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Do the Truly Great Ever Raise Kids?
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Anonymous
| This is a question I have been struggling with for a long time. I am not talking about trailblazing men, whose wives raise their kids. I am also not talking about the Hillary Clintons or Michelle Obamas who achieved much but reached the heights only through their husbands. I am not talking about the unsung heroes who care for children daily. I am talking about those whom the world recognizes as intellectual, artistic, and political icons. Do they actually ever stay home and change the diapers and give the bottles full-time? I was reading in the New Yorker about an Israeli writer who said that having 3 kids really unleashed his creativity in a different way. Really? In the next paragraph he talked about traveling so frequently to promote his book that his youngest child thought he must have another child elsewhere. Am I alone in feeling that the lives of high-performing non primary parents are enriched by having children because they don't get stuck with the quotidian drudgeries that eat up energy and time? |
Anonymous
| Rarely. |
Anonymous
| Wouldn't this be more a parenting forum question? |
Anonymous
| Probably. I was thinking about it more in terms of personal development. |
Anonymous
|
Are there highly intelligent and creative parents out there, serving as the primary caregiver? For sure.
But the highly successful likely don't have the time to devote to primary caregiving. The highly successful require much time to work and hon their skills; we all know parenting is a full-time job - so there just isn't time for both. What's interesting to me, however, is how some children grow to respect and honor their [busy, successful] parent(s), and some resent said parent for choosing career over child. |
Anonymous
Lots and lots of therapy. |
Anonymous
|
"What's interesting to me, however, is how some children grow to respect and honor their [busy, successful] parent(s), and some resent said parent for choosing career over child. "
It'a choice, it's always a choice, to respect and honor or resent. |
Anonymous
| I think that if your dad (or mom, one day!) ends up being President, once children are older they understand the sacrifices. My friends whose dads were/are physicians seem to understand why their fathers weren't around that much growing up. OTOH, my dad was a total f---up AND didn't do much to raise us, which is why to this day we were not very close. |
Anonymous
| May I start using "quotidian drudgery" to describe my life? |
Anonymous
|
I think it's possible but not usually at the same time. Look at Madeleine Albright. She was a SAHM while doing lots of volunteer work, then going to grad school. Her professional life didn't really kick off until her children were older.
So I think it's possible but not easy and also requires some luck. In addition to her own intelligence, initiative, fortitude, and ambition, she was also lucky enough to have a husband with enough income that she could do undertake meaningful volunteer activities and go to school. (I'm assuming she hired some domestic help. Much tougher if you're the sole person responsible for all housework, etc.) Although I do remember reading in her memoir about how she got up at 4 or 5 in the morning everyday to write her dissertation. There are other examples, especially of women, who achieve a lot but not all at once. I think it takes both extraordinary effort, natural talent, and luck. I think historically, most high achieving women didn't have children or perhaps just had one. Good question, OP. FYI, I love reading biographies/memoirs of high achieving women. So interesting and inspiring. Albright's is one of the best I've read, full of lots of funny moments, too. Other good ones are by Jill Ker Conway (Road from Coorain about her childhood and True North about her adult life in the U.S.), Margaret Mead, Madeleine Kunin (first female gov of Vermont). I've been meaning to read Katherine Graham's. |
Anonymous
Many of us dont' stay home and change the diapers and give the bottles full-time. Are we not raising our kids?! |
Anonymous
|
I guess it depends on what your definition of "highly successful" or "truly great" is.
I would probably not fit it without kids, though I feel very fulfilled in both my career and my family life. If I didn't have kids, I would probably be on a similar career track, maybe slightly amped up, and then just fill my free time with other endeavors. I also think a lot of truly great artists, etc., can sometimes have a lot of pain and angst, and that's not always a great trait for a primary caregiver of a kid. |
Anonymous
|
9:27 - sorry to say that you are NOT raising your kids. I worked full time with my first, she went to daycare. I stayed home with my second and cannot believe I ever convinced myself that daycare = raising your child.
Don't start throwing flames at me. I totally understand the need for two incomes, especially in the DC area. But don't let that convince you or excuse you from the fact that truly raising your kids does not include putting them in daycare. |
Anonymous
Oh, damn. You probably just ruined a really interesting thread. Now it's going to be a war between the SAHMs and WOHMs. Inevitable, I guess. . . |
Anonymous
Yep, pretty much. Enjoy the thread ladies, I'll be checking out now. Yawn. |