didn’t want to sway towards or against any schools.

Thoughts?

No

[Anonymous]

This is just reputation, as you correctly pointed it out. Chicago is not what it used to be, where fun goes to die. All these schools all more or less have grade inflation. Kids will find the right majors to study. Schools offer different levels of a same course, different levels of kids will take different levels of the course. For example, kids can do business Econ at Chicago instead of Econ. They can all thrive at these schools. No need to worry.

[Anonymous]

There really is a range of experiences at these schools. I am a UChicago and Hopkins alum. UChicago was intense, but mostly mentally healthy. There were more significant issues at Hopkins. During visits for our DC the only school that I had real concerns about was Carnegie Mellon which felt very much like a grind. I think visiting helps feel this out. Also knowing your own child and how they respond to stress should help guide this.

[Anonymous]

It also REALLY depends on the kid. I have 3 college students.

One is remarkably smart and also very laid back. He attends a "grind" university and just does his thing (sometimes studies, sometimes does not), is in a STEM major that is known to be challenging and yet still gets straight As. I think most of us knew this type in college: they took 18 hours, they partied hard, they worked a part time job, they played 2 club sports (or whatever) and they still did extremely well. This was not me and this is not my other 2 kids. They have to work hard, do all the problem sets, all the readings, etc if they are going to do well in a challenging environment. Kid #1 just learns by osmosis. The grind school does not grind him down.
Know your kid and find the right school for them.

[Anonymous]

Kids who are bright enough to be admitted to these schools will do their own research before they even apply. Trust me they know what they are getting themselves into. There is a weeding process in most schools during the freshman year. There is no shame in transferring if the fit isn’t there.

My older one went to CMU and the younger one followed. Both would make the same decision again knowing what they know today. It is a tough school for sure academically but they enjoyed their college years and made great friends. It is really dependent on individual student. Student athlete is not an easy road anywhere. At CMU, the academic requirement for even the athlete is quite rigorous. CMU doesn’t is not a sporty school, it is known for its top notch academics. Trying to do both is extremely challenging. So I am not surprised the athlete had a tough time.

This is part of their own journey into adulthood. Let them make their own choices. Your advice should be to give each school thorough consideration and due diligence. You don’t need to influence one way or another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you state concerns to your child about attending or even applying to schools that have a reputation of “where fun goes to die?”

On sports team, a former teammate went to cmu and came back and reported how it really dragged them down. Kid was very bright and happy so it was surprising to hear what a downer it was. It scared me but I never mentioned it to my kid (though the two kids talk) bc I didn’t want to sway towards or against any schools.

Thoughts?

My kids didn't want this either so it worked out. I had a friend back in the day who transferred out of CMU after the first semester. That made a big impression that I recall to this day.

[Anonymous]

All top schools, especially the STEM majors are going to be grinds. That is just par for the course. I'm sure mechanical engineering kids at CMU, JHU, MIT etc have it just as hard as those at UMD, UVA, UMich. The latter schools dont get the 'grind' moniker because they are large and have more programs that dilute the grind factor. Yes, kids can burn out at rigorous programs and parents should be mindful of this. But, don't shy away from a school just because it expects you to work hard and you are surrounded by highly motivated students just like your DC.

[Anonymous]

Life is grind. Getting into college, fighting to join clubs, looking for internships, job, grad school … it’s endless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It also REALLY depends on the kid. I have 3 college students.

One is remarkably smart and also very laid back. He attends a "grind" university and just does his thing (sometimes studies, sometimes does not), is in a STEM major that is known to be challenging and yet still gets straight As. I think most of us knew this type in college: they took 18 hours, they partied hard, they worked a part time job, they played 2 club sports (or whatever) and they still did extremely well. This was not me and this is not my other 2 kids. They have to work hard, do all the problem sets, all the readings, etc if they are going to do well in a challenging environment. Kid #1 just learns by osmosis. The grind school does not grind him down.
Know your kid and find the right school for them.

This, my kid is the same way and just doesn't need to grind, I don't understand the "grind." If your kid needs to work super hard and stress in a hard school or classes, then maybe it's not the best fit when you have to compete with kids that just get it. Nothing wrong with that, but you know the two types, and you know what each can handle...